Jane's Surrender (Hard World Tour)
Page 26
“Let’s do it,” I said, and they gave me a questioning look, but nodded their heads.
What are best friends for, right?
Drake
“If he doesn't give us our drinks in a minute, I’m gonna punch him.” It wasn't that I was a violent man, but we’d stood there almost half an hour and still had nothing. Granted, the place was crowded and there was only one bartender, but I wasn't in the most understanding of moods right now.
I was fucking pissed at myself.
For three weeks, I kept the promise I made to myself, to let her make a move, to let her show me that what we have, our relationship, means something to her, and what did I fucking do?
Kissed her.
And what a kiss it was.
There was nothing in the world I loved more than loving my woman and her responses to my touch. The minute I remembered what was I doing, I left her there and tried to calm myself. I was a guy; it was hard to control myself when I saw her beautiful and sexy body in that black lingerie of hers.
“Chill, brother.” Ryan’s good mood didn't really make me happy either.
“Easy for you to say. Your woman is with you and happy.” He opened his mouth to say something, but then shook his head and said nothing. “How is Jeremy holding up?” I considered the guy my friend now, and I was worried about the whole situation with Sam.
All traces of humor left Ryan’s eyes and he sighed. “Not good. He works himself into oblivion. Doesn’t talk with anyone and waits for Sam to let him see her. She wants nothing to do with him. He blames himself for the whole thing.”
“Because of Candace?”
Ryan gave me a short nod, not that I was surprised. The accident was a terrible thing, but in Jer’s twisted psyche, he thought he was to blame, because Sam wouldn't have been in the car if it weren’t for him.
“Any news on her hand?”
“No, doctors say she needs time and more surgery. But every time they talk, it’s like there is no hope left in them. Her blindness looks to be a permanent thing. If she loses her music—” He didn’t finish, but he didn't really have to.
For those girls, music wasn't just a career. It was who they were, part of them, and for Sam to not have it anymore along with her sight could have bad results. I would need to look into her case and contact some world-class psychiatrists.
Ryan and I were facing the bar, and the bartender finally fucking started to make our drinks when the soft clearing of a throat from the mic got our attention.
“Hello, everyone. My name is Bella, and that’s my friend Ariel, and I would like to sing a song for you.” The cheers erupted, and we turned to watch them with confusion. Ryan was smiling and saluting his girl, who found his eyes, smiled, and blew him a kiss.
Where the hell was Jane?
“We love this song, and my friend Jane,” she pointed at my girl, who was standing kind of down in the middle of the dance floor, “dedicates it to her husband, Drake, there.” Now she was pointing at me, and all the people were looking at us.
What the hell was going on?
Some girls sighed, and some men grumbled.
“Another cheese fest,” a guy next to me muttered, but I was too curious about what was happening on the stage to pay any attention to him.
The music started, Ariel softly playing on the piano, and then she got into it. The music was nice to hear, and seemed like a love song. Then Bella started to sing with her beautiful voice, and Jane stood in front of me. The song was Ella Henderson’s “Yours”
She was nervous, but smiled, and extended her hand to me. Without another thought, I grabbed it, and she moved me into the middle of the dance floor that was now empty in this crowded place. She put her hands around my neck; my hands held her tightly, and there wasn’t an inch of space left between us. We moved alone, looking only at each other, as Bella sang. Then other couples started to join us. I had no fucking clue why she was doing this, but it felt so good to hold her in my arms that I didn't care about those promises I made to myself. I knew this was a message from her to me, but I was so into our moment that I didn't even care about the lyrics.
Then she stopped in the middle of the dancing couples and mouthed the words Bella was singing, and I understood what she wanted to tell me.
Right at that moment, it didn't matter that we were in a crowded place, that people watched us, or that the place was far from romantic. As we were looking at each other, it was as if we were the only two people in the fucking universe, and there was this connection, a connection we had before the whole accident, but I was missing it.
She was trying to tell me she loved me.
It was supposed to make me feel good, and some part of me, after two years of trying, did.
But the other neglected part? Her declaration of love made me furious. I let go of her and took a step back. She tensed, and there was worry in her eyes, but I had nothing to reassure her with.
Without a word, I spun around, aware that almost everyone fucking watched me, and made my way to the exit door, not caring in the least what happened.
I just couldn't control the part in me that was furious and raging.
Jane
Well, this didn't go according to my plan.
In my fairytale plan right now, we were supposed to kiss and be on our way to a new life.
It worked for Bella and Ryan when she was singing that song to him during our concerts, so I thought I had a real chance here.
It sucked; that's what it did.
So instead of having the most romantic and best kiss of my life (which I assumed our kiss would have been), I was running after Drake, who almost made it to the car, and he was furious.
There was this anger in his eyes back at the bar, after my sort of declaration of love. It scared me, but not enough to let him go.
