Kenny (Shifter Football League Book 2)

by Becca Fanning

  “Why? You said you’re single.”

  “And I am.”

  “Is it the nurse thing? Because we can wait until I’m not your patient. Can’t really go on a proper date while I’m here anyway, can we?”

  “It’s not just that.” She reached up to scratch the back of her neck. “I, umm… Well, I dated a shifter once. It didn’t go very well.”

  “You’re saying no because I’m a shifter?” He felt his words hardening along with his heart. After all this, she was prejudice against shifters? “You judgmental bitch.”

  She took a step back. “Hey. Enough of that. I have nothing against shifters.” She spoke harshly, and she looked like she was getting angry. “I can’t go into detail. It just didn’t work.”

  Kenny set his jaw. “Get out.”

  She left abruptly, closing his door behind her. The rage tore through his chest, burning everything happy and peaceful in its wake. He thought he’d done good. He thought he’d impressed her. She’d told him all that crap that had happened to her, and that was supposed to mean something. She’d bared her soul, and you didn’t just do that with anyone. She had given him all the right signs. She liked him and had feelings for him. The next step was, they went out, then they fell in love. He’d tried not to think about the fact that she couldn’t have kids. It bothered him, and he didn’t want to admit it. They could adopt or something. He didn’t have all those details worked out, but he knew she was the one.

  She’d stuck by him, she’d been there for him, she’d helped him. She had to be the one. No one had ever shown him so much care. She could take care of him for the rest of his life. But she had to say yes to going on a date. And she’d said no.

  It didn’t make any sense. He had done everything right. Everything he should have. She should have said yes. But he’d been wrong again. He’d been turned down again. His face burned with embarrassment. How dare she do this to him when he was already so vulnerable. Wasn’t pity a real thing anymore? He’d take a pity date. Because then at least he could show her a good time and win her over. He just needed that one chance. Then he could prove he was a good guy and would be a good boyfriend and eventually husband.

  If she didn’t give him this chance, what was the point? Why keep pushing through, torturing himself if she didn’t care? Had it all been lies? Was she stringing him along, making him think she liked him? Did she just play games? He was so pissed, he punched the bed. Then he punched it again and again, letting out a growl as he did.

  He’d show her. He’d find a way.

  Chapter 8

  Audrey couldn’t keep her mind on her work the rest of the night. She kept replaying the scene over and over.

  “Go out with me. On a date. I bet we could make a great team for the rest of our lives.”

  She heard his words in her mind. Each time, a fresh pinch of pain came with them. Why had she done it? Why had she said no?

  When he asked, her heart leapt for joy. She liked him, and was so thrilled to see him making improvements and healing and doing the hard work. And she was even more thrilled that she’d been able to help him get there.

  She hadn’t been lying, either, when she’d said that he had helped her, too. Very few people knew her story. Three, in fact. Her mother, her therapist, and herself. Well, and now Kenny. So four. It had been the first time in a very long time that she’d had to say the words out loud. It had been terrifying, but she felt safe with him. Felt safe telling him. And even her nightmares that night hadn’t been as bad as normal.

  She’d even been hoping he would ask her out. And then he had. And in her excitement, as she was ready to say, “Yes, it’s about time you asked,” she heard herself saying no.

  And now she kept seeing the hurt in his eyes, and the anger. His wrong assumptions. And she wondered if it would set him back. She hoped he’d become stronger, but he was still so vulnerable. The worst thing she could have done was reject him like on top of everything he’d gone through. She could have had dinner with him, even if she didn’t like him. Take pity on him and have a nice night out.

  But she did like him. And she fully agreed that they’d make a good team. For the rest of their lives? Maybe. But at least for right now.

  So why had she turned him down? And worst of all, why in the world had she lied about it? Because he was a shifter? She almost gawked at herself as she said it. Because he was a shifter, she wouldn’t go out with him. Right. Of all the excuses and lies she could have told, that was the most absurd.

  When she got home that night, she stripped out of her scrubs and stretched naked in the mirror. She looked despicable to herself today. Unworthy of love or attention. She’d done a cruel thing. And there was only one thing that might make her feel better.

  She bent over, landing on all fours on her bedroom carpet. The familiar ripple of her bones moving in her body washed over her and the chills ran across her skin as the fur popped out in its orange and white stripes. She stretched her paws until her claws extended, sending her back in the air in a proper torso stretch. She let out a deep growl and pushed her French doors open with her nose.

  She dove through the doors, barely letting her paws touch the slab of cement outside her door, and ran as fast as she could into the woods behind her house.

