Jane's Surrender (Hard World Tour)
Page 20
Scooping him up, I scratched behind his ear while hugging him close to my chest. “Come on, my friend. Let’s snuggle on the couch.”
He barked, and then proceeded to lick my face and, for the first time in almost forever, I laughed lightheartedly.
Drake
“I’m happy,” Bella said, and I could have predicted it would come soon. I saw the signs earlier in the week.
Her constant guilty look after she laughed, the way she studied couples and families on the street, how often she swiped through pictures on her phone, her neediness in Ryan’s presence.
I grabbed the tissues nearby and put them in front of her on the table, and without looking at me, she took one and blew her nose into it.
We were in the bus, in the living room area. Ryan was out, giving us privacy for this. Our session had just started, but she was on the verge of hysterics the minute she entered.
“I mean I’m not crying because I’m happy. I’m happy that I’m happy. See? I don’t even make sense,” she sobbed again, but unfortunately, she made sense to me.
“Does happiness go hand in hand with guilt?”
She stilled, and then looked down. Some tears fell onto her hands in little drops and she wiped them away with the tissue. “Yes.” She was silent, and I didn't push her. I could have told her everything, but it wasn't my journey to make. I’d worked with her for a long time and she had come a long way from that depressed, addicted girl she was several months ago, and I was proud of the progress she had made.
Because it was her battle, I was just supporting her on her journey.
“Sometimes I wish for him to be here. I think Nick would have liked it, and he would have loved my relationship with Ryan. And when I talk with Megan, and she says something funny about Mathew.”
Mathew was Megan and Nick’s son, who she had seven months after Nick’s accident.
She was raising him alone with the help of her parents back in their hometown, Swan Lake.
“That’s understandable. You miss your brother and wish for him to see and experience all those moments. Nothing is wrong with that, Bella.” She shook her head and raised her fear-filled eyes.
“But what if it leads to the same result? I don’t want a repetition of the last time.”
“No one can give you a guarantee. Everything is in your hands.”
She smiled mockingly. “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.”
“But that’s the only answer I can give you. You are stronger due to the experiences you’ve had. You’re stronger emotionally, and the fact you’re afraid makes me believe you won’t go back.” She tried to smile but failed. “You miss your brother, Bella. Not the drugs. Have you had the desire to use at any time during the last several months?”
She shook her head. “No, I get sad because of Nick, but it’s not like I need to take anything. The thought alone makes me shiver, and not in a good way.”
“That’s your answer. It’s okay to feel pain and wish for him to be here, especially because so much happens around you. It doesn't mean you are weak or that you will go back to how things were after his death.” She stood up and started walking around the room.
“Well, talking with you has calmed me down a bit. I mean the drugs were one of the darkest periods of my life, even though it lasted only a few months. I don’t want them. Ryan is enough drug for me.” The thought of my brother made her smile. “He wouldn’t let me.” Then she looked at me. “Can we finish early today? For some reason, I want to be with him right now.” Of course, she craved to be with someone she loved. To make sure she was secure.
I nodded and made some notes on my pad. “Let’s meet in two days. I want you to do something, though.”
She frowned. “What?”
“Start a journal. Anytime there is something you would have liked to share with Nick, write it down.”
“It’ll be a long journal.”
“Maybe, but do it anyway.”
She nodded once again, gave me a hug, and was about to run from the bus when she stopped by the door and half turned to me. “I’m happy for you and Jane.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
She regarded me for a second. “You really love her?”
The perks of working with family, they tried to have the same session with you.
“Yeah.”
“Ryan told me about that trait you have in your family, about knowing when you’ve found the one. I wasn't about to say anything, but—” She thought for a second and then took a deep breath. “She is a sweetheart, and I think it’s her journey to figure you guys out. But if you really love her, don’t let her go without a fight or explanations. She sometimes does stupid things thinking it’s for the greater good. Don’t let her.”
With those words, she left the bus, and I sat down heavily on the couch and sat back, trying to relax.
My phone beeped beside me and I checked it out.
Well, fuck. I craved spending more time with her after going two years without, and I didn't mean just sex, but it was too much pressure for her. I would deal.
Baby steps.
The phone beeped again.
Her words made me grin. It was always good to know I could distract my woman with texts alone.
Deciding to take a nap to regain some strength, I closed my eyes and imagined all sorts of things I would do to my wife once I got my hands on her.
Life was good.
Ariel
The room was quiet and dark. I stared at the ceiling, but I didn't see the damn thing. The only noise was made by the AC running rather loudly, but it provided some fresh air, and it calmed my heated body.
