by Bree Wolf
Suddenly, he moved forward. His hand settled in the back of my neck and he pulled me closer. The breath caught in my throat as he leaned in, and then his mouth closed over mine.
I felt myself go weak in the knees. And yet this was more familiar than anything I’d felt in the past few weeks. Without a doubt, I knew that this wasn’t our first kiss. How come I didn’t remember him?
He leaned back then, his eyes searching mine. And as though he’d read my mind, he whispered, his face only an inch from mine, “Remember me.”
Then, as quickly as he’d grabbed me, he let go and took a step backward.
I was still a little shaken and tried to control the spinning in my head. “Who are you?” I asked again. “Please tell me. How do I know you?”
But he didn’t say anything, and I realized he never would. If I didn’t figure this out on my own, he wouldn’t tell me. Why, I couldn’t say. Maybe he couldn’t. Whatever the reason, I was once again left without answers.
Only a moment later, he turned away again and continued down the street, vanishing around the next corner.
I went home then, and that night for the first time in weeks, I slept peacefully.
Book Five
Chapter Sixteen – Remembering
When my eyes opened after a pleasant night I hadn’t spent tossing and turning, they were quickly drawn to the window. Once again snow was falling, piling up on the windowsill and the crossbars running through the windowpane. And without another thought I knew it had happened again.
Looking around, I found myself back in the room of my childhood, in my grandma’s cottage in the woods by the lake. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. It wouldn’t do me any good if I freaked out. Life was what it was. Even if mine was more than unusual. But just as other people I had no control over the circumstances that kept moving me forward. All that was within my power were the choices I could make. And then and there, I chose to remain calm.
A sudden thought struck me and I turned to the nightstand to my left.
My eyes found what I’d known they would and a smile spread over my face. At least there was a little bit of order in a world that appeared full of arbitrary incidents stringed together.
On my nightstand lay another book. This time it was Jane Austen’s Persuasion, which right away answered the most pressing question that had occurred to me as soon as I’d realized where I was. Obviously, I wasn’t back in 2004. Back then, it had been Hamlet. And for some reason I couldn’t explain, I was sure that each time had its own book assigned to it. By whom or for what reason was left to be seen.
So this was a new time. But which? Usually my memories returned on their own, here and there jogged by daily life. But I was sure that I already knew everything I needed to know. All I had to do was access that part of my mind.
Slowly, taking in all the little details that had changed since I’d last been here, I left my room, came down the stairs and headed for the kitchen. I looked around, expecting not to be alone in the house.
“Grams?” I called, expecting to hear her voice.
But the moment her name left my lips, it hit me. My knees buckled and I sank to the floor, feeling a pain in my chest that spread through my whole body. I tried to catch my breath while tears flowed freely down my cheeks.
I remembered now. My grandma had died over a year ago. It had been sudden, and Andy and I had been devastated. Abby too. But by now, we had learned to live with it. After all, the world wouldn’t stop for us. Everything went its natural course and so we had tried to move on as well.
Because neither Andy nor I could have borne the thought of selling the home of our child-hood, I had moved into my grandma’s cottage. As a writer I was free to work wherever…I suddenly remembered that I was a writer now.
I was working for the same paper where I had started out as a mailroom clerk. I remembered that I had read the book Ryan had given me after all and that I had written the review and that it had been printed. Over the following months I had been given more such opportunities and most of them I had taken and turned into a success. But I had no doubt that Ryan had had a lot to do with that. He had always been and was still looking out for me.
So many thoughts were flying wildly through my head. Sadness over my grandma’s death and joy over my professional success. I didn’t know what to deal with first. Or how to deal with it at all. After all, neither one of these thoughts was truly news. It had all happened a while ago. And the me that lived in this time had already had time to get accustomed to the way the world had changed.
Pushing it all away, I decided it was probably best to move along with my normal daily routine. I prepared breakfast, sat down at the table by the window overlooking the driveway and opened the paper I had taken in from the front lawn. It was January 15, 2013.
I nodded. I had been right after all. 2011 had not been my present. Obviously, I had already lived through events past that year. I had made it to 2013, which again bore the same question. Was 2013 the time that was my actual present? Or was it just masquerading like 2004, 2007, 2008 and 2011 had been?
In the arts section, I found one of my reviews on a new musical, which had only opened a few days ago. I was swept away with pride at seeming my name printed in the paper. It felt like all the years of trying to find my way had finally paid off. This felt right. This was where I be-longed. What I was meant to do.
After clearing the table, I went by the calendar in the hallway and stopped. Today I had noted down Abby Lunch. And another little piece of my past settled into place.
I hurried upstairs and got dressed. It was already late and driving into town would take about an hour or two depending on the condition of the roads. I felt a little anger rising. It wasn’t like this was the first winter that had ever brought ice and snow and many accidents due to it. But still it seemed impossible for those responsible to act accordingly and prepare for icy roads. Each year it was like it hit them out of nowhere. As though they had never seen snow or driven down an icy road before.
