Making a Play

by Abbi Glines

  I grinned then. He knew as well as I did it didn’t work that way. “When I looked at her the first time, it was like . . . everything made sense.”

  Nash rolled his eyes. “Great. Now you’re a fucking romantic. That’s just perfect.”

  I wasn’t trying to be romantic. I was explaining it the best way I could. Aurora was worth whatever obstacles I had to jump through. For now, I was just asking for friendship. I wanted a reason to be near her. To talk to her. It wasn’t like I’d asked her on a date.

  “Some things are worth the wait and work.”

  Nash shook his head. “This is more than that. You’re ignoring the fact Hunter was too smart to verbalize.”

  There it was again. The silent warning. The one I wanted to believe was misunderstood. I knew it wasn’t uncommon around here. Nash’s mom had dealt with the same thing when she started dating my uncle. I’d heard the stories. You’d think people would have moved on from the color of someone’s skin, but not in Alabama and definitely not in Lawton.

  “I think you’re wrong about that,” I told Nash. I wanted him to be wrong was what I should have said.

  He looked a little angry as he stared down the now almost empty hallway. “I’m not.”

  “There y’all are.” Tallulah’s voice stopped me from responding to Nash. We both turned our heads to see Tallulah and Aurora making their way toward us. They had come from the cafeteria.

  “I didn’t see y’all go inside,” Nash said, stepping toward her to put his arm around her shoulders.

  “We got there before the crowd.” Tallulah said the words but also signed. I had seen her sign before to Aurora in the hallway. I was jealous that she could communicate with her like that. That class we had in sixth grade where we learned to use basic sign language no longer seemed like a joke to me. I wished I’d paid attention. All I could remember was my name, or most of it. I wasn’t sure if I knew the letter K anymore.

  Aurora finally met my gaze, and she smiled. That made the annoyance with my thoughts fade, and I fought off the urge to walk over and touch her. The way Nash so comfortably touched Tallulah. I envied him that.

  “Have you eaten?” I asked her.

  She watched my lips closely, then nodded.

  “We were in line first. We ate while waiting on the two of you. What have you been doing?” Tallulah used sign as she said all this. Aurora watched her, then turned her eyes back to me.

  I felt Nash’s gaze on me. He wasn’t sure how to respond and was waiting on me. I didn’t want to keep things from Aurora. If I intended to earn her trust and convince her Denver wasn’t the guy for her, I had to start now, telling her the truth.

  “Hunter wanted to talk to me,” I said the words looking at her, and made sure she could see my lips clearly.

  Her eyes widened in concern and a touch of anger as she lifted them to look at me. I’m sorry. She said the words silently; then, without warning, she turned and walked quickly away.

  I started to go after her, but Tallulah grabbed my arm. “Don’t. This is a fight between her and her brother. Let her deal with it.”

  I didn’t want to listen to Tallulah. I wanted to have more time with Aurora. But I knew Tallulah’s advice was probably better than my reaction. Besides, Hunter would only get more agitated if I showed up.

  “She likes you.” The way that Tallulah said it, it was clear she was worried about that. Tallulah had been hurt once by my words. I had been callous with Tallulah’s feelings all my life. She’d only heard me once. I knew I had said many things over the years about her weight to others. Many times Nash had heard me and scowled at me. Even corrected me. I felt guilt when I thought about not only Tallulah but the others at whose expense I’d gotten a laugh. Getting to know Tallulah was like having a bucket of cold water dumped over me this year. She’d finally been the one to teach me how painful words could be and that they could be forgiven but not forgotten. I was different now. I didn’t make fun of others. I wasn’t out there trying to be their best friend, but I tried to consider them more often. Tallulah had seen me change. At least I thought she had, but she still was worried about Aurora’s interest in me.

  “She also knows Nash’s name now,” Tallulah added with a lighter tone. “Until I signed it to her during lunch when talking about y’all, she had thought it was Naz. I kinda like Naz.”