“Drake, would you just stop for a minute!” It was seriously hard to run after a guy in high heels let me tell you, especially when one of his steps was like two of mine.
“Go back to the bar, Jane. I want to be alone right now.” His voice was hoarse, low, and cold.
“No.” I quickly opened the door to the car and sat inside, while he did the same and looked at me furiously.
“Get out of the car, Jane. Believe me, you do not want to deal with me right now.”
“Oh, I think I do.” My answer was sarcastic, and by how his eyes narrowed, I understood he didn't really care for my tone.
We looked at each other for several seconds, and with a muttered curse, he started the car and we rode in the direction of the ranch.
Several times, I wanted to start a conversation, but what was there to say? He was tense. Not once did he look at me. He ran his fingers through his hair many times. His jaw had a tic. His hands on steering wheel held it tight, too tight in my opinion, and he had the radio so loud you didn't have to be a genius to know he wasn’t in the mood for my explanation, or questions for that matter.
This was making me restless. I hated that I brought this tension to us. It was supposed to be a nice night out where we could finally relax. Why did I have to ruin it?
I had to make it better before we got home; otherwise, it all seemed pointless, and we couldn't go on the way we were.
I turned off the radio and took a deep breath. “Drake, I’m sorry if what I did at the bar was too much for you.” There, apology said.
The silence was grating on my nerves, but then his cold and low voice said, “It’s not what you did.”
His words made me frown in confusion. “Then what?”
“It’s what you said.”
Well, fuck.
This was about my declaration of love? The idea of my love made him storm off from the bar and be all kinds of pissed off at me? Why? Didn’t he love me?
I felt like something stabbed my heart. It was a bit hard to breathe. I leaned back against the seat and rested my head on the window on my side. I was a freaking moron for assuming that his love might still be there, but I was so sure it was. I was embarr
assed, too, at how humiliating it was.
Unexpectedly, the anger came.
Why the hell should I feel ashamed of my emotions and for being brave enough to express them? Wasn't he the one who encouraged me to love him?
Fuck this.
“Well, I’m sorry if saying ‘I love you’ to you was so inconvenient. Or wait a minute. I’m not!” My voice was loud in the car, and the minute I finished the sentence, Drake stopped the car abruptly, and I had just a moment to see that he parked the car in some dark place off the main road, several miles away from our house.
“What the—” Strong arms grabbed me, and before I could even blink, his mouth was devouring mine, and all thoughts of killing him or being mad at him flew out of my mind.
Now, this kiss was the one I expected back at the bar.
Our mouths clashed, deep, hot, passionate, and devouring. His hand tugged on my hair to push it back, which allowed him better and deeper penetration with his tongue, and he was making love to me with his mouth. It was desperate for some reason too, not that I cared.
I wanted this to last forever and to give him whatever he needed. My panties got wet. My body was reacting to his, and I squeezed my thighs, but it wasn't enough.
I wanted him. It had been so long, and I got the all clear from the doctor. Moaning, I rose up on my seat. He put his hands on my hips, and with one swift motion, he sat me on top of him and, thank God, the car allowed it.
The steering wheel was scratching my back, but straddling him brought my lady parts in direct contact with his erection, and it was heaven rubbing against it. He was hard and groaned into my mouth.
We needed to breathe. My lungs were burning, but I was afraid to let go of him. He pushed his head back, his hand in my hair while mine was in his, both of us looking at each other with heat and desire.
We were breathing heavily, and since the friction was so good, without thinking, I pushed up and rubbed myself on it again, which made him groan again.
“No,” his hoarse voice said, and his free hand steadied my hips, making it impossible to move under his grip.
“No?” It was almost a whimper from me. Why did he have to stop? It felt freaking amazing.
“We need to talk.”
“Now you want to talk? Can we talk after?” Was this my voice that was so desperate? “What’s there to talk about anyway? You didn’t want my 'I love you', but you got it. I tried to make it public, because it worked out so well for Bella and Ryan. I was wrong; you were right. Can we get back to kissing and other stuff right now?” Here the talk was fast, wasn't it? No problem, so to speak. His eyes hardened, he palmed my face, and brought me closer to him so it was impossible not to look at him.
“I’m mad at you, because you just told me that you love me. With a lot of people inside the bar, as if it was not a big deal. I’m mad at you, because I’ve loved you for so damn long, and you just now decided to tell me. I’m mad at you, because, although I know you were in pain and I was in pain too, this past month, you gave me nothing back. I’m mad at you, because I did everything for you and it didn't matter, and today, you wanted to fix everything with that display of affection. Yes, baby, I am mad at you. But not because you love me. I could never be mad about that. I’m mad at you, because you finally told me you love me and made a show out of it. I wanted you to tell me first,” he finished, and something unlocked in my heart.
