The Sanctuary

by Sara Elizabeth Santana

  The walls felt like they were closing in on me. Ash was gone. Ash was not here. Just last night, we were in this bed, our limbs tangled together, whispering to each other. Just a few days ago, he had told me he would love me forever. It was just hours ago that I had kissed him and told him to be careful. And now he was gone. He was gone and my mind couldn’t comprehend that. The tears started flowing down my cheeks, silent but strong. I choked on my sobs.

  It felt hopeless. Like there was nothing I could do. Ash Matthews was only one person in Sanctuary and Octavia and the rest didn’t care that he was gone. They didn’t care that my walls were coming down and that he may be only one person, but he was my one person.

  I cried for hours. In the back of my mind, I questioned why I had been left alone for so long but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop crying. The tears kept coming as I imagined what was happening to him, what Razi Cylon was doing to him. I pictured the worst. I pictured him locked up in that room again. I pictured bruises. I pictured Awakened feeding on him. I couldn’t stop shaking and I cried until I felt like I had been drained dry. There was nothing left for me to let out.

  I lay on my side for a while, staring at the wall. Back at home, my walls were wood and I would stare for hours, trying to make pictures out of all the colors and variations in the grain. The walls here were perfectly white, the paint so even it felt like staring into a void. All the sadness and the fear that had been boiling in my veins since Octavia had handed me that note was barely there anymore. They were a simmer, overtaken by the overwhelming anger.

  Ash was in Sekhmet. He was there, trapped, being subjected to god knows what, and it was my fault. No one could ever tell me differently. It was there in the note. Razi didn’t want Ash; she never had. She wanted me and she had taken him to get to me.

  It burned me up. I had been out on patrol before. Why hadn’t she taken me then? Why did she take Ash? Why not me?

  The realization hit me like a bowling ball to my stomach. She wanted me to come on my own. It was a test. Just another test, like everything else she had done before.

  I sat up abruptly. Octavia had said she wouldn’t send anyone. She had expressly forbidden me to do anything about this. But she wasn’t the law. She wasn’t in charge, not really. This wasn’t a prison – I didn’t have to stay here. And I wasn’t going to. I was going to leave. I was going to go get Ash back. Even if I had to trade myself for him, I would do it. He didn’t deserve to be there, not for me.

  The decision came quickly. I climbed off my bed and nearly pitched to the side. My head was throbbing and my eyes were red and puffy from all the crying I had just done. I knew I should stay, regroup and rest, but now that I had my mind set on this, I didn’t want to waste any time. There were things that I had to do. I needed supplies and a weapon, but none of that would be available right now. There were two hours before curfew and the entire place would be lit up and monitored.

  I had to wait until everyone went to sleep.

  Kaya returned about an hour later and I pretended to be asleep. I curled myself up in a ball, facing the wall, and forced myself to breathe as evenly as I could.

  “Zoey?” Kaya whispered, carefully. I heard her come closer to my bed. She whispered my name one more time before I saw her shadow on the wall pivot, and get smaller as she walked away from me.

  I could hear her moving around our room, quietly changing into pajamas and brushing her teeth in our small bathroom before the lights went off and her bed creaked as she climbed into it. I stayed there, with the blankets pulled up to my chin, my heart beating a drum solo in my chest, as I impatiently waited for Kaya to fall asleep. It felt like ages before her snores filled the room.

  I tossed the blankets aside and climbed out of bed as quietly as I could. Kaya was a deep sleeper and didn’t flinch as I crossed the room to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face, before tying my hair back. I glanced at my reflection for a moment and winced. I looked like a nightmare but it didn’t matter.

  I tiptoed my way back to our room and squatted down next to my bed. There were packs stored under each bed, with two pairs of clothing, underwear, socks and a small supply of food. It was an emergency kit in case anything happened in Sanctuary, and most days I forgot that it was there. I had only remembered it while waiting for Kaya to return. There wasn’t nearly enough food in there, but it was a start. I would still have to raid the kitchens and somehow find my way into the weapons storage.

