by E. L. Todd
Cortland sat next to me on the couch. “How are you?”
“How do you think?” I whispered.
Sean watched us from his desk but didn’t interfere.
Cortland grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I’m trying not to pick sides. That’s why you haven’t heard from me.”
“I know…how is he?”
Cortland shrugged. “He’s still pretty upset.”
“Please tell me he worked it out with Janice.”
He nodded. “They were back to normal within a few days. Ryan isn’t mad at her. He knows he has no right to be upset with her. He’d be a huge hypocrite if he was.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god. I’m so glad they worked it out.”
He brushed his thumb over my knuckles. “Me too. But I know Ryan loves her more than anything. There’s nothing she could ever do that would make him leave.”
I understood the dual meaning. “You think what I did was wrong.”
He sighed. “I’m just surprised you didn’t tell him since you’re so close.”
“Monnique doesn’t know about us,” I snapped. “How is that any different?”
Cortland looked away. “It’s totally different and you know it is. But I am going to tell her. I just haven’t decided when…”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Please help me get Ryan back.”
“I don’t want to push him away,” Cortland said. “I’m the only friend he has right now. I’m trying not to side either way. But I do want you guys to work this out.”
I pulled away. “How’s his shop?”
“Booming.”
“That’s good.” I tried not to cry. I hadn’t been inside his shop once.
He rubbed my back. “I know you two will work it out. Just give it time. I’ve never seen two siblings love each other so much.”
“God, I hope so.” A tear escaped and fell down my cheek.
Cortland brushed it away. “It’ll be alright.”
“Can you take me to see him?”
“Now?” Cortland asked incredulously.
“Please. I want to talk to him. It’s been weeks.”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Please.”
Cortland looked at Sean. “Can I take her?”
He nodded. “I think he’s had enough space.”
“Okay,” Cortland said. “Let’s go.”
When we parked outside his shop, I stared at the doors for a long time before I got out. Cortland and I walked inside. Ryan was ringing up a customer and taking the cash. After the guy walked away, Ryan looked up and spotted us. The smile on his face disappeared.
“Get out.”
His words cut through me. “Ryan, please.”
“Get the fuck out.” He slammed his register closed.
I walked to the counter and stared at him. He wouldn’t look at me. “I’m sorry. I’ll tell you I’m sorry every day for the rest of my life. Please don’t do this…”
Cortland leaned against the wall and tried to disappear.
Ryan glared at him. “Why did you bring her here?”
“She asked me to. But I’m staying out of this. I’m not taking sides.”
Ryan still gave him an angry look.
“But I hope you can work this out,” Cortland whispered.
Ryan shook his head then turned back to me. “I just can’t believe you betrayed me like that. I obviously don’t mean shit to you.”
“That’s not true! I just didn’t want to ruin the greatest thing that ever happened to you.”
“I heard you talk to Janice! I heard everything you said. You didn’t want to make it awkward between Sean and I. That’s all you ever cared about.”
“That’s not fair! I was trying to do what’s best for you. You best interest is always in my heart. And look what good came from it. You pushed Janice away, you punched Sean, and you’ve ostracized me. I was right when I told Janice not to tell you. You’re being unreasonable.”
“Get out!” He turned around and walked into the back. “Cortland, get her off my property.”
I started to bawl again.
Cortland gave me a sympathetic look. “Come on.” He put his hand on my lower back then guided me out of the shop. When we were in the car, I sobbed hysterically. I couldn’t see because my vision was so blurry. I didn’t remember anything that happened. I just recognized Sean’s smell when he wrapped his arms around me in his office. I leaned into him, needing him to hold me.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered.
“I love him so much…and he hates me.”
He rubbed my back then guided me to the couch. He took off his jacket then draped it over me. Then, he pulled me onto his chest and ran his fingers through my hair until I fell asleep and stopped crying.
Ryan never returned my phone calls. I left messages but I doubt he ever listened to him. Cortland kept me updated on his life. He told me how the shop was going. I only spoke to Janice when Ryan wasn’t around. She said it was easier that way. She missed me and I missed her.
Weeks passed and Thanksgiving arrived. We invited Cortland and Monnique over. Sean’s mom still hadn’t apologized so we didn’t spend the holiday with them. And I was fine with that. I was too depressed to put up with Diane right now.
The holiday wasn’t the same without Ryan. Everyone knew it. No one laughed for the entire evening. It was just quiet and depressing. And we didn’t talk about Ryan because it was too painful. I called him and wished him a happy holiday, but of course, he didn’t answer.
I sobbed halfway through dinner then barricaded myself in the bedroom. Sean didn’t come after me and let me be. I tried to catch my breath before I showed my face again.
Even though I wasn’t eating, I kept gaining weight. I was normally 115 pounds all the time. That’s been my weight since I was in high school. But now I was almost 130. I didn’t understand what was going on. I knew I wasn’t exercising because I was too upset, but I was still amazed by the weight gain. My metabolism must have slowed down.
