Panic (The Flaw Series)

by Ringbloom, Ryan

  “Aw,” Robin scrunches up her nose in the adorable way only she can pull off. “But anywhere we go around here you are going to be way overdressed in a suit, even though I want to see you in this so bad. Here, give it to me so I can go hang it up.” She laughs, taking the garment bag from me and carries it into her room.

  I crack my knuckles, wondering if I should follow her in to leave my duffel bag in there as well. Will I be spending the night in her room? This is our first overnight together in a really long time. My expectations are low in the sex department. Low, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say hopeful.

  “You hungry now?” I yell into her.

  “Yeah, actually I am, but no suit. Save it for another time.” She reappears and grabs a light jacket from a hook. “After the wedding, because if you ruin it before the wedding, I’m scared of what might happen to you.”

  “Smart thinking.” I tap the side of my head. “Let’s go, no suit. Show me around here a little bit, if I’m going to be coming down here all the time, I should get an idea of where everything is.”

  I take the jacket she grabs from her and hold it open while she slips her arms into the sleeves. She gives me a side glance, but I want to show her I’m not the same teenage guy she remembers. I’m a gentleman now.

  The town of Cherry Wood is really small. Every major thing there is to see is done in a five-minute drive down one main road. We end the tour of the town at a family-owned restaurant slash bar, Crazy Jay’s. It’s packed, mostly an older crowd. It has that townie kind of feel to it. A few people shoot dirty looks in our direction, like we’re invading in on their turf.

  Once we’re seated and our drink orders are placed, I scan the bar and notice a little stage in the back corner. “Do they have live music here?” I ask, motioning behind me.

  “Not that I’ve ever seen,” she says, looking over my shoulder. “But maybe they do. I’m not here too often.”

  From the looks of it, the stage seems unused. It’s cluttered with boxes and junk, dusty and ignored.

  “Why? Would you want your band to play here some time?” Her eyes flash with a hint of excitement.

  The band has a good thing going on for us at Twisted. We play there every Friday and Saturday night. We’ve actually been offered a few more nights to play at a new bar being opened up close to my home. Jordyn Sharpe, the daughter of the guy who owns Twisted, is opening up a place of her own. Well, actually, she’s opening it up with a partner. A guy I went to high school with, Josh Brewster. The two of them are opening a place called, Shaken, and if all goes well I could be playing enough gigs between both bars that I’d be making a decent living doing what I love. But if playing down here is an option, maybe it’s worth looking into if it would give me the opportunity to be closer to Robin.

  “Yeah, maybe. I’ll try and look into it.”

  Our order is taken by an old guy with an overgrown scruffy white beard, who exudes a Santa-esque quality minus the jolly. He doesn’t bother to write down anything we order. Either he’s got a good memory or we’re getting whatever he feels like serving. Once he hobbles away, I walk over and order us two beers at the bar since he never even asked what we wanted to drink.

  “So, tell me about the wedding. I can’t believe how close it is.” Robin sips the beer I place down in front of her.

  “No. No wedding talk. I am so sick of wedding talk. Plus, there’s the fact that Ashley has completely gone crazy these last few weeks. There are times where she says things and I’m just like, ‘What the fuck are we talking about?’”

  Robin nearly spits the beer out of her mouth. “Like what?” She laughs.

  “I don’t even know, the other day she was all teary and going on about cake and Patrick and some stupid Super Girl outfit.”

  “Wait a second.” Robin places her bottle on the table. Her eyes go wide, holding up her hands in shock. “She told you about the Super Girl outfit?”

  “Yes, she did, but how do you know about it?” I ask, with my own shocked expression.

  “I was with her when she bought it.” Robin’s eyes narrow into slits. “There I was, all young and in love and I had to spend almost a week picturing her dressing up like some tramp for you.”

  “Is that why you cut your finger?”

  “No, that was just a lucky accident. Or else, maybe you’d be the one marrying Ashley,” she says it heatedly, but I see the teasing behind her eyes.

