by Cari Quinn
Another baseball player, Winston, latched on to Riley’s arms. “I’ll whip both your asses if you don’t stop!”
The six-foot-three player picked up Riley like a rag doll. Riley flung his legs and landed a kick on the edge of Luke’s chin, whipping his head to the side. Luke stumbled back, nearly crashing into Delaney as he grasped his face. Delaney crouched down next to him. “Luke, are you okay?”
“I’m good.” Luke shoved away from Delaney.
“Get off me, Winston, I’m warning you!” Riley yelled as his feet thrashed about, kicking anything that got in his way. Collin ducked, but staggered back as Riley’s foot missed him by mere inches. I rushed to his side, making sure he was okay.
“Everyone, out of here now!” Two security guards dressed in black from the front door yelled at us.
“We need to go, now.” Forbes rushed past us with Jordan in tow.
Luke took Delaney by the hand as they both kicked off the bowling shoes and grabbed their own shoes. He motioned for us to follow him out the door.
Collin and I quickly changed our shoes, leaving our bowling shoes with everyone else’s. “Here’s your purse and coat.” Collin handed me my stuff and then shuffled us down the stairs. I looked behind us to see Winston and Riley arguing with the guards. The front door flew open and we bolted out on to the sidewalk. That night had officially gone to shit.
Σ
Chapter Thirteen
The weekend flashed by and I found myself getting ready to go to the World Series game. Somehow, I had managed to get through the meetings with the photographers, church, and lunch, sans the Mimosas. Even though I had needed one badly. Seeing pictures of couples displaying their blissfulness had pointed out one thing: Collin and I didn’t have that level of happiness. When I looked at us, I didn’t see a spark or glow coming from our faces, especially not mine. There was something missing in our picture.
Love.
It made me more confident in my decision to not marry him. Delaney was right. Our relationship existed on a friendship level and we were only marrying out of expectancy. I wished Collin would’ve seen that so it would’ve been a mutual break up. I could only hope that once I mentioned it, he would agree. One thing was certain though, I was telling him after the game.
The door to our suite opened and I heard Delaney humming. I’d managed to ignore her for the past several days, but I knew I couldn’t keep doing that. I really needed to talk to her about my decision.
“Lexi?” Delaney knocked on the door as I slipped on my boots.
“Yeah, come in.”
She partially opened the door and stood in the doorway, hesitant to enter.
“Are you going to the game?”
I really didn’t want to go, but since our parents were coming to watch the game, I knew that would be a bad move on my part. They’d wonder why I wasn’t going and I didn’t feel like explaining myself to them.
“What do you think?” I held out my arms, showing her my purple sweater, which supported Collin’s team.
With a slight smile, she opened the door further, showing me her white ruffled shirt. “I’m going too.”
“Supporting Luke?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
She wrapped her arms around her body and stared at the floor. I had never seen Delaney hang her head in shame. Maybe the guilt had finally gotten to her.
“It’s okay, Delaney. You can quit pretending now.” I approached her and moved the hair dangling in front of her face to over her shoulder. “I know you and Luke have been seeing each other.”
She looked at me with eyes that begged for forgiveness and there was no way I could hold on to the deceit. “Are you mad?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Just disappointed that you didn’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry.” She let out a big sigh. “I wanted to, but Luke thought it was best if we just kept it between us.”
“Why? I don’t understand.”
“It’s complicated.” Her eyes traveled to the floor and then back up at me. “We’re not together, together…”
I sat down. In a weird, girlie way, I kind of understood why she didn’t tell me. She probably didn’t want me to get upset since it was my brother she was messing around with and not just another one of her ‘pick of the day’ guys. It had taken a lot of nerve for me to tell her about Raven and she didn’t even know him.
It’s definitely harder when you know the person.
“So you’re more like friends with benefits?”
“Yeah,” she shrugged. “I guess you can say that.”
“I know you’re not the type that sticks with one guy, but all I ask is that you treat Luke right and not hurt him.
