The smile that stretched across his face was anything but innocent. “Laundry as well.”
“Well, isn’t that a coincidence,” I said, under my breath. My skin tingled where he was pressed against me on the bench. Now I would be anticipating chores all day.
After breakfast, I headed out with the rest of them toward class. Everything was basic and essential, or so they said. We took history, economics, politics, English and math. We even took different languages, like Spanish and mandarin, which didn’t feel so basic or necessary but I fumbled my way through them like everyone else. Everything here had a purpose, even if I didn’t know that purpose.
Classes dragged. They always did. Most of the things they were teaching us were things I had already learned back at home at St. Joseph’s. There were no grade levels; there was no need for that. All the children were grouped together, all the preteens, and all those high school age.
Which meant reading The Scarlet Letter again, even though I’d been through that horrible monstrosity before.
“Miss Valentine?”
I startled in my chair and looked up at the teacher. My eyes narrowed as they always did in this class. “Yes?”
Caspar looked at me with those sad eyes and I deflated a little. He missed my mom, a lot, and I knew he sometimes saw her in me. It must have been hard sitting in front of me, knowing that his wife was dead, buried in a grave back in Nebraska, and the only remnant he had left of her was me. I tried to hate him less but it was an ongoing battle.
Imagine my surprise, when I arrived in class a few days after arriving here, learning that the teacher in charge of English was none other than my stepfather, who my mom had been convinced was dead. He had managed to get out of Los Angeles before the bombs hit and was making his way to Nebraska, to the house he and my mother had shared, when he was picked up by Sanctuary.
I had yet to ask him what kept him from continuing on to Nebraska. He had no idea of she was alive or dead until I had arrived here and it drove me insane not knowing why he hadn’t just left Sanctuary to go and get her. Sure, it would have been a fruitless mission but he didn’t know that.
I hadn’t had the courage to ask him yet. I was afraid that I would just start yelling if I did.
Apparently, though, being a published author gave him enough credit to teach English and now I had to see him every single day.
Every. Single. Day.
I had to give him this, though. Whatever history had existed between myself and my mother, and by default, him, whatever drama had been caused by their affair and eventually marriage, he had loved her very much. Having to tell him that she had died, that she was buried in the backyard of their farmhouse in Constance, was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. It had put a sort of unspoken truce between us but it was hard not to feel unhappy when I was around him.
“What” I asked, my voice low. There were titters and whispers around the room and I rolled my eyes. “I’m sorry. I must have missed your question, sir.”
“We were discussing the idea of fault in the novel. Who do you think is at fault for the events that take place in the novel?”
I wished for a moment that I still had my notebooks, tucked in a drawer, back at home. Those were nothing but bits of rubble and radiation now, just like everything else I had left back in New York. “Nobody. Everybody. You could argue for any of them.”
Caspar’s eyebrows rose. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you can argue that its Hester’s fault or Arthur’s or even just place the blame on the archaic Puritan ideas they had. But then maybe it’s no one’s fault. And also why place blame on anyone? Sometimes shit just happens and we deal with it. Move on.”
“Language, Zoey,” Caspar said. “Although, that’s an interesting idea you bring up; moving on. Do you think it’s easy for a person to move on from something that hurts a lot of people?” He stared at me, pointedly, and I flushed. There were a few silent moments before he turned away from me and engaged in conversation with someone else.
Lunch was a mundane meal, as per usual. A cup of tuna mixed with light mayo, carrot and celery sticks, some crackers and a small glass of orange juice. It was just enough to get us through the rest of the day until dinner before chores.
I was folding shirts in the corner of the room when Ash walked over to me, grabbed a shirt from the pile and started folding with me. He stayed like that, in silence, as he folded three or four shirts before he finally whispered, “Follow me.”
I dropped the shirt in my hands and followed him through the room. We snuck out the door and down the hallway. Ash’s fingers circled my wrist as he opened a nondescript door and pulled me through.
We were in a supply closet. It looked like mostly medical supplies. It was dark until Ash flipped the switch and a low glow filled the small space.
“Well, this is cozy,” I remarked, looking around.
“Hey, it’s the best I could do under short notice,” Ash shot back. “I scoped this place out all week.” We stared at each other for a long moment before we both burst out laughing and I practically launched myself at him. It felt damn good to be in his arms and I couldn’t help how happy I felt.
It wasn’t the first time we had snuck off and had these moments with each other but it was getting harder and harder to make it happen. There weren’t a lot of places in Sanctuary for privacy and it was hard to get away from the endless duties we were committed to by living here. We took every single moment that we could to spend with each other. I never knew when I would get another one.
“God, I miss you,” Ash said, his cheek pressed tightly against the top of my head.
“How is it possible that I see you every single day but you feel miles away?” I asked, folding myself tighter into him. “Sneaking off every once in awhile just isn’t enough.”
“I know we’re safe and all that, but god I hate that I can never see you or spend time with you or even just hug you.”
“Agreed.”
“How are you doing? Really?” Ash asked, pulling away from me a little bit so he could look me in the eye.