  “No way, I was all young and in love myself. Ashley and I, it would never have happened. And just to assure you, part of her lovely discussion with me included her telling me how unattractive she finds me. I think her exact words were ‘Ew, gross.’”

  Robin tosses her head back and laughs. “Oh, my God, Ashley hasn’t changed at all, has she? I can’t believe her mouth sometimes.” She continues laughing. “And she is going to be a Daniels in less than two weeks. You are stuck with her forever.”

  “I wouldn’t laugh, she’s gonna be part of your family, too, one day,” I say.

  Robin not only stops laughing but her smile disappears all together. She lifts her beer bottle to her lips and begins drinking it down a bit fast. The comment I made just kind of slipped out. It was a little presumptuous and a bit soon to make. But come on, we both know where this is headed.

  Our food comes. I said no onions on my burger, there’s onions. Robin ordered onion rings, she got fries. We don’t dare complain to the scowling man who tossed our plates down in front of us and stalked away. More likely than not, that was crazy Jay. Robin eats her fries without complaining and I pick off my onions. On the car ride back to her place, we laugh about it. We’re both guessing he’s the owner and the chances of him being willing to hire my band to play a gig there are slim to none.

  The restaurant’s left that strong greasy food smell on both of us, the kind that gets trapped in your hair and clothes, the kind that only goes away from showering and a complete outfit change. Robin invites me to hop in the shower first and I take her up on it, knowing I’ll be a lot faster than she will.

  Showered and dressed comfortably, I saunter into the living room, clicking on her TV. The water in the bathroom turns on and I raise the volume to drown out the sound of the running water. I don’t need to be picturing her naked and wet, standing in the place I myself was just naked a few short minutes ago. I’m still unsure where this night is headed.

  Two shows later, Robin returns into her living room, holding a pillow and a folded blanket. She shyly places them down on the end of her couch. “Are you okay sleeping out here?”

  I nod my head, swallowing down the disappointment. I expected this, but had been really wishing I was wrong.

  She cozies in next to me on the couch to watch TV. The sweet scent of shampoo from her damp hair fills my nose. During the commercial she tugs my arm out from behind her and begins examining the works of art staining my skin. “You’ve got a lot of them.” She turns my arm over and runs her hand down the ink, tracing over the images with the tip of her finger. “This is sexy, Kent. I’m really liking these. They’re beautiful.”

  Recruiting me to the couch and then touching me this soft way has got my head spinning. She reaches for my other arm and continues with the same gentle touches and traces. Just kissing her can’t be wrong. We went on a date and dates end with kisses. I let her finish inspecting my arms and when she sits back, I go in for the kiss.

  We spend the next hour making out. Kissing only. But deep passion-filled kisses that have my hands holding down the erection that’s trying to poke right through the thin material of my flannel pajama pants. When I let out a groan that shows more signs of pain than pleasure, she pulls away, breathless.

  “We shouldn’t, um, we should just get some sleep.” She stands, gulps, turns and rushes back towards her room. “Goodnight,” she says over her shoulder.

  I cup my head in my hands and breathe — deep calming breaths. When I’ve regained enough control to think clearly again, I toss the pillow to the end of the couch a
nd open up the blanket to get into my makeshift bed for the night. Lying back, my eyes stay wide open, staring up at the ceiling. I’m too excited to fall asleep. Not just because of the time we spent with our lips locked, but because of the time we spent together this whole night. I can’t close my eyes. I’m back in love. I always was, but now it’s different. This time we’re doing things right and this time everything is going to work out just like it should. I can feel it.

  Time passes and I think I’ve hardly blinked, let alone had a minute’s sleep. The door to Robin’s room creeks open and I hear slow footsteps making their way closer. She stands in front of the couch and I sit up. Without saying a word, her hands grab mine and silently, she leads me back into her bedroom.

  Her room is pitch black. We climb into her bed, finding each other under the covers. “I’m not ready to have sex yet,” she whispers.