Toward the end of December, Sean came home then gave me a big kiss. “How was your day?”
“Shitty like always.”
He gave me a sad look.
I moved to the couch and stared at the Christmas tree. I had gifts for Ryan even though he’d never open them.
Sean sat next to me. “Baby, I want to talk to you about something.”
“Hmm?”
He grabbed the grocery bag and pulled out a box. “I want you to take another pregnancy test.”
Embarrassed, I hid my face. “Sean, I’m just fat.”
“No, you aren’t,” he said firmly. “I think you should take another.”
“I took two and they were both negative.”
“Maybe they were defective or expired,” he said. “Just take it, okay?”
I grabbed the box and gripped it. “Fine.”
“Thank you.” He stared at me anxiously.
“Now?” I asked.
“Please.”
I sighed then walked into the bathroom. After I peed on the stick, I sat on the toilet seat and waited for the results to come through. Two minutes later, I looked at it, knowing exactly what it would say.
But it was positive.
I stared at it for a long time, trying to wrap my mind around what I was seeing. I read the instructions and made sure I did everything correctly.
I was pregnant.
I didn’t know what to think. I panicked. I got scared. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. What if I turned out just like my mom? What if I hurt my child? No, I would never do that. But it still scared me.
When I came out of the bathroom, Sean stood up and looked at me. He waited for me to reveal the results.
I nodded. “I’m pregnant.”
His face lit up in a gorgeous smile. His eyes shined bright with true happiness. The reaction made me feel better. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. “You just made me so happy.”
; I clung to him. “I’m scared…”
He pulled away and looked me in the eye. “Why? Scar, I’m going to be here the entire time. Every feeding, every changing—everything. Don’t be scared.”
“It’s not that…”
“Then what?”
“What if I’m a horrible mother?”
He smirked at me. “Not possible. You do a wonderful job taking care of me and I’m practically a child.” That made me smile slightly. “You’re going to be the best mom ever. I’m not worried about that.”
“Really?” I whispered.
“Really.” He pressed his head to mine then placed his hand on my stomach. “So beautiful.”
“You aren’t scared?”
“Do I look scared?” he asked with a cocky smile. “I’m very excited.”
“Is it too soon?”
“No. I’m ready.”
Was I?
“No mother is ever ready for her first child until she has it. When our baby is born, you’ll realize that. You’re going to do great. And I’ll always be here.”
I took a deep breath, finally feeling the joy radiate through me. “Okay. I feel better.”
“I’m glad I could help.”
Then the depression set in. “My baby will never know their uncle…” A tear fell down my cheek.
Sean stared at me, at a loss of words. “Don’t think about that. This is the greatest moment of our lives. Don’t let anything ruin that.”
“I’ll try,” I whispered.
He kissed my forehead then cradled me in his arms. “Now I’m hot for you. Knowing you’re pregnant is such a turn on.”
“But I’m fat,” I said as he carried me upstairs.
“You aren’t fat,” he said firmly. “Seeing your round belly is hot, especially knowing I’m the person who made you that way.” He laid me on the bed then stripped his clothes off. He pulled mine off just as quickly.
“You get turned on by odd things,” I teased. It was the first time I felt happy in two months. Ryan destroyed all my happiness when he left me. But now I felt a little better.
“Are you saying you’re odd?”
“We both know I am.”
He parted my legs then entered me. Our joking demeanors disappeared. We clung to each other as we connected our bodies. And I fell into him.
15
Sean
I had to work on Christmas Eve. There was too much work for me to ignore. I promised Scarlet I would be home before dark. I took my dad’s words very seriously. She was more important than work, and I made sure I would be there to spend the holiday with her.
But I let the rest of the staff have the day off. Judging by the smiles on their faces, I knew they appreciated my generosity. Mike came in as well and we took care of all the important things before the end of the day. I normally got off work at 5, but I promised myself I would leave at 3.
Mike came in when he was finished with his work. “Want me to bring anything?” he asked.
“Scarlet has everything. Don’t worry about it.”
He eyed me. “She’s been looking…plump.”
My eyes narrowed. “Are you calling my wife fat?”
“No. But is she pregnant?”
Scarlet and I agreed to keep it a secret until she was three months along. She was worried something would go wrong and she didn’t want everyone to get excited over nothing. But she was also paranoid for the worse case scenario. “No.”
He eyed me. “She looks it.”
I sighed. “You can’t tell anyone.”
His eyes lit up like Christmas morning. “I knew it.”
“We wanted to keep it a secret until she finished her first trimester—just in case.”
He nodded. “I can understand that.” He came around the desk and hugged me. “Congratulations, man.”
“Thank you.” I clapped him on the shoulder then pulled away.
“I didn’t think you had it in you.” He winked at me.
“Oh, I did,” I said with a smirk.
“This is so awesome. I’m going to be an uncle.”
I could tell he was genuinely excited. “I’m very happy. It’s sooner than we planned, but I’m okay with that. When the baby comes, I’ll be taking time off so you’ll have to hold down the fort on your own.”