  I glanced over at Tallulah smirking at Nash, who just chuckled. “I’m not a fan personally,” he was teasing her, and at that moment they were in their own little world.

  It Had Been the Last Time I Ordered a Chocolate Milkshake

  CHAPTER 12

  AURORA

  I was surprised to see my dad waiting on me after school. Yesterday Hunter had taken me home, but he’d had to leave football practice to do it. Dad hadn’t been happy about that when the coach had called last night to discuss Hunter’s leaving early.

  Ella was supposed to pick me up after school from now on. I’d walked outside looking for her red convertible BMW to find my dad in his silver Navigator instead. Not having to see Hunter until this evening was a relief. It was weird to be so angry with my brother. I didn’t like this feeling, but it was his fault.

  I opened the passenger-side door and climbed inside. Then turned to Dad to sign, “This is a surprise.”

  He grinned and leaned over to kiss my temple. “A good one, I hope,” he replied, signing.

  I nodded, returning his smile.

  He followed the line of cars out of the pickup area while I buckled my seat belt. I was old enough to drive, but until now I hadn’t wanted to. It scared me. I knew being deaf didn’t mean I couldn’t drive a car. It was simply fear of it that had kept me from even learning. Dad had asked me about it on Sunday. I’d told him that I didn’t want to. However, as I watched others walk out to their cars and climb inside, I wondered if I was making it into something much harder than it was.

  Dad didn’t turn in the direction of home when he left the parking lot. Instead he went toward town. I glanced at him, and he shot me a wink. I couldn’t ask him where we were going while he was driving because I wouldn’t be able to read his lips while he looked straight ahead. I leaned back and watched instead. I hoped we weren’t going to the gym to see Ella. I liked her, but she was nervous around me. It was an adjustment for all of us.

  When he pulled into Sonic and parked at one of the ordering spots, he turned to me. “What do you want?”

  I remembered him bringing us here four years ago. The last time he had brought us to a Sonic after school was to tell us he and mom were getting a divorce. I’d cried. Not a memory I wanted to think about it.

  It had been the last time I ordered a chocolate milkshake.

  “Are we here because you’re going to tell me bad news?” I asked, not feeling very hungry.

  He frowned a moment; then I saw when he, too, remembered the last time we’d had an after-school Sonic milkshake together. The apologetic look in his eyes was easy enough to read. I hadn’t wanted to make him feel bad.

  I wasn’t going to be able to order anything until I knew why we were here. “Why did you bring me here, then?”

  He inhaled deeply then exhaled, as if he needed a moment to think about what he was going to say. I waited, getting more nervous by the second. All kinds of things ran through my head.

  “I want to talk to you about the cochlear implant. I know you are against it, but I think it’s time to have you evaluated again—”

  I cut him off. “No,” I said, using my voice. The way his eyes widened, I must have used it loudly. I didn’t want to talk about that. I had been to the meetings with doctors. I’d heard the good and the bad. In my former school I had seen both success and failure with the procedure among other students there. I was not willing to try. It terrified me. I’d told my mother as much after talking to the doctors about it. She’d let it go. Let me make my own decision.

  “Honey,” he began, and I shook my head no. It made me angry. I could see in his eyes he thought he kne
w what was best for me. He’d left me four years ago. He didn’t know me that well anymore. Yet he thought he knew what I needed. He had always controlled and molded Hunter into the football player he wanted him to be. Hunter let him. I wasn’t Hunter. No one was going to control me. No one was going to make me what they wanted me to be.

  “Don’t. You weren’t at the meetings. You don’t know what they all told me.” I wasn’t an ideal candidate for an implant. They had reluctantly told Mom and me that. Then they’d told me what the best results I could expect were and the very possible side effects that could come with it. There was too much against me. I wasn’t going through all that. The idea had sounded good at first, but then I began thinking of the negative side effects and the fear of my world completely changing. I was happy the way I was. I didn’t want to try and change it.

  “You would have a normal life. One that you don’t even know you’re missing,” he began again. He was giving me the look he gave Hunter when telling him how to live his life. I knew it well. Fear gripped me. I didn’t want to be pushed or forced into this. I’d researched it. I wanted no part of it.