In the end it took me almost three hours, but at least I didn’t end up in a ditch or worse in the hospital. So that was an upside.
Walking into the restaurant, Leo greeted me with a big smile. “Jena, so good to see you again. Can I get you anything?”
I shook my head. “Thanks, but I’m just here to steal Abby away. We are supposed to have lunch. Have you seen her?” I asked looking around.
Teeth pressed together, Leo grinned at me. “I just saw her in the employees’ lounge. She mumbled something unintelligible. I don’t know what it was about but she seemed really annoyed. And you know how she gets when she is like that.”
I nodded. “Thanks for giving me the heads up.” Bracing myself for the upcoming storm, I went looking for Abby. I found her still slouched on the couch in the employees’ lounge and her face did not bode well.
“Hey there,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant. “Sorry I’m late. The roads are awful. You have no idea.” I sank down on the couch beside her.
As though suddenly waking from a dream she looked at me, startled. “Jena?”
I frowned at her. “Yeah. Why?” I grinned at her. “Expecting someone else?”
Sitting up and brushing the hair out of her face, she put on a smile that didn’t quite seem natural. “No.” She shook her head. “Don’t be silly. What are you doing here?”
Again my forehead turned into a frown. “What are you talking about? We were supposed to have lunch, remember?”
Her eyes opened wide before she recovered a more natural expression. “Yes, right. I was just…distracted.”
“By what? What happened?”
She just waved her had dismissively. “Nothing. It’s not important.” She smiled at me. “So, what’s going on with you?”
For a moment I thought about asking her again what was going on, but she seemed a bit overwhelmed and unwilling to talk. So I decided to leave her alone. She’d come to me in her own time.
I took a deep breath. “You won’t believe it,” I said. “But it happened again.”
Now it was her turn to frown at me. “What happened again?”
I raised my eyebrows at her.
Suddenly it was like her eyes popped open and she clasped a hand over her open mouth. “Get out!” she said. “I always wondered if it would. It’s been a while since you mentioned any-thing like that.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I think–at least chronologically speaking–the last time was in 2011.” Suddenly a new thought occurred to me. “Did I just stop speaking about it? I mean when I left and was dropped in another time. Did you not ask me about it? About what had happened? Did we just drop the subject?”
Abby shrugged. “Well, from my perspective the future you suddenly shows up. You say a bunch of weird stuff about time shifts, that mystery guy of yours and…right, your books and such. Oh, that bookmark, too. And then suddenly from one day to another you stop. You don’t mention it anymore and it’s like you’re back to normal. And whenever I asked you, you didn’t know what I was talking about. So, yeah, I dropped it.”
“That’s strange, don’t you think? I mean, it’s not that it’s actually time travel. There are never two of me. It really is more like shifts. Like my life doesn’t follow the chronological order yours does. But at the same time, life seems to go on without me. It’s like there is another me who lives my life for me whenever I’m stuck in some other time. But—”
“There’s another but?” Abby frowned, rubbing her temples.
I nodded. “Believe me, there always is.” Collecting my thoughts, I continued. “But when I am dropped in another part of my life, I always remember what has happened in my life up to that part or even to the furthest I have been forward in time. Does that make any sense?”
Abby looked tired. “Not to me. No.” She shook her head, a faint smile on her lips. “I’m sorry, but this is way over my head.”
I leaned back, feeling exhausted. “Believe me, I’m not following it either. But I feel like I have to if I ever want to find a way to make it stop. I can’t possibly continue leading my life like this. What kind of a life would that be?”
“A very confusing one,” Abby said.
“I almost feel like I’ve already lived my life and now I’m just revisiting certain parts. Quite often I feel like all of this looks familiar. Like I’ve seen this before. Done the things I’m doing. Like a deja-vu, but more vague somehow.” I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should talk to someone,” Abby suggested. “Someone who knows more about these things.”
I chuckled. “What? Like looking for an ad in the yellow pages? For some kind of time travel expert?”
Abby laughed. “Yeah, wouldn’t that be great! But there has to be a way. This world is full of freaks. There’s bound to be one who knows about this, right?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I still think that the only one who might be of any kind of help is…” I exhaled slowly and again raised my eyebrows at her.
She grinned. “Your mystery guy. Did you see him again?”
“Well, not in this time,” I said. “But before I shifted from 2008.”
Her eyes full of excitement, Abby sat up, looking at me. “So, what’d he say?”
“Remember me,” I said. “And…”
“And?” Abby asked, on the edge of her seat.
An embarrassed smile crossed my face. “And he kissed me.”
Abby jumped up. “Wow! I knew it! What did I tell you? Didn’t I say there was something going on between the two of you? See, I was right!”
I stared at her. “So? What do you want me to do? Admit that you were right?”
She nodded. “That would be a start.”
“I didn’t think you were that petty.”
Abby just shrugged her shoulders. “Well, turns out I am. Nobody’s perfect.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “All right, I admit you were right all along. And I apologize for ever doubting you. There, happy now?”
