by E. L. Todd
“Don’t touch me.”
Everyone stilled at my words, including Janice.
Sean dropped his hand and stepped back.
I glared at Janice. I knew I shouldn’t do this now, but I was too upset to be logical. She’s been hiding something from me for a year. She betrayed me. I was afraid to know what it was but I was consumed in finding the truth. “What have you been hiding from me?” My words were full of venom.
Her eyes widened.
“Tell me!”
She flinched at the anger in my words.
“Did you cheat on me?”
“No.” Her eyes coated with tears.
“Then what?”
Scarlet came down the stairs and stopped next to her. I was even more pissed with her than Janice.
Janice was breathing heavily and she looked panicked. “I…it was a long time ago, before I even met you.”
Now I was even more confused.
“When Sean and Scarlet were friends…I slept with him.”
My heart fell from my chest. I wasn’t expecting that. It was so unbelievable that I didn’t react. I couldn’t even process the possibility. It seemed so impossible. The idea of Janice being with anyone else but me disgusted me, but being with someone I actually knew was even worse. Sean sighed then stepped back.
“Sean?” I asked.
She nodded. “It didn’t mean anything. It was just…physical. It only happened one time. I didn’t know if I should tell you because it happened before we were together, but I felt guilty not telling you…I’m sorry.”
I stared at her, still unable to respond.
“And I didn’t want you to be weird around Sean,” Janice continued. “But I felt too guilty. I’m sorry…”
“No, Scarlet didn’t want me to be weird around Sean. That’s all she cares about.” I’ve never been so angry in my life. My words shook the room because they carried so much hatred and anger. “Scarlet doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself. As long as she has her stupid perfect family, then she’s happy.” I gave her a look of disgust. “I can’t believe you told her to keep that from me. Fuck you, Scarlet. Fuck you!”
Scarlet stepped back, her arms shaking. I’d never yelled at her like that, but she’s never hurt me so much. I didn’t pity her and I didn’t care. Her actions were pure treason.
“I’m sorry,” Janice said. The tears fell down her face. “I love you.”
I couldn’t stay here. I had to get out. I was afraid I would destroy everything in their hose because I was so pissed. “Cortland, you’re giving me a ride.” I opened the front door and stormed out.
Cortland didn’t question my command. He followed me out the door, trailing behind me with his head down.
Janice chased me. “I’m so sorry! Please don’t go! Please!” She was sobbing hysterically, her words incoherent. She latched onto me from behind and squeezed. “God, I’m sorry. I love you.”
I knew I was being irrational with Janice, but I was too pissed to get my anger under control. I pulled my arm off.
Janice grabbed me again. “Please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything…” She clung to me like a magnet. “I’m not letting you go. You’ll have to throw me off.”
I stopped walking, letting her cling to me. “Get in the car.” I kept my voice even but I still didn’t look at her.
“I…”
“Get in the car. I won’t ask you again.”
She finally let me go then got into the backseat of the infinity. Scarlet came to me next, her eyes bubbling with tears.
“Ryan, I—”
“Shut the fuck up.”
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She wobbled on her feet then opened her eyes. I’d babied her for her entire life. But I wasn’t now.
“You were supposed to be the one person in this damn world that always had my back no matter what. You should betray everyone else before you even considered betraying me. How could be so selfish? All you care about is getting what you want, even if that means lying to your own damn brother.
“I had a bat bashed against my ribs, a fucking ashtray thrown against my head, my face scratched with nails full of ash, anda fracture on my skull because I risked my damn life to protect you! I did everything for you. I fucking raised you and always put your first! And this is what I get? You call yourself my sister?
“Now I feel stupid for every trusting you implicitly. When you ignored me for a year when I needed you, I should have let you go. When you showed up on my doorstep and expected me to take care of you, I should have told you to fuck off.
“I’m done with you.” I stared her down, emphasizing my words with the fire in my eyes.
“Ryan, I know how much you love Janice and I just didn’t want you to ruin that!” Now she was sobbing.
“Fuck you. Don’t give me that shit.” I got in her face, my mouth close to her face.
Sean came to her side then placed his hand on my arm, pulling me away gently. The touch set me off and I punched him in the face without thinking. He stumbled back and gripped his nose.
Scarlet covered her face and gasped at my extreme violence. “Sean, don’t hit him back.”
Sean stayed back like a dog.
The terror on her face didn’t elicit any emotion inside me, other than anger. “I’m more than capable of taking care of my relationship without your help. You’re the one who’s crippled and needs my approval for every damn thing. The idea of Janice being with Sean makes me sick, but we’ll work through it. I know she didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not mad at her. I’m fucking pissed at you for not telling me. You’re supposed to have my back. After everything I’ve done for you, I’ve earned at least that. I thought I had your loyalty. I guess I don’t.
She sobbed loudly “Ryan, I’m so sorry. I love you. I…I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
I turned around. “I’m done with you.”
She stopped crying for a moment. “What…?”
“What you did was unforgivable. I can’t trust you.”
