Panic (The Flaw Series)

by Ringbloom, Ryan

  “No, it’s okay, I’ll hang out with you,” he says. “I want to.”

  “You want to?” I asked puzzled, glancing up at him. “Why would you want to?”

  He gives me a wink. “Who knows, maybe I’ll get laid.”

  Bailey

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Come back in the house. I was just kidding.” I chase after her into the front yard. “It was stupid, I was joking. I didn’t even mean it.”

  Her arms are folded across her chest and her knee shakes nervously. I scared her. She pushes away a piece of long dark hair from her pale face. Her dark blue eyes scan the yard nervously. She’s probably trying to figure out an escape plan. I’m a fucking idiot and if she leaves, Tony will kick my ass.

  “I’m fine out here.” She looks down at the ground. “Kid.”

  Jesus Christ, she doesn’t even know my name yet and I made that dumbass comment. “Come inside, please.” She still won’t look at me. I reach my hand out, trying to coax her like you would a frightened animal. “By the way, my name is Bailey.”

  She doesn’t give a fuck what my name is; she just wants out of here. She frowns, looking over her shoulder. “Do you know where my cousin lives? Maybe I can just walk there or something.”

  “It’s a really far walk. How about you come inside and we just start over. I promise I won’t touch you.” I swing open the screen front door, holding it for her, begging her to come back inside. Reluctantly, she steps in, tugging down on the long sleeve of her flannel shirt and covering her nose.

  “Shayna, that’s a pretty name,” I say, trying to make up for being a dick.

  She takes her sleeve away from her face. “Thank you.”

  “So, you’re living with your cousin, that’s nice. Where are ya from?”

  “I’m from Ohio.” She sits on the opposite end of the couch, squished into the side, making sure she is nowhere near me.

  “That’s cool, when did you move in?”

  “I guess after we leave here. They just picked me up from the bus station like, twenty minutes ago.”

  “So you spent all day on a bus and this is your first stop?”

  “Yup.” She nods her head, staring blankly at the TV in front of us. “My first time ever leaving home and here I am.” She raises her eyebrows. “With you.”

  “That sucks,” I say, feeling kinda bad for her. Typical Tammy, that girl is a selfish bitch, making her cousin sit here and wait. For what? So she can suck off Tony for the tenth time today, hoping he won’t dump her trashy ass?

  Shayna shrugs her shoulders. “Well, at least I got to see a palm tree for the first time. That was exciting.”

  “Wow, you never saw a palm tree before.” I reach up and scratch the back of my neck, wondering how something like that is possible.

  “I’ve never been anywhere outside of Ohio. I saw pictures before, though, just never got to see one in person.”

  I feel like I should do something nice. This is a pretty shitty start at welcoming her to Harbor Side. “You want to go see something?” I offer, putting on a nice guy voice.

  “No, not really.” She shakes her head. “Honestly, I think coming here was a mistake. I just wanted to try something new and be out on my own. But obviously, I’m still not ready. I think my new life in Florida is going to be over before it even started.”

  “Ah, don’t say that. Come on let me make up for the bad beginning and show you something that I guarantee you’ll like.”

  “Fine,” she mumbles. “Might as well see everything I can before I head back home.”

  I’m not sure why but I reach for her hand to lead the way. Her arms are pulled up in her sleeves, hiding her hands. She doesn’t even acknowledge my extended hand. Better off that way I guess, I don’t want her to misunderstand, I already scared her once tonight.

  We traipse through the connecting backyards and she sees it before I can even point it out.

  “Oh, my God,” she exclaims, running towards the oversized royal palm tree in a neighbor’s backyard. The tree stands about fifty -feet high and the bottom half is wrapped up with twinkling white Christmas lights.

  It’s one of the nicest things around in this shithole town. Sometimes when I’m outside for a smoke I’ll walk over and just stare at it, trying to remember happier times before the accident. Looking up at the tree reminds me of my sister. She always said we were lucky to live right across the street from this house ‘cause we could see the tree from our bedroom windows at night. Marissa turned twenty-one in July. To celebrate, she got shit-faced and wrapped her car around a tree. She died instantly in the brand new car she had worked her ass off to get. One night, a stupid decision, a five-minute car ride heading home, and it was all over.