  The door of our room slid open with loud swishing noise and I paused, looking over my shoulder at Kaya. The light from the hallway hit her bed and she fidgeted for a moment before sighing and snuggling closer to her pillow. I sighed in relief, and pressed the wall for the door to slide close again.

  Sanctuary was sort of creepy at night when there was no one else awake. There were a few lights here and there, but most were dimmed or turned off completely. Sanctuary was all about conservation and I had never been so grateful for it until now. I was also insanely grateful for the dark uniform we were forced to wear. I had grown so tired of wearing black but at night when I was trying to sneak out, it was a huge advantage.

  It felt like hours had passed when I finally made it into the kitchen. It was large and intimidating in the daytime, even with dozens of people in there working and even more so now that it was empty. No one would be in here until the early hours of dawn to prepare breakfast. For now, it was silent. I crossed the room to the large industrial fridges that were embedded in the far walls to the right. I huffed as I opened a heavy door, a blast of cold air hitting me as it squeaked open. My eyes darted around, as if someone was going to jump out of the shadows merely because the door made noise as it opened. The nearest person was at least two floors away.

  There wasn’t much inside the fridge that I felt like I could take with me. I grabbed a lumpy block of cheese and some bread and then scooted out to the pantry, to find more sustainable food. I wasn’t sure exactly how far Sekhmet was from Sanctuary but the last thing I needed to worry about was having spoiled food with me. There was some jerky and some packaged dried nuts and crackers all in clean white boxes with a simple Venn diagram symbol printed on them. The Sanctuary logo was on everything, subtle but a reminder of where we were. I tucked them into my pack and snuck my way out of the kitchens, back into the cafeteria.

  I was halfway across the room when I heard it, the unmistakable noise of shoes scuffing against the linoleum of the cafeteria floor. I froze, franticly looking around in the dark for the source of the noise. There were shadows cast all over the floor from the dim lights that were spaced out on the wall. I was afraid to move. I didn’t think I’d get in too much trouble for being out of bed this late, but I knew I would get in trouble for taking things from the kitchens. Every resource here was precious.

  I didn’t know how long I stood there, waiting to hear the noise again, but I finally convinced myself that I must have imagined it. I continued, my steps slower and more careful than before. My heart pounded in my chest. If this was what sneaking into the kitchens was like, I didn’t know how on earth I was going to get into the weapons rooms.

  That’s when my name echoed across the empty room, barely more than a whisper. I whirled around, and spotted him almost immediately. Now that he was not lurking in the shadows, he was easy to see. Liam. “I knew I heard someone in here!”

  Liam ignored me. “What the hell are you doing?”

  I opened my mouth to answer and then closed it.

  “You heard Octavia. You heard exactly what she said about going after Ash. She completely forbade you from doing anything about it and you sat there and promised that you wouldn’t.” Liam’s voice was even, his hands tucked in his pockets as he studied me. He was a good ten feet away and showed no sign of wanting to close the distance.

  “Now I was sitting there in bed, worried about you. Because you came out of that office looking like you’d seen a ghost. And I’ve seen you go through a lot, Zoey Valentine. And I’ve never seen you look like
that. And so I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was what you were going through.”

  “Liam…”

  He continued, acting like he hadn’t heard his name. “So I found myself getting out of bed, even though it’s not allowed.” He rolled his eyes. “And what do I see when I come to your room? A tiny shadow, sneaking away to the kitchens.”

  A flush filled my face and I was glad that he couldn’t see me in the darkness of the cafeteria.

  “What are you doing, Zoey?”

  “You already know what I’m doing,” I shot out, hating the impatience I was hearing in his voice. “So why even bother asking?”

  Liam regarded me carefully. “I had always taken you as a survivor, Zoey. This is a suicide mission and you know it.”

