The Sanctuary

by Sara Elizabeth Santana

  “I swear, it’s like neither of you have seen a pregnant girl before,” Astrid joked. The two of us stared at her for a long moment, neither of us responding. “Wow, tough crowd here.”

  “What are you doing here, Astrid?” I asked carefully, since it seemed that Liam was incapable of saying anything at the moment. His mouth was open and it made him look a little bit like a fish. I resisted the sudden urge to laugh and focused on Astrid. She was dressed in normal clothes, not a Sanctuary uniform, with a pack slung across her shoulders. “How on earth did you get out of there?”

  Astrid rolled her eyes. “You guys snuck out in the middle of the night. They’re going crazy looking for you. They’re so focused on looking for you that they didn’t even notice that I had left. When we get back, we need to file a formal complaint to Octavia because, seriously, it should not have been that easy for me to leave…”

  I shook my head. “Okay…” I said, slowly, taking it in. “But that doesn’t really explain what on earth you are doing here.”

  She shrugged. “I assume you’re going to go get Ash. So I’m coming too.”

  This, it seemed, finally woke Liam out of his stupor. He shook his head and nearly sprinted over to Astrid, even though she was barely ten feet away from us. His hand grabbed her bicep roughly and he pulled her toward him. “No. No way.” His voice was so firm and settled that for a moment, he reminded me of my dad when I told him I wanted to go to a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

  “Liam…” Astrid started to protest.

  “No. No, no, no, no, no. No way. Astrid. Come on. You’re not going. If I have to drag you all the way back up to Sanctuary myself, I’ll do it. You are not coming with us. You’re crazy.” Liam’s voice was strained, like he was barely able to control himself. His entire body was shaking; I had never seen him so angry before. “You realize this whole thing is basically a suicide mission, right?”

  “And yet you’re still going,” Astrid grumbled, trying and failing to yank her arm out of Liam’s grip.

  “That’s different. I’m not…” He was unable to finish his sentence.

  “What? Short? Female? Mexican?” Astrid’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “I’m not an invalid, Liam. I’m pregnant and I’m barely pregnant. And if you recall, it’s her fault. So if you think you can leave me behind while you go taking down the enemy, you have another thing coming, honey.”

  There was a silence between the two of them while I fought really hard not to laugh. The more time that I spent around Astrid, the more that I really liked her. She had a stubborn look on her face that made her look even younger, I knew that Liam would always have a hard time with her and I was glad. Liam needed someone to keep him on his toes.

  “I just want you to be safe, Astrid. Is that so much to ask?” Liam finally said, softly. He was looking down at her like she was the most important thing in the world and she was returning that look. I suddenly felt like I was intruding on a moment that I definitely should not have been a part of.

  “I’m safer when I’m with you.” Astrid’s hand fluttered anxiously at her abdomen. She looked down at it, biting her lip, before looking back up. “She did this to me, Liam, and even though the two of us are going to do this, I’m still angry. I’m angry and I’m scared. This is not our baby and you know that. While that bitch is still alive, he or she belongs to her. And I’m not okay with that. So if you guys are going, I’m going too.”

  Liam growled, frustrated, running his free hand through his hair. I had seen him do that way too much in the past few months and knew it as his nervous tic. He only ran his hand through his hair when he was frustrated.

  “Look,” I said, cutting in. the two of them turned to me in surprise and I realized they had forgotten that I was there. I rolled my eyes, annoyed. “I get where you’re coming from, Astrid. You’re angry and you have every damn right to be. But you know she wants that baby and you know…” I trailed off, as it finally connected.

  “Zoey?”

  “She knew. She knew we would be back,” I said, my voice low. “She’s playing games. She’s been testing us. That’s what she does.” The two of them looked at me confused and my next words came out impatiently. “Razi Cylon. She let the two of you go. Just handed you to Sanctuary without an explanation. Why would she do that?” I swallowed hard. “She knew that we would all be back. She knew that I would come for Ash, and she knew that you would come with me.”

