Panic (The Flaw Series)

by Ringbloom, Ryan

  In a junk drawer under the counter, I search around and find a black sharpie and some paper. This is never gonna come out right, but hopefully she’ll appreciate the effort.

  It takes me a while to sort out what it is I want to say. When I’m done, I cap up the marker and toss it back in the drawer.

  She’s still asleep but stirs when I walk to the doorway and knock on the wooden frame. Slowly she raises her head and I flick on her light, giving her a second to adjust.

  “What are you doing?” she asks, yawning.

  “I’m gonna do something and once I start, we’re not allowed to talk. Okay?”

  She eyes the stack of papers in my hand, then nods her head yes, I straighten the paper sheets, ready to begin. “Now, I didn’t actually watch the movie, but I think I got the gist from when you told me about it.” I shuffle nervously in the doorway. “Okay, here we go, remember no talking.”

  I reveal the first piece of paper.

  I’m doing this because I am a big . . .

  I flip to the next page where I drew a picture of a cat and wrote,

  Pussy! Just like the guy in your favorite movie.

  When she told me about the movie, she had said it was funny, romantic, and sad all at the same time. She laughs at my drawing, so I guess I pulled off the funny part.

  I read the profile.

  You did a great job picking out the right couple.

  Kent and Robin are perfect.

  She smiles at me through tear-filled eyes as I turn to each new page.

  But just because they are perfect, doesn’t mean it’s not gonna break my heart watching her go.

  She catches a tear before it slides down her cheek. I lower my head to focus on the pages for a minute, looking away from her tears. When I’m ready, I stand up straight and keep going. I’ve got a lot to say in the next pages.

  The night on the beach we pretended to love each other.

  And even though it was pretend, when I look back to it . . .

  Those feeling we were pretending about. They seem real now.

  When I think back to that night . . .

  I’ve taken away the pretending element.

  And the memory of the love that night has become real.

  Does that make sense?

  I stop flipping pages for a second and raise my shoulders.

  She wipes away some more tears and nods her head.

  I know what happens next, we’ll be sad, empty, starting over.

  I am so thankful to not be saying these things out loud to her. My breath is starting to jutt out of me without even saying a word. Pulling deep and filling my lungs, I turn the page, preparing to ask an important question.

  When we start over, are we starting over together?

  Her hands race up to her cheeks, wiping away the overflow of tears. I stand back and tip my head up to stare at the ceiling, keeping my own emotions in check. My teeth tear at the inside of my cheek, trying to focus on physical pain versus the internal aching going on inside of me. When I bring my eyes back down to meet hers, she gives me a shaky smile, then her head bobs up and down in a yes motion.

  Relieved, I walk over, swoop down and place my lips softly against hers for a kiss. Her kiss fills so much of the emptiness inside of me. I pull back and return to my spot in the doorway, not quite done yet. I flip to the next page.

  I need a smoke.

  She sniffs out a small laugh, which is what I was hoping for when I wrote it, a moment away from the realness of all that I’m saying to her. I’m glad it worked.

  One more page to go. The big one. I turn the last piece of paper over.

  I love you. No pretending.

  Her watery blue eyes continue to spill tears. She scans the room until she spots what is she’s searching for. Her hand reaches over to the dresser. It’s a struggle for her to lean that far but she gets it. She motions with her hand for me to come back over. I walk over to her and she takes the last paper from my hand. With the pen she grabbed, she scribbles something and hands it back to me.

  I love you, too. No pretending.

  Epilogue

  Kent

  There’s a big banner with bright pink lettering hanging up in the living room when we walk inside our home, carrying our daughter.

  Welcome home Michelle Shayna Daniels! We love you!

  We were in Florida for several weeks. In that time, Aunt Ashley has come in and babified our whole house. It is a vision of wall-to-wall pink.

  I look down into the beautiful eyes of my little girl. She’s perfect in every way. My nieces are hopping up and down excitedly, ready to meet their new cousin. Everyone wants to hold her, but my mother pushes forward, insisting Grandma gets to hold her first.

