Becoming (YA Paranormal) (Lynnie Russell Trilogy)

by R. M. Gilmore

  She watched me storm out of her old covered porch with so much heat and anger I might have impressed the devil himself.

  I was halfway to the truck when I heard the hanging beads and charms clang against each other.

  “You’ll kill him Lynnie Russell. If you ain’t careful, you’ll kill that strong brother of yours!” She hollered from the steps of her porch.

  I heard what she’d said, but I didn’t dare turn around. I knew the fire would build in me and take me over the edge to a place I didn’t want to be. So, I kept walking to my truck. Before I pulled away I snuck one last look on the only living human being who knew what I was. She stood on her porch holding a long string of beads and charms in her hands. Her eyes were closed and her lips were moving like she was praying. Or chanting maybe. I let myself be pissed off and slammed my foot down on the gas pedal. The balding tires on my old truck slid across the asphalt and left a nice trail of smoke when I took off.

  I drove till I couldn’t see anymore. My eyes were burning from rage. I was angry that that woman knew what I was. It wasn’t natural for someone to be able to rub your head and know your life. Your name, your family, your sins. It just wasn’t natural. But then again, neither was turning into some kinda green hairy beast and killing folks out in the woods.

  I’d damn near forgotten about waking up with blood on my face. I felt like my mind was melting and all my memories were dripping off like hot wax from a burning candle. I felt consumed. Consumed with rage, with that beast, with my sins.

  I’d talked to God, I’d seen a magic woman, I didn’t know where else to go. Dusk was coming on fast. Seemed to me that the day had slipped away with such boring things like church and driving and now I was closer to becoming that thing. Becoming the beast that sits inside me waiting to burst out with so much force I’d like to have died twice.

  I made myself drive far out into the woods. Through Havana, past Russellville, deep into the Ozarks. Once the woods started to thicken I pulled my rusty old truck into a small clearing off the road. Likely a place hikers and hunters parked making a spot clear of brush and forest.

  The sky was an amazing show of colors: red, orange, and purple. The most royal purple I’d ever seen in the sky. In the thick of the trees it was like night had already taken over. I walked a bit into the trees and brush. Listening to the earth, waiting to hear voices or other signs I wasn’t alone. Only the sounds of night animals coming out to play and my own footsteps could be heard.

  I decided to pull my clothes off and leave them piled neatly in the bed of my truck. I didn’t right feel like running naked through the woods again. As I stripped my clothes off I realized I was standing in the middle of the Ozarks, damn near naked, waiting for the night to pull a beast from my body. It felt normal. My head told me I should be scared, terrified of what was to happen. My heart told me I didn’t much have a choice and I was doing right by Garret to stay away, even if it was only for the night.

  I knew the old witch woman was right, I would kill him. Not me, the monster I was about to become. I knew I’d change again, and again, and again, until I either died or figured out how to stop it. The only one I knew could help me had just told me I would kill my only brother. I hated her for that. I hated her for telling me the truth.

  The sun was disappearing and the night was taking over. I could taste it on my tongue like a sweet caramel, so sinful but so delicious.

  “Please Lord, I’m no killer. I’m no monster. God, please, help me.”

  The night took over. A pain in my stomach wrenched and I fell to the dirt. I knew what was happening this time and I was ready for it. I pulled all the strength I could and fought hard not to cry out.

  The pain was that of death. Pulling and jerking my limbs and bones and muscles. Muscles ripped and tore and reformed around bones that moved and cracked into my beasts shape. With every tear and crack I begged God to save me from this. I begged him to take me from this earth, to keep me from this torment. He never answered.

  The fur grew from the pores in my skin and my fingers curled and twisted into huge paws. Razor claws pushed out of the ends of what used to be my fingers and my jaw thrust its way out into a muzzle with teeth that would likely kill something if they got the chance.

  My eyes, that I knew looked like burning flames, could see the world in only green. The change was slowing down, it was almost over. I did everything I could to not lose myself to the beast. My mind, my soul, refused to give itself over.

  I was alone in the woods. Just me and my beast. It was a fight to the death and the beast was winning. With every breath, I was becoming.

  Predecessor

  Not like any other night, I stayed with the beast. I fought hard for my soul and I won.

  My heavy paws hit the leaf covered dirt with a lazy flop. The new muscles in my hind legs and backside flexed and moved not like any human legs could do. I knew I was big, huge even. I could feel my body take up more space than a dog or big cat would. I didn’t know what I was, but I was damn sure I wasn’t anything the world had seen before.

  I stalked the woods under the clear, dark, sky. The moon was only a portion of what it could be. Not much light was peeking through the tops of all the trees, but I could see everything with my perfect animal eyes. I felt invincible. Like some kind of superhero. Or villain. But, the villain rarely lives past the last scene and I knew that, somehow, I would.

  As I moved through the darkness I knew there was somewhere I needed to be. I walked with a purpose. While I was in there, the beast still had all the control. I could see, feel, and hear everything around me but I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. It was like watching a movie, no choices, no plan B, just a bystander.