  “Zoey…”

  I shook my head. “You can’t come, Astrid. You can’t just willingly walk back in there and hand it to her. That’s exactly what she wants. That’s exactly what she’s expecting. Sanctuary might not be the safest place in the world but at least it’s not walking into freakin’ Sekhmet.”

  Astrid yanked her hand out of Liam’s grip now that he seemed distracted and she stumbled, catching herself before she could tumble to the ground. Her arms folded tightly across her chest. “I don’t care, Zoey. I don’t. I have every right to be there as the two of you. You know that. I’m three months pregnant. I’m capable of coming with you. I’m capable of a lot more than you think I am.” She threw a scathing look in Liam’s direction.

  “I do think you’re capable!” Liam protested faintly.

  “You don’t though. I see the way you look at me, Liam. Like you’re ready for me to just crumble to pieces, even though you know I’m not. I was a mess in that place, Jesus, but could you blame me? Then I see the way you look at Zoey…” Astrid looked over at me and I flushed. “You look at her like she’s constantly impressing you and it drives me insane. I’m strong too! It might be in a different way than Zoey. I may not be able to shoot a gun and I may not be able to flip a guy onto his back but I’m strong too. So let me come with you.”

  The two of us were looking at her flabbergasted. She was breathing heavily, frustration and anger rolling off her in waves. Her face was bright red and her eyes were darting to Liam in panic, waiting for his response.

  Liam was staring at her. Even if you didn’t know him as well as I did, you could see that he was looking at her the way she thought he looked at me. He was drinking her up, like he could never get enough of her and it was both beautiful and painful to look at it because Ash looked at me like that. I needed him to look at me like that. I needed him back here with me.

  “Why are you so frustrating?” Liam finally said, his voice a low growl. “Why do you have to be so damn stubborn and frustrating?”

  Astrid’s face was even redder than before but her voice was firm and demanding when she spoke. “Well, you’re just going to have to get used to it because I love you and I’m not going anywhere so you just…you just have to get used to it.”

  My fists clenched tightly. She had said it; she had said those three words and she had said them with so much defiance. She was standing there, her small face set and determined, waiting for him to say something and Liam’s face was just shocked and pale. There were no words coming out. I was starting to get worried and I could see the doubt in Astrid’s eyes.

  Then Liam moved suddenly, closing the distance between the two of them in a matter of seconds. His hands went to her hips, lifting her easily, and her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. Their mouths collided and the kiss was fast and feverish and I could feel the emotion even from where I was standing. My face was a wave of embarrassment but I was happy for them. They clung to each other, and when I heard Astrid emit a tiny moan, I cleared my throat, loudly. The two of them broke apart, looking sheepish.

  “Sorry, Zoey,” Liam said, not taking his eyes off of Astrid. I didn’t say anything. I doubted they would have even heard me if I had.

  “That was unexpected,” Astrid said, softly, looking a little bit dazed. “It’s not often a girl gets pregnant and then gets the kiss the father.”

  Liam laughed softly, using his fingers to push her hair behind her ears. He didn’t look angry anymore; he actually looked more relaxed than I had ever seen him. “Always with the j
okes,” he said, shaking his head. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you too, you little monster.” He laughed again, sounding out of breath. “God, that’s fucking crazy but it’s true. I love you too.”

  Astrid smiled and it lit everything up. I felt a shoot of pain go through me. Ash, I wanted Ash. I needed him. He was gone and he’d been gone for over 24 hours and I didn’t even know if he was still alive, but I had to believe. I had to believe that she was keeping him alive, making sure that we made it back to her. We had to go. I couldn’t keep her waiting.

  My voice shook when I spoke next. “Not that I’m not super happy for the two of you because, duh, you love each other and anyone with eyes could see that, but I have someone who I love that isn’t here and I need… I need…” I broke off, unable to finish.

  Liam and Astrid both frowned, looking concerned, and Liam put Astrid back down. Astrid came over to me, wrapping me up in a hug. I squeaked in surprised before closing my eyes and pressing tighter into her. She was smaller than me but softer, and hugging her felt like the right thing to do.