“I like Luke, I really do.” She collapsed on the bed, next to me. “I’m just not ready to settle down, not yet.” She stared at me, waiting for me to say something.
“Don’t look to me for advice.” I shot her a quick glance. “I can’t even find the nerve to tell Collin I don’t want to marry him.”
She stayed silent for a moment and then said, “So you’re one-hundred percent sure that’s what you want?”
My throat tightened and my eyes watered. I pressed my lips together and nodded. Despite wanting that, it didn’t make it any easier. Delaney wrapped her arm around me and I closed my eyes. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I wiped them away. “I can’t get through to him. No matter what I do or say, he won’t change. It’s like he’s wearing a shield that protects his emotions and a vice that surrounds his heart. Apparently I don’t have the power to penetrate that combination lock.”
“Some guys just don’t get it.” She shook her head.
“Sad, but true.” I glanced at her through wet lashes. “I know now that our relationship exists on a friendship level. I can’t marry him knowing that we aren’t madly in love with one another.”
“And you’re not doing this in hopes of being with Raven?”
“Seriously?” I pushed away from her. “You really think I’m leaving Collin to be with Raven?”
She recoiled against the wall and then wrapped her arms around her legs. “I don’t know. I mean you’ve told me the way you feel about him and I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”
Delaney was right. I was attracted to Raven and I really did enjoy being around him. He had brought out a part of me that I didn’t even know existed. When I was with him, I had a fire that burned bright inside of me, making me feel alive to the point he moved me like no one else could. I had had to keep that fire contained, so that I knew I was making the right decision to not marry Collin. Even though a part of me wanted to run back to him and let him light that fire once again.
“Look, I might like him, but I promise you, I’m not doing this so I can be with him.”
“Okay. I believe you.”
I relaxed and leaned against the wall, next to her. “I even canceled my session with him yesterday. And I’m not sure I’ll continue tutoring him.” Not to mention, I had refused to respond to his text messages on Friday night when he said he was downstairs waiting to take me to the party. That was the hardest thing I had ever done. Knowing that all I had to do was go six floors down and let him show me the time of my life.
She leaned her head against mine. “Then you’re doing the right thing and shouldn’t feel guilty. It’ll be hard, but in the end, you’ll be glad you did this.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Me, too.” Silence filled the space between us and then she said, “When are you going to tell him?”
“Tonight, after the game.” I checked my phone. Every minute seemed to pass in thirty second increments, bringing me closer to what I had to do. “I can’t keep going on like this. I’m miserable.”
“I know. I’m here for you,” she squeezed my hand, “no matter what.”
Relief settled the nausea in my stomach and the fear entwined in my mind. “Thanks, Delaney. I appreciate that.”
A few minutes later, my phone rang. I glanced at the screen before ans
wering it. “Crap, it’s my mom.”
“Hello?”
“Hey, Lexi, we’re down the street. Do you need a ride to the stadium?”
“Yeah, sure. Can you give Delaney a ride, too?”
“Of course. See you in a minute.”
I hung up the phone. “My parents are picking us up in a few minutes.”
“Okay, good.” Delaney got up and then pulled me to my feet. “C’mon. You can do this.”
I took a deep breath and let it out. “If you say so.”
We put on our jackets and headed downstairs to my parents’ car.
“Hi, girls. How’s your week so far?” Mom turned around, giving us a quick glance.
Horrible. I shrugged, not responding.
“Busy,” Delaney replied and clicked her seat belt.
“Good to see you both.” Dad smiled through the rearview mirror. I managed to smile back.
“I have good news, Lexi.” Mom’s voice lilted and I cringed.
“What’s that?”
“I was able to schedule an appointment with the photographer the Gilford’s recommended for next Saturday.”
“Great,” I said, not caring if I sounded disappointed. Mom had asked one of the couples that joined us for lunch on Sunday about their daughter’s photographer. She had recently married and mom had quickly become engrossed with the details of their wedding. I had played along, once again, acting like I cared when I really didn’t.