  My breaths came out with a huff every now and then. I could hear the earth speak to me. Down to the humming song of the Cicada, I heard every note.

  I walked, never tiring. Wandering the night, searching for something I couldn’t see. Something I didn’t understand. I had a feeling the beast knew exactly where it was headed. I tried to take control. I tried to make the legs move in the direction I wanted them to. Nothing worked. Whatever my body had turned into, my brain didn’t follow it. I was trapped. It was a sickening feeling. I regretted sticking around; staying in the body I knew would surely kill while I watched.

  The night passed as I stalked through the woods. The songs of the earth continued in a never-ending serenade. I didn’t know where I was or how I’d get back when morning came around. As time passed me by I started not to care.

  Seeing the world in shades of green I saw things I would’ve never seen in my human body. The markings on the back of a camel cricket, the glowing eyes of an animal hunting in the cover of night, it all interested me. The beast didn’t seem to pay it no mind.

  I felt old, ancient even. Like the body I was in had been around since Kane and Able. Decades, centuries on this earth with a purpose since the dawn of man. These were all feelings, not thoughts or facts from the beast. I felt them in the soul that stayed attached to the creature.

  My ears picked up the sound of a person moving through the brush and trees. The sound is different than an animal. More clumsy and pointless. The beast lifted its head and sniffed at the air. I picked up the scent. Musky, sweat, a man was in the woods with me.

  The beast stalked low to the ground. I was stuck in the body of this thing scared to death there was a hunter in the woods set to kill me. Scared more that there was a hunter in those woods who was about to get eaten by me and my green beasty.

  When I got a little closer I could see the man, in bright shades of purple. His body was darker where shading would be and brighter where any small amount of light might be hitting it. A perfect manly body done up in purple and in his birthday suit.

  I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why a man would be naked in the woods, but it seemed like the beast knew why and was going to take care of him good. I felt the muscles in my back tense, my ears pulled back to my head, and I sat crouched a
gainst the dirt waiting for the man to come a little closer.

  The man stumbled about in the woods. He didn’t look like he knew where he was going or what he was doing. He stepped a bit closer to me and stopped in his tracks.

  He stood for a second staring at me, the beast, and then he said, “I’ve been waiting for you. What took you so long?”

  I wanted to ask him what the hell he was talking about, but of course the animal I was couldn’t up and have a conversation, no matter how hard I tried. I just wasn’t built for visiting. Killing and maiming more like.

  The man crouched to the ground with me. He crawled on his hands and knees in the dirt. My human face would’ve blushed pink at the sight of a naked man crawling toward me, but the beast just watched and waiting for him to get closer. Close enough to eat. The man stopped at my feet and bowed his head to the ground.

  I sat in wait inside that furry body of mine. I waited for the purple blood to flow, to shoot from his body like a sprinkler. That’s what happens when you slice into an artery; the blood shoots out like a squirt gun. I felt a little lucky that the blood would be purple; it didn’t seem quite real in shades of purple instead of red.

  Without my control the beast did as it pleased. I was only a feeling, a soul trapped in this body of death. I was scared so that I would have to watch as I tore this lovely man to shreds. It’s the strangest thing being stuck in a body that isn’t yours, one you can’t control by any means.

  The beast stood up and looked down at the man on the ground. A huff of a breath came out with a snort. Something like a horse. I was so tall over the man, I got an idea then of about how tall I was really. Nearly the size of a foal, or a bear even. I wished then I’d gotten a better look in the mirror when I changed in my room.

  The man looked up at me, the beast standing over him. “I’ve been waiting so long for you. Three days in these woods, I almost died all on my own.” He laughed a little bit. “I’ve grown weary.” He said in a voice that sounded much wiser than that of a young man. “Finish it, I’m ready. Set me free. Finally, free.”

  The man was begging me to kill him. To take him from this life. I’d made that same plea to God, my plea wasn’t answered. His was about to be.

  “I don’t know who you are, but thank you. I was what you are now, death. Your sacrifice has freed me from that prison. So many years I walked the night.” His voice sounded like a man who’d given up. He talked low, nearly a whisper. “Find strength were you can, accept what you are, and do everything you can to stay alive. There is no more that I can say; this journey has to be yours.” He looked at my fiery eyes for a long minute. “End this, quick.”

  The man dropped his head again. The beast let out another snort bucked its head back, and let out a screeching howl like an elk in heat or the never ending cry of a wolf. I was trapped inside without control, but I could feel the release of the howl. It felt good.

  The beast came down on the back of the man’s head with a strong swift strike. The man fell to the ground flat. He wasn’t dead, I could hear him breathing. Just a little knocked out is all.

  The beast nosed the man in the shoulder till he rolled on his back. He was a very pretty man, even if he was all purple. It was a strange mix of colors with the purple man lying on the green floor of the forest. I wondered why he was purple. Why the rest of the world was green. The red haired woman and the others were purple too. But Rusty and Garret weren’t. I wanted to ask the man if he knew why, but of course I couldn’t say anything.

