The Incompetent Witch and the Missing Men
Page 10
She turned and dashed madly across the bridge—like a banshee—to Billy G., who waited on the other end of the battering ram with his arms wide open.
And standing right next to him was Hunter.
***
I did one of those slow walks toward Hunter—where your hips roll side to side and you’re wearing a naughty grin. Of course, my clothes still reeked of strawberry, and my hair hung matted and limp. Then again, Hunter had the same issues—except for the clothes. He looks good naked—in public, and everywhere else.
“Hey, big fellah, whatcha doin’ out here?”
“Just hanging loose.”
“I can see that.”
He looked around. “All the other guys…”
“What’re you saying? If all the other guys jump into vats of fruit-scented love juice, you’re gonna do it, too?”
“I don’t know how that happened,” he said. “After you and I—well, you know—you fell asleep pretty fast, and I felt like I was bursting with electricity. I figured a cool shower would settle me down. Next thing I remember is being on top of that tube and going on about what a babe Brigid is. You know that she doesn’t compare—”
“Shhh. You don’t need to say it. I know.”
“I don’t. Let him say it.” Abigail poked her head out from between my boingulas, which scared the crap out of me since I hadn’t felt her climbing back inside my clothes.
I grabbed her by the scruff and yanked her out. “The fuck are doing down there?”
“Nothing. It’s just so warm…and jiggly.”
“Jiggle this,” I said as I dropped her to the ground.
She looked horrified. “You’re not going to make me walk on this…dirt.”
“A little dirt won’t kill you.”
“But this is a lot of dirt!”
I shook my head, took Hunter by the hand and followed the parade into the woods. La Font de Magie de l’Amour de Deau de Chenieux was overflowing with naked magical couples coupling magically in its waters.
Hunter pulled me toward the orgy. “C’mon—there’s room.”
“Um…no, there’s not.”
“Sure, there is. Right there!”
I dug in my chunky heels. I really am glad I wore them. “I’m their marriage counselor. I don’t want to make anyone feel, you know, self-conscious.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
He had a point. There must’ve been fifty couples in the water and fifty more waiting for a turn—and yet, it was clear that each couple was there all alone.
But still.
I looked up into his eyes. “You’d like to, um…swim, in The Font with me?”
“More than anything.”
“Would it be okay if it wasn’t tonight?”
His shoulders slumped. “But, soon?”
“Yes,” I said. “Very soon.”
He perked up. “What do we do now?”
I spotted Abigail trying in earnest to walk without touching the ground. I picked her up and tucked her in close so Hunter could put his arm around me. “How ’bout—let’s go to your place. I’d like to get out of this wet, stinky romper…and into a nice warm shower. Or—maybe not a nice, warm shower.” I cocked my head and raised my eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”
(Not quite) The End
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