  The word suicide brought a lump to my throat. The smart part of my brain knew that, knew that he was right and that leaving Sanctuary and heading to Sekhmet was just asking to die but… “I can’t leave him there, Liam. I can’t do that.”

  “He wouldn’t want you to do this for him. You know that right?”

  My lips pressed tightly together. I would not cry. I would not cry. I would not cry. “Yeah, well I don’t really care what he wants right now. Because I want him here. With me.”

  “This is exactly what she wants you to do, Zoey.” Liam’s voice rose, bouncing off the walls in the empty room and my eyes darted to the entrance. A guard could come by at any moment. “You know this is why she took him.”

  “So? What are you trying to say, Liam? That I should just leave Ash there because this is what she wants? Then it’s my fault. That makes it my fault that he is there.”

  “No.” Liam crossed the room and was in front of me. He grabbed my arms, shaking me a few times. “It is not your fault, Zoey. Not at all. Don’t you ever think that!” He took a deep breath. “You just can’t go back. That’s what she wants. She wants you.”

  “I don’t care!” Despite my previous concern about being heard, my voice came out as a shriek and I almost didn’t recognize it as my own. I felt out of control, hysterical and that was not the mindset that I needed to be in if I wanted to make my way across Colorado and into the most dangerous place in the country.

  “Zoey!”

  “No.” I interrupted. “I’m going. I’ve decided. You can try and stop me but we both know that I have no problem throwing your ass on the ground.”

  My heart was racing and my breathing was coming out heavy. Everything felt loud as the silence hung between us and I wondered if I would actually have to fight Liam to get out of here. Every moment wasted here was a moment that Ash could be…no. I didn’t want to think about it. I needed to focus. I needed to leave. I needed to get to him.

  Liam sighed, letting out a frustrated groan, pacing around. His fingers raked through his hair and he looked over at me. The look on his face was nearly unreadable; I couldn’t tell if he found me impressive or crazy. I watched him as he paced, making incoherent noises. Finally, his hands fell to his side and he sighed again. “All right. What’s the plan?”

  My jaw dropped in surprise. “Excuse me?”

  Liam’s jaw was straight and his lips firm and thin. “You heard me, Zoey. If you’re going to do this, fine. I obviously can’t stop you. But you must be out of your damn mind if you think I’m not coming with you.”

  “NO,” WAS MY immediate answer. “No way. You’re not coming. Come on, Liam…”

  “Come on, Zoey.” There was a smile on his face, though I could see even in the dark that it was strained. “Don’t act like this is surprising. I’m not going to let you do this by yourself.”

  I let out another frustrated shriek, this one much quieter than the previous one. I had the sudden urge to stamp my foot or punch him in the face. “God, you just said that it was a suicide mission. Why the hell would you sign up for that?”

  Liam shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe I’m crazy too.”

  “What about Astrid? What about the baby?”

  He faltered, his face going pale. He swallowed hard before responding. “Let’s face it, Zoey. None of us are safe with Sekhmet out there. We aren’t. No body is, especially you and Astrid and my baby.”

  I shuddered. He had a point and my heart squeezed in my chest, thinking of Ash in there. “You’re talking about taking down an entire evil corporation, just the two of us, Liam. I just want to get Ash back.”

  “Who knows, Zoey, maybe we can accomplish both.”

  It was my turn to consider him. His face was set and I knew how stubborn he could be. We were too much alike, the two of us, and I knew now that he decided there would be no changing his mind. “Fine.”

  A smile flashed across his face. “Let’s do this then.” He held out his hand to me and I looked at it, questioningly. “Give me the pack. I’ll carry it.”

  I frowned. “You know, I’m perfectly capable of carrying it.”

  “I didn’t say you weren’t,” he replied, easily. “Just hand it over.”

  I sighed, again, handing it over. I didn’t want to waste time arguing. Well, anymore time than we already had. “Can we go now?”