  Since the accident, I’ve been taken into her group of friends. Each of them has taken me under his or her wing; I’ve become everyone’s kid brother and now most of them just refer to me as ‘Kid.’ Most of the time I’m treated the same way, as a little kid. I fucking hate it.

  The only plus is a couple of the girls in this group have offered up some pity sex, which I gladly accepted. I lost my virginity to Bethany, my sister’s best friend, who pulled me away from the group a few months ago. Behind the shed in Tony’s backyard, she climbed on top of me, doing most of the work. “Just tell me when you’re gonna come,” she instructed. I didn’t have a condom but it turns out I didn’t need one. As soon as I let her know I was close, she flew off of me and I shot my load about thirty seconds later. Afterwards I felt guilty not using protection, but she told me not to worry; she pulled away in plenty of time. Who knew it was that easy?

  Shayna stands underneath the tree, craning her neck back to get a good look. The white lights bounce off her face and I notice for the first time how pretty she is. Her full lips lift into a big smile. I puff up a bit, giving myself credit for putting that smile on her face.

  “I had a feeling you’d like it.”

  “I love it. It so beautiful, it makes me rethink what I said before. Maybe I will give Florida a chance.”

  Hmm, this tree really worked some magic. Her excitement towards it draws me to her even more. The girls around here don’t usually get excited about anything. “You should stay. We got a lot of good stuff here.”

  “Like Disney World?”

  “I guess.” I chuckle.

  “How many times have you gone?” she asks eagerly.

  “I’ve never been. That place is for kids.”

  She turns her attention away from the tree to look at me. “Weren’t you a kid once?”

  “Yeah, but trips and vacations are for rich kids,” I say, glancing across the street to my family’s rundown home. My dad is sitting on the front porch smoking a butt. I’m not sure if he can see me or not. It wouldn’t matter. I wouldn’t expect him to wave or acknowledge me. He’s always been a man of few words, but it’s become even fewer since Marissa died.

  “Yeah, I understand that all too well. But that’s probably a given, being it took me eighteen years to see a palm tree,” she says and laughs.

  “So you’re not some fancy rich kid,” I say, teasing her.

  “Oh no, I’m super rich. This worn-out flannel and my torn-up jeans are actually designer. In fact, I was lying before. I didn’t take the bus here, I took my private jet.” She strikes a pose that gets a laugh out of me.

  I hang my head down, kicking at the uneven grass in the yard. “I really am sorry about before. That’s just me, I say stupid shit all the time.”

  “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to act like a total prude, either. I knew you were joking. I’m just tired and all weird from the long trip.”

  We start walking back towards Tony’s. I want to make sure she’s back before her cousin comes around looking for her.

  “So, I guess I’ll be seeing a lot of you now that you’re gonna be living here and probably coming over to Tony’s with your cousin and everything.”

  “I don’t know. Does Tony have a lot of parties?”

 
“I don’t know that you’d call them actual parties. His house it just the place where everyone usually winds up and hangs out.” Tony’s the only one with his own place that’s actually big enough for everyone to hang out at. He lived alone with his dad so when his dad died, Tony inherited the house. Owning his very own piece-of-shit house kind of makes him a big deal, everybody pretty much worships Tony.

  “Hanging out, is that all everyone does around here? Drinking beer and smoking?” She looks over at the rowdy guys in the front yard. One of them lets out a huge belch and the others applaud.

  “Yeah, pretty much. Why, what cool things are you used to doing in Ohio?” I ask a bit defensively. There’s nothing wrong with hanging out. I catch a whiff of smoke and reach for the pack tucked in my front pocket. She’s been distracting me. I can’t believe how long I’ve gone without smoking.

  “No, we basically did the same thing back where I’m from. Hang out at someone’s house or some empty field, sneaking beers and stuff. I just thought here it would be something different. But I guess that’s stupid. Hanging out is just what people do at our age.”