  “I said NO!” I was more than likely yelling. The force behind my panic that he could actually make me do this came through strong.

  Dad sat there a moment in silence. His jaw clenched. I waited for him to say more, when all I wanted to do was get away from him. The controlling way he led others in his life had never touched me. I’d witnessed it though. My mother had been kept under his thumb most of my life. It surprised me that Ella got away with what she did, and I wondered how long that would last until he started controlling her, too. While I sat there, getting worked up about all of this, I saw his shoulders relax, and then finally he sighed. “Okay,” he said, looking at me. It wasn’t going to be this easy. I knew that. He was just done arguing for now. That didn’t make me feel better. It was my body. Not his. Did he want another perfect child like Hunter? Was that it? I was living with him now, and working around my being deaf was too hard on him?

  The longer I stared at the menu the angrier I got. Jerking open the passenger-side door, I jumped down out of the Navigator. I didn’t glance back at him. It was the same as ignoring him. He couldn’t say anything to me if I wasn’t looking at him. And I called that a blessing. At least in times like these.

  I did glance both ways to check for any moving vehicles before storming off across the parking lot. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I needed distance. I didn’t want to be in the car with him. I didn’t want to be in his house, either. If he couldn’t accept me the way I was, then I wanted to leave. If only I had somewhere to go. My old home was no longer. My mother wasn’t offering to take me in. This was all I had.

  I had to turn sideways to slip between two cars parked too closely together, then made it to the grassy patch on the other side. If I followed the road, it would lead back to the school. I could go there and wait until Hunter was done with practice. Then I’d have to explain all this, and I wasn’t in the mood. I was more concerned with what he was going to say to Ryker.

  Home was a couple of miles farther away. Walking that far wasn’t appealing, but better than getting back in my dad’s car.

  Speaking of my dad’s car, it was slowing to a stop beside me. I wanted to glare at it. At him. But I kept walking. Realizing it was very unlikely he was going to let me walk down the side of the road. Mom would have. She’d have been mad at me for getting out of the car during a conversation. Dad wasn’t like Mom. He was overprotective. I’d forgotten about that.

  He was also probably calling my name, as if that would do any good. At that thought I felt a little sorry for him. This was new for him. He was adjusting just like I was. I paused. Sighed. Then turned to him.

  “Get in the car” was very clearly read on his lips.

  He looked frustrated, even a little angry.

  Well so was I.

  Regardless, he was just going to follow me until I got into his car. I stood there, making him wait just a bit longer. Which was possibly selfish, but I wanted to punish him somehow. For hurting me. For making me feel less than.

  I wanted to punish him for making me miss my old life. The one where I fit in. The one where I never felt broken. The one I was secure in.

  It was also the one where I’d never felt the way Ryker made me feel. All giddy and excited. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to the way it was before. I liked the excitement. And I liked Ryker. My dad may think he was going to change me, control me, tell me how to live my life now that I lived under his roof. Because of Dad’s influence, Hunter might even stop Ryker from talking to me. But I would do all I could to keep that last part from happening. I wasn’t Hunter. I didn’t care about pleasing my dad. His approval was not needed. He’d done nothing to deserve that. He hadn’t earned it. Not with me. He had taken Hunter when he left North Carolina and never once asked me to go too.

  I’m Black; Say It

  CHAPTER 13

  RYKER

  If there had been a play where Hunter could tackle me, then he’d have taken the opportunity. He’d have gotten hurt. Pretty boy was meant to throw the ball, not give a hit. But the way he glared at me during practice hadn’t gone unnoticed by anyone on the team. I took it. I didn’t toss back a challenge, which was completely against my nature. This was all too important. Aurora was too important. I had to prove I wasn’t a dick to Hunter and completely serious about getting to know her. He was my only obstacle. I had hoped our earlier talk had eased his mind some. I could see his cracking in practice for the first time, and showing emotion meant he’d had time to think it over today, and he was still against me.

