by Emma Nichols
An image of Ash appeared in Iman’s mind. She instinctively looked over her shoulder and around the kitchen, even though there wasn’t anyone else in the room. ‘Shhh.’
Niomi’s features flattened, and her eyes dulled over.
‘You know you can’t say those things about him. It’s forbidden.’
Niomi’s eyes widened, and she glared unrelentingly. ‘And…’ she flared, unable to hold back. ‘What about Ash? I know you’ve got a thing for her,’ she asserted. ‘That’s forbidden!’
Iman gulped in the humid kitchen air, her hand rushed to cover her mouth, and a surge of blood targeted her cheeks.
‘Don’t try and deny it. I’ve seen you looking at her, and all the things you do for her. That is definitely forbidden, Iman. And, it’s unnatural.’ She was shaking her head back and forth as she moved to her station in the kitchen. Eyes lowered, she continued preparing breakfast. She had thrown the accusation out of anger, but Iman’s response had confirmed what she had hoped wasn’t true. She looked up at Iman with dark eyes, unable to bridge the gulf that now sat between them.
The deadly glare from across the room floored Iman. Bells were ringing loudly in her ears, competing with the voices arguing in her head. Her heart pounded, causing her legs to try to fold, and she couldn’t move her feet. She reached for the surface and waited to gain her composure. Glancing at the tin, wrapped in the handcrafted patterned cloth, a well of sadness opened in her chest and tears slid down her face. The joy she had experienced seconds ago at the thought of the gift she would give to Ash, had collapsed catastrophically, forming the darkest of all realities. She could never have what her heart desired.
‘How could you?’ Niomi spat. ‘How could you commit such a sin?’
Iman looked up. The water from her eyes had darkened the lashes that housed the hollowness she now felt. She took one careful step and then another, passing Niomi in silence and heading for the restroom.
Niomi shuddered. She’d never seen Iman react in such an emotional way. The kind, gentle, and compassionate Iman, with whom she had been a friend long before Iman had started at the restaurant. Iman, who had supported her, looked out for her, and even helped her learn to cook all those years ago. Whatever the sin, and the pain on her friend’s face; she didn’t deserve that, surely? Niomi’s twenty-four-year-old mind tried to reason with the lessons her parents had taught her, and she started to backtrack. ‘I mean…’ But, the door had long since closed, and the words didn’t reach Iman’s ears.
Iman sat on the toilet seat, head in hands, tears streaming down her face. What was she thinking? She wasn’t. She hadn’t even considered what her feelings meant: the lightness in her heart baking the birthday cake, or her delight making the treats for the party. Not to mention how time seemed to fly-by when she made the cloth wrap for the tin, for Ash to take to the rig. She had started the day filled with excitement at the idea of making all the sweets to go inside it.
It’s what friends did for each other, wasn’t it?
She hadn’t thought of Ash as a lover. Or had she? The sensations flooding her body since she’d first seen Ash at the breakfast counter, on her first day working at the hotel? The heat and the featherlike fluttering that seemed to dance in her belly continually? Secretly, she had dreamed of holding her, sweeping her fingers through the short, sometimes unruly hair, and kissing those soft lips. And, the pounding in her chest as her heart raced when she considered Ash in that way; in a sensual way, surely such love couldn’t be a sin?
Niomi punched the dough hard enough that she winced, flipped it over, slammed it onto the table, and punched it hard again. She had heard of women liking women, but she had never thought of Iman being like that. She’d been told that such affections were a disgrace. Iman’s parents had always been too liberal, even with Tarek, she’d heard her mother say. Perhaps this is what happens when parents allow too much? What would her parents say about Iman? They would ban her from working at the base and blame the expats, and that would mean she’d never get to see Zack again. What would happen to Iman? She might not agree with her, being that way. Her hands trembled. But Iman was still her friend. Those were her mother’s words she had spat at Iman, and for that, she felt ashamed. The thought of Iman being harmed, or even killed flashed through her mind. No. That wasn’t right either. She sighed deeply, moulding the bread with a firm hand, trying to think of other people she knew. Other people like Iman. It is 1998 after all, not the 1800’s. Yes, but it is Syria! She could only think of two: Sami, who did the driving and admin for the base, but his parents had died a long time ago, and Aimar, who had fled the country to work in Fashion somewhere in Europe. Her mind wandered to the women she knew. No one like that came to mind, not even Ashley! Poor Iman.
