The Sanctuary

by Sara Elizabeth Santana

  “That’s your first mistake.” He spun me and I was against the wall in a split moment, my head knocking against the hard plaster. I saw stars and I blinked, trying to regain my sight.

  Ash was staring down at me, his arms braced on the wall behind me, locking me in. The unfamiliar black eyes bore into mine and I shuddered. His fingers reached for me, brushing my hair out of my face. “Christ, Zoey, why do you have to be so goddamn beautiful?”

  His head lowered toward mine and I flinched, my eyes squeezing shut. “Just get it over with already,” I demanded, quietly. “Just kill me.”

  His voice was just a whisper on my jawline. “Soon,” he promised. “But not yet.” His lips lowered and his teeth found the soft skin of my collarbone. His tongue made circles and he moaned slightly at the taste of the blood. He broke the skin there and I gasped, the pain rippling through my chest and into my stomach.

  “Ash,” I pleaded, softly. “Stop. Please.”

  He yanked himself back and his expression darkened. There was anger burning in his dark eyes and he snarled at me. He pulled me away from the wall and shoved me. “Run, Zoey. I want to see you run away from me.”

  I stared at him, at the growling monster in front of me.

  “Run!” he screamed, spit flying from his mouth.

  MY HEART WAS threatening to break out of my rib cage and make an escape. I tripped over my own feet as I hurried away from him, colliding with the wall before I found my balance and sprinted faster than I had before. There were no taunts this time, no songs, no teasing. All I could hear was his frantic breathing behind me as he chased me. He was right at my heels and I was confused. Why was he letting me run? Why didn’t he just stop this now?

  We had reached a crowded hallway. There were no people. In fact, it didn’t look like it was used to foot traffic often. There were cardboard boxes and carts overflowing with everything from tools to medical supplies crowding the hallway. I weaved my way in between them as best as I could. But my foot got caught and I lost my momentum, crashing into a cart. It tipped over. I was tired of playing this game.

  I sunk to the ground, spent. There were several things biting and poking into my skin but I didn’t care. My eyes struggled to stay open. I heard him coming closer but I couldn’t bring myself to get up. It was over. I was tired of playing this game.

  Ash had caught up to me and he threw himself at me. I barely managed to raise my arms to keep him from burying himself into my flesh. We struggled back and forth and more than once, his teeth found his way into me. I screamed, the sound filling the empty hallway.

  “Ash, please,” I sobbed as the pain ripped through me. He didn’t answer. He didn’t seem to hear. He was obsessed. Every time I tried to block him, he found an opening. I was suffocating and I didn’t know how much longer I could fight him off. He was everywhere. His tongue was making a pattern across the scar on my face and I flinched away from me. “Stop, stop, stop, stop.”

  He pulled back and his eyes grew wide, like he was surprised to find me below him. I took advantage of his hesitation and knocked my head into his, forcing myself up. He cursed, rolling backward. I landed on top of him and I pulled my knife out, pressing it tight against his throat. His eyes grew wider and his mouth twisted into a snarl.

  “You stupid bitch,” he barked at me. I flinched at the words, and pressed the tip deeper into his flesh. Dots of blood began to appear. “Just give up. You keep fighting. You keep trying to survive. When are you going to realize that you’re not going to survive? There are too many Awakened. We fight and we fight and look what happens. They kill us and they turn us into monsters. Just let it happen, Zoey. Stop fighting.”

  Every word hit me like a punch to the gut. My breaths were come out shaky and uneven and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold him down for long. “No. Never. I’m here to survive. That’s what the Ash Matthews I knew would have wanted. He would have never wanted me to give up.”

  “He doesn’t exist anymore.”

  My grip on the knife was slippery and I faltered. “No, he doesn’t. But I knew him better than anyone and he would have wanted me to survive. He would have told me to keep surviving.” The tears were flowing freely now and I didn’t care. I didn’t care that they ran down my cheeks and landed on his chest. “He would have never wanted to become…to become this.”