  She went on a long run, letting the day’s horribleness fade away from her, staying alert of her surroundings. She should have just told him the truth—she was afraid to date him because she liked him and she feared it might get serious.

  This was why she kept people at a distance and didn’t have real relationships. Real relationships involved trust and love, and eventually, they involved sex. In all the years that had passed, she’d never been able to bring herself to the point where she could do it again.

  That one horrible experience, her first and only time, she worried had scarred her for life. Anytime a date got close enough to kiss her, she started to wiggle inside. She’d always told them she wanted to take things slow. Usually, she claimed to be a Christian saving herself for marriage. It was a much easier explanation and it wasn’t entirely untrue.

  But anytime the physical went beyond casual kissing, she freaked out. Her stomach turned, she broke into a sweat, and she bolted. And though she liked Kenny, she also knew he could be pushy and he was strong. Her tiger form couldn’t compare to his bear form. So maybe him being a shifter wasn’t a complete lie. Well, it wasn’t simply because he was a shifter. Obviously she didn’t have a problem with shifters since she was one herself. But being Kenny and being a shifter, made her hesitant. Because she would want to make him happy. She would want to have sex with him. And she wouldn’t be able to.

  The trees whipped by her head as she pushed herself harder. She had to be careful, too. But for other reasons. The world knew about bear shifters. But they didn’t know about tiger shifters. And she was strictly bound by the tiger shifter world to keep that an absolute secret. She could probably get permission to tell him since he was a shifter, if she was in a serious relationship with him. But could she really make herself that vulnerable?

  She had almost told someone once. Almost. And in the next moment, she’d found herself being pushed down, being climbed on top of, and being forced into something she couldn’t handle. The physical pain had been great, but the emotional pain so much greater. All she kept thinking as he kept screwing her was, at least I didn’t tell him. At least I didn’t tell him.

  When her muscles felt spent and she’d gone somewhat numb in her soul, she made her way back to her house and walked to her front door, wiping her paws on her mat before going inside and shifting back. She took a long hot shower, crying a little for the first time in months, then sat on her couch with a bottle of wine and picked up her phone. There was one person she could always talk to about shifter stuff.

  Kara may not know all her secrets and her history, but she was a shifter, too. And she was the leader of her tiger pack. She was also her closest friend. She would know what to do. She dialed and re
lief washed over her when Kara answered.

  “Rawr,” Kara said in her typical pack greeting.

  “Rawr.”

  “Uh oh.” Kara was so good at picking up on any hint that something was wrong. “Tell me everything.”

  “Do you have an hour?”

  “I’ve got two. Spill.”

  Audrey had already told her a little about Kenny, but not everything. “My way famous football player patient?”

  “The jerk?”

  “Yeah. Not so much a jerk. We’ve been spending more time together, talking and getting to know each other.”

  “Uh huh…”

  “Well…” Audrey scrunched up her face. She didn’t want to say it. It was too horrible, what she’d done.

  “Wait a second. You didn’t tell him, did you?”

  “No! Are you nuts? Of course not. I did tell him plenty of other personal things, though. Including my horrible history with men and relationships. I maybe told him too much about me.”

  “Why?”

  “He asked me out.”

  Kara squealed into the phone. “That’s great! Isn’t it?”

  “No, maybe, I don’t know. I like him, but that terrifies me.”

  “Right, because you have abandonment issues from your dad leaving and too many guys breaking your heart.”

  “Right. That’s the problem. I really like him. I think it could go somewhere serious and he’s hinted at that, too.”

  “Sounds like it’s time to put on some big girl panties and do the brave thing,” Kara said. “Want to borrow mine? They’re lacy.”

  Audrey chuckled. “No. The thing is, I turned him down.”

  “Umm. I’m lost. We super like this guy. Let’s ignore for right now the fact that he’s hot and famous and rich, because hello! You like him. He asked you out. And you said no. Why?”

  “I freaked out! I was excited that he asked, then I just said no. But it gets worse.” She groaned. “He wanted a reason, of course. So I told him…” She squeezed her eyes shut and blurted, “I told him I couldn’t because he was a shifter.”

  There was a pause, and then Kara burst into laughter. “Really?”

  “Yes,” she groaned. “I’m horrible. What a stupid thing to say!”

  “Well, not really. I mean, in the wild, tigers and bears don’t get along. I don’t think it’s as ridiculous as you think it is.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. That’s like a single mom refusing to date a man with kids. It complicates things. Just because you’re a shifter doesn’t mean you’d automatically be okay dating another shifter, especially one of another species, I mean, hello, right? I think I know of one tiger/bear couple in history. It’s not a way common thing.”

