by Bree Wolf
“Well, once he just said my name. But the time I saw him before last night, he said You shouldn’t be here and then later he also said Some risks are worth taking.”
“Okay, he really is a bit cryptic,” Abby said, concentrating. “Where were you when he said you shouldn’t be here? Where is here?”
“I was in the village by my grandma’s cottage.”
Abby’s face lit up. “Oh, I love that place. We should really go again some time.”
“Abby, focus!”
“Sorry.” And she was back on track. “Okay, and when did he say some risks are worth taking?”
Frowning, I said, “Actually I was at my grandma’s, too. Out by the lake. It was frozen over and he walked onto the ice. I yelled to him to be careful and that’s when he said it. Do you think it had something to do with my grandma’s place?”
Abby shrugged. “Maybe. But maybe he just follows you wherever you go.”
“Yeah, but how does he know where I am? Plus, it always seems like he also follows me through time. The time shifts form a certain order for me and it’s as though they are in the same order for him, too. Why is that?”
Abby laughed. “How should I know? But it seems clear that he is trying to tell you some-thing.”
“Then why doesn’t he just say it?” I cut in, now feeling impatient myself.
“Maybe he can’t.”
“Why?”
Abby shrugged. “I don’t know, Jena. But from what you told me I don’t think he’s playing a mean game. He seems sincere, don’t you think so?”
Remembering his face, I nodded. “Yes, he does.”
“See? So there probably is a reason why he is doing what he’s doing. Is there anything else you remember? Has he said or done anything else that could be considered another clue?” Suddenly she laughed. “Gosh, this feels like solving a crime.”
“I’m glad this is entertaining for you,” I said, starting to feel frustrated.
“Don’t be glum. It won’t get you anywhere. So?”
I thought for a while then suddenly remembered why I had wanted to talk to Abby in the first place. Opening my purse, I took out the book from my nightstand and opened it to the page with the bookmark. “Do you remember this?” I asked.
Abby’s eyes opened wide. “Yeah, you showed it to me before. But…but it was years ago.”
“Three to be exact. It was that Christmas we spent at my grandma’s.”
“Right.” She suddenly looked at me. “You saw him then, too? Wait! Don’t tell me! That’s when he walked onto the lake, right?” I nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me then?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” But she looked at me, waiting for a more detailed explanation. “You know I traveled from 2007 to 2011, when I did tell you. You just don’t know it yet because technically it hasn’t happened for you yet. And when it–whatever ‘it’ is–dragged me back to 2004 after that and I realized you couldn’t possibly remember our previous conversation, I didn’t know what to do. I was just so tired of repeating myself and so frustrated that it had happened again. So I didn’t say anything. And then before I knew it, I woke up and it was 2008. Who knows where I’ll be tomorrow?”
“Okay, I forgive you,” she said, being all generous. “So, back to the bookmark. Why do you think it’s important?”
I swallowed. “Because whenever I wake up in a different time, I find a different book on my nightstand with that bookmark in it. But I’ve never seen it before. I can’t remember anyone ever giving it to me and yet it is here. But where did it come from?”
Inspecting the bookmark more closely, Abby asked, “What about the engraving? Any idea what it could mean?”
“At first I didn’t. But I think I might have figured that out last night.”
Again there was eagerness in her eyes. “So, tell me.”
I grinned at her. “I’m not sure you’ll like it. Especially not after our argument last night.”
“C’mon, tell me. I promise I won’t get mad. Or maybe just a little,” she said, winking at me.
“Fine,” I relented. “Yesterday I said something about how I would never promise anything I couldn’t be sure to keep.” She nodded, already looking a little annoyed with me, but I ignored her. “And that when it came to love, I could only give someone today and maybe promise to-morrow but nothing further than that.” I raised my eyebrows at her. “So?”
For a moment she just looked at me. Then her eyes opened wide. “Oh, my god. That’s what the engraving means.”
“I can’t be sure,” I said. “But I think so, yes.”
Staring at the bookmark, she said, “So, whoever gave this to you must be someone who knows you well. Someone very close to you.”
“I guess so. But how come I don’t remember who gave it to me?”
“Maybe because it hasn’t happened yet,” Abby said, handing the bookmark to me.
“What? Then how come I’m holding it in my hand now?”
Her eyes shifted from the bookmark to me. “Maybe you’re taking it with you when you…shift…or whatever you want to call it.”
I frowned. “But how is this possible?” I mumbled more to myself than to her.
Abby just laughed. “How is any of this possible? But if you’re telling me the truth–by the way if you aren’t, you are really going to regret it–then it looks like a lot more than we ever thought is possible. Why not this?”
I nodded. She was right. At this point, I probably shouldn’t rule out any explanation, no matter how far-fetched it might seem. And if the bookmark had traveled with me from a time further in the future, then 2011 was not my present, either. But just another part of my past. Where, or rather when did I belong? Which was my time?
Suddenly the door opened and Leo walked in. “Hey, what are you two still doing here? It’s already past eight. Let’s get to work. Chop, chop.”