*
Soft knuckles wrapping gently on the toilet door drew Iman away from her sombre thoughts. Disoriented, she opened her eyes and stood from the seat. ‘What?’
‘I’m sorry,’ Niomi whispered from the other side of the door. ‘Please come out.’ Iman opened the door slowly and presented her puffy eyes and face, but she didn’t speak. She looked defeated, the life drained out of her in such a short space of time. Niomi opened her arms, and Iman fell into them, Niomi unconsciously tensing before relaxing and comforting her friend. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. You really are… you really do feel something for her.’
Iman remained silent, eased out of the embrace, and moved to the sink. ‘Yes, I think I do,’ she whispered. She splashed water over her face and patted it dry with a paper hand towel. Her light-brown irises had taken on an entirely different hue, picking up the red from her sore eyes.
‘Is she?’ Niomi faltered with the words she was trying to say. ‘Is she, umm, like that too?’
‘Is she into girls? That’s what you’re asking.’ Iman held onto the rising fire that wanted to lash out at the assertion there was something wrong with her, or Ash. She took in a deep breath and held back the tears that were starting to form again. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. What were Ash’s blue eyes trying to say? The intensity of the look that passed between them, on occasion, what did it mean? The burning in her chest and that other sensation that wouldn’t relent; did Ash feel those things too?
‘I thought she and Craig were together,’ Niomi said, more bluntly than she intended.
The thought sent Iman’s stomach into spasm, and her mind whirled with despair. She had hoped the rumour wasn’t true and even denied it in her mind. Had she fallen for someone who wouldn’t, or couldn’t, love her back? Was she just deceiving herself, making a fool of herself? No! She had felt it; of that, she was sure. She took in a deep breath and released it slowly, swallowing back the tears. No! Surely, Ash felt something for her.
Niomi studied Iman for a few moments, touched by the honesty and the raw emotion that exposed her friend. ‘Well, if she is, I don’t think the red-eyed vampire look will work for her,’ she said, trying to be more upbeat. With a coy smile, she broke into a nervous giggle.
Iman turned to face the mirror. Her jaw opened and closed, and she too smiled weakly at her reflection. Her heart felt heavy though, as images of Ash and Craig played out in her mind. Please don’t let that be true!
‘What will you do?’ Niomi asked.
Iman sighed and shrugged. ‘Make the sweets and give her the tin,’ she said, sighing deeply again. ‘Then there’s nothing else I can do,’ she said, her tone despondent.
‘Maybe the feelings will change,’ Niomi offered, trying and failing to be of help.
‘Do you think your feelings will change towards Zack or any other man you fall in love with?’ she asked. There was no malice, just resignation.
Niomi lowered her gaze to her feet and mumbled, ‘No.’
Iman puffed out a breath and brushed vigorously at her sore eyes, willing them back to normal. ‘Come on. Let’s get to work.’
Niomi followed her into the kitchen. Occupying their workstation in silence, they continued to prepare food until
the dishes in front of them were piled high. They each grabbed a serving tray and stepped into the restaurant.
Zack stood at the food counter filling another plate of food, grinning. His sky-blue eyes sparkled as he locked onto Niomi’s coffee-brown irises. ‘Morning,’ he said, struggling for the simple word.
‘Morning Zack.’
Iman watched the couple. Niomi had responded in a silky, seductive tone that she had never heard before. She studied them as they held each other’s gaze with adoration, mirroring each other’s movements effortlessly, dancing in tune together. Uplifted by the display of affection, her mind drifted to her interactions with Ash. Had Ash looked at her like that or was she just polite, kind, and considerate? Whatever it was passing between Niomi and Zack, that was something special. And she didn’t like the dull ache sitting in her chest and making her world look grey. A well of sadness overcame her and tears sprang into her eyes. She hastily left the serving tray on the counter and returned to the kitchen.
*
‘Morning.’ Kate’s tone was tentative, her eyes searching Ash for any repercussions from the kiss. The kiss that had occupied her thoughts kept her awake for the best part of the night, and sexually frustrated.
