Forgiving Natalie

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  I stared down at the check. The amount was substantial, but would it be enough? If it wasn’t, I’d have to figure out a way to get more money.

  Despite my intense anger, I loved Natalie, and I intended to clear the charges against her. I was also set on getting her the help she needed to conquer her addiction.

  Our lawyer had helped us find a residential rehab facility willing to let Natalie come and go during the legal process. The program wasn’t covered by our insurance, and it wasn’t cheap, but if it worked, it would be worth it.

  My mother walked to the bar cart and poured herself another gin and tonic. “When we realized half the pills from the prescription bottle were missing, we had to call our doctor. She agreed to refill the medication, but she spoke to us like we were the drug addicts. You can’t imagine how humiliating it was. At the time, I suspected it was Natalie, but knowing how you feel about her, I didn’t say anything.”

  “You suspected it was Natalie?” I asked. “Why?”

  My mother shrugged. “It was just a feeling I had.”

  I clenched my jaw. “What kind of drugs do you even have in your bathroom that someone would want to steal?”

  My mother’s hand tightened around her glass. For the past few weeks, both she and my father had been acting odd. I hadn’t thought much of it, but now—

  I glanced at my father and suddenly understood. His weight loss, the missing days of work, and his exhaustion were all signs that my father was sick.

  “What is it?” I demanded.

  My father hesitated, something he never did. “I have cancer, son. That’s why I’ve been pushing you so hard at work. We need to start preparing for you to take over.”

  The room spun. Was I going to lose my father?

  He and I had never been particularly close, but he was my father. Working together these past few months had given us common ground, and I’d come to deeply respect and care for him.

  I squeezed my fist. “Are you going to be okay, Dad?”

  “Of course, he’s going to be okay,” my mother said, sounding completely confident that cancer was no more difficult to overcome than the common cold.

  My dad, however, nodded slowly. “I’m going to do my best to fight it. I know telling you about this right now is a lot, but it’s better you know.”

  I pushed out a slow breath. My life had done a 180 in a matter of days. Not only had I bailed my wife out of jail, learned about her addiction, and hired a criminal lawyer, but now I was being told my father had cancer.

  Tomorrow morning, I would drive Natalie to the residential rehab center where she would stay throughout her legal proceedings. Depending on the outcome of her trial, Natalie would either go to prison or finish her recovery program.

  In the middle of all this, I was scheduled to fly back to Thailand next week. The company was being sued again, so I had to go. There was no way my father could take my place and that wasn’t my mother’s specialty, so it was up to me.

  But how was I supposed to leave when everything was falling apart? How was I supposed to drop Natalie off at rehab and trust she was going to be okay?

  Chapter 26

  Natalie – 2007

  After several weeks of rehab, I felt both physically and emotionally exhausted. Yes, I was sober. Yes, I’d learned about ways to deal with my addiction, but every morning, I awoke with a massive headache. Sometimes the headache made me so nauseated I threw up. Most of the time, I went through the day sick to my stomach.

  At first, I thought I had the flu. Now, I worried I had an ulcer or some other physical illness. Maybe all those drugs had caused permanent damage to the lining of my gut and I’d feel this way forever.

  “You’re not going to feel this way forever,” said Ethan, a friend I’d made in rehab. “Staying clean takes everything you’ve got. This is simply your body’s way of protesting the work. Eventually, it will adjust.”

  “I know you’re right, but I don’t like it.” Ethan and I were sitting on the back porch after praise and worship. All residents at the rehab facility were required to attend daily church services.

  When I first learned about that rule, I dreaded it. Although I believed in God, I’d never enjoyed attending church, and I definitely didn’t want to do that in rehab.

  To my surprise, I actually found the music and message encouraging. It didn’t make me want to run out and join a church anytime soon, but for now, it was a nice break.

  “How was Lilly’s birthday?” I asked, glancing at Ethan.