Reluctantly, we went outside to the seating area, which was already filling with customers. For the next few hours, we rushed back and forth between the kitchen and the tables. It was busy, and hectic, but not too bad and I easily settled back into my old routine.
Before long, lunch time came around and I felt relieved to be able to talk to Abby again. Looking at her, she seemed just as eager. We headed straight for the employees’ lounge but before we passed through the door, I heard someone call my name over all the noise.
I felt a tingle run down my back as I turned around, expecting to see my mystery guy. But it was Owen instead. And my brother.
The smile died on my lips, which made them frown at me.
It turned out they had wanted to surprise us and go out for lunch. Reluctantly, we agreed, knowing that we probably wouldn’t be able to get rid of them and even if, that it would be in-credibly rude. So, we went to a little Italian place just around the corner.
Soon Andy and Abby were deep in conversation, again making googly eyes at each other. It was sweet, and yet kind of disturbing. After all, he was my brother.
“Hey, would you like to go out tonight?” Owen asked, picking a tomato out of my salad.
My eyes narrowed. I couldn’t help it. He didn’t know it yet but to me we were already over and it was difficult to pretend. “Actually, Abby and I wanted to do something. You know, girls’ night.”
He nodded. “Then how about tomorrow?”
“Eh, I think I have work tomorrow,” I tried to say as unobtrusively as possible.
“I see,” he said, but I could see that he had noticed that something had changed between us.
“Jena,” Abby called suddenly. When I turned to her, I found her eagerly pointing across the street, a big grin on her face.
Looking in that direction, a smile spread across my face as well. There on the sidewalk stood my mystery guy. And for the first time I realized I was happy to see him.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Abby asked.
Following my gaze, Owen frowned at me. “Who are you talking about? Who is this, Jena?”
Without answering him, I rose from my seat. “I’ll be right back.”
An eye out for traffic, I hastened across the street. As he saw me coming, he once again turned around and walked away. I rushed after him and once I’d caught up with him, I grabbed his arm and made him turn around to face me.
A faint smile played on his lips and there was a barely noticeable nod of his head. It was as though he was telling me he approved of what I was doing.
“Who are you?” I asked again. “Please, tell me. I need to know. I feel like I know you but…but I don’t know how. How do we know each other? You know who I am, don’t you?”
His eyes bored into mine and there was that flutter in my stomach again. I was starting to feel a little weak in the knees. Suddenly he reached out until his fingertips touched my face, tracing the line of my jaw.
“Come back with me,” he whispered.
Looking at him, I knew his face was familiar. There was something there. Something I recognized; but I couldn’t place it. Maybe it was just subconscious, because my waking mind still didn’t know who he was.
“Come back where?” I whispered back. “Where do you want me to go?”
But he didn’t say anything. He just looked at me, waiting.
I didn’t know who he was, and yet, I trusted him. I was just about to agree when I heard Owen call my name.
It was like a slap in the face and reality got hold of me again. I shook my head to clear it. There were too many contrasting thoughts pulling me in different directions. I didn’t know what to do.
“Jena!” Owen called again.
The second he heard Owen’s voice call my name once more my mystery guy gave me an-other sad smile before he turned around and walked down the street.
As though it was some kind of reflex, I started after him.
But Owen once again called my name and I stopped. I stopped and watched my mystery guy walk away.
A moment later, Owen grabbed my arm and turned me around. “What were you doing? Who is that guy?” His face was angry and confused. I guess he had every right to be.
“No one,” I whispered, heading back to the restaurant where my brother and Abby were waiting. Andy’s face was just as confused as Owen’s while Abby grinned from ear to ear, excitement clear in her eyes.
“Jena,” Owen said again. His voice sounded so strained that I turned around, seeing the hurt on his face.
“I’m sorry,” I just said. “We need to get back to work. Let’s talk about it later.”
He nodded, lips pressed tightly into a thin line.
Chapter Fifteen – Should or Shouldn’t
“So, then tell me. Who is he?” Owen asked, arms crossed. It was easy to see that he was upset.
I didn’t feel so good either. I didn’t know what to say. There was no way I could explain to him what was going on. Would it have any negative consequences if I ended things between us now? Or was it important that I let things run their course?
I was at a loss and started pacing the living room.
“You care about him, don’t you?” Owen said, when I didn’t answer.
I looked at him, again seeing the hurt on his face. “It’s not that simple,” I started, not sure where I was going with this. “I don’t even know him.”
Owen threw his hands in the air. “You know him well enough to drop everything and hurry after him as soon as he shows up.” His voice was angry. “What is going on here? I think I deserve an explanation.”
“You’re right, you do. But I’m not sure I can give you one.”
Leaning on the backrest of the couch, he stared at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “It means that I can’t give you what I don’t have.”
His eyes narrowed. “Do you think this is funny? I don’t have time for games and I’m sure as hell not in the mood for them either.” His voice grew louder. “I want to know who the hell that guy was, Jena.”
“I don’t know his name.”
