Forbidden

by Emma Nichols

  ‘Good,’ he said, offering her a cigarette.

  She shook her head and pulled the pouch from her coveralls pocket. ‘You want one of these?’ she asked, taking out a paper.

  ‘Sure,’ he said.

  They slumped. Tomorrow would be the start of hell, on the rig. Tomorrow was another day. Tomorrow could wait.

  ‘Come hell or high water we’re gonna win that race,’ he said, staring into the clear-blue sky.

  ‘Ah huh,’ she said, with a slight twang, her mind distracted.

  *

  Ashley jumped out of the shower and threw on her faded jeans and white shirt. The oversized top hung too low for her liking, but it was cool, airy, and comfortable. She flicked her fingers through her lightly dried hair allowing the wet to shape it behind her ears while brushing her teeth with her free hand. The call to prayer had woken her. She’d fallen asleep on the bed after a late afternoon swim. She looked at her watch. 9.15 already. Fuck! She slammed the door behind her and sprinted the short distance in the direction of the rumbling music. Opening the door, she bumped straight into Kate.

  ‘Hi. I was beginning to think you weren’t coming,’ Kate said.

  Ash looked at her with a sideways glance. She was slurring her words and the glassy, bright-green eyes were sliding up and down her body. Ash gulped. ‘I fell asleep,’ she said, searching over Kate’s shoulder to locate Craig.

  ‘You should have called me,’ Kate said, seductively. The innuendo missed Ash, and she excused herself, heading for the fridge.

  ‘You made it then?’ Craig held out the open bottle, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. ‘Here!’ he chuckled.

  She swigged from the bottle, sinking nearly half its contents in one go. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Someone’s thirsty,’ he said with a broad grin, the sound of a loud splash diverting his attention. ‘Fuck, they’re startin’ early,’ he said, peeking out the kitchen door towards the pool.

  Ashley followed his gaze. Zack and Dan’s heads popped out of the water to the cheering audience of local workers sat around the pool. She swigged again, put the empty bottle on the table and pulled another from the fridge. ‘You coming?’ she asked.

  ‘Nu-uh, gotta pee,’ he said, staggering in the opposite direction.

  She wandered into the garden and leaned against the wall, maintaining her distance from the party. The crickets were managing to chirp into her right ear from the heavily planted garden, drawing her attention from the loud voices and squealing noises coming from the frivolities. Staring into the star-filled sky, she took a long slug of beer, and then another, enjoying the subtle shift from the heightened emotions and confused thoughts that had tormented her all day.

  Although, Iman was nowhere in sight, and that left a hole that needed to be filled.

  Niomi was stood by the pool, laughing. Zack pulled himself out of the water and stepped towards her, his gaze never faltering, his smile broadening with every pace. He shook himself down in front of her, a light shower spraying her, causing her to laugh and wave him away. They looked happy. Ashley smiled, warmed by the obvious of affection they held for each other.

  ‘Here you are.’ Kate said, holding out her hand, interrupting Ash’s reverie.

  ‘Thanks,’ Ash said, taking the offered beer, locking onto the green-eyes momentarily. Kate still had the power to stimulate the tingling sensation in her core, and maybe she always would. She sighed and finished the last of the old beer.

  ‘Set for tomorrow?’ Kate asked, sipping the long drink in her hand.

  ‘Yep.’ Ashley put down the empty bottle and slugged at the new one.

  Looking back to the pool, only Zack and Niomi remained. His hand was dancing with hers, their fingers lightly interlocking and releasing as they spoke. There was tenderness between them, but something else. Zack wiped his thumb softly under her left eye, his other hand lifting her chin. She couldn’t hear what he was saying, but the solemnness between them tugged at her heart. The two lovers were oblivious to her watching them, but he took Niomi’s hand and led her around the corner of the house and into the privacy of darkness.

  Ash wiped at her eyes, willing the dampness away. ‘You okay?’ Kate asked, placing a comforting arm around her shoulder.

  ‘Yeah,’ Ash said, unconsciously leaning into the physical contact she craved. The tender kiss warming her temple wasn’t entirely unpleasant either, but she moved away out of respect for the local worker’s culture, even though there wasn’t anyone in sight.