“I’m fine,” I assured him quickly. Ash was there when the doctors talked to me about PTSD so I wasn’t surprised that he looked doubtful, his eyebrows jumping high on his forehead. I laughed. “Really, I am.”
“No more nightmares?”
I squirmed uncomfortably. “Not…often.”
“Zoey…”
“Don’t ‘Zoey’ me. You’re the only person here that doesn’t look at me like I’m suddenly going to go on a bender or something. I’m fine. I’m not going to break.”
“I know you’re not,” he inserted. “Sometimes I just…I forget that. But that doesn’t mean I’m not worried about you, Zoey. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to care that you’re still alone in that bed, scared.”
My lips pressed tightly together and my fingers clenched tightly at his waist. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”
“I know you will. If there’s anything I’m sure of, it’s you.” He winked at me and I smirked. The fact that the Ash Matthews charm was still in full force, even after the awful year that we had just had, meant that there was some normalcy in the world. “Now come here.”
His lips came down on mine and I answered with enthusiasm, my hands wrapping tightly around the back of his neck. A low rumble went through his chest, as his hands reached for the hem of my shirt. His hands were cool on my warm skin and I pressed myself tighter to him as my tongue traced a quick sweep of his lower lip. He groaned loudly, and lifted me up easily, placing me on a cart tucked against the wall. Supplies went everywhere, but neither of us really noticed.
My heart was beating fast in my chest as he placed a few light bites across my collarbone. A low moan escaped my lips and a smile stretched across his face as his hand pressed tight against my ribcage. My skin burned at the contact, even with the clothes between us. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and started yanking it over his head, tossing it somewhe
re behind him. My hands skimmed over his hard chest, loving the way the goosebumps raised under my fingertips. Ash deepened the kiss, his fingers tight on the back of my neck.
“Ash?” I managed to say in between the ridiculously amazing kisses he was laying on me.
“What is it, beautiful?” he whispered, his lips tracing an impossibly sweet trail along my jawline.
“I love you,” I said, my fingernails digging into his skin as my hands gripped his arms.
The smile he gave me was like a thousand fireworks in the dimly lit closet. His hands ran down my spine, causing little gasps to escape my lips, before they landed on my waist. He tugged me closer to him. “I love you. Always.”
There was no more space between us after that. His hands slipped below the waistband of my pants and I lost my breath as he brushed over exactly the right spot. I could feel him pressed hard against me and I panted as his tongue danced with mine. I raked my nails against his skin, causing him to moan against my mouth.
My hands were in the middle of tugging his pants down when there was a sudden flood of light in the supply closet. We pulled away and looked over in the direction of the door. There were several people peering in the doorway at us, one of them the old cranky man who was in charge of the laundry room.
“We were looking for you. So glad we found you both safe and sound.” The sarcasm dripped off the old man’s lips like vinegar and I had the decency to look a little ashamed. “Mr. Matthews, please put your shirt back on, and both of you return to your duties.”
The door slammed shut and we were left together for a moment longer, though I knew they would give us thirty seconds at the most. I pressed my palms flat against his bare chest and sighed, frustrated. “This sucks.”
Ash pressed his lips back against my mine and laid a kiss on me that nearly had me saying “screw the rules” before he pulled away and found his shirt where I had tossed it. “It won’t always be like this, Zoey.” He offered his hand to me and I smiled, sadly, taking it and letting him lead me out of the closet.
“ZOEY, DID YOU ever see the ocean?”
I closed my eyes briefly, putting down the book I had been attempting to read in my lap. I’d read it a million times. It had meant the world to me when Ash had stolen Bert’s copy of The Mists of Avalon, knowing that it was my favorite book, but it was hard to read when it was all I really did in here.
We were in our room, enjoying what Sanctuary liked to call “free time”. Basically, this was a two-hour block after dinner and chores where we could do whatever we pleased, which was a loose interpretation of what it actually was. We were mostly limited to reading, staring at the ceiling, playing board games in the library or staring at the wall.
I was glad that I really, really liked to read.
“Of course I have.”
Kaya thought about that for a moment. “What is it like? Is it cold? What does it smell like? Are the waves really loud? All we have are pictures and videos and I’ve always wondered what it was really like and…”
“Do you think you’ll ever actually say anything to Corbin?” I asked, interrupting her babble. I had to cut her off. If I didn’t, she would ramble on for ages and I simply wasn’t in the mood for it tonight.
She startled in her bed and turned to me, her face pale. Her tongue peeked out between her lips as she regarded me nervously. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t act stupid, Kaya. You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.”
This was definitely not a lie or even an embellishment. When you lived in this sort of sheltered underground society, there wasn’t much to do besides work and learn. Kaya may have been clueless on a lot of things, like talking to a boy, and anything involving the outside world, but she was insanely smart and it was sometimes incredibly intimidating talking to her.
Until she asked about MTV or something. Then I just wanted to smother her with my pillow.
Kaya sighed, covering her face with her hands. “I hate being obvious.”