  “We’re going to get him back, Zoey,” Liam assured me, coming to stand next to us. “We won’t leave him in that place.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut tighter as if the action would prevent the moisture from pooling in the corners. I was so tired of crying. I was so tired. “Can we go, please? I can’t stand knowing that the longer the longer we take, the longer Ash is there…”

  “Of course. I’m sorry, Zoey, this is my fault,” Astrid said, squeezing me tighter before letting me go and looking at me straight in the eyes, her hands still gripping my shoulders.

  I shook my head. “No. It’s not. I’m so insanely happy for you guys. But it makes me miss him more and I don’t know what she’s doing to him, whether she’s hurting him or…” I couldn’t say the words. Killing him. She might be killing him right at that moment and I couldn’t think of that because she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t do that, not while she thought there was a chance that I would be coming to get him.

  “We’re going to go. We’re going to go right now,” Liam said, reaching for our pack and grabbing his rifle off the shelf where he had stored it. He slung it over his shoulder and then looked over at Astrid, hesitating. “There’s really no way I can convince you to stay behind.”

  Astrid shot him a look and he sighed. “You don’t even have a weapon…” he grumbled under his breath, but Astrid remained firm. “All right. Fine. Let’s go then.”

  I WAS EXTREMELY dirty.

  I had been spoiled the past few months at Sanctuary, even the month prior to that at Sekhmet. I had been given access to clean water, which meant that I got to be clean. Being back in the woods again, traipsing over abandoned highways, and sleeping in the dirt had given me a thick layer of grime that I was not overly fond of. Not only was I exhausted, my muscles screaming with each step that I took, I felt disgusting. Everything about this felt wrong, hopeless, and we had barely left.

  It had been two days since we left Sanctuary. We only had a vague idea of where Sekhmet was. Liam and Astrid had no memory whatsoever of the journey from one to the other, and I had come there from Bert’s place. I hardly remembered my own escape from Sekhmet to Bert’s house. I had been too preoccupied keeping my hands on Ash’s bleeding wound.

  I was also hungry. I had only packed enough provisions to last myself a decent amount of time and between the three of us, especially the pregnant girl who was hungry all the time, the supplies had diminished fairly quickly. Liam was a good hunter, had been so since he was a kid, or so he had told me, but there wasn’t much to hunt. Ever since the Awakened had appeared last year, the animals had disappeared.

  But with exhaustion and hunger came another obstacle: irritability. The three of us had settled into a tense silence, barely speaking to one another except to debate on which direction to head. The two of them kept turning to me. To be fair, I was the only one that had any memory of leaving Sekhmet, and this was my crazy mission. But I had no answers and I knew it.

  I was about ready to lose my mind when we ran into some luck. The area in which we were travelling was starting to look familiar, and I guided us in an actual direction, feeling, for the first time, that I actually knew where I was going. The two of them grumbled behind me as we picked our way through broken and abandoned cars on the highway. My feet were aching, and I didn’t want to walk anymore. I was so done with walking. Each step felt like pins and needles and it didn’t help that the shoes I was wearing were soft, meant for walking around the halls of Sanctuary, not hiking across Colorado.

  Just as I was about ready to give up, crawl into one of the cars and pass out for as long as my body wanted to, I spotted it. There was a turn off the highway that I knew I recognized and I started running. I heard faint protests behind me as I took off sprinting. Everything in my body was protesting but I knew where I was.

  The house appeared sooner than I had expected and I felt a crushing wave of relief flood through me. I hadn’t seen it in months and had only spent a few days there, but it had felt like a temporary home. It was where I had finally been safe. It had been where Bert had saved Ash’s life. It reminded me that not all was lost. There was still hope.