He loved me, and he wasn't mad that I loved him back.
But he did feel like he deserved more after all the shit I put him through, and it was no wonder he was frustrated with me.
No matter how understanding, patient, and loving he was with me, he was still human.
And we humans tended to feel resentment when it felt like no one wanted us.
How could I have been so stupid?
But there was no time for what-ifs right now.
We needed to move on from this.
“I’m sorry.” My fingers gently touched his lips and he nibbled on them, and even that sent desire through my body. “I felt like you needed to know and that stupid idea with the show came into my mind. It was wrong of me. I’m sorry I was such an ass to be with.” He lifted his mouth in a half smile then moved his hand to my hair and moved a piece behind my ear.
Then his face became serious and there was pain in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry we lost our baby.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and my heart clenched painfully at his words. In all those seven weeks after the accident, we never grieved together, because I didn't allow our connection to grow. My forehead rested against his, his heartbeat steady under my palm, while we held each other and got comfort from one another. In the silent night, inside the truck, I finally found something I was searching for.
Peace.
“Let’s go home and make love.” His lips were like little touches of a butterfly on my cheek after he nuzzled my neck, which made me hug him closer.
“No crazy sex in the car? I would have loved to have some new experience,” I teased, and he chuckled.
“We did make love in the trailer.”
“That doesn’t count.” He brought my mouth to his, and when he spoke, his lips moved against mine.
“How about something sweet tonight, remembering the whole making love part, and tomorrow we can go on a road trip and have that wild sex in the car you wanted?”
“Sounds good to me.” We kissed again, this time gently and softly while his hand caressed the skin on my back. I longed for his naked skin against mine as our bodies were entwined.
“Home,” he growled, no doubt catching my mood. He helped me sit back down on my seat, buckled me up, and started the engine while the opened windows allowed the breeze to wash over me and somewhat calm my body.
His hand was holding mine in a tight grip as he drove us back to our home, where we could connect on a physical level.
I couldn't wait.
Ariel
“Are you sure we don’t need to go there and check on them?” Bella asked worriedly from the front seat of Ryan’s Jeep. After our concert—or Jane’s declaration, as I called it—was done, the bar erupted in cheers, and some of them even recognized us and took a few pictures with us. The guys had one drink and I just had water, and they decided to call it a night. They were tired and wanted to crash. Because they were staying at my folks’ ranch, we came in the same car.
Since Drake left pissed off at Jane for something and she followed, Bella kept on worrying about the whole situation and wanted to help her out.
“Babe, seriously? I think my brother would kill us all if we go to their place now,” he chuckled then sent her a wink, and she blushed, understanding where his thoughts went.
Yep, that was my guess too. Make-up sex, people.
And may I add that for a hormonal woman, even the word sex sounded tempting. I never really believed the whole bullshit that during pregnancy you were horny, because seriously, who would be? I felt like shit most of the time, but still wanted some action. However, seeing all those happy couples and their connections, even how Jeremy was lonely over the whole Sam situation, left me lonely. I wondered what it was like to have a man worry about you and really love you like those guys did with their women. I’d sworn off love, yes, but at the same time couldn't help the thoughts I was having.
Maybe it was a pregnancy thing, too. No wonder most people were in a relationship while doing that.
My phone beeped with a new message, which made me smile.
Hope was lying on the carpet, wearing pajama pants and a shirt that covered her from neck to toe. She was lying on her stomach, her calves raised up, and she had a book with pictures in front of her. Her black hair was tied in a silky ponytail. She was smiling in the picture, flashing us her white teeth, and her grey eyes sparkled with mischief. She was a little, adorable angel who had been with us for the last five weeks. During the first week, all the documentation was evaluated. The authorities we
re satisfied with my parents as temporary guardians and she came to live with us. For some reason, and I know it’s strange, we connected instantly and she started following me around everywhere. My heart broke when Hope showed me the picture of her momma and said she was in Heaven. We framed it and put it beside her bed. This little munchkin was taking a piece of me every day, and part of me felt guilty that Jane wasn't able to experience that.
But with the loss she had, I didn’t think she was ready to be around kids yet. She and Drake needed to heal each other.
Her explanation made me roll my eyes; they couldn't refuse her anything. She was the princess of the manor, and that was the reason I loved my folks. They were simply amazing.
My phone beeped again.
Logan.
Ever since she came to stay with us, he somehow got my number and chatted with me every day for updates. He even asked for pictures, and although I wasn't sure about that, I still did it. Maybe had it not been for my pregnancy, I would have refused him. But as a parent, I understood the need for him to know that she was okay.
I sent him the latest pic and some I took during the horse ride; she was super happy and excited there. We even bought her new kids’ horse riding clothes and she looked like a doll. After a while, he replied.