  We stop under a streetlight and in the light, I’m able to get a truly good look at her. The cigarette is pinched between my fingers while I check her out. She’s cute, pretty in a tomboy sort of way. I like that. She’s got real dark hair and fair skin that will likely burn once she’s out in the sun. I should probably give her a warning that the sun here is a lot stronger than what she’s used to in Ohio. “How old are you?”

  “I’m eighteen.” She plays nervously with a strand of flyaway hair, noticing the way I’m looking at her. “Remember, I was on a bus all day, you know.”

  “I know.” I grin at her making up excuses, unaware that I was enjoying the way she looked.

  “What about you?” She folds her arms across her chest. “Are you like twenty or something?”

  Twenty? Oh, look at that, I like her even more now. “Nah, I just turned eighteen a couple weeks ago.”

  She thinks about my answer and tilts her head in question. “Are you still in high school?”

  “No, I’m done with school. I’m a working man.” I bailed on senior year. After Marissa died, I didn’t bother going back. Instead I got a job and started making a little money. My parents didn’t care. It wasn’t like I was gonna be a doctor or something anyway. “So, what are your plans now that you’re willing to stay here and give Florida a fair chance? Are you gonna go to school? Work?”

  “I definitely need a job. I’m sharing the place with my cousin. I’ve got to share the expenses, too. I plan on looking for work starting tomorrow. As far as school, I’m going to take some time off for now. But I do plan on going back one day. Where do you work?”

  “I work over at J&R’s automotive. Right now they’ve got me pumping gas, but I’m good with cars so I’m hoping that soon they’ll let me help out in the garage.”

  “That sounds cool,” she says, playing with her sleeves that are still yanked over her hands.

  I just told her I pump gas, how is that cool? “I also play the guitar,” I add, hoping to come across at least a little interesting.

  “The guitar?” She perks up. “That’s really cool.”

  “Yeah, I suppose it is. I taught myself. I think I’m pretty good.” The guitar I taught myself on was from a garage sale. It was marked twenty dollars in marker on a piece of masking tape stuck to the side. I only had thirteen but the person selling it must have felt bad for me. It was obvious how desperately I wanted it. The guy let me buy it with my thirteen singles. It still has the mark on it from where I peeled off the tape.

  I’m wrestling with the idea of asking her if she wants to hear me play sometime when her cousin comes out the front door and spots us standing in the street.

  Tammy runs over, Tony trailing behind a few feet. “Oh, my God, do you totally hate me for sticking you with the kid and then leaving?” she asks Shayna, completely deflating my ego.

  “No, I had fun. Bailey showed me the coolest palm tree.” Shayna smiles over at me. I like the way she says my name.

  “Okay, well, I am totally sorry and next time you don’t have to come here if you don’t want to.” Tammy grabs onto Shayna’s arm and drags her away from me towards Tony’s car. No goodbye, no thanks for hanging out with my cousin, nothing. I don’t even get a chance to say goodbye to Shayna.

  I bring the cigarette up to my lips and breathe in its goodness. As the fluffy cloud I exhale dissolves, I meet Shayna’s eyes. The corners of her mouth lift up in a smile and she sneaks me a little wave.

  I walk down the street towards my house, but instead of going right home I find myself walking back over to the lit-up tree that was such a big hit tonight. The one that made the girl I just met decide to stay in Florida.

  Chapter Two

  Shayna

  Tammy’s apartment is small. Smaller than the one I shared with my mom. My bedroom is the open area of the living room and my bed is the grungy cloth couch. Although I do get to sleep in Tammy’s bed on the nights that she sleeps at Tony’s, which has been twelve out of the thirteen nights I’ve been here.

  Tammy is in love. They were friends, part of the same group, and a few months ago they took it to the next level. The last girl Tony did that with ended badly, but Tammy is convinced that would never happen with them. What they have is real. She told me their souls are connected.

  I’m a little jealous. I’ve never been in love. Back in Ohio the closest I came to love was when I gave a guy a hand job and afterwards he told me I was really cool. The next night my friend gave him head and it turned out he thought she was much cooler. There went that love.

