by Cari Quinn
“I didn’t know she existed.”
“So you say now.”
Early on she swore she would never tell Gabby the truth. Never. There was a time when she had asked about her father but it stopped eventually. Not unlike how Angel stopped asking about her own mother. O’Malley never talked about it and she learned not to question him for it only brought sadness to his eyes. Is that why Gabby had stopped asking too? Did she see the same haunted look in her mother’s eyes when she asked about her daddy? And all this time Angel thought Gabby had forgotten when in reality she’d been hoping for her father to show up.
Truthfully, she’d been betting on a negative reaction from her daughter as an excuse to decline. As they exchanged phone numbers she made one last ditch effort. “The cat is not going to be a problem, is it?” Better he escape now before Gabby became attached.
“No, I’ll look into allergy shots.” After taking a large gulp of coffee, he asked, “Who names their cat Lucifer?”
“He’s a bit of a hellion.” Maybe that would get him to rethink his impulsive proposal.
“Ah, a true O’Malley.”
“Hey!” Angel instinctively punched him in the arm, like they’d seen each other just yesterday instead of six years ago. They both laughed and for a moment she felt like that teen girl who once fell in love, perhaps because she still was.
No, you’re in love with the boy you once knew, the one who won you a pink elephant at a fair. But Billy was no longer that boy. And Angel was definitely no longer that girl. At only twenty-three he had a sexual past that an eighty-year-old man would be proud to remember on his deathbed. Remember that before you’re the one who becomes attached.
An awkward silence followed the laughter. Then he reached for his wallet and all of the muscles in her body tensed. “No thanks,” she said as he tried to hand over a wad of cash.
He opened her clenched fist. “It’s just to hold you over until we can settle the legal details and make a permanent arrangement.” Placing the money in her palm, he closed her fingers around it. Keeping his hand around hers, he said, “You really don’t know the meaning of child support, do you?”
She didn’t want his money. Well, she did want a check in the mail every month to help support Gabby. A check didn’t send tingles of excitement running from the tips of her fingers, up her arm to surround her heart, or wet her lips down below. His touch, however, did all those things. “I’m not in this to bleed you dry, you know. Once I pass the licensing exam and find a nursing job we’ll be fine.”
“I hope that we includes me, Angel.”
He squeezed her hand, but it was her heart that felt the force of the gesture. She didn’t know how to respond because she didn’t know exactly what he meant by it. Angel couldn’t let the whispered words seduce her into thinking she could be anything more than his baby mama. She winced at the term but in his world that’s how she’d be referenced.
Billy released her hand. “My flight leaves in two hours so I better get going.”
“One more thing, Billy.”
“What’s that?”
“To be clear. I will be sleeping in that third bedroom. There’ll be no messing around.”
“No messing around. Got it.”
Angel doubted his rushed agreement, in fact she felt a bit annoyed over it, but she’d hold him to it just the same. Angel walked Billy to the door then called out, “Gabby, come say goodbye.”
“No!” Gabby flew down the hall and threw her arms around his leg, which was the size of a small tree trunk. “Don’t leave.”
Angel’s heart clenched at her daughter’s desperate plea. Now instead of wishing he’d back out, she decided she would kill him if he did.
Billy picked Gabby up easily as if she were one of his weights at the gym. “It’s okay. I’ll see you in less than a week.”
“You’re not gonna get lost again?”
“Never,” he promised, kissing her nose. He looked back to Angel and continued, “I’ll have my agent send someone to help with the move and make the arrangements.”
“Carlos?”
“How do you know my agent?”
You wouldn’t know by the expression on his face but whoa, he sounded jealous. Angel was horrified when a secret thrill shot through her. “I called the Cougar team office first and they directed me to your agent. After getting the third degree he refused to put me in touch with you, hence the paternity suit.”
Gone was the cool façade and Billy’s face hardened into a mask. “That won’t happen again.”