‘Morning.’ Ash refused to look up. What had happened; the kiss, the sensations that had burned long into the night, was all too confusing. She had no intention of bridging the gap that Kate had created by kissing her, and yet, what if she dared to? What if she opened her heart again and followed her desires?
‘What?’ Kate asked.
Ash looked up, frowning.
‘You were shaking your head,’ she clarified.
‘Oh! Just thinking; it’s nothing.’
‘Right.’ Kate gazed at the ceiling and released a long breath that brought her eyes down on Ash’s slightly scruffy hair. ‘I’m sorry,’ she offered, with a kind smile
‘It’s okay; I’m sorry too.’ Ash looked up, unable to stop her eyes locking onto the green pools holding her gaze. She tried to smile, but it was tight. Forced.
‘So, what are you up to today?’ Kate asked, changing the focus.
Ash pondered. ‘Not sure! You?’
‘Well, while you’re swanning around here waiting for the client to mobilise the gear, some of us have work to do.’ She was trying to be jovial. ‘I have a briefing in Damascus. You could come with me. We can do some sightseeing after my meeting, and maybe have lunch?’ she said, with enthusiasm.
‘I guess...’
‘Well, I would appreciate the company. It’s four hours each way, and I don’t know these roads either.’
Ash assessed her. She seemed genuinely concerned about taking the trip on her own, and probably rightly so. ‘Okay.’
Kate beamed. ‘Thank you.’
‘Breakfast?’ Ash asked, turning towards the door. Kate nodded.
‘Bloody hell it’s hot here.’ Kate remarked, wiping at her brow before they had taken two paces outside the front door.
‘It’s only going to get hotter,’ Ash said, staring into the clear sky, the white sun sitting on the hotel roof. ‘Wind will pick up later,’ she said, pointing to the dust swirling innocuously on the street.
‘What makes you say that?’ Kate asked, furrowing her brows.
‘The dust does this strange thing around here just before the wind gets up.’ She perused the skyline. ‘And the reddish streaks low on the ground over there.’ She pointed towards the open desert to the south.
‘Right.’ Kate’s eyes widened. Syria wasn’t anything like Russia.
*
‘Mornin’ ladies,’ Craig chirped, easing his tray along the rails with his good hand, wincing as he moved. At least his arm was out of a sling, but the hospital injection had worn off, and the painkillers were only just taking the edge off the throbbing pain in his hand.
Iman’s breath hitched at Ash and Kate’s presence, and she turned her attention instantly to Craig’s fumbling movements. ‘Let me help you.’ She put down the serving dish and reached for the plates Craig was trying to pick up, placing them on his tray. ‘What happened?’ she asked, aware that three pairs of eyes were on her.
‘Fought with a piece o’ metal,’ Craig said.
Iman frowned. ‘Looks painful.’
‘Nu-uh, the Texan always wins,’ he said with a crooked smile that said otherwise.
Iman smiled graciously. ‘Eggs anyone? she asked, her heart pounding in her chest as she glanced fleetingly at Ash, before settling uneasily on Kate.
‘Yes please,’ Ash said.
‘Me too,’ Kate confirmed.
Craig nodded his affirmation.
‘I’ll bring them out to you.’ Iman had to concentrate hard not to run through to the kitchen, instead, taking her usual pace and stride. Out of view of the restaurant, she breathed deeply until her heart had settled. She couldn’t even face Ash without burning up and flustering.
‘You gonna need help packing?’ Ashley asked, nodding towards Craig’s wounded hand.
‘Nu-uh, I’m good t’ go,’ he responded, precariously resting his tray on the table as he stooped, and spilling his mug of coffee. ‘Shoot!’ he cursed. Ashley threw a napkin at him. ‘Four o’ everythin’,’ he continued as he sat and mopped at the tray.
‘Four?’ Katherine balked.
‘One for each week,’ he said, nonchalantly. Katherine’s nose turned up, and her eyes seemed to move backwards in her head as she scrunched her brows. Craig rolled his eyes, his face twitching with the grin he was holding back.
‘Yer so easy,’ he teased. ‘Anyway, we’re not goin’ yet. What’s the rush?’
Katherine tutted, and then huffed, turning her attention to Ash. She sipped at her coffee, pleasantly distracted by the deep-blue eyes and blonde bob.