My head was spinning. My stomach was gurgling and making strange noises, and the idea of food was making me sick. I regretted eating that sandwich at lunch too. The girls were relaxing before the concert, but I just couldn't shut down my mind.
It was the first concert after I found out I was pregnant. Was I supposed to be more careful with the baby inside me? I wasn't crazy on stage or anything, usually minded my business in a corner, but it was a lot of exercise, and I wondered if it was healthy for the baby.
I relied on the internet and some books, and according to them, everything was supposed to be fine, plus the doctor assured me as well.
My hand rested on my abdomen, and warmth spread through me.
A baby.
I still couldn't believe it.
It seemed like a dream come true that I never expected to have.
Not after the last time, at least.
“I will love you, baby. Just be safe.” My whisper was barely heard in the room, but I hoped the little one inside me heard. “Mama already loves you.”
My phone rang, and without looking at the display, I picked it up.
“Yes.”
“Ariel.”
Everything inside me stilled for a second, and then my heart started to beat faster. This voice. It always created chaos inside me, and I hated that after everything he had done, he still had the same effect on me.
�
��Diego.” His name still sent shivers down my spine, still reminded me of the stupid girl I used to be.
“You never answered any of my calls.”
“I think I said it all the last time.” In a sheer moment of stupidity, when he called me several months ago and everything around us was falling apart, I accepted his invitation to have one date. Part of me was curious to see what he had to say, and the other just wanted the satisfaction of seeing him again to let him know I had become a star and was no longer the hopeless little girl who he met all those years ago.
He was as handsome as ever: tall, muscled, dark eyes with long lashes, tanned skin, and shaggy dark hair I used to run my fingers through.
And his smile.
That damn beautiful smile of his that used to melt me.
His voice could seduce anyone, and his eyes had a way of looking at a woman and making her wonder about seduction and temptation.
“I want another chance.” His voice was harsh, insistent, demanding.
Funny.
“I don’t.”
“We had something, baby, something that never goes away.”
“Interesting you say that, because it was you who left me, married someone else, and then fathered a child with that woman. Yet when it was me who was pregnant, you told me to get rid of it.” It was hard to hide the bitterness in my tone, and I honestly didn't even try. What he did all those years ago hurt, made me stop believing in love and the fantasy of happily ever after.
Yet here he was now, wanting me to be his again.
It was impossible.
How could he not see that?
“I had my reasons,” he said tiredly, and I could imagine how he pinched his nose in frustration. “What I did was wrong. I overreacted, you left, and the rest you know. I shouldn't have gotten married, but I can’t tell you I regret that. If it wasn't for my marriage, I wouldn't have had my son.” I heard affection in his voice, warmth every time the subject of his five-year-old came up. There was a painful stab in my heart, because the baby I lost, our baby, would have been the same age.
I sometimes imagined what my life would have been like, but it was pointless to wonder, so I would quickly force those thoughts to disappear.
Unless something or someone was bringing them up.
Like he did now.
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Give me a chance to prove this could work between us. To apologize and grovel for what I did, for what happened to us. Remember how good it was between us, baby? You, me, and the yacht. How many firsts I took from you, and how in love we used to be.”
My eyes closed and his words brought back those memories. When I used to be so happy and in love, where I discovered what it was like to have sex for the first time, and how he taught me to enjoy my body and its reactions.
How to pleasure a man.
Sometimes I missed the girl I used to be, carefree and naïve, who looked at the world through rose-colored glasses.
“I can’t, Diego.” My voice broke, but the tears didn’t come. His apologies, his groveling…they came too late.
“Give me a chance,” he whispered.
“Don’t you get it? The girl you so desperately want to win back no longer exists. I’m not that eighteen-year-old naive girl. She is gone and she is not coming back.” He needed to understand we were over.
“She lives somewhere inside you, and I can find her. Just give me the damn chance.”
This conversation was leading us nowhere.
“No, we are done, Diego. We were done a long time ago. The only reason I agreed to a date was because I was curious. I admit it was interesting to see the man who broke my heart.” He tried to say something, but I didn't give him the chance. “I’m pregnant, Diego.”
The harsh and loud intake of breath was my only answer, but it was enough. He didn't expect that.
“Who is the father?” he growled, but it just made me shake my head.
“It doesn’t matter. The only reason I told you was so you would leave me alone. We are done. I hope you can find what you’re looking for somewhere else, but we are over.” With those words, without waiting for a reply, I hung up on him and threw the phone on the carpet.
He would probably try to call. I should block his number.
He wanted the impossible. To bring back the girl I used to be and teach her about love all over again.
Was he nuts? Unfortunately, knowing him, he wouldn't give up until he got what he wanted, but I was prepared for the battle.