  I tried to make the beast stop, to wait till I was human again so I could talk to him. I had so many questions. Instead of stopping, the beast dug its teeth into the man’s neck. The purple blood came out fast and flooded the beasts’ mouth, my mouth. I tried not to pay any mind to what was happening. I tried to close my eyes and go somewhere else. I couldn’t close eyes I didn’t have. Or really, didn’t have any control over. I had to watch the man be eaten, by me.

  I wished I could stop. I wished I could throw up, or scream, or cry, anything a human would’ve like to’ve done. The beast didn’t have any wishes. Only its instincts. The man was dying. His heart was starting to slow down and he wasn’t breathing as much. The damn animal I was didn’t give two cents; it was doing what it was supposed to. What that man asked it to do.

  I felt bad for him, I did, but he’d asked for it. I felt worse for me, I needed him. He knew what I was. Hell, he’d been the beast himself. I wanted to escape the furry body of the beast. I imagined my hands punching and my legs kicking out trying to tear out of the body. I didn’t have legs to kick with. I was stuck. Forced to wait it out ‘til dawn.

  Through the eyes of the animal I watched the man’s eggplant blood run over and around my paws. His blood changed color when he died, I think. When he first got bit it was the brightest lilac I’d ever seen. When his heart slowed to a stop it turned the dark color of an eggplant. His color was gone with his life.

  The beast licked the naked man’s face a time or two. I felt like the beast might’ve been sorry for killing him just like I was. But, I felt like he had to die, like it was the time for him to go home.

  Me and my beast left the man, naked, and dead in the woods. I prayed for a second that God would take him, that his soul, and mine, were still pure. Oh hell, as pure as they could be considering.

  By some miracle my animal turned us around and started back where we came from. Dawn was coming on soon. The air smells different just before the sun come up. Cleaner, more pure. Like God himself comes down from heaven and pulls the sun up over the horizon, leaving a trail of that heavenly scent behind him.

  The sky was still dark, but I felt it wouldn’t be long before the day would change me back.

  The thick paws of my beast thumped along the earth while it walked me back to my truck. I knew we couldn’t be too close; we’d walked a long way into the woods before we came up on that man.

  Eventually, my strong legs slowed down. Paws slapping the dirt like a lazy old dog. The beast laid us down on the cool dirt. I begged it to keep moving, to get me closer to my truck. I didn’t have a damn clue how I was gonna get back when I had my body back. I wasn’t even really sure where I was.

  A familiar wrench hit my stomach. I couldn’t control the body I was in, but I sure as hell could feel its pain. I knew why the beast laid us down, we were about to change. About to become human again. I thought for a second about how it felt for the animal to change, if it hurt like I did.

  Our legs stretched and the muscles tore again, making human legs from animal ones. My heavy paws pushed and uncurled into fingers. Human toes made their way from rounded paws. Fur shrank into my skin and claws sucked back into their beds. My back leveled out and my boobs broke out from my chest. Our muzzle shoved its way back into a human face and the beast howled. Cried that horrible scream like an elk in mating season. It felt pain, just like I did. My face was coming back to me and the howls of the beast turned into the screams of a human. The green color of the forest faded away and it was as dark as it could be before dawn. I was human, and naked, and alone.

  I laid in the dirt and cried. I was crying, but I was happy. Crying meant I was a human being. Meant I had a soul.

  I wanted to run back into the woods and find the naked man. See if he was really dead. If I really had killed him. Ask him so many questions his head might spin off his shoulders. I needed to know what I was, how to fix it, and how to not kill my brother. I knew there was no point. He was dead, damn dead.

  It was hopeless. I didn’t have anyone. Only an old woman who said I was death incarnate, a useless naked dead mean, and a furry green monster that forced me to eat people. I was screwed six ways to Sunday.

  Cryin’ In The Dirt

  Sitting in the Ozarks naked and alone, waiting for dawn, is a damn lonely time let me tell you. With my human eyes I couldn’t see even half as good as I could have if I was still furry. I wasn’t even sure I could make it back to my truck even in the daylight.

  T
he sun was starting to come up and shine through the trees. The slices of light peeking down and touching the ground were like fingers of God bringing the forest to life. There wasn’t quite enough light to bring the world to full view for my shoddy human eyes, but I knew it was coming soon. Soon I could try to make my way back to my truck and my clothes. Being lost in the woods and a little scared was a lot harder to take while I was freezing my tail off.

  I had myself curled up into a tight ball under a tree, trying hard not to shake too awful bad. In the light coming through the spaces between the leaves dust glittered in the wind. I was staring at it too long, I started seeing things. In that shine of light I thought I saw a man. A big breeze blew through and more dust and dirt was kicked up in the light. In the middle of it all I saw Rusty. I thought I was seeing things. What in the world would Rusty Kemp be doing in the middle of the woods? Besides, he’s dead. The thoughts went through my mind a while until I remembered that night in my bedroom, when Rusty came out of a shadow.