  Iman’s eyes widened, and her irises darkened. The smile she had held in place all evening waiting to see Ash, disappeared instantly. She continued to watch the two women, obscured by the olive tree that sat between the pool and the rear entrance to the lounge. The large room was being turned into a temporary sacred place, the local men preparing for the last call to prayer of the day. She dived through the door, through the living room and out the front door.

  Slamming her car door just as the chanting filled the night sky, she sat in silence, her body convulsing uncontrollably. Her thumping heart drowned out the melodic tones and her vision narrowed to a fine point. There was no light, just a well of darkness: and the pain, more excruciating than any thoughts of Ash with Craig. She hadn’t even considered Kate! She tugged at her chest, fighting for breath. There were no tears, just a red rage sweeping through her mind. She slammed her hands down repeatedly on the steering wheel. No, no, no. She wrestled with the high dress-collar that threatened to choke her, ripping it away from throat. Pulling at her hair, wanting to scream, unable to release the energy that was consuming her, she felt trapped. She pushed her back into the car seat, flung her head back; tensed her legs and then her body. Nooooooo! She screamed silently.

  Suddenly sitting bolt upright, and wide-eyed, she stared through the windscreen. Her heart raced, but the thumping in her chest had shifted to her head, and the streetlights were bouncing in front of her eyes. She blinked to clear her view. Another wave of rage voiced itself through a high-pitched scream that got lost in the chanting reverberating around the city and through the expat compound. She turned the ignition. She needed to escape. She would drive, calm herself, and then return to collect her brother and Niomi. She sat, trying to compose herself, unable to focus on the road in front of her glassy eyes.

  *

  The night sky quieted, and the garden remained deserted. ‘I love the call to prayer,’ Ash said.

  ‘Mmm.’ Kate lifted her head. She hadn’t taken any notice of the chanting, distracted by Ash’s woody scent filling her with a different kind of visceral response. ‘It’s quaint,’ she responded.

  Ash pulled away from the warm shoulder and tutted. ‘It’s more than quaint. ‘It’s ethereal. There’s something, I don’t know, haunting, yet also reassuring about it.’

  Kate’s eyes were locked onto Ash’s mouth as she spoke, the words though never made it to her ears.

  Ash swallowed hard, unable to pull away from the dark-green stare; the pulsing in her clit dominating her senses, and the alcohol blinding any sense of reason or will she might have otherwise applied. She groaned at the all too brief, soft, wet touch to her lips.

  The warm sensation flooding Kate was urging her hands to explore, but this wasn’t the place. Restraining, she pulled back and rested her forehead on Ash’s, her fingers tracing lightly down the blonde hairline. She fixed the bob around Ash’s ear. ‘Shall we go?’

  Ash moved away and turned towards the door to the kitchen, her glazed eyes studying the route intently, finding it hard to focus. Fuck it! She took Kate’s hand and led her urgently, releasing it as they passed through the house and back down the street.

  Iman observed the two women in the rear-view mirror. She couldn’t hold back anymore, and the tears flowed down her cheeks in waves. Ash was grabbing Kate’s hand and pulling her through the front door of the house. She slammed her foot down on the accelerator; driven by the burning heat and pounding in her chest.

  *

  Ash leaned int
o Kate, forcing her back and pinning her against the closed door. Taking her mouth fiercely and biting down on her lip, she dived into the explosive kiss.

  Kate groaned at the hungry lips on hers, sending waves of fire down to her core. ‘Fuck me, Ash, please,’ she whispered.

  Ash lowered Kate’s jeans zip and her fingers teased across the soft skin beneath. Compelled by Kate’s musky scent, driving her senses wild, she eased inside the jeans and slipped her hand down to the familiar smooth bare flesh. Ash moaned at the warm silky sensation on her fingertips. She relaxed into an effortless rhythm, delicately sliding along Kate’s throbbing lips, her mouth pressed firmly against Kate’s. She stopped kissing suddenly and eased away, watching, assessing.

  Kate’s eyes fluttered but remained closed.

  Ash continued to observe the impact of her fingers, playing out on Kate’s face, staring at her; reading her.

  Kate bit down on her bottom lip, unable to control her ragged breathing, or her hips from moving with the rhythm of Ash’s touch, and fighting the urge to scream out.