  There was a smirk at the corner of Liam’s mouth. “Yes, ma’am.” He pulled the pack over his broad shoulders, adjusting it so it didn’t cut off his circulation. “What was the next step of this plan?”

  It was hard to tell if he was being condescending and I shot a dark look in his direction. His face was clear though. “Well, we can’t exactly go without weapons and I honestly couldn’t figure out to get in there.”

  The two of us made our way out of the cafeteria, our shoes making no noise on the floor beneath us. The spiral walkway was abandoned, but the two of us stayed close to the wall, away from the light beaming in from the top dome. There wasn’t much light but the moon was bright enough to cast shadows everywhere, and we hid in those as much as we could.

  Liam’s voice was barely more than a whisper as we made our way to the weapons arsenal. “There are guards rotating throughout the day and night, which means they come and go, picking up weapons. We just need to sneak in while someone is going in or out.”

  “You make it sound so much easier than it is actually going to be,” I hissed back. We finally made it to the right floor, both of us pressing tighter against the wall. There was no one in sight yet but that didn’t mean someone wouldn’t sneak up on us. I bounced back and forth nervously from one foot to the other before Liam’s hand landed on my wrist and I stopped.

  Several people came in and out of the weapons’ room. No one guarded the room; there was no need to. The guards merely swiped their wristbands against a keypad. I knew that neither Liam’s nor mine would work; we weren’t cleared for guard duty this late at night. There was also no way to sneak in after someone. The door slid open and closed in an instant.

  “Shit, shit, shit…” I whispered, starting to bounce again.

  “Shh,” Liam said, his eyes wide. “We’ll just have to be careful.”

  “Careful?” I mouthed hysterically, fighting the urge to whack him upside the head. “That door opens and closes within seconds, Liam. We’re fast but we aren’t that fast.”

  Liam’s gaze slid back to the door to the weapons’ vault. “We’ll figure it out.” He didn’t sound that convincing.

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

  We waited for what felt like ages, hidden in a dark alcove. A few people came and went, about every fifteen minutes or so. I was about ready to just give up and figure out the weapons situation later when Liam sucked in a sharp breath.

  His grip on my wrist tightened. A guard, someone I hadn’t seen before, had exited the room, and was heading in our direction. We were hidden in the shadows but it wouldn’t be long before he ran into us. “Zoey, can you…” He made some indecipherable hand movements.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered, frantically, as each footstep brought the guard closer to us. Getting caught anywhere in Sanctuary would be bad on its own but being caught near the weapons woul
d be…well, I wasn’t sure but I knew I didn’t want to find out.

  The man staggered closer to us and I glanced around, still unable to decipher the absurd sign language that Liam was doing. Then it hit me, just as the guard stepped into the shadows where we were hiding. My arms darted out and in a few quick movements; the guard hit the ground with a soft thump. Liam moved forward, grabbing him under the armpits and dragging him further into our dark alcove.

  “Jeez, I forget how fast you can be sometimes,” Liam said, looking down at the unconscious body.

  I shot him a dark look. “Let’s just go.” Liam smirked at me. “Get his wristband. We’re going to need that to get into the weapons vault.”

  Liam nodded, twisting the wristband back and forth until he was able to slip it off the guard’s wrist. He held it tightly in his hands as both of us approached the door. I tried to act normal, like I belonged here, but my heart was pounding in my chest as the pad flashed green and the doors slid open. The two of us stepped in and immediately went in separate directions.

  During patrols, we used the same weapons, the sort of weapons that shot fast and accurately and were meant for one thing: killing. These were the kind of weapon that soldiers used and they had always felt unfamiliar in my hands, though I knew the perks to having them when several Awakened were heading your way.

  However, this place was stocked with nearly every kind of weapon imaginable, and during practices we were allowed to use whatever we were comfortable with. I knew exactly where I wanted to go. The small weapons – the sort of handguns that I had grown accustomed to using – were tucked in the back corner. I felt a pang at the loss of my father’s gun but shook it off. These weapons were just as good.