  Once practice was over, he stalked off to the locker room instead of getting in my face with a threat, like I had been mentally preparing myself for. I’d worked out what to say and how to handle it. Instead I was left to follow him to the locker room. Where he continued to ignore me. I listened as the others carried on as always. The difference was that I wasn’t joining in on the noise, and neither was Hunter. We were silent. I was waiting, and he was . . . Hell, I didn’t know what he was doing.

  “You’re absolutely sure you like her enough to do this?” Nash asked me. He seemed annoyed. I didn’t care. He’d annoyed me enough the past six months. He was due some in return.

  “Yes,” I said through gritted teeth. I’d already told him as much.

  He sighed. “Then get the shit handled. Fast.”

  Hunter had struggled during practice today. His head had been elsewhere, and it was obvious. It confused the coach. He was the only one who didn’t know what was wrong with our superstar. This wasn’t my fault. He was the one who needed to let me talk. Give me a fucking chance.

  Hunter looked my way then as he tossed his duffel over his shoulder. Then, before he left the room, he nodded his head toward the door as if to tell me to follow him. “Looks like it’s time,” I told Nash, then grabbed my bag and went to talk to Hunter.

  “Do I need to come?” Nash asked. Which translated to “Are you going to hurt our quarterback?”

  “It’s fine. I swear,” I assured him.

  “It better be,” he warned.

  I glanced down at my phone before I stuck it in my pocket and paused when I saw a text from Aurora. Reading something from her would be what I needed to keep me levelheaded while dealing with Hunter again.

  Would you come get me?

  Not what I’d been expecting. Which meant something was wrong. For her to ask me that, she wasn’t okay. She’d not asked Hunter. Concern grew as my imagination took over, and I almost missed Hunter standing in a neutral area between our two vehicles.

  “You can’t be friends with my sister. I know you say that’s what you want, but it can’t happen. There’s a play here. You want more than that. I know how she looks. Guys always look at her,” he said, his voice even and calm.

  “There is no game, and yes, eventually I’d like more. I like Aurora. I’ve never liked a girl the way I do her. I respe
ct her. I like talking to her—”

  “She can’t hear,” he said, interrupting me.

  I was aware he was her brother, but the way he said that—as if it meant that what I had said didn’t make sense—pissed me off. “I don’t see how that has anything to do with it,” I shot back at him.

  I could see the flash of guilt in his eyes. He realized what he had said. I hoped he had never said anything like that to her. “I meant that there can’t be much talking to her. She only uses her voice with me. Sometimes Dad.”

  “She reads lips. She texts. And Tallulah can teach me to sign.”

  He opened his mouth and closed it. Then stared at me as if he wasn’t sure what to say. I stood there and let him think about it. At least he wasn’t yelling or cursing at me. This was much calmer than expected. Several guys had walked by at a distance, going to their cars. They were all trying not to act as if they were looking our way, but they were.

  “You’re willing to learn to sign? Do you have any idea how difficult it is?”

  “If it means I can communicate easier with Aurora, then yes.”

  “You barely know her.”

  “I know I want to have a chance to get to know her better. She’s worth it.”

  He ran a hand through his hair and sighed with frustration. This wasn’t what he’d wanted me to say. It was obvious he was trying to get me to back away. “I have no problem with you, Ryker. I like you. But Aurora . . . she’s . . .” He paused. “My dad will never be okay with her dating you.”

  The last part he said in a rush, as if saying it was the last thing he wanted to do. It was similar to his parting comment earlier today. Making it even more clear what he wanted to say but was afraid to.

  “He doesn’t know me,” I replied. I could lie to myself and pretend I didn’t know what he was trying to say. It wasn’t that I was clueless. I just wanted Hunter to say it. Admit it.

  He didn’t, though. He stood there staring off over my left shoulder, scowling. I couldn’t be sure if the scowl was for me or his dad or the fact I wasn’t “picking up on it.” After the seconds passed in silence, I finally decided to get to the point.