  Hidden deep inside me is a hopeless romantic; that part of me that is always searching for love. I came to Florida in the hope that a little love could be headed my way. When I looked up at that big palm tree all lit up, it gave me goose bumps. I had chills. I’m supposed to be here. Coming here has a purpose. My life’s never had a purpose before so I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me. Just thinking about it makes my body shiver with a wave of excitement. Love and a purpose, I can feel it coming.

  After applying for jobs everywhere, only two places called me for an interview. Out of those two interviews, I was offered one job. Next week I start part time behind the register at Wiser’s, a big chain of convenient stores known for its amazing coffee and over-stuffed hoagies. Oddly enough, it’s the job I wanted the most out of all the ones I applied for. I’m sure working in a place that smells like freshly brewed coffee all day will be pure awesome. Another benefit is that it’s walking distance.

  Tammy steps out of the bathroom all dressed up for a night that I’m sure involves Tony. The smell of a soft floral body spray reaches my nose. It’s a shame that soon the pretty smell will be masked by the disgusting odor that fills Tony’s house.

  “Come with me tonight. We’re just gonna be hanging out at Tony’s,” she says through an open mouth, applying lip gloss. She uses a knife from the dish drain to check her teeth for traces of the pink gloss.

  Every night she asks. Every night I’ve said no. I’d love to hang out with her but I’m sure once we would get there, she’d take off again and I’d be left to sit in the stinky house and watch TV by myself. I’d rather do that here, without the stink. “No, I’m good. You go have fun.”

  Tammy lands on the end of the couch with a thud. “If you don’t go, I’m not going. You’ve been here almost two weeks and we’ve barely hung out. How are you ever gonna meet people if you never go out?”

  My plan is to meet people through my new job, and when I go back to school. I’ve been really busy these past two weeks. I’m not fooling around. I’ve been making plans. I already started looking into financial aid so I can sign up at the local college. My grades were really good in school. College is definitely high on my priority list. Sitting around drinking beer from a can is just not my idea of fun. I did that back home. It was boring, pointless. I don’t want to get in the pat
tern of doing it here.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, go, have fun with your boyfriend.”

  “All right, but promise me tomorrow night you’ll come.” Tammy jumps up from the couch and grabs her keys.

  She gave up pretty easy. I expected her to put up a little bit more of a fight than that. Hmm, did I really? Tammy’s proven to be quite self-involved since I got here. My silly expectations were that she’d be like a sister to me. Wishful thinking on my part, believing I’d found a long-lost family member who actually cared. It’s been years since we’ve actually spent time together. Besides, it’s probably that she’s just too wrapped up in love to care about anyone else right now. Who knows, maybe I’d be the same way.

  “Okay, tomorrow night I’ll go,” I say, positive that when tomorrow comes around she’ll forget.

  “You promise?” She waits in the doorway, keys in hand for me to answer.

  “Yes, tomorrow night, I promise.”

  Bailey

  Tammy pulls up and parks. She gets out of the car alone. I sigh, disappointed once again that her cousin’s not with her. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t care. I met the girl once. I’m over it.

  “Kid, get over here and show Pete your fucked up tattoo.” Tony waves me over.

  I hate that I have no choice but to walk over and lift up my shirt. I spent fifty bucks on the tatt and it’s not as bad as everybody says. These assholes just like having someone to make fun of. And nine out of ten times that person is me.

  “What the fuck is that?” Pete squints, looking at my chest. Tony and the guys roar with laughter behind him.

  “The S from Superman,” I say, clenching my jaw. It may not be a perfect tattoo but you’d have to be a God damn fool not to recognize one of the most iconic logos of all time. They all get off on busting my balls. One day I feel like I’m just gonna fucking snap.

  I turn away from the group. The others are still howling at my expense. The empty beer can I kick into the road makes a hollow clang. I continue kicking it all the way back down to my house. Dad’s outside on the front porch. I take a seat on the step, reaching for a smoke. Both of us puff in silence. The only noise is the creak of wood from the motion of his rocker.