Owen clapped his hands together, fixing me with his stare again. “This is ridiculous. Do you actually expect me to believe you? If you want me to go, all you have to do is ask.” There was an incredible sadness in his eyes.
I just stood there, unable to say anything, knowing that this would hurt him even more. I didn’t even give him the chance to vent.
Again he leaned forward. “Do you want me to go?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper now. “Is that why you’ve been acting so strange lately? Please tell me. Just tell me if you want us to be over.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want.” I didn’t dare look at him, my eyes focused on the floor.
“Fine,” he said, new anger in his voice. “When you figure out what you want, call me.”
Grabbing his jacket, he left, slamming the door shut.
For a long time I continued to stand in the middle of my living room, staring at the closed door. On the one hand, I felt immensely awful for putting him through that while, on the other, I was so incredibly relieved that he was gone that a hint of guilt rose on the horizon of my mind. Life couldn’t just for once be easy, could it?
Feeling exhausted from the events of the day, I went to sleep early. The warm, soft comfort of my bed welcomed me and I felt my tense muscles relax a little. But as it had been for weeks now, sleep was once again restless for me. I tossed and turned, unable to let go of everything that was going on. Again I heard a voice speaking to me, accompanied by that strange background noise. And when I woke up, I felt as though I hadn’t slept a wink. And to top it off, I felt nauseous. It wouldn’t surprise me if I got a stomach ulcer from all the stress.
With eyes half-closed I walked to work, wishing I could go back to bed. Annoyingly, Abby was in a dreadfully good mood.
“Hello sunshine,” she greeted me, and I honestly felt like punching her in the face. Apparently, my face told her as much because she backed off and left me alone for a while.
At lunch, she walked into the employees’ lounge, waving a white paper tissue. “Truce?” she asked, smiling.
I beckoned her to sit down.
“That bad?” she asked.
I just nodded. “Pretty much what I’d expected but that still doesn’t mean I was prepared for it.”
“What did you tell him?”
A chuckle escaped my throat. “Nothing, basically.” I looked at her. “What could I possibly have told him? And believe me, even the truth wouldn’t have helped him. Owen is the last person on earth who would have believed me.”
Abby nodded. “Yeah, he is kind of narrow-minded like that.”
Frowning, I looked at her, shaking my head.
She lifted her hands. “Hey, I didn’t mean that in a bad way. Okay, maybe a little. He’s just different, very different. But he’s not a bad guy. On the contrary, he’s one of the few good ones. It’s just…” She looked me in the eyes. “…he is not the one for you, is he?”
I shook my head. “No, I know he’s not. As far as I remember we will break up in a few weeks any way. So, what’s the point? I’m just wondering if there will be any horrible consequences if I end it before it’s supposed to end. Do you know what I mean?”
Abby frowned at me. “What? You mean like changing something now will somehow affect your future? Like in the movies?”
“Kinda.” I nodded. “But thinking about it, it’s kind of too late to worry about that anyway.”
“Why?”
I couldn’t help but laugh; it was a nervous laughter though. “Because I’ve already done things differently. For one, I told you and Andy what is going on.” I looked at her openly. “So, do you think anything bad will happen now?”
Abby shrugged her shoulders. “You’ve already traveled back and forth?”
I nodded.
“So, you’ve been to a time that from the year we’re in now would be considered the past, right?”
“What are you getting at with this?”
She looked at me intently. “So far, has anything been different than you remember? Do you feel like something you’ve done then has already changed something today?”
I considered that for a while. “I haven’t really noticed anything significant. But you, for ex-ample, remember talking to me about all this, don’t you?” She nodded. “See, before you didn’t because it never happened. So, is that already enough of a change to be concerned?”
Leaning back, Abby looked exhausted. “Okay, I think I’m getting a headache.” She started rubbing her temples.
“Welcome to my world,” I said, slouching down on the couch myself.
Our lunch break was over too soon, and we spent the rest of the day, going over everything in our heads. I could tell from Abby’s face that she wasn’t able to just shake it off either. Her eyes were serious, and she wasn’t as talkative and openly chatty as she usually was. I felt a little bad for making her feel this way.
At the end of the day, I was just grabbing my purse and jacket when Abby came running into the employees’ lounge, face flushed with excitement.
“He’s here! He’s here! He’s here!” she practically screamed.
“Where?” I didn’t need to ask who she was talking about.
“At the bar!”
Without hesitating, I rushed into the hallway connecting kitchen and seating area. As I burst through the door–startling a few customers in the process–he was just about to leave.
Almost pushing Leo out of the way, I ran to the door and out of the restaurant, catching my mystery guy a few yards down the street.
“Hey, wait up!” I yelled; and for once he actually did.
He stopped and turned around, looking at me. Again there was that ghost of a smile on his face.
I only stopped right in front of him, for a moment unable to form a useful sentence. I took a deep breath. But he waited patiently. “You came back,” I whispered. Then I shook my head. “Of course, you did. That was stupid. You always do. That’s kind of the only thing I can count on with you.”
He was still just looking at me.
“How come you never answer my questions?” I asked. “Why can’t you tell me? It must be important, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t seem so—”