  “Stop talking, Zoey,” he growled. “Just stop.”

  I shook my head. “Never. I love you, Ash Matthews. I won’t let you live like this.”

  I lifted the knife, ready to drive it straight through his neck but he was too quick. His hands gripped my arms and he lifted his hips, throwing me on my back. My head cracked against the hard floor. The knife flew out of my hand and went skidding across the floor. His fingers plucked the gun from my waistband and tossed it away into the unknown. His eyes were darker, if that were even possible, rimmed with red. His anger was rolling off his body and I felt the heat of it.

  “Don’t you ever say that to me again.”

  He had my arms pinned to the ground and his knees had my legs immobile beneath me. There was nowhere to go. I met his gaze. “I love you,” I repeated.

  An angry and impatient roar erupted from his lips and his fingernails bit into the soft skin of my arms. I hissed in pain but didn’t waver.

  “I won’t ever stop saying it. Ever. I love you, Ash.”

  He relinquished one of my arms but before I could do anything with it, his hand was wrapped around my throat, cutting off all my air supply. I choked, my hand reaching for his fingers uselessly. They were stone, unyielding. My focus faded in and out as I tried and failed to fight him off.

  I was going to die. Razi was going to let him kill me and I didn’t understand why, after everything she had done. She wanted us, and she was letting us die. I had held onto the fact that she wanted me alive but now? Now I wasn’t so sure.

  My eyes closed and it took everything that I had to pry them open. I barely recognized the face floating above me. He was a monster. His razor sharp teeth were bared and his deep, endless eyes were narrowed as he tightened his grip around my throat. I felt lighter and weightless and I knew I wasn’t far away from losing it. I stopped fighting, my arm falling to the side. My fingers brushed against something, the handle of…the handle of something familiar. My brain fought hard to make the connection. What was it? It was…it was a tool of some kind. It was just out of reach but I stretched and pulled, straining for it.

  My hand enclosed around the grip and it registered in my brain. It was a screwdriver. A goddamn screwdriver. It couldn’t be my knife. It couldn’t be a weapon. It was a damn useless tool and it was all I had left.

  I didn’t hesitate. My arm flew up and I drove the screwdriver as hard as I could in the back of his neck, right in the sweet spot, right where that special little chip sat. Ash’s grip released and I coughed and gasped, each breath burning through my chest and throat. His eyes met mine in surprise. His breath caught and I dropped the screwdriver, as if it had burned my palm. It didn’t move, staying lodged into the back of his neck.

  “Ash,” I whispered, reaching for him. “I’m sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry.” My fingers found the soft strands of his dark hair and even though it wasn’t him anymore, it felt like him and I held onto him.

  “Zoey,” he whispered, and then he was gone. His breathing stopped and his eyes drifted closed.

  I pushed him off of me and skittered backward, my back colliding with a cart behind me. My trembling hand met my mouth and it barely muffled the sounds of my crying and screaming. I covered my eyes as the scene replayed over and over in my mind.

  I didn’t know how long I sat there, letting myself fall apart but eventually I raised my head and was almost surprised to find myself still alone. I used the back of my hand to wipe away the tears and snot and blood that covered my face and managed to pull myself into a standing position. Ash’s body lay in a heap next to my feet and I took a deep breath. I forced myself to turn away from it. This was not ho
w I was going to allow myself to remember him. I wouldn’t remember him as an Awakened. I wouldn’t even remember him as the boy I saw just a day before.

  Instead I would remember the boy who shot spitballs at me during third period and filled my locker with glitter so I walked around looking like an anime character. I would remember the boy who invited himself over when my dad and I watched Mets games on TV. I would remember the boy who threw touchdowns on Friday nights and could throw a fastball like it was effortless. I would remember the boy who kissed me and held me and protected me. I would remember the boy who loved me.

  I stepped over him, keeping my eyes on anything except him. I found my knife and my gun and shoved both of them in my waistband. I started walking down the hallway. I paused at the end, before I was completely gone. My eyes squeezed shut. “Goodbye,” I whispered.