‘Eggs are coming,’ Ashley said, hastily making a space on the table, watching Iman glide across the room, balancing the tray effortlessly.
Iman landed the tray and placed a plate in front of each of them. ‘I hope you enjoy your breakfast,’ she said, with an honest smile, her eyes skittishly trying to avoid Ash, failing, and holding her gaze.
Kate watched, from Ash to Iman and back again. There was something different about the smile that passed from Iman to Ash, and especially the way Iman’s eyes lingered with fondness on her. ‘Thank you,’ she said, drawing Iman’s attention to her. The subtle shift in the cook’s demeanour didn’t go unnoticed.
‘My pleasure,’ Iman said.
Kate’s concerns disappeared as the delicate aroma merged with the taste sensation that exploded on her tongue. Finely grated zucchini, fresh parsley, chopped onions, and a hint of something she couldn’t place. ‘This is fabulous.’ Something about the cook was indeed, also, very intriguing.
Craig’s plate was already empty. ‘She sure ‘s a brilliant cook,’ he said, his eyes following his thought processes and gazing towards the kitchen. ‘Wasted here,’ he added.
Kate followed his gaze. ‘Seems so,’ she said, the two words drifting with her musings. She’s certainly alluring, in an untouchable kind of way. ‘Interesting!’ She hadn’t realised she had spoken the word.
‘What is?’ Ash asked, placing her knife and fork on the empty plate in front of her.
‘Oh, umm, the food.’ Kate mumbled, placing another forkful of the omelette into her mouth.
Ash flicked her tongue at a piece of parsley stuck in her teeth and took a glug of her coffee. She glanced at Kate, her eyes drawn to her soft lips as they moved with the food. Reminded of the kiss, parts of her started to ache - yet studying the woman further those sexual feelings abated. She couldn’t articulate the doubt, but it was present none-the-less. And, where Kate was the subject of that doubt, she would be wise to err on the side of her rational mind, not her sensual body. ‘I’m going for a smoke,’ she said, suddenly rising from the table.
‘Good idea,’ Craig said, standing up and stretching out his legs.
Katherine’s nose twitched. ‘I’ll see you outside,’ she said, add
ressing Ash. Another forkful of eggs softened her features again, but Craig and Ash were already out of sight.
‘What‘s that ‘bout?’ Craig asked.
‘She wants me to go with her to Damascus today,’ she said, not looking up from the paper in her hand, struggling to get it to sit right.
‘Want one a these?’ Craig offered.
‘No thanks.’ Something about the process of rolling her-own was reassuring, comforting, distracting even. She scrunched up the paper and pulled out another one, which automatically complied with her fingers. Holding the paper out flat by one end, she dropped a thin row of tobacco down its centre. A twisting motion brought the two sides together before she licked lightly down the sticky strip and sealed the roll-up in place. Inhaling, she stared at the cloudless sky. ‘It’s gonna be hot.’
‘You want me to go with her?’ he asked. She looked up at him. The way he was staring at her was giving her an easy way out. ‘I’m pinned down with this.’
He waved his bandaged hand at her.
‘You sure?’ she asked.
‘Yup. We can talk managerial bollocks for eight hours.’ He was chuckling, leaning against the wall drawing down on his cigarette, his eyes set on her. ‘Everythin’ okay?’ he asked.
She inhaled again, pulled the cigarette from her lips, and reached to her mouth, trying to pick out a strand of tobacco that didn’t exist. She picked at the nail bed of her thumb. ‘I kissed Kate,’ she said eventually.
Craig tilted his head in response and continued with his smoke.
‘Well, she kissed me actually,’ she corrected, pulling her fingers through her hair then tucking it behind her ear.
‘Ah huh!’
The chirping of crickets filled the silence, with the occasional horn beeping in the distance. ‘How’d ‘at go?’ he asked.
Ashley turned and faced him, her eyes vacant. ‘Honestly, I don’t know.’
He stood away from the wall and slapped her on the arm. ‘Well look at it this way, at least yer getting some now,’ he teased, but it didn’t raise a smile. ‘Okay, we’ll all be ‘way soon so none of us’ll be gettin’ any,’ he added, hoping to hit the mark with something funny.