I couldn’t help it; I laughed. Kaya looked up at me and chanced a smile. It was not often that I smiled or laughed in this place, especially around anyone that wasn’t Ash, so I knew it made her happy to see it. “You are obvious. Luckily enough for you, Corbin seems to be pretty damn clueless.”
“He’s just so…perfect. He has those honey colored eyes and those cute brown curls and I just…” She sighed again, and flopped backward on her bed. “I’ve never felt like this before. It’s definitely an unusual feeling.”
“You have a crush on a boy,” I pointed out. “It’s really normal, I swear.”
“Not in Sanctuary,” she replied.
I rolled my eyes. “We have a stupid implant in our arm to keep us from having babies, not feelings. What do they think is going to happen?”
Kaya shrugged, as much as she could, considering she was lying down on her bed. She stared at the ceiling for a long moment. “What does it feel like?”
My feet dangled over the side of the bed as I regarded her. “What does what feel like?”
She fidgeted nervously for a moment. “You know, being with someone?”
I felt a flush fill my cheeks. “I don’t know if I want to talk about that.”
Kaya sat up quickly, looking horrified. “Oh, no, not like that, Zoey. Oh, I’m so embarrassed! That’s not what I meant!” She covered her face again and groaned loudly, her squeaky voice echoing in our room. “Sanctuary does teach about that, you know.”
I slumped in relief, immensely glad that I did not have to talk about sex with Kaya. It was bad enough having to describe what prom was like to her. “What did you mean then?”
She contemplated it for a moment. “Ash loves you.”
A flush filled my cheeks again and I smiled, despite my efforts not to. It had been a few months since Ash had first told me that he loved me but it didn’t get old. “He does.”
“What does it feel like?”
I didn’t miss a beat. “It feels incredible. The last year has been awful. It’s just been…so awful. I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever known except him. He’s always been there. And we’ve stuck together through all of this and still ended up together. He protects me and I protect him. He’s what keeps me pushing to survive. I don’t know if I would have ever survived without him.”
“I’m jealous.” The words were simple, and easy to miss, even in the near silence of our room. But our room was small and there was nowhere else for the sound to hide. She brought her knees up to her chest and regarded me with her large coffee colored eyes. She was so different from Madison, my best friend, but there were things that reminded me of her. Her deep black hair, her almond shaped eyes, turned down at the corners, the way her lower lip was just a tad fuller than the upper. She was taller, quieter, but she sometimes reminded me so much of Maddie, it hurt.
“Don’t be. I’m so lucky to have Ash, Kaya. I am so lucky. And I wouldn’t trade him for anything,” I said, firmly. “But both of us would have killed to have the safety that you’ve had for your entire life. We’ve lost our parents, our friends, everyone. You’ve been very lucky to be tucked away, never having to see the Awakened.”
Her eyes grew wide at the mention of the creatures that were still ravaging the entire country. “Are they scary?”
I took a deep breath and when I released it, it came out shaky and uneven. “They are the scariest things I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Kaya didn’t say anything after this and I wondered if she was done with the conversation. She had changed the subject away from her and Corbin, and I knew she was confident that I’d forgotten. I’d noticed though but I decided to let her off the hook, at least for the night.
I was going to bring it up again eventually though. Watching the two of them circle each other was sometimes the only form of entertainment I had, and I would continue to take advantage of it.
Instead my mind was on the Awakened. I hadn’t seen any since I was at Sekhmet. when I had learned th
at they were actual creations, accidental, but still created by Razi Cylon to take down everyone in her path to create a utopia. They were terrifying, monsters from every worst nightmare. I had killed so many of them but they had taken so much from me as well. They had killed both of my parents, they had taken my body and turned it into something I barely recognized some days. My fingers stroked the raised scar on my face, absentmindedly.
When I arrived at Sanctuary, all of the doctors and nurses had clucked over the ravaged scar on my face. It hadn’t healed cleanly and my mom hadn’t quite known what to do with it. It was a miracle that I hadn’t experienced any infection, though I felt like that was due to the doctors at Sekhmet. Those guys had created the virus that had wiped out most of the population. They’d created the Awakened. A large scar on a girl’s face was nothing compared to that.
But despite that, my face had been sewn back together by an eighteen-year-old boy who had no idea what he was doing. At the time, I hadn’t been picky. I was more concerned about not bleeding to death. The doctors here had stared at it, poked and prodded it, but they couldn’t do anything about it. It was there to stay and I was slowing learning to get used to the stares from the Sanctuary-born residents. It was hard sometimes to look at my own reflection in the mirror though. It was not a pretty sight.
“Zoey?”
I closed my eyes, trying as hard as I could to resist picking up my pillow and tossing it at her. “Yeah?”
“Is Ash a good kisser?”
I laughed again, and my eyes flew open. She smiled sheepishly at me, and my irritation disappeared, like it always did. She was just too easy to like, even when she was driving me up the wall. “He’s an excellent kisser.”
Kaya smirked at me. “Yeah, I’m sure. I heard you guys got caught in a supply closet the other day.”
The Sanctuary Page 3