  “Really?” Audrey breathed out a heavy sigh of relief.

  “Problem is,” Kara continued, “that’s not the reason you turned him down. Your fake reason is better than your real reason. Your real reason is crap.”

  Audrey tipped back the wine bottle and let the last drops flow into her mouth. “What should I do?”

  “Duh. Go out with him.”

  “What if he hurts me?”

  “Then he hurts you and you’ll recover. Like you have a million other times. And if he hurts you real bad, I’ll sneak into his house at night and claw up his house for you.”

  Audrey chuckled. “I might hold you to that.”

  “Really, Aud. I know you’re scared, and that’s normal. But you’ve told me you don’t want to be alone forever, even if you’re content with being single right now. I know you want a husband and family someday. You’ll never get there if you don’t start trying.”

  “I know.” At least she wouldn’t have to worry about having half tiger, half bear babies with him if they get did married. Maybe they’d end up with human kids if they adopted. What was she even thinking? She couldn’t bring herself to go on one date and now she was picturing their kids?

  “You’ve already started to let him in. Keep going. So far, he hasn’t left you, he’s only wanted to get closer. You’re the one running right now, not him.”

  She nodded to herself. “Right, you’re right. If I haven’t already messed it up.”

  “If you have, then you’ll have learned a valuable lesson that taking chances is important.”

  “How did you get to be so wise?”

  “They don’t call me alpha for nothing, kid.”

  Audrey chuckled. “I can do this, right? I can go out with him and let him in and not freak out?”

  “You can. I have the utmost faith in you.”

  “Thank you, Kara.”

  “Anytime, Tiger. Go get him.”

  She hung up with renewed confidence and a fresh buzz. Okay. She could do this. She could say yes. She could go out with him. He already knew her issues. So when she explained that she couldn’t have sex with him, he’d get it. And probably better than anyone ever had.

  She put a plan together in her mind and went to bed looking forward to seeing him the next day.

  Before work, she gathered things in a pile on her kitchen counter. The carton of eggs, a package of bagels, a few slices of cheese, the spices she would need, two apples, two oranges, some napkins and plates. She hopped down to her basement to find a basket, then returned to the kitchen to get to work.

  First, the eggs. She whisked them together with the spices and cooked them in her tiniest pan so that they would fit on the bagels. After toasting the bagels, adding a bit of mayo, and sliding on the cheese, she wrapped each sandwich in foil. She’d made four total. She likely would only eat one, but she thought Kenny would eat at least two. One extra in case she was hungrier than she thought, or in case he was.

  She put the sandwiches into the basket with the apples, oranges, and napkins and plates. She laid a pretty hand towel over the top of the basket and grabbed her purse before headed out to the car. On her way to the hospital, she stopped for fresh coffees.

  At least what she was about to do didn’t really count as a date. Well, sort of. But not really, she kept telling herself. They weren’t going anywhere, she was wearing her scrubs since she would have to work after, and he couldn’t even make any sort of move if he wanted to since he was still spending most of his time in bed or a chair. This was much safer, much less stressful, but still half counted. Whatever this was that she was about to do, she hoped it would make things better between them. That he would be less hurt, would understand her hesitation, and would appreciate her gesture.

  Audrey felt fine until the elevator doors opened and she walked out onto her floor. Another nurse, Sandra, saw her and raised her eyebrows.

  “You bring me coffee?” Sandra asked.

  Audrey shifted her weight and the basket over her arm felt ten times heavier. “Uhh, not exactly.” Was her face showing her nervousness? She had to be bright red.

  Sandra narrowed her eyes. “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing. Just having a meal with someone.” She swallowed hard.

  Sandra gasped. “You have a date! You’re all red faced and terrified. Who is it? The cardio doctor? That cute nurse in the ER?”

  “No…” Audrey looked away. “No one you know.” She started to walk away, but Sandra called after her.

  “I want details!”

  Suddenly, what she was about to do felt immensely harder. Someone knew. Would be expecting some sort of report of how this went. Sandra had called it a date.

  For a minute, Audrey considered putting the basket down at the nurse’s station and forgetting all about it. She could give the coffee and food away to her fellow nurses. But then she pictured Kenny and remembered what Kara had said. It was time to take a chance, to move forward. She liked Kenny and he liked her. There was no reason not to do this. And besides, it was only breakfast. She could leave the food for him if it got weird.