  Ash pulled her hand out of the restricted space causing Kate’s eyes to bolt open. Placing a hand either side of Kate’s hips, with an unwavering gaze, she pulled the jeans sharply down to the floor.

  Kate quivered. With legs that were already struggling to hold her upright, she staggered out of the jeans and stood, swaying, biting down, her eyes only half open.

  Ash eased her against the door, her hand cupping the point between her legs. ‘Open for me,’ she whispered.

  Kate groaned at the hot breath on her ear and gasped as Ash’s fingers slipped into the space, and then gently inside her. ‘Fuuuucccckkkk.’

  Ash’s hand didn’t move, but her fingers tenderly explored the silky depths, seeking the spot she knew so well. She continued to assess Kate’s reaction to every shift in her touch.

  ‘Yes.’ Kate cried out.

  Ash moved from the spot. It was too soon!

  ‘Back, back, back,’ Kate pleaded, her face contorted with the shuddering sensations through her centre.

  Ash moved again, her thumb slowly beginning to take control of the bundle of nerves sitting at its tip.

  Kate started to spasm, again and again, her knees giving way.

  Ash pressed against Kate’s body, more firmly pinning her in place and moving her fingers, sliding them in and out: slowly, then pausing, her thumb softly toying, and repeating the cycle. The intoxicating rhythm sensitising her own pulsing core, she eased against Kate’s exposed thigh. Leaning into the firm muscle, she moved, groaning at the intense burning at the crotch of her jeans. The fire coursing through her veins quickened her fingers. She delved deeper, feeling Kate widen with every thrust. Lost in wild frenzy, absent of all thought, she dropped to her knees and drove deeply into Kate. With the slightest of movements, she teased her, her tongue caressing her exposed clit.

  ‘Ahhhh. Fuck… fuck… fuck… I’m coming.’ The words screamed into the silence, and Kate’s legs collapsed.

  Ash withdrew slowly, eased her to the floor, and stared at the closed eyes of the woman she had fallen in love with all those years ago. She wiped tenderly at the beads of sweat that clung to Kate’s face and kissed her softly on the lips.

  Kate opened her eyes, fixed her arms tightly around Ash’s neck, and wept.

  Ash held her until the tears stopped.

  *

  Amena turned over in her bed to face the sobbing noises that had roused her from a deep sleep and forced her eyes to open. ‘Immy, are you okay?’ She pulled herself up and blinked at the crumpled heap rocking in the corner of her room; arms wrapped tightly around her middle. ‘Immy, what’s wrong?’ Leaping out of bed, she crouched beside her sister and pulled her into her arms. ‘It’s okay Immy, talk to me.’

  Iman continued to sob, unable to speak.

  ‘Do you want some water?’

  Iman shook her head, her eyes closed.

  Amena pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. ‘What’s happened?’ she asked, calmly.

  ‘I think she likes girls,’ Iman cried through the sniffling, easing out of the embrace and willing her eyes open.

  ‘Surely that’s good news,’ Amena said, her high-spirited tone failing to impact her sister’s distress. She swept the errant hair out of Iman’s face and cupped her cheeks. ‘How is that not good news Immy?’ she asked, holding her gaze with tenderness, trying to reconcile the positive words with the distressed state. They didn’t match!

  Iman averted her gaze. ‘She’s with Katherine,’ she sobbed, even louder, her hands clinging to the fire trying to escape from her chest.

  Amena sat, motionless. ‘How do you know that?’

  ‘I just saw them together.’

  ‘And what if you didn’t see what you thought you did?’

  Iman shrugged off her sister. ‘I know what I saw,’ she said, her tone angry, confusion in her eyes at the obviously immature statement. There was no mistaking what she had seen.

  ‘Maybe.’ Amena said, softly. She couldn’t think of anything else to say, but she would think of something, maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day. There had to be a way. There was always hope.

  ‘I need to speak to Mum and Dad,’ Iman said, moving to stand.

  Amena looked at her watch. ‘It’s late now,’ she said, rising to her feet.

  ‘Tomorrow.’

  ‘What will you say to them?’

  ‘I don’t know. I think I need to get away.’