  “Okay,” I whisper back.

  “I haven’t been with anyone in a long time. I know my body has changed since being sick. I’m not really sure how it’s going to respond.”

  “I won’t do anything you’re not ready for. You tell me when to stop.”

  Her body presses into mine and our lips open back up to each other once again. She brings her hands to my face and I slide mine down to her waist. I let one hand slide underneath the tank top she has on. She isn’t wearing a bra and I raise up the tank top, lowering my mouth down to take a taste of the two most perfect, luscious breasts ever created. She responds, easing her fingers into my hair, giving it gentle little tugs and making appreciative little moans.

  I bring my lips back up and lick the delicate skin of her neck. Her head turns to the side, dipping back, encouraging me to take gentle nips working my way up to her ear. The sweet sound she releases when I have her earlobe between my teeth is heaven. My hand sinks back down to caress her breast before continuing the journey down to the waistband of her cotton bottoms. Her hand reacts quickly, reaching for mine, stopping my hand from sliding in.

  Okay, this is her stopping point. My hand inches away from what’s off limits.

  “No, just do it this way.” She takes my hand and guides it back down, only instead of allowing me to touch her, she guides my hand to rub her over the fabric of her pajamas. She rolls back on the bed, opening up her legs to my touch.

  Her body moves along in rhythm with my hand. She’s enjoying the feeling. I can feel her enjoyment right through the flimsy material. I move my hand firmer and faster. I’m rewarded for this when she reaches for me. And I most certainly allow her hand into my boxers to explore what’s inside.

  Her hand wraps around me and begins stroking, as my own hand keeps moving swiftly against her. The noises she makes are almost as hot as the touching. I wonder if she can come this way, because I’m definitely about to.

  I adjust my hand and press harder. “Right there, just like that,” she gasps. I feel the tremors of her body and her hand keeps moving grasping, clutching me tighter. The second she lets go, I am ready, I am right there with her.

  A soft whimper, then her body quivers; she takes me with her. I am done. I’m shocked I was able to hold out this long. The release I feel letting go with her hand wrapped around me rocks my entire universe. I thought we’d done it all when we were together. I thought we’d even felt it all. But this. There are no fucking words for this.

  I slide my T-shirt over my head and use it for necessary means, while Robin pulls her tank back into place. I slide back under the covers and she reaches over to turn on her bedroom light. The oversized smile on her face matches my own.

  “Why are you smiling like that?” I ask. Her skin is flushed a magnificent pink.

  “That was fun. My body reacted even better than I hoped,” she says. “Why are you smiling?”

  “I’m smiling because Kent and Robin are back together.”

  Robin

  Kent drifts off peacefully next to me. The smile is still plastered on my face. I wasn’t sure if my body would ever be able to feel a certain way again but Kent certainly proved that I could feel a certain way and so much more. He brought my body back to life tonight, showing me that I’m still capable of having moments of feeling like a woman. It’s such a relief.

  The soft whistle of his snore starts up as the blanket covering his body rises and falls. The same snore that used to keep me up at night, making me tired for school the next day. Right now, though, the sound is soothing. I’ve missed him so incredibly much. Propping my head up on my hand, I watch him sleep. His long hair is swept over his face. I gently use my finger to push it back and admire his beautiful features that I’ve missed so much.

  Are we really back together? For how long?

  I’m not sure what I can promise him. My mom made promises she couldn’t keep. She promised my dad forever. She promised both of us forever. But wasn’t able to give it to us. Even after she was diagnosed, she told me ‘she wasn’t going anywhere.’ At first I believed her. Then when I saw how sick she really was, I was mad at her for promising something she could never make happen. I don’t want to make those promises.

  The doctors are constantly assuring me that my cancer was discovered at an early stage and they stress all of the advancements in medicine that have been made since my mother was sick. They say that as long as I continue my regular checkups and take proper care of myself, I should live a long healthy life. And then there’s the extra precaution that I opted for. That was a difficult decision to have to make at my age and by no means did I go into it lightly. I discussed it with multiple doctors and did plenty of my own research before having the surgery.