“Can I do the same when I have mine?”
“What makes you think you’ll ever have any?” I teased.
He scowled at me. “How long?”
“A month. I’ll still work at home, but I want to be with my wife and baby. I know Scarlet is nervous about being a mother.”
“She shouldn’t be,” Mike said. “She’s a natural.”
“She’ll realize that when the baby gets here.”
“Names?” I asked.
“If it’s a boy, she wants to name him Ryan.”
Mike didn’t react for a moment. “They really aren’t going to work it out, are they?”
“It’s been months…I don’t think so.”
“Wow…I can’t believe it.”
“I thought time would bring them back together, but…Ryan won’t change his mind.”
“That’s horrible,” Mike said.
“It breaks my heart.”
Mike sighed. “Well, I’ll be there a little after five. I got some errands.”
“Okay.”
He left my office then I packed my stuff. I couldn’t stop thinking about my wife. She would spend the holiday without her favorite person in the world. I wished I could fix it for her. I understood Ryan’s anger, but my wife didn’t deserve this pain.
I decided to stop by his shop on my way home. I doubt my visit would be beneficial. I’m sure the guy hated me. And he wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say. But I had to try—for Scarlet.
I walked inside and saw it was deserted. The bell rang over the door, and Ryan appeared from the back. When he saw me, he stilled but didn’t speak.
“Merry Christmas Eve,” I said quietly.
He stared at me but didn’t respond.
I approached the counter and looked at him. “I’m sorry about everything. I…it didn’t mean anything.”
“I don’t give a shit, Sean. You didn’t know Janice would be my wife someday. I won’t hold that against you.”
I wasn’t expecting that reaction. The space must have really cooled his head. “Thanks.”
“I’m pissed at Scarlet. She’s the one who betrayed me. Now go.”
Nevermind. “Scarlet is miserable without you. Please work it out with her.”
“No.”
“Ryan, it’s Christmas.”
“I don’t give a shit if it’s the damn rapture. She doesn’t give a shit about me.”
“Yes, she does,” I said firmly. “Let it go, Ryan. She said she was sorry. She cries every day over you. I hate seeing my wife like this.”
Ryan wouldn’t look at me. “Just go before I kick your ass and throw you out.”
“I don’t care what you do to me.”
He finally met my gaze. “Sean, nothing you say will change my mind. Scarlet and I are done. I gave everything for her but she still stabbed me in the back. I trusted her more than anyone, and she lied to me. She fucking lied.”
“She was trying to do the right thing. When you love someone as much as she loves you, you’ll always do the best thing for the other person even if they are pissed at you for it. She didn’t want to hurt your relationship with Janice.”
“I’ve heard this all before, man.”
“Then listen to it. See reason, Ryan.”
“I am. Scarlet is a selfish brat—not in a good way—and she only cares about herself. She only comes to me when she wants something and she manipulates me to get what she wants. I want nothing to do with her.”
“You can’t possibly think that,” I snapped. “She’d take a bullet for you. She’d leave me in a heartbeat if you asked her to. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for you.”
Ryan shook his head. “Just go
.”
“We’re having Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at the house. You should come.”
“I’m good,” he said bitterly.
Knowing this was pointless, I turned and walked out. I stopped on the sidewalk and thought about the pain on Scarlet’s face when I came home. The holiday would be quiet and depressing. She would think about Ryan the entire time. I turned around and walked back inside.
Ryan cursed. “Seriously, just go.”
“Scarlet’s pregnant.”
He flinched then met my look. His eyes brightened slightly. “She is?”
“She’s almost three months. If it’s a boy, we decided to name him Ryan—since his uncle won’t be around.”
Ryan looked down then gripped the counter.
“You know where to find us.” I walked out then got inside my car. I didn’t know if my words would have any affect, but I hoped they would.
Scarlet tried to put on a brave face when everyone came over, but I knew she was depressed. Her weight gain was noticeable despite the baggy clothes she wore. There was no point in hiding it. I was certain everyone suspected it.
“You look radiant,” Mike said when he came over.
“Umm…thanks,” Scarlet said with a laugh.
He hugged her tightly. “Thanks for letting me come over.”
“You’re always welcome, Mike.”
I rolled my eyes because he was making it so damn obvious.
We spent Christmas Eve talking on the couch then sharing dinner at the table. It was quiet and relaxed, but it didn’t feel right. I kept looking at my watch, hoping Ryan would let his anger go and come over. But he didn’t.
When everyone left, Scarlet broke down in tears. “I don’t know if my pregnancy is making me more emotional, but I can’t believe Ryan isn’t here. I can’t do this…”
I pulled her into bed then rubbed her back. “Baby, it will be alright.”
“No, it won’t.” She sobbed. “I can’t live without him. I can’t do it.”
I held her close and whispered words of love in her ear until she calmed down. I felt like a piece of shit husband for not convincing Ryan to come back. I was a failure. Feeling my wife cry in my arms made me cry. She was having my child and it was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, but it was only full of sorrow.