  “Good. She loved the necklace you made her. I’ll have to show you the picture my wife took of Lilly wearing her necklace in front of her princess cake.” Ethan rubbed a hand over the long scar that traversed his face.

  As the father of three little girls, his addiction had wreaked havoc on his family. It scared me to learn this was his third time in rehab. I planned on being here one time. Then again, I never planned on being here at all.

  One thing Ethan had going for him was no jail time. Once he finished rehab, he’d be free to go home to his family.

  Unfortunately, my circumstances were different. At my trial, I’d been convicted and sentenced to serve six years in prison, an amount my lawyer insisted was absurd.

  “We’re going to appeal,” he said as soon as the judge issued the sentence.

  I stared at the flags in the courtroom, determined not to pass out. Six years! Gage and I hadn’t even been together for six years.

  I’d posted bond the next day, and Gage had driven me back to rehab to wait for the outcome of the appeal. Ever since my arrest, things had been tense between us. I knew Gage didn’t understand why I’d stolen those drugs or how I’d gotten addicted. I barely understood it myself.

  Apologizing only seemed to make things worse, so we rode in silence until Gage took a phone call from one of his newly hired overseas managers. Hearing Gage on the phone laughing as if everything was just fine nearly killed me. Why was he so patient and understanding with everyone else but me?

  When his call ended, he hung up the phone and put on his blinker to exit the highway. “Sorry,” he said, sounding sincere. “I’m trying to get this guy trained so I don’t have to travel so much.”

  My heart softened. I loved Gage and knew he was under a tremendous amount of pressure. The idea of his wife spending six years in jail had to be just as terrifying for him as it was for me.

  In addition, Gage was stressed about so many things—money, the company, his father. Arthur had just finished his first round of chemotherapy. Although it had gone well, he’d been forced to take a huge step back from the day-to-day operation of the company. Much of his former responsibilities now fell on Gage.

  “That’ll be good not to have you gone so much,” I offered, realizing how ridiculous I sounded. What was the point of Gage being here if I was stuck in jail?

  “It’ll be good, but . . .” Gage shook his head. “I think we’re going to have to sell half the company in order to make the payments on the business debt. If that happens, I have no idea how we’ll make a profit this year. And without a profit—”

  He left me to fill in the blank. Without a profit, the company wouldn’t be able to pay Gage a salary.

  How were we going to survive without Gage’s income? I wanted to believe my appeal would be successful and I’d be able to find another job in nursing, but things weren’t looking so good. If I couldn’t find work because of my conviction, what would we do?

  Gage turned onto the gravel road that lead to the rehab facility. The place was designed to look like a rustic resort set in the woods. There were hiking trails, a swimming pool, and a sand volleyball court that nobody used.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  Pushing out a slow breath, Gage pulled into a parking spot near the front entrance. He turned off the engine and stared straight ahead.

  Despite the fact I’d been gone from rehab for several days, Gage and I had barely spoken about anything other than my legal issues. For the sake o
f our marriage, we needed some time away from all of this. I wanted to tell Gage to take us to a hotel or someplace where we could just be together a little longer.

  Before I could figure out how to say that, Ethan came outside and waved at us. I waved back as Gage made a disapproving scoffing sound.

  “I don’t trust that guy,” Gage said.

  “He’s fine.”

  “He’s not fine. He’s an addict. And I can’t stand the way he looks at you.”

  “I’m an addict,” I said.

  Gage looked at me with disdain. “Just stay away from him, Natalie.”

  “He’s the only friend I have here.”

  Gage narrowed his eyes. “Is something going on between you two?”

  “No,” I answered honestly. “I know I’ve lied to you in the past, but I promise I’m telling the truth. Nothing is going on between Ethan and me. We’re friends. That’s all.”

  Gage said nothing. While I couldn’t stand his accusations, I didn’t blame him for not trusting me. I’d destroyed the trust between us, and it was going to take time to earn it back.

  “We really are just friends,” I said, desperate to turn the conversation around and end things on a good note.