  The hysterectomy. That’s the game changer. I can never give Kent children. When do I tell him? What will he say? He’ll pretend he’s okay with it but all the while, I’ll know he really isn’t. I have to tell him. But not yet, I’m not ready to tell him yet.

  After my mom died, I pushed a lot of thoughts and memories of her from my mind. It was too painful. It was my way of coping. But once I found out I was sick, they all seemed to come flooding back to me at once. So many moments I had let myself forget. From big things like our vacation to Disney all the way down to the little things like when she would let me help her push the cart at the grocery store. It was quite a lot to handle. I was re-bonding with someone who was no longer there. In a way, though, I think it helped me through some of the tougher moments. Sometimes I even pretended she was there with me. And who knows, maybe she was. Maybe she still is.

  Mom – why does stuff like this happen? I don’t understand. Why did you have to get cancer and die? Why did I get it? Why would God take you away from me? Why would he take away my mom and then take away my ability to ever become a mom? And then just when I feel like I’ve come to terms with the emptiness my future holds, he sends Kent comes back into my life. Why? Why would he do that? I don’t understand. It’s just seems so unfair and fucked up.

  The anger inside of me melts into sadness and tears start to form. Rolling onto my back, my head planted in the pillow, I stare up at the ceiling and blink away my tears.

  I’m so sorry. If you can hear me, please pretend I didn’t say any of that. I’m just scared. Sad. I really miss you. And now I’m really afraid of what will happen when I lose Kent again.

  Chapter Five

  Kent

  The house is insane. My mother is running around like a lunatic, my father’s chasing after her, trying to calm her down. Matthew’s nerves over giving his speech are causing him to be hunched over the bowl, hurling up a waffle. The florist shows up with a box full of boutonnieres. I tip the guy a twenty and point him towards the kitchen, figuring that’s where they should go for now. Lifting up a few pillows from the couch, I search for the misplaced pale yellow tie I need to be wearing with this tux.

  Matthew is rinsing out his mouth over the sink in the bathroom. “Matty, the speech is awesome,” I assure him for the millionth time.

  “Kent, he should have asked you. I don’t think I can do it.” His voice squeak
s. It’s at that awkward changing phase. Poor kid.

  “Nope, he asked you because he knows you are the best man for the job; which is exactly why he asked you to be the best man.” I give him a wink.

  “When you get married, please ask Patrick to be your best man. ‘Cause I don’t think I could ever do this again.”

  “Okay.” I give his shoulder a squeeze. “When I get married, Patrick will be my best man.”

  “You getting married?” Patrick grins, walking into the bathroom holding the yellow tie I misplaced. He’s dressed in his tux, tie in place, shoes on, and raring to go.

  “Not today, man, that’s all you.” I move in, leaning forward for a hug and a pat on the back. “Have you talked to Ashley today? Are things just as crazy at her house as they are here?”

  “I have not been allowed to see or talk to Ashley for the last twenty-four hours. I am under strict orders that the next time we see each other will be when she’s marching down the aisle on your arm.”

  My task is one of the most important of the day. Matthew is the best man and I was tearfully asked by the bride to be the one to escort her down the aisle. Ashley’s father left when she was young and since she’s been dating Patrick for so long, she’s really a part of our family now. My future sister is bossy, opinionated, dramatic, extreme, dazzling, charming … amazing. I was more than touched to be given such an honor.

  “Are you gonna cry when you see Ashley walk down the aisle?” Matthew asks.

  Patrick doesn’t answer.

  “Of course he’s going to.” I answer for him, chuckling. “Make sure you stuff your pockets with tissues, Matty. He’ll be bawling.”

  Matthew reaches for the box of tissues, pretending to shove the whole box under his jacket, cracking himself up.