Angel doubted that but nodded. It would be a new town but the same old story of people trying to keep them apart. “The first priority is getting Gabby registered for school.”
“School? Already?”
Gabby held up her fingers. “I’m five. I’m in kindergarten,” she said proudly.
“Oh, so you’re a big girl,” said Billy.
“Only when she wants to be,” Angel teased.
He kissed Gabby goodbye and placed her down gently. Angel’s heart skipped when his gaze moved from their daughter and seemed to zero in on her lips, but then his eyes met hers and he said, “Don’t change your mind.”
The door closed and in relief her heartbeat steadied. But as she heard his footfalls on the steps, disappointment replaced relief. The back door opened and closed. It felt like she hadn’t had air since he strode into the bar last night. She took a cleansing breath before gazing down at her daughter who swung her body back and forth looking up at her mother expectantly. “So what do you think of your Daddy?”
On her tippy toes, with her hand reaching up into the air, Gabby said, “He’s a giant.” Spinning on one foot, she turned. With arms now stretched wide, she stomped down the hallway to her room, taking such big steps that she was almost leaping. “Fee, fie, fo, fum.”
Billy had earned major brownie points for letting Gabby tug on his hair until Angel thought he’d end up bald. But a morning of playtime did not a father make.
How would he deal with the messes? The constant questions? When Gabby woke with a stomachache? Then again who would’ve thought she herself had an ounce of maternal instinct? Certainly not Angel. Yet as soon as Gabriela was placed in her arms, a mother bear mentality rooted itself deep within her.
An hour later a knock sounded. She guessed it was Hoss and even though she didn’t want a confrontation she wanted to get it over with and opened the door.
“You let him sleep over.”
“Shhh,” she said as she pointed down the hall to where Gabby was napping unusually early. Between the sleepover and the excitement of meeting her father she had volunteered to take a nap. A first. Angel took a seat on the couch as Hoss softly closed the door. “It’s not what you think.” Angel explained what O’Malley’ had done and about Billy’s offer to move to New Jersey. “Why would O’Malley lie to me?”
“I don’t know.” Hoss plopped down onto O’Malley’s chair.
“Why did he make me break up with him in the first place? Why wasn’t I good enough?” It was a question she had on the tip of her tongue for years and now finally she was able to ask it out loud.
“Jesus, Angel, is that what you thought?”
“O’Malley told me so right to my face.” It only confirmed what the whole town thought of her. Even Carlos, a man she’d never met, thought she was a gold digger. In his agent’s defense, allegations were probably made against his clients everyday. How many claims did Billy himself receive—hell did he actually have other kids?
“He didn’t mean it. He knew Billy would break your heart. Your father wanted you to walk away with your pride.”
“Billy wouldn’t break—”
“He would have eventually. College women throwing themselves at him versus a pool hustler five hundred miles away? Not even a contest. It’s a given.”
“I’ll never truly know, will I?” Angel folded her arms.
Hoss flipped back the recliner and sighed. “Don’t start believing in those fai
ry tales you read to Gabby. Nothing has changed. Replay that video of him in the strip club. That’s the real Billy Burner not the boy who whispered promises to you in the dark. Remember that when he tries to get you into bed. Don’t think he won’t. He’s a man.”
“And the father of my child.”
“A sperm donor.”
But Billy claimed to want more and by the way he melted when he looked at Gabby, she already had him wrapped around her finger.
“When are you leaving?” Hoss got up and walked to the door.
“Next week.”
Hoss hesitated, and Angel thought he was about to offer up some more unwanted fatherly advice but instead asked, “Can I have the chair?”
Angel blinked. What was she going to do with all this stuff? She doubted any of it was worth the cost of moving to New Jersey or the cost to store it once it got there. Besides she deserved a clean slate without reminders of the past. Like how much O’Malley loved that chair, joking that he’d be buried in it. Now as far as she was concerned, he could roll in his grave knowing Hoss sat on the O’Malley throne. “Consider it severance.”