  Gage made a scoffing sound just as his phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and picked up without apologizing.

  Anger overcame me. How could he take a call when we were in the middle of an argument?

  I folded my arms across my chest, my fury growing by the second. When his conversation didn’t seem to be winding down after a few minutes, I pushed open the car door and walked into the facility without saying goodbye.

  Gage could come inside and find me if he wanted. Otherwise, he could go back to his own life without me, and I would resume mine.

  Chapter 27

  Gage – 2017

  As soon as the earthquake ended, I tried calling Natalie and Dash, but I couldn’t reach them. I knew after any natural disaster lines often became clogged, so I kept hitting redial as I ran up the hill toward their house.

  Please let them be okay, Lord. Please. Please.

  Shuddering, I vowed to stay positive. The earthquake had been relatively small, and there didn’t seem to be a lot of damage. Still, I couldn’t stop the fear coursing through me.

  When I finally reached Natalie and Dash’s street, I saw that one of the neighbors had positioned his car so his headlights lit up Natalie’s house. I sucked in a sharp breath as I stared at the damage. As far as I could tell, the chimney had collapsed during the earthquake, ripping a hole through the roof and shattering an upstairs window.

  Where were Dash and Natalie? Were they okay? With my heart in my throat, I searched for them.

  “Dad!” Like an answer to prayer, Dash raced toward me with Roxy on the leash.

  My soul flooded with relief to see my son unharmed. Dash flew into my arms, and I held him tight. Being a dad and loving someone with your whole soul was tough.

  Roxy jumped up on me, and I laughed. “Yes, I see you, girl.” Turning back to Dash, I touched his head, neck, back, and arms, reassuring myself he hadn’t been injured.

  Dash squirmed to get away, and I reluctantly released him. “I’m fine, Dad. But, look at our house. The chimney went right through Mom’s bedroom. Her bed is now covered with bricks.”

  “Is she okay?”

  To my relief, Dash nodded. “She was in my room getting her phone. If you hadn’t called, she would’ve gotten crushed by the chimney.”

  “Where is she?”

  “Over there.”

  I followed the direction Dash pointed and spotted Natalie headed our way. My heart lifted and slammed into my chest. She was okay.

  We embraced. “Oh, Gage. You saved my life. Thank you.”

  She felt small and vulnerable, and all I could think about was how easily I could’ve lost her. When we pulled away, my face was wet with my own tears.

  “Are you crying, Dad?” Dash asked, amused.

  Blinking hard, I looked down at my son and laughed. “I am.”

  Dash gave me a huge hug, and I hugged him back. Then, I pulled Natalie into our embrace and said a quiet prayer of gratitude.

  *

  After the electricity came back on, the landlord called a 24-hour restoration company. “They’re on their way,” Mr. Kim said. “I don’t want you going in the house until everything is secured, so I’ll find you a hotel for tonight.”

  I shook my head. “There’s no need to look for a hotel. Natalie and Dash can stay at my place. I have plenty of room, and my building has recently been retrofitted for earthquakes.”

  “What’s retrofitted mean?” Dash asked.

  “It means if there are any aftershocks, you’ll be safe.” To my relief, Dash didn’t ask for the definition of aftershock. Oftentimes, the thought of an aftershock was worse than the actual occurrence.

  “You don’t mind us staying with you?” Natalie asked.

  “No. Dash will feel more comfortable in his own room at my place, and I have a guest room you can stay in.”

  “Can Roxy come, too?” Dash asked, rubbing the dog’s head.

  I nodded. “Of course.”

  Chapter 28

  Natalie – 2017

  It was nearly two in the morning by the time we reached the gym. Gage carried a sleeping Dash up the stairs to the loft while I trailed behind with the dog.

  Inside the apartment, I followed Gage through a modern-looking living room to Dash’s room. A small nightlight lit the bedroom enough to see the full-sized basketball hoop Dash had told me about. Basketball posters covered the walls and several structures built out of LEGO sat on a bookcase filled with Dash’s favorite books.