  I stopped in front of the house, waiting for Liam and Astrid to catch up. They were both out of breath. Astrid was particularly red in the face and I felt bad. Every hard moment that we’d had, climbing over rocks, or even just a straight shot down the highway for miles in the hot sun, sent a shock of guilt through me. She tired much quicker than Liam and I but she never complained, not when she fell, not when she was scratched up, not even when a sunburn bloomed all over her shoulders.

  “What is this?” Astrid asked through heavy breathing. She was looking up at the house in curiosity.

  “This is Bert’s house,” I explained, unable to keep the excitement and relief out of my voice.

  Recognition flashed on Astrid’s face. She knew who Bert was and she knew what he meant to me and Ash. She knew this had been our safe haven. “Do you think he’ll mind if we break in?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, I don’t think he’ll care. Now that he’s at Sanctuary, this place isn’t being used. And even though I doubt he’d be completely okay with the fact that we are on this rescue trip, I think he’d be glad to know we found this place.”

  Liam shrugged. “Either way, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?”

  “Considering he’s not even here…” I trailed off. I sighed, and started making my way up the steps. “Come on.”

  It turned out we didn’t need to do much breaking in. Astrid shoved past both of us, bending over the lock. She dug through our pack until she came up with the first aid kit and she removed a needle out of it. She studied it for a moment before inserting it into the lock. After a few moments, it clicked and the door swung open when she turned it. She smiled triumphantly and swept out her hand, inviting us in.

  I was impressed. “Now where on earth did you learn to that?” I asked, moving past her to take refuge inside the house. She smiled but didn’t answer.

  It was dark inside and none of the light switches did anything when flipped. I remembered that Bert had his own generator and I figured he probably shut it down now that he wasn’t staying here. It was late in the day and there was some light drifting through some of the windows. We rummaged through the drawers in the kitchen before we found a flashlight and even a couple of candles. We had a box of matches in the pack. We would be okay.

  “Zoey!” Liam called from the bathroom. “We have running water. It’s freezing as hell but its here.”

  I sagged. “It’s probably so wrong but all I really want right now is to be clean.”

  He came out of the bathroom and raised his eyebrow at me.

  A sigh escaped my lips and I plopped myself down on the sofa, which nearly collapsed underneath me. “I know. Perspective.”

  He reached forward and squeezed my shoulder tightly. “Go take a shower. And get so
me rest. You deserve both. We are going to get Ash, Zoey. But don’t feel bad for feeling anything. Don’t feel bad for wanting to be clean or for wanting to sleep.”

  I swallowed hard and nodded, pushing myself off the couch, which was an ordeal in itself. Liam offered his hand to me and yanked me up. I smiled at him gratefully and headed down the hallway to the bathroom.

  After I had showered, which felt good even with the cold water hitting my skin, I wrapped myself in a towel and let myself into the room that I had stayed in last time I was here. The memories hit me like a heavy brick to the chest. Last time I’d been in this room I’d been with Ash. It was the same room that he had told me he loved me. It was the room where everything had changed. I took a deep breath, trying hard to clear my thoughts and crossed the room to the dressers, looking for something clean to wear.

  It may still have been weird to wear Octavia’s old clothes, but I figured she owed me. I made a face as I yanked out a shirt and pants. Clean clothes were clean clothes, no matter who they used to belong to.

  I climbed up into the bed, yanking the covers down, loving the softness that brushed against my bare skin. The blankets at Sanctuary had been for utility, not comfort, and there were many nights where I missed my big fluffy comforter back in New York. Not that it existed anymore. It was probably nothing more than ashes.

  I didn’t want to think about that though. All I wanted to do was sleep. Sleep was the only thing I could think about. There was a slight rumble in my stomach. I hadn’t eaten anything substantial in days but my stomach was also churning, full of worry for Ash and terror for the three of us, taking on this entire place to get him back.

  I wasn’t sure when I fell asleep, lost in my thoughts about Ash, but when I awoke it was dark and I blinked a few times in confusion, unsure of where I was for a moment. I had awoken suddenly, like I had heard a noise or something. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to stay in that bed. Then I heard it, the noise again, a whisper in the darkness. It was my name.