“I hope that taught you a lesson,” Abby said, leaning back with a superior looking expression on her face.
“What lesson?” I asked. “That even freaky sometimes hits the nail on the head?”
Not offended in the least, Abby nodded. “It was about time, don’t you think?”
***
After a quick lunch with Abby, I headed to the office. The moment the elevator doors opened and I stepped into the short corridor leading to the individual offices, Greg from sports section suddenly yelled, “Ryan! She’s here!”
I frowned at him but he just grinned at me and headed to the copy machine. Only a second later, Ryan stuck his head out into the corridor and the moment he saw me, a relieved smile appeared on his face. I quickly headed toward him.
“What’s going on here?” I asked, as he stepped aside and ushered me into his office. “Something wrong?”
He shook his head. “Sorry for all the drama. I need to talk to you.”
“What’s wrong?” I repeated, still feeling concerned.
“Nothing really.” He shrugged. “Well, not nothing. Just nothing bad. I’ve been trying to call you but…”
I smiled at him apologetically. “Yeah, my battery died on my way over here. Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” he said. “I just wanted to ask you a favor.”
I shrugged, relieved that it really didn’t seem like anything was wrong. “Okay, shoot!”
He leaned forward in his chair and I admit I expected something bigger than what he was about to tell me. “You see, Robin has a soccer game tomorrow afternoon and I promised her to be there and…well, cheer.” He smiled with the pride of a father.
“Okay,” I said. “So far, don’t see a problem.”
“The problem is that the game was supposed to be today but they moved it to tomorrow because of some kind of trouble with the assigned soccer fields. And…”
“And you have some kind of appointment tomorrow,” I finished for him.
He nodded. “There is this interview with Nathan Alexander about his new book. And if I cancelled now, it would seem very—”
“—unprofessional,” I finished once again and he nodded. “So, you want me to do the interview?” I looked at him. “I mean I could also go to your daughter’s soccer game. I bet it’ll be more fun. I’m good at cheering.”
Ryan laughed. “I bet you are. But that’s sorta my job. And I’m afraid I’m kind of irreplaceable on that one.” He looked at me with a big question mark on his face. “So, what do you say?”
I made him suffer a few seconds before I said, “Sure. No problem.”
“Yes!” he said, relief plain in his voice. “Thanks a lot. I owe you.”
I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. So, which author was that again?”
“His name is Nathan Alexander.”
I frowned. “Sounds familiar.”
A corner of his mouth twitched. “It should,” he said. “You once wrote a review on one of his books, remember?”
“Right,” I said, feeling a little embarrassed about my faulty memory. “He’s written another book?” Ryan nodded. “You are aware that I haven’t read it though, aren’t you? I mean sci-fi is not really my thing.”
“I thought so. But maybe you could have a quick look at it tonight. I mean, your review was really good. You seem to understand his writing. So, I thought you might still be able to handle this interview.”
“Is there no one else?”
“Unfortunately, there is not.”
I smiled at him crookedly. “Thanks for that vote of confidence.”
His eyes opened wide. “I didn’t mean it like that. Really! I…”
Laughing, I waved his apology away. “Hey, don’t worry. I’ll manage. Really! It’s no big deal! I’ve managed to charm my way through more difficult situations than this.”
His eyebrows rose. “Do I get to hear about those sometime?”
I smiled at him
devilishly. “I’d tell you but…”
“…then you’d have to kill me,” he finished for me this time, grinning.
I nodded, grinning back. “If you’re lucky.”
***
Later in my office, I went through the notes Ryan had given me on the author and the book, including a short summary. This new book was called The Life Within and described how an author suddenly finds himself swept away into his own stories. He struggles to return to his own life but is unable to sever the hold his stories have on him and is always drawn back into them.
I picked up the book and looked at its cover. It showed an indistinct number of books piled in a loose heap with some kind of whirlwind rising up from it and seemingly reaching out to the reader holding the book. Letting my eyes glide over it, I turned it around to inspect it further. But when I looked at the back, the breath caught in my throat and I almost dropped the book.
Like some books did, this one too had a picture of the author printed on the back. And suddenly I found myself staring at the face of my mystery guy.
Finally, he had an identity. A name. He was Nathan Alexander.
I probably spent minutes just staring at the picture as though that would bring him here and answer the questions that were still spinning around in my head. But when I saw Ryan head for the elevator, I rose from my chair and hurried after him.
“Ryan, wait!” I called.
At the sound of his name, he turned around. “Something wrong?”
“No,” I said shaking my head. For a moment I just stood before him, wondering why I had wanted to speak to him.
“You okay?” he frowned.
I nodded, still not sure what to say.
“Listen, if you changed your mind,” he started. “It’s fine. I can just ask…”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not that. I…eh…I was just wondering, have you done an inter-view with this…Nathan Alexander before?” It was strange to say his name.
Ryan nodded. “I have, yes. He’s a nice chap. You’ll like him.” He smiled at me reassuringly, probably thinking that I had gotten cold feet.