“Ha, good one. I’ll come by with a truck later.”
Angel shut the door. Leaning against it in exhaustion, she decided to allow herself the rest of the day to brood about the past. Then tomorrow she’d start anew. Begin to pack up her life and get the hell out of town before she changed her mind. Or Billy changed his.
Chapter Seven
After practice Billy stood on the sidelines of the empty field, visualizing the plays for tomorrow’s game. In his head he ran every route, pictured catching each pass with ease before making his move to score a touchdown or dig for that extra yard. He’d repeat the process tonight as he fell asleep, when he woke, and one more time before he took the field. The ritual began in college when the step up from high school football had overwhelmed him. Skill wasn’t enough at that level. He realized to be a successful player he had to be prepared physically and mentally. He welcomed the challenge.
Concentrating on football was the only thing that had kept him sane in those first few months after Angel dumped him. Billy poured his pain into practices, played like an animal in games, earning him the college scholarship his father always dreamed of.
He breathed in the calming smell of grass and closed his eyes enjoying the peace of the moment before heading to the madness of the locker room. There was so much to do before Angel and Gabriela arrived on Wednesday. There was no room for a game ending fumble.
Ryan Terell, the veteran tight end, slapped Billy’s shoulder pad. “Daydreaming about breaking my records, kid?”
Billy shrugged it off. “I’m not a kid.”
Jake Miller, the running back, slapped the other side. “So we’ve heard.”
Billy should have known. Where there was one, the other was sure to follow. The two hated him and seemed to live to ride his ass for every misstep. He knew he’d stepped out of bounds when he asked out both of their women, but in his defense if his teammates couldn’t close the deal then it should have been every man for himself. Football is a team sport, but sex was a one-on-one game. “Coach has a big mouth.”
Terell shook his head. “We share agents.”
Billy had warned Carlos not to interfere again. He’d fire the prick, but he was the rare combination of genius and shark. His clients received the best contracts and the most lucrative endorsements. The man even plotted out the future, for life after football, which no player could conceive of while playing. Call it a superstition, call it ego, or maybe a little of both.
Since his teammates knew about his daughter, Billy better get around to telling his father. He dreaded the conversation knowing his father would blow up. Even as a man Billy still tried to please him. Why? Habit? The easy way out? It was something he needed to examine. Dating Angel had pissed off his father and it was the first time and last time they’d ever gone head-to-head. Angel only proved his father right by tearing out his heart.
But now grandpa would just have to deal with it. Hell, if Gabriela couldn’t melt his father’s steel-dipped heart, then there was no hope for the man. Regardless, Billy wasn’t going anywhere and planned to be a major part of Gabriela’s life.
“Did you get a DNA test?” asked Miller.
Billy fisted his hands, fighting the instinct to punch Miller in the mouth. He shot back a retort instead, “Did you ask Hannah for one? If I remember, you two split for a while last year.” He knew the comment would drive Miller crazy, since Billy had asked out the supermodel at the time.
Miller pointed a finger at him. “If we weren’t teammates I’d be scraping what’s left of you off of my cleats.” Miller stormed off to the locker room.
Billy laughed it off, but his humor quickly faded when Terell gripped him by the jersey and tugged him forward.
“You’re an asshole,” said Terell. “You’re not a rookie anymore. Grow the fuck up.”
Before Billy could reply with an insincere apology, Terell pulled at Billy’s jersey again. “We’re only looking out for you.” The frustration on Terell’s face was not an act.
Holy crap. Terell wasn’t kidding. Billy had been so busy trying to prove himself an asset to the team that maybe he hadn’t realized Terell had been trying to mentor him all along. Perhaps all those perceived digs about his play had actually been constructive criticism. Stunned by the truth, Billy decided to chuck the chip on his shoulder and his bad boy ways for the good of the team and for the sake of his daughter. “Sorry, man.”
Terell let go of his jersey and gave him a light shove. “It’s not me you need to apologize to.”