  Amena’s heart sank, and she gasped at the resignation in Iman’s voice. She reached out, pulled Iman to her feet and hugged her, squeezing the tense frame tightly. Nothing came back. ‘Please don’t leave. I love you,’ she said, her stomach churning as she spoke.

  ‘I just need to think,’ Iman said. ‘Sorry. I need to…’ she ran down the corridor fighting the next wave of tears.

  Amena slumped onto her bed, her head in her hands, tears rolling down her cheeks. She can’t leave!

  Iman leant against the closed door of her room, her head throbbing from the constant pressure behind her eyes, her thoughts chasing each other around her mind, her heart aching and heavy. What if she had misread the situation as Ammy had suggested? No! She definitely saw something more than the comforting hug of close friends. Yes, Ash likes women, and so it seems does Kate. Uugggghhh! She screamed silently. At least Ash was going to the rig tomorrow. She would give her the gift, be respectful, and maybe the distance would help her adjust. She would wish Kate well because that was the right thing to do.

  She pulled off her clothes and allowed them to drop to the floor. Lying on her bed, she waited for sleep to come to her. Her heart burned so painfully she didn’t think she would get through the night, and part of her didn’t want to! Her eyes were still open as the chanting echoed through the city, before the first light of day. With heavy lids, she dressed, determined to be professional in her dealings with both women.

  12.

  ‘Fuck,’ Ash mumbled as she tried to lift her head. She checked herself, suddenly reminded of the fact that she wasn’t alone in the bed. She opened her eyes slowly, thankful that it was still dark. The snuffle emanating from the other side of the mattress caused her gut to twist. She raised her hands to her head and squeezed at her temples. What the fuck was she doing? She felt sick, but it wasn’t from the hangover that was now trying to break out of her skull. It was a painful bubbling pressure that cut into her chest, a finger that poked and poked. Unremitting. It was harsh, a combination of profound grief and self-loathing.

  An image of Iman appeared in her mind’s eye; in her flowing creamy white dress, with her long wavy hair hanging freely, and a tear slid silently onto her cheek. She turned away from the body lying next to her and glanced at her watch. She couldn’t face Iman, even though she would suffer later for not eating, and anyway it was still too early for breakfast. Sliding out of bed, she crept out of the room and into her bedroom. She would shower, dress and go and wait in the car.

  She loade
d her travel bag onto the back of the 4x4 and climbed into the driver’s seat. She pulled out a thin paper and started filling it with tobacco. It would be a long wait, but she couldn’t stay in the house. She couldn’t face Kate, not right now. She hoped they would be on the rig before Kate hit the base. She might even be able to avoid her for the time on the rig, though somehow she doubted that would be possible. Fuck. Fuck! She drew down slowly on the roll-up and closed her eyes. A vision of Iman appeared, and they flashed open again. She sat bolt upright, finished the cigarette, and threw it out the window. Resting her head back, her attention piqued by the approaching car lights, she skulked down in the seat and averted her eyes.

  Iman stepped out of her car and walked around to the kitchen’s entrance. She unlocked the door, flicked the lights on, and placed her bag in the restroom. Rubbing at her temples, she glanced in the mirror. Puffy red eyes stared back at her. She hadn’t slept. The raw pain and the gaping hole in her heart didn’t seem to budge, and her thoughts were turning her stomach inside out, but she was determined to treat Ash and Katherine as she always had done. She wrapped her apron around her waist and set to work.

  *

  Craig was late! Ash fiddled with the paper in her hands, the fourth of the day already.

  ‘Hello Ash.’

  The soft voice made her hands jump, spilling tobacco down her jeans. ‘Fuck,’ she cursed, flapping the bits off her shirt before looking up. ‘Sorry. Iman.’ The words stuck in her throat, and she could barely look into the gorgeous soft brown eyes. The aching in her heart was swelling and pressing against the back of her ribs.

  ‘You didn’t come in for breakfast.’

  ‘No.’

  Iman’s heart raced, adding to the conflict raging inside her chest. She looked at the sky. ‘It’s hot.’ She winced at the words coming out of her mouth, and her eyes darted around for something other than Ash to focus on, inescapably drawn to the blue-black rings under her dark-blue eyes. She looks rough. Another fissure opened in her heart. Just the thought of holding her; taking in her scent, feeling her warmth. Her hands were beginning to shake.