Drake
The stage was huge, and people were roaring with anticipation. The stadium held thousands of people who wanted to see Hard World perform. They were all screaming in excitement, because finally, the lights were dimmed, and it was a sign the girls would go on stage any minute now.
Jeremy, Ryan, and I had special seats, where we had a clear view of everything and Jer could keep control of the surroundings. Although they had some kind of assistant down there, he had a special phone and radio to make sure everything was ready.
A tantalizing energy was in the air created by the people and what was about to happen on stage. Anticipation was running through us.
The lights went out. Everyone went silent then lights came back up, revealing the girls one-by-one, and the light grew, opening them up for the audience, which was now roaring and screaming one name.
“Ariel! Ariel! Ariel!” She took out the tissue she had in her hand, pressed her lips, which were covered in red lipstick, and threw it out to the crowd. They screamed to catch it, mostly men of course. It was her signature sign, something she didn't fail to do every time.
They all leaned down and forward, ran their hands over the outstretched hands of their fans, smiled at them, kept on waving, and then, straightening up, each moved to her corner of the stage.
Ariel was on the right side with the keyboard, Sam on their left side with her electronic guitar that she hooked over her shoulder, and Jane was between them in the middle, hidden behind the massive drum kit.
Bella was the only one left standing upfront; she grabbed the mic with both hands, moved her mouth closer to it, and screamed, “Hello, Trenton!” The audience roared once again. “We are so happy to see you all here tonight. Let’s start the party!” She raised her hand above her head and people started to whistle. Some took pictures, and some became silent, because the first beats of the music started to play.
They always started with their most famous song. The fans were used to it and always requested it. Sam made the guitar intro. Ariel joined her on the keyboard, and Jane’s drums appeared as Bella’s breathy and husky voice filled the stadium.
‘In this whole wide world, there is no one like you
So giving up doesn’t sound like something you’d do
Get up, fight, show ‘em what you’re all about
They don’t have a say in whether you’re worthy or not
‘Cause those who matter will never mind
And those who mind will never matter
Just be yourself
You’re one of a kind
‘Cause those who matter will never mind’
Sam started her guitar solo, and people shouted the song. Bella ran toward her and put the mic to the guitar and they both moved with the beat. They smiled at each other, and then Bella ran toward Ariel, who raised one hand and played with the other, and joined Bella singing. Then, Bella ran toward the audience, put the mic to them, and they sang along. She barely had to say anything.
I had to admit the girl got a big workout on stage.
‘Sometimes it’s not easy, but you should never give up
And if you fall, I’ll be helping you get yourself back up
If they say, you’ll never make it
You’re the only one who knows how far you can take it
Then it was Jane’s turn to shine as the music finished with the big drum solo. She gave everything to the music. Her movements flawless, her sticks made the greatest sound, and the
audience kept on chanting the song even though the words were over.
She was magnificent.
It was impossible not to look at her and not be in awe. She truly glowed in music, her inhibitions gone, only joy on her face, a wild look in her eyes, and a big smile on her face.
I was fucking proud of my girl, and judging by Ryan and Jer’s faces, they could say the same about theirs.
The music finished with the loud beat of the drums. People clapped and whistled again, and the concert went on after that.
Her being amazing in what she did wasn't the only thought running through my mind when I was watching her. She was turning me the fuck on, and the only thought in my mind was to fuck her hard and claim her for myself. Maybe it had to do with the adrenalin rush, or something else. I didn't know and didn't care, but every time she performed, it was the same thing for me.
Usually, I had to listen to Ryan and Bella having at it.
Not tonight.
Tonight, she would be mine, and we could finally have that crazy sex I’ve only heard about.
Jane
“Thank you, Trenton! It was a blast!”
People screamed again, and at the end of the concert, my ears didn't hurt so much. I remember in the beginning of our career that I was buzzed with how many people came and how much they wanted to listen to our songs. It was an amazing feeling and still was. Nothing was better than this, and performing on stage gave me the kind of adrenaline rush nothing else did.
Well, no, that wasn't right.
Sex did. Sex with Drake gave me as much adrenalin, and now, the need to be with him was driving me crazy. I understood now why the girls usually had some guys come over after huge concerts or wrap parties.
After our night in Vegas, I was mostly able to block out the images of Drake during those times, but now that he was here, and we slept with each other just yesterday?
It was impossible.
We rushed downstairs to the room that had drinks and couches, and each one of us sat down. Sam grabbed bottles of water, tossed them around, and groaned, putting her legs on the table. “I’m so tired. Somehow it used to be easier a few years ago.”