“Yeah, I’ll get on it.” Billy turned to go and Terell followed.
“Burner, watch out for Marcus tomorrow. He hits hard.”
The Texas Stars lineman was feared throughout the league but Billy never showed fear and normally Terell didn’t either, which was a bad sign for his teammate. Had Terell lost his edge? Is that why he had announced his retirement after the upcoming season? “He’s gotta catch me first.”
“You know Marcus is not going to be the only one to enjoy seeing that smirk of yours pounded into the turf on Sunday.”
Billy might not be afraid of going one on one on the field against Marcus but as he approached Miller in the locker room his insides shook. “Look man, I—”
“Forgotten.” Miller and Burner bumped fists. “Hopefully your kid doesn’t look like you.”
Relieved, Billy laughed and then shook his head. “Looks like her mother, except for the eyes.” And why he didn’t need a DNA test. This unspoken truth lay between them, as did the awkward silence, which seem to drown out the shouts of the other players and music blaring in the background.
Miller finally nodded. “Good, cause you’re an ugly mother fucker.”
* * *
Two days later the doorbell rang just as Billy put ice on his shoulder, which took the brunt of the Star’s attempt to see him dead. As much as it hurt, the fact that the other team sent their best defensive player after him meant they considered him a real threat. The loss pained him more, even if it was only a preseason game.
Not expecting company, he peered through the peephole. Miller, Terell, and their wives stood waiting. Opening the door he noticed the paint cans, painting supplies and Jake and Hannah’s baby girl. “What’s this all about?”
“Everything happened so fast, we figured you didn’t have time to decorate,” explained Samantha, Terell’s wife, a former journalist who almost ruined his life when she thought he was taking steroids. She was not only smart, but clever too. Add her pretty face and nice rack and it equaled a dangerous combination that had brought Terell to his knees.
Feeling scrutinized under her gaze, he pulled at his collar in discomfort. He had propositioned both of these women and the awkwardness of them standing with his teammates shamed him. “But why would you help me?”
“Because we’re family, fuck face.” Terell handed him a paintbrush. “Lead
the way.”
Billy smiled as he guided them down the hallway. It was obvious this wasn’t his teammates idea. He loved witnessing them being led by the balls by their wives. He opened the door. “This will be Gabriela’s room.”
“You expect a little girl to feel at home in this squalor?” Hannah shook her head. From her tone and expression you’d think the place swarmed with cockroaches.
Billy looked at the white walls and double bed covered in a beige comforter. Simple, yes. Squalor, no. “I ordered some girly stuff on-line. It’ll be here before they move in,” he defended. Okay, so the room wouldn’t be exactly Disney World inspired but he’d have it all purpled up before Gabby slept one night in it.
“Speaking of they, where will the mother of your child sleep?” Hannah asked.
Mother of his child? Did Hannah have to say it that way, as if Angel was a saint instead of having a body created for sin? Leaving Miller and Terell to open the paint cans, they crossed the hallway to the third bedroom.
“Is she supposed to sleep on the weight bench?’ Hannah Hahn’s special talent wasn’t modeling. It was laying men low. Between the tone of her voice and her condescending look, Billy’s stomach roiled in embarrassment.
The dressing down he’d gotten for hitting on her still stung to this day. He wondered how Miller’s huge ego withstood her diva act. Beauty only went so far in his book. Still, he found the way the baby snuggled close to her endearing. He crossed his arms to fill the void he felt from missing this part of Gabriela’s life.
Strewn about the room, his gym equipment took up most of the space. “I was going to move it out.”
“No, you weren’t. You were hoping to talk her into your bed,” said Samantha.
He wasn’t about to confess his foolish teenage love for Angel or how even now he hoped to convince her to make a go of it. They wouldn’t believe him anyway. Let them think he was a jerk. “And?”
“Honey, Burner needs help moving this stuff out,” Hannah yelled.