  I straightened up before continuing on my way. I had a mission.

  There was a certain woman who was due a visit from me.

  UPSTAIRS WAS STILL a mess of blood and bodies and fighting. I walked through it, barely noticing it all. No one else existed. I dimly recognized the faces of my friends in my peripheral vision. I knew I felt relief but it was so dim compared to the burning desire I had to get through the crowd and into that office. I spotted Tommy in the crowd. He was covered in blood and was fighting a pair of Awakened by himself. I had wondered why the Awakened were still fighting, why he hadn’t shut down the program yet, and now I had my answer.

  No one was paying attention to me as I moved through the fight. It was like I didn’t even exist.

  It was almost too easy. She hadn’t even stationed Awakened at the door. Instead, there were two men, two breakable and fragile human boys. Before they could react, my gun was in my hands and I had shot both of them. My aim was off, as it had always been, but they both went down. I didn’t stop to check if they were dead. I knew later it would catch up to me. I didn’t like taking lives. But nothing mattered right now. I didn’t care.

  I stole a black key card from one of the fallen men and slid it through the slot in the door. It flashed green and a wave of satisfaction swept through me. My hand closed around the door handle, which was cold under my palm. I turned it and it swung open easily. I took a deep breath and stepped through.

  Razi Cylon stood with her back to me and she didn’t even turn as I entered the room. She had to have heard me open the door but she was focused on what was in front of her. The entire back wall of her office was made of glass and I knew exactly what she was looking at. She had brought me in here before, shown me the labs that had created the Awakened. I didn’t know what she saw now but I hoped it was everything she had worked for bursting into flames.

  I took a couple steps forward, my blood-coated shoes slipping against the slick floor. Razi glanced over her shoulder as I made my way into the room and her eyes registered surprise. I expected her to attack but she merely turned away from me, facing her labs again.

  I scanned the room and my heart stopped when I spotted Astrid. She was awake, her hands bound and a gag shoved in her mouth. Her eyes widened when she saw me, she looked exhausted and starved and it only fueled my fire more.

  I was on her before she could even move. My knife was applying just the slightest bit of pressure on her ribcage and my gun was bruising her temple. She jumped, but she could not have been that startled. She seemed resigned and it made me angry. After everything she had done, I didn’t want her to take this easily. I didn’t want her to lay down her weapons and wave the white flag. I wanted her to fight. I wanted her to beg. I didn’t want this quiet, defeated Razi. I wanted the angry woman who had burned down the world in her quest for redemption.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here,” she admitted. Her hands were shaking uselessly at her side. It was just me and her, and she knew she was at the disadvantage. She would lose this fight before she even tried. But, god, I wanted her to try. I braced myself, waiting for some sort of defense but nothing came.

  “You never seem to expect anything from me,” I said, calmly. “You always underestimate me.”

  “That is the furthest thing from the truth,” she protested, lightly.

  “Turning…Ash into an Awakened and sending him after me? That was a stroke of genius, truly. I applaud you for that plan.” I dug the knife deeper into her ribcage and she gasped in pain. “I bet you didn’t expect me to survive that. I’m sure you thought I wouldn’t be able to kill him. But guess what? I did. I left his body to rot and you’re next.”

  I could almost feel her heart stutter in her chest. She swallowed hard and there was a slight tremble in her voice as she replied. “I don’t know what you fight for, Zoey. There is hardly anything in this world worth living for. There is no love. There is no life. There is only destruction.”

  “Then what do you fight for?” I asked her.

  “Control,” she whispered. “I fight for control.”

  I let this sink in. “Well, you’re wrong,” I whispered in her ear. “There is love and life and so much. The only destruction is you.” My finger was at the trigger of the gun. I was ready. “And you won’t be able to destroy anything anymore. You won’t be able to control anyone anymore.”

  The shot rang through the room and I stepped back as her body went crumbling to the ground. I gulped down air and leaned against her desk. She was so small in death and it was hard to believe that I had ever been frightened of her, that she was the monster that had haunted my nightmares for so long. It felt so anticlimactic. After all of this, it was so simple. A bullet to the brain and she was dead.