Mom turned around. “What’s wrong?”
I quickly averted my eyes and stared out the window. “Nothing.”
“Are you sure? You sound a little down.”
“I’m fine.” Riding in the car with them was more trouble than it was worth. Walking in the cool temperatures would have been better than the interrogation.
“Well, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but what the heck.” My head snapped in her direction.
Oh, please don’t tell me anything else about the wedding!
“Your dad and I went to the bridal shop and guess what?”
My stomach did a somersault and I had to hold the vomit threatening to purge from me.
She continued, even though I didn’t respond. “We bought you that wedding dress!” She clapped her hands and I wanted to jump out of the car into incoming traffic.
“The one she didn’t like?” Delaney blurted.
Could my life get any worse?
“What?” Mom sounded surprised by Delaney’s response. “That dress is perfect.”
“The dress is really pretty, Lexi,” Dad spoke up. “Is there a reason you didn’t like it?” I was shocked that Mom allowed him to have input about the wedding and what she wanted me to wear.
“If you like being covered up to your neck in lace,” I huffed.
Delaney motioned for me to stay calm. I had to bite my tongue before I announced that the wedding was off. I took a deep breath and prayed for strength.
“Mom showed me the other dress—”
“The strapless one?” Dad’s comment quickly caught my attention.
“Yes.” His voice thickened and I slumped in my chair. “That wasn’t appropriate and you know it.”
Please kill me now, because I can’t take one more minute of this shit!
I don’t know why I let it bother me since I wasn’t planning on getting married, but it did. Maybe it was because reality had hit. After that night, I wouldn’t be Collin’s fiancée. He’d never see me wearing that wedding dress, even though it was ugly as hell. Or maybe it was another reminder of how my parents controlled my life. My head and my heart were a convoluted mess of emotions.
The car stopped and I opened the door, gasping for air. I couldn’t breathe and the weight of the stress was consuming my body. I darted across the grass parking lot and headed toward the stadium, even though that was the last place I wanted to go.
“Lexi, what’s the problem?” Dad yelled, following me.
With a sigh, I stopped. “Nothing. Just forget about it.” I tracked in a circle, holding on to my head as I prayed for God to make me an emotionless person like Collin. It would have been so much easier to not feel the hurt and lack of love that I needed.
“Why are you so upset? What’s going on?” Mom’s hounding raked over my skin.
Delaney stood behind them, instructing me to stay quiet. She was right. I had to tell Collin before I told my parents. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
“I’ve had a rough week and the wedding is stressing me out.” I crossed my arms and shuffled my feet. “Can we please not talk about it anymore tonight?”
“Okay. Just calm down.” Dad slipped his arm around me and I leaned into him, feeling some of the stress melt away. “We won’t say another word.” He turned and gave Mom his typical pleading eyes stare. I doubted she’d do as he said, since she always got her way.
With Dad’s arm firmly wrapped around me, we walked to the stadium. It took all of my effort to keep the waterworks from releasing. I really wanted to confide in him and tell him what was going on in my life, but I knew he would side with my mom. He’d tell me I was being irrational; that the stress was getting to me and I’d regret my decision. I knew what I had to do, though. I was only waiting for the right time.
* * *
After the game, we headed to the usual pizza place the baseball team went to. The smell of dough wafted through the air. Normally my stomach would have welcomed several slices of their house special stacked with Applewood smoked bacon, but food was the last thing I wanted. Delaney, Jordan, and I sat in an oversized booth while my parents gathered with Collin’s family.
“Way to go!” Several people chanted and whistled as a few baseball players wearing purple entered the restaurant. Cheers continued to follow as more of the team filed in. I kept a watchful eye, waiting for Collin to enter.
Riley and Winston walked in and Delaney shifted in her seat. “Great. Why did they have to come?” They immediately spotted us and headed in our direction.