  Robin is glowing. I’ve never seen her look more beautiful. She watches carefully, making sure our precious little girl is never out of her sight.

  After the excitement level calms down a few notches, Robin has everyone gather around. My parents sit next to Matthew on the couch. Our adorable nieces, Lola and Carly, climb up next to them. Patrick and Ashley stand behind and Ashley attempts at fixing the squiggling little girls’ hair bows. I have Michelle wrapped snuggly in my arms, bowing down to kiss her precious little head. Robin sets a timer on her phone and then races over in place to stand next to me. It takes a few seconds before the flash goes off, and the picture’s taken.

  Robin goes back to her phone and types. She returns a minute later to take Michelle from me. I give the dark fluff of hair on her head one last kiss before she goes off to mommy. “Did you send it?” I ask.

  “Yeah.” Her eyes fill. Saying goodbye to them wasn’t easy for us. Those two extraordinary people who created our most favorite person on earth.

  We spent a bit of time with them both before and after Michelle was born. Shayna would grab our hands and let us feel when Michelle kicked. We got to hear her heartbeat at the final doctor’s visit. They allowed us to be in the room for the birth. Shayna even asked if Robin wanted to cut the cord. They kept giving us one gift after another. We experienced things we never thought possible.

  The love we have for Michelle, well, we knew that would be instant. And my God, the first time we held her in our arms I think our hearts nearly tripled in size. What we weren’t prepared for was the strong love we also felt towards Shayna and Bailey. It’s quite extraordinary. For the rest of our lives they’ll be part of us. We’ll be grateful for them every single day. They gave us everything.

  Bailey

  The sound of my new phone going off startles me. I’m not used to having it yet. I open the text and hold the phone close for a good look.

  “It’s a picture. They’re home,” I say to Shayna.

  She stands over my shoulder, craning to get a good look. Michelle is being held by her daddy, surrounded by her family. Her mommy isn’t even looking at the camera, her eyes are set on the little pink bundle. There’s a banner and a big bunch of pink balloons behind them. The faces of all the family members are smiling. They’re happy and celebrating. They have a new family member. One it’s obvious they all love very much.

  The love we feel for Michelle is overwhelming. And I never thought we’d be able to give her anything. But me and Shayna, we did good. It turns out that because of that love, we were able to give her everything.

  The end.

  Dear Reader,

  This story is very close to my heart and I thank all of you who took the time to read it. It means a lot to be able to share my words with you.

  Love,

  Ryan

  Acknowledgments

  Jeff - The real life Patrick who puts up with a whole lotta Ashley-esque crap. I love you. Thanks for supporting this crazy thing I woke up one day and decided to do.

  William – My mini Superman, I love you so much I think I’m gonna explode! KABOOM!

  Jennifer Weiser - You read my stuff, listen to me complain about it and then read it again. You truly are the best friend ever. I am so thankful for everything that
you do for me. You go above and beyond every single day. I’d be lost without you!

  Rachael Bailey - I love that we met because of our shared crush over a hot guy named Preston. You are fantastic! Thank you for you reading through the early stages of my MS and always replying to my random craziness with such positivity. Oh, and obviously…I love the name Bailey.

  Shealy James - I know you are so busy, but I love that you are never too busy to help out a fellow friend and author. Thank you for all your help. I appreciate it more than you know.

  @JenniferWeiser @RachaelxAnn @Shealyjames @ChristinaTBB @Lizziew30 @Winchesterbooks @Theresatroutman @Joeythefandude #ThankYou #LoveUguys

  About the author

  Ryan Ringbloom lives for anything Romance. The passion, love, angst, awkwardness… she loves all of it. When Ryan needs a break from reality she sneaks off to read a romantic story or write one of her own. Drinking coffee, reading Tweets and hugs from her five year old are the best part of her day.

  You can follow her on Twitter: @RyanRingbloom or visit her website at www.RyanRingbloom.com Feel free to contact her, she would love it!

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