  Dash had told me about his room at Gage’s place, but seeing it for myself knocked the wind out of me. For the first time, it struck me that my son had this whole other life without me, a life that would continue to grow and change once I left. A life I had no control over and wouldn’t for years.

  Gage tucked Dash into bed. Standing, he called for Roxy. The dog gave the room one last sniff before jumping into bed with Dash. Gage leaned forward and patted the dog’s head. “Good night, Roxy. Sleep tight. Take care of our Dash and don’t worry, okay?”

  The dog thumped her tail and gave a long sigh. Closing her eyes, she drifted off to sleep, snuggled next to her best friend in the world.

  Gage smiled at me. “A boy and his dog. It doesn’t get much better than that, does it?”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  “Come on. I’ll show you to your room.”

  I nodded, kissed Dash goodnight, then followed Gage down the hallway to the second bedroom. Gage opened the door and turned on the light to reveal one of the most beautiful rooms I’d ever seen.

  “This is incredible,” I said, surprised and impressed by the soft lighting, lush comforter, and gorgeous furnishings. “It’s like a luxury hotel suite.”

  Gage grinned. “I’m glad you like it. There are extra towels and blankets in the closet. The bathroom is through that door and connects with Dash’s bedroom. Can you think of anything else you need?”

  For some reason, Gage’s question about needing anything else prompted my eyes to fill with tears. I blinked them away, embarrassed by how emotional I felt. I’d already broken down once in front of the man, I didn’t want to do it again.

  “What is it?” Gage asked.

  I swiped at my eyes. “You saved my life tonight. I’m just so grateful.”

  He shrugged. “It was nothing.”

  “It was everything. If you hadn’t texted me, I might’ve been buried beneath a pile of bricks. And now, you’ve brought me here to rest in this peaceful room. Thank you, Gage.”

  He smiled. “You’re welcome.”

  I bit my bottom lip. “Why’d you call me tonight?”

  He shook his head. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

  “Tell me anyway.”

  He studied me carefully before nodding. “Honestly, Natalie,
it was a God thing.”

  Goosebumps prickled my skin. “A God thing?”

  “Yeah. I was actually sleeping on the couch. Right before the earthquake hit, something woke me and told me to text you.”

  “Something?”

  “God, I guess.” He rocked back on his heels. “No, I’m sure it was God. There’s no other explanation. I just suddenly felt this overwhelming need to talk to you. To hear your voice. I didn’t even know what I was going to say if you picked up the phone.”

  I exhaled. “I just can’t stop thinking about what might have happened if—” Despite my resolve to be strong, my voice broke and tears slid down my face. “One of those bricks could’ve hit me in the head and I could’ve died, Gage.”

  He closed the gap between us and took me in his arms. “Hey, it’s okay. Everything worked out.”

  I tried to keep it together, but the hardness inside me shattered into a thousand pieces. I felt myself losing control as large sobs racked my body.

  “It’s okay.” Gage pressed my head against his chest and kissed the top of my head. “It’s okay, Natalie.”

  Chapter 29

  Gage – 2017

  For the most part, weeping women made me want to run away. As Natalie cried in my arms, however, I wanted nothing more than to stay with her until her pain was gone.

  “I’m sorry,” she said after a while. Wiping her tears, she stepped back. “I’m such a mess tonight.”

  “Nah, you’re fine.” A moment of awkward silence fell between us. “Would you like a cup of tea or something?”

  “No, thank you. I think I better just go to sleep.”

  “Okay.” I knew I needed to leave, but I didn’t want to. Still, it was the right thing to do, so I headed toward the door. “Good night, Natalie.”

  “Good night.”

  Alone in my room, I brushed my teeth, took off my prosthesis, and washed both it, the liner, and my stump. Tomorrow, my number one priority needed to be finding Natalie somewhere else to live. Because of my attraction to her, having her under my roof wasn’t a wise idea.