  The door burst open behind me and I whirled around, raising my gun. Tommy and Liam were there, their arms held high. I sighed, and slumped against the desk. The adrenaline and burning desire for revenge leaked out of me.

  Liam practically ran across the room and scooped Astrid into his arms. He tore at the cloth keeping her bound. I could see tears streaming down his face all the way from where I was standing.

  Tommy picked his way through the room to me. He came to a halt when he spotted the body lying at my feet. His mouth was an O when he was finally able to look away and up at me. “Zoey…Zoey, you did it.”

  I nodded, my head bobbing up and down sloppily. I raised an arm and pointed to the computer weakly. “Do it already.”

  He shook his head. “Right. Of course.” His eyes fell on Razi again and he shuddered. He switched his focus on the computer. I watched as his fingers flew over the keys, becoming a blur. I didn’t know if he was really that fast or if I was losing track of everything around me. Everything was starting to catch up to me.

  “Are you ready for this?” Tommy asked, quietly. “Hell yes, I am,” Liam spoke up. Astrid was breathing heavily and she definitely needed medical attention, but it looked like Razi had fixed the worst of her problems. She looked dazed, as if she wasn’t quite sure what was going on around her. “Do it.”

  Tommy looked at me and then back to the computer. He pressed a few more buttons. The four of us held our breath, as if waiting for a signal that it had succeeded. We didn’t dare move. This was it. It either worked or it didn’t.

  “Does anyone want to volunteer to go take a look?” Liam said, under his breath.

  “It does seem quiet out there…right?” Tommy asked, uncertain.

  Just then, there was a blast of noise and Kaya came running into the room and her face split into a bright smile when she saw us. “I have never loved four people more in my life,” she said, sprinting across the room and wrapping Tommy in a hug. “You did it! They’re just…they’re done. It was incredible. They all collapsed at the same time. They’re dead. Tommy, you did it.”

  Tommy didn’t answer. He was staring at the computer in front of him as if he could hardly believe it. His fingers ran through his hair and then he looked back up at all of us with a shaky smile. “It worked.”

  “Hell yes, it worked!” Kaya shouted, moving backwards toward the door. “I should say though, we should probably g
et going. We, uh, may have planted some bombs and it won’t be long before they all go boom.”

  The four of us groaned. “Of course. It would be much too easy to just walk out of here, wouldn’t it?” Tommy said, pulling himself to his feet. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  At his words, an explosion rocked the entire floor, sending us all flying. The ceiling caved in on us. I coughed, rolling under the desk as quickly as I could. Tommy was already in there and his arms wrapped around me as things crashed around us. When the ringing in my ears stopped and it grew quiet, I kicked the ceiling that was blocking me in and the two of us crawled out. I spotted Liam and Astrid, and my eyes searched frantically around the room for Kaya.

  “Where’s Kaya?” I asked, my voice shaking. The four of us searched the debris piled around us, calling out her name.

  “Zoey! I found her!” Liam called out to me. I started moving over to him. His face paled and he held out his hand out to stop me. “Shit. Zoey, don’t…shit.”

  I didn’t care what Liam said. I pushed pieces of ceiling and wall out of my way, desperate to get over to them. Tommy stopped in front of me and held me against him. “No, Zoey, you don’t need to see that.”

  I screamed, my throat raw, beating my fists on his chest. “I am so tired of people dying. I’m done! No more!”

  “I know, honey,” he whispered to me, his palms firm on my back. He raised his head. “Liam, we need to go. There could be more.”

  Liam must have nodded because suddenly Tommy was grabbing my arm and dragging me from the room. The hallway was a travesty. The bomb must have been set off further down because there were holes in the walls everywhere and a fire was burning brightly. Bodies littered the floor, a mix of Sanctuary, Sekhmet and Awakened. My lips trembled and I turned away. None of these people had deserved to die.