“Just ignore them.” I rolled my eyes at Riley when his stare turned annoyingly smug. They passed our booth and sat at a table with some other players near the back.
“Don’t worry.” Jordan patted Delaney on the hand. “Surely they aren’t stupid enough to try something with everyone here.”
Delaney whimpered, “It’s not them I’m worried about.”
“My parents are here,” I reminded her. “I’m sure Luke will be on his best behavior… or should be.”
“I hope so,” Delaney sighed when she saw Luke walk through the door.
“Woot! Woot! Go, Collin! Go, Collin!” The purple team cheered when Collin stepped into the restaurant. Forbes trailed behind them, shouting along the way, “MVP. MVP.” He pointed to Collin and I couldn’t help but smile.
Collin had pitched a near perfect game, sweeping the white team twelve to one. He never ceased to amaze me with his precision and gift for playing baseball. Every year he seemed to get better and better. Even though I hated that he put baseball before me, I was a little sad knowing that I would no longer be there to cheer him along. Despite my decision not to marry him, I hoped we could remain friends. I’d watched him play since we were thirteen years old and we’d practically grown up together. He really was a great guy, just not the right one for me.
“Congratulations.” I stood and gave him a hug.
“Thanks! Oh, watch the arm.” He jerked away and resituated an icepack he had strapped to his shoulder.
I released my arms and was glad that his reaction to my touch didn’t offend my heart. Maybe God had answered my prayers after all. “Sorry, I should have hugged you from the other side.”
“You played so well!” Collin’s mom, Suzanne, stepped in front of me and I took a step back, giving her room.
“Great job, Son.” Pastor Clifton shook Collin’s hand. I took a seat in the booth, allowing them to have their family moment because it was obvious I really didn’t belong. Collin’s little brother, Shane, high-fived him and I smiled,
knowing that he’d be a great ballplayer one day, too.
My mom and dad hugged Luke, telling him he did a good job, even though his team lost. He shrugged off their compliment and I sensed he was disappointed in the way he played. The guys slid into the booth and I was surprised that Delaney stayed seated next to me instead of trying to sit next to Luke. I appreciated that was she was adhering to her promise of staying by my side to support me. They eyed each other as though transferring their secret love language to one another.
“You played well, Luke,” I said, disrupting their soulful gaze.
“No.” He shook his head. “I really didn’t. That’s why we lost.”
“No, it’s not.” Forbes grabbed a plate and handed it to Jordan.
“Thank you, pumpkin,” Jordan replied. She served herself a slice of pizza and then handed Forbes the pie cutter.
“I screwed up too, missing several fly balls.” Forbes stacked a few pieces on his plate and then licked his fingers.
Luke took the pie cutter from Forbes and cut a large slice. “I guess the white team didn’t have their shit together tonight. Wait until Friday night.” Luke pointed to Collin with the spatula. “We’re going to kick y’all’s asses.”
“Yeah, right.” Collin laughed. “We’ll see about that.”
The guys ranted about who would win and I drifted off, thinking of how I wanted to start the conversation with Collin once we were alone. No matter how many times I had rehearsed it, it changed every time. The more I thought about it, the more nervous I got. Minutes prior, I had felt confident and reassured with my decision. I wasn’t sure what had caused my shift, but I was becoming a nervous wreck. I picked at my pizza and sipped on my soda, but nothing could unwind the ball of nerves wrapped tightly around my stomach. I watched the clock on the wall and with each passing minute, I convinced myself I could do it.
“You all right, Lexi?” Jordan asked, breaking my daze.
“Huh?” I eased the straw from my mouth.
“You haven’t eaten one bite of your pizza.” She pointed to my plate.
“Oh, um… I’m not feeling—”
“Hey kids, we’re leaving. It’s almost eleven and your dad has to get up early.” Mom squeezed Luke in a hug and kissed him on the cheek. I elbowed Delaney, delighted that my parents would soon have someone else to hound instead of me.