“No!” She ran to me then hugged my waist. “I’m sorry. I’ll do anything, Ryan. I love you so much. Please don’t do this.”
“Get off me.” I wanted to tug her off but I didn’t want to hurt her. I may be livid, but hitting a woman gave me no release. I’d rather punch Sean again.
“No…” She fell to her knees and clung to my knees. “Please, Ryan. I’m sorry…from the bottom of my heart.”
I looked at Sean. “Get your wife off me.”
Sean kneeled down and grabbed her arms gently. As soon as she was off me, I walked to the car.
“No!” Scarlet screamed. “Ryan, please.”
Sean held her tightly, his head on top of hers.
I got into the passenger seat and slammed the door. “Get me out of here.”
Cortland backed out then drove down the road back to the city. Janice was silent in the backseat. Cortland glanced at me but kept his mouth shut.
“Did you know about this?” I snapped
Cortland shook his head. “No.”
“Good.” I couldn’t afford to lose him either.
We arrived at the apartment then left the car without saying goodbye. I didn’t touch Janice as we walked inside. I immediately threw blankets and pillows on the couch. There was no way I was sleeping with Janice tonight.
Janice watched me from the doorway to our bedroom. “You said we sleep together no matter what happens…”
“Well, I lied,” I snapped. I pulled my clothes off then lay down.
She approached the couch then looked down at me. I didn’t meet her gaze. “I’m sorry, okay?”
“Just go to bed.”
“I want you to know I feel horrible for hurting you.”
Her words touched my heart. “I know…”
She stepped away. “I love you.”
Silence stretched between us. “I love you too.”
I didn’t speak to Janice for the next three days. I w
oke up early every morning to avoid her then stayed out late every night. She texted me and checked in to see if I was okay. I always responded but my messages were short. She was smart and never called me.
I met Cortland at a bar when we both got off work.
I felt alone in the world. Scarlet was always the person I turned to for everything, but now she wasn’t around. Cortland sat beside me and didn’t say anything. But his presence was enough to numb the pain. At least there was one person in my life I could rely on.
“So…how are things?” Cortland asked.
I shrugged. “The shop is busy. I have more business than I did in Seattle.”
“I meant with Janice.”
“Oh.” I sipped my beer. “We haven’t talked.”
Cortland rubbed his fingers over the condensation of the glass. “Can I say something?”
“It doesn’t sound like I have any control over that.”
“Don’t throw Janice away over this, man. She’s perfect for you.”
He was telling me something I already knew. “I know…I won’t let her go.”
“Then you shouldn’t shut her out like this.”
“I realize she didn’t do anything wrong. I get it. And it would be incredibly hypocritical for me to judge her for her actions. I’m not any different than she is. And that’s why we mesh together so well.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“She just reminds me of Scarlet…they’re best friends.”
Cortland nodded. “I can understand that.”
“I just…I can’t believe Scarlet. I want to push away everything that reminds me of her…including Janice.”
“I think three days is enough. You should make it right when you go home. Hopefully, she’s still there…”
That practically gave me a heart attack. I knew I was being childish. Janice didn’t do anything wrong, and she needed to know I loved her with my whole heart. “Thanks, man.”
“Yeah.” He watched the TV and sipped his beer. “I don’t think you should throw away Scarlet either—”
“Don’t go there.”
Cortland fell silent.
“How could she not tell me? That’s just…wrong. If I knew Sean slept with Janice and Scarlet had no idea, I’d tell her in a heartbeat. She would have the right to know. I just can’t believe she didn’t put me first…”
“I think Scarlet had your best interest at heart,” Cortland said. “She sees how happy you are with Janice and she didn’t want to risk that relationship. And honestly, does knowing the truth make anything better? Wouldn’t you have rather not known? Now your relationship with Sean will always be awkward. You’ll never be close. You’ll never be brothers.”
“You’re my brother.”
Cortland nodded. “It doesn’t hurt to have another.”
“Monnique still doesn’t know, does she?”
Cortland held his silence for a moment. “No…”
“You should tell her before she finds out some other way. Believe me, if Janice just told me from the beginning it would have been a lot easier. Sean and I could have worked it out and moved on. But now, the previous relationship we had is tarnished and we’ll never get that back. That’s my advice.”
Cortland sighed. “Yeah…Monnique is more emotional than the other girls. I really don’t know if she’d be able to forgive me.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Monnique wasn’t in your life.”
He shrugged. “It’ll still kill her.”
“Well, she has the right to know. Do the right thing.”
Cortland nodded. “Okay.”
I finished my beer then put my money on the table.
“You should go to your girl. You’re lucky she’s put up with your absence for three days.”
“I know.”
When I came home, Janice was sitting at the kitchen table. Judging by the surprised look on her face, she wasn’t expecting me to come home so early. I scooped her in my arms then carried her to the bedroom.
Her arms hooked around my neck and she smiled at me, tears deep in her eyes.
I peeled her clothes off while I kissed her unveiled skin. I tasted her everywhere, worshipping her body like I usually did. I kissed her inner thighs then pulled my clothes off. When we were both naked, I crawled on top of her and slipped inside her.
As soon as we were connected, we both gasped and moved together. Janice dug her nails into my back and rocked hard from below, wanting more than I was already giving her.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered to me.
“Don’t apologize.” I kissed her while I moved into her.
We were so desperate for one another, neither one us lasted long. She and I lost ourselves in each other at the same time, our pleasured sighs echoing in the room. I stayed inside her when I was finished and kissed her neck.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too.”
“I was so scared…”
“I’m sorry. I was just going through a hard time and needed my space. Thanks for putting up with me.”
“You aren’t mad at me?” she asked quietly.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
She breathed a sigh of relief.
“But I was surprised by the revelation. I was not expecting that.”
“It was meaningless. It lasted five minutes and we never spoke of it again. Sean and I are friends and it’s never been awkward between us. And Scarlet doesn’t treat us differently because of it.”
I hated hearing her name. “Well, I’m not upset with you.”
She looked relieved.
“And I’m never going to talk to Sean again so it doesn’t matter anyway. At least I got a good punch in.”
Janice’s eyes fell in sadness. “Ryan, Scarlet was just trying to do what’s best for you.”
“I’m done talking about this.”
“Don’t tear her out of your life,” she said firmly. “Without Ryan, there is no Scarlet. Without Scarlet, there is no Ryan. She’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose her.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Ryan, please—”
“She shouldn’t have told you to hide it from me. That’s not what real families do. She should have told me immediately. But she didn’t. She lied to me. And I can’t let that go. I went through hell to protect her and raise her, and she acts like that meant nothing. She’ll never know how much pain I was in or how scared I was. I could have left that house but I didn’t. I risked my life for her. I don’t deserve this.”
Janice closed her mouth and kept her silence. She knew I wouldn’t change my mind.
14
Scarlet
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was completely numb. I lost the person I loved most in this world. It was always Ryan and I against everything else. Losing him was losing a part of myself. I couldn’t go on without him.
I hated myself.
Sean held me close as the days passed by. I couldn’t stop crying. It was all I ever did. I heaved and sobbed, wishing the ordeal hadn’t happened. The pain in Ryan’s eyes crushed me. And the words he said…they hurt.
I never meant to hurt him. I was just trying to do what was best for him. If he threw Janice away, I knew he’d regret it when it was too late to get her back. Every morning, I woke up and hoped my reality was just a dream—a nightmare.
Every time I tried to call Ryan, Sean stopped me.
“Give him space, baby.”
I covered my face and stilled my tears. “I miss him…”
“He’s upset right now. Let him deal with his anger so he’ll be more willing to listen to you later.”
“God, I can’t believe this is happening.”
Sean stayed home from work for the first day and held me in his arms. Without him, I wouldn’t have slept or moved. On day two, he had to get back to work. I lay around the house and did nothing productive. I didn’t work or clean. I just stared at the ceiling, rea
lizing I lost the most amazing person in the world.
Ryan was always there for me, and I didn’t realize how much I took it for granted until now. He was always just a phone call away. It didn’t matter what time it was or where I was. He was always there for me.
And now he was gone.
Sean’s concern for me grew with every passing day. He was afraid to leave me alone. So, he took me to work with him. He packed all my things and drove me to his office. I stared out the window and didn’t pay attention to anything I saw. The fall had slowly turned to winter. It was freezing out, and the snow had fallen.
Sean held my hand the entire time, reminding me he was always there.
When we came into his office, he placed my belongings on the table in front of the couch and helped me sit down.
“I’m sorry I have to work,” he whispered.
“It’s okay,” I said. “There’s nothing you can do for me anyway.”
His eyes sagged in despair. Then he kissed me on the forehead. “It’s going to be okay. Ryan will come around. I promise.”
“It’s been weeks…”
“I know. But he’ll come back.”
“How do you know?” I tried not to cry.
“Because I know him. He’s my brother.” He squeezed my hand. “He’ll forgive you in time. He just needs his space right now. And I know Janice will talk some sense into him.”
“I hope so…”
“I know so.” He kissed me then moved to his desk. He filled out his paperwork then checked his emails. The phone kept ringing so he was on the phone most of the time. Unable to focus on my own work, I watched him most of the time. Sean was a different person when he was at work. He was so professional and calm. I’m glad he wasn’t like that at home. When he was with me, he was lively and passionate.
Hours passed and I sat there. I did nothing, just breathed. The windows of his office faced the hallway, and I watched the people walk by. His assistant came in a few times and got his signature for a few things. I was glad Sean got a male assistant. I didn’t realize how much a woman assistant would bother me until I really thought about it.
Cortland walked down the hallway then entered the office. He flinched when he saw me sitting on the couch. With one look at me, he saw how upset I was. He hadn’t called me in weeks. I knew Ryan was his best friend so I expected him to take his side.