by Taylor Bell
“ ’Kay, thanks, Colette. And sorry again. Will I see you at the bar?”
“I’ll probably show up later. I need to run and do some errands off campus tonight. Some non-BZ business needs attention.”
“Gotcha,” I said, “well, good luck with that. And maybe I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah.” She stared at her phone with a look of concern. “Just leave that on the counter with the others when you’re done,” Colette said as she walked out of the kitchen.
“Sure,” I said, feeling relieved that she was gone.
The packet only took me a few minutes to fill out. It was a series of personal questions. My favorite color, my birthday, my height, favorite band, etc. It occurred to me that Colette didn’t want me there to fill out this info sheet with the other pledges; she wanted me there so that I knew BZ took precedence over my personal time from now on. I was a little surprised that she hadn’t screamed at me. But then again, I couldn’t really picture her raising her voice to anyone. She was too composed, too hard around the edges to lose her shit like that. But still, it all left a weird taste in my mouth. I didn’t come to college to follow someone’s arbitrary rules.
I never made it to the bar that night and I never heard a word about it from Colette, so I’m assuming she never made it either.
8.
SARAH
The next few weeks flew by. In between classes and studying, our pledge class was summoned to the house about every other day to do various things, which Jonah found annoying because we couldn’t hang out as often. But he had endless swim practices anyway; we each had our thing.
The required BZ activities I liked: full-chapter dinners, a Tahitian-themed Sunday brunch where I won a limbo contest, and a Big/Little speed-dating night that was priceless. Things I kind of hated: liquor and beer runs, cleaning responsibilities in the house, and a few Human Dignity workshops that were just boring.
The sense I got from around campus was that we had it pretty easy at BZ. I went to coffee one day with this super-tiny girl, Sarah, whom I’d met on move-in day. She was compact and looked a little scrappy, but had this booming voice that I thought was hilarious. We weren’t really that close, but she seemed funny and kept texting me about meeting up for coffee. So we met at a café on the River and swapped pledge stories. Sarah was pledging Beta Pi. She came wearing a lavender cashmere cardigan, an Hermès belt, and Tory Burch flats. I felt a little underdressed in my shorts and T-shirt.
Beta Pi was kind of known as the slutty and raunchy house, so I wasn’t surprised to hear that her experience had been different from mine, but one thing she told me literally blew my mind.
Sarah explained: “One night, before a frat party at Alpha, all of us pledges were called to the house, blindfolded, and led to the basement. A table had been set up with a bunch of vodka and mixers and we were told to just hang out and have fun and wait for further instructions. After about an hour, we were all pretty tipsy and having a blast, when one of the older sisters came down and told us that we needed to get completely naked, I’m not even joking, and sit on some wooden chairs that had been set up in a row. Each chair had a piece of newspaper taped to the seat. I was confused, but all the other girls stripped down so fuckin’ fast that I just went along with it. When all twenty or so of us were seated on the cold wooden chairs, a TV was wheeled out in front of the row of us. A hard-core porn video, which apparently took place in a Jiffy Lube, was then turned on and one of the seniors explained that we were not allowed to get up from our seat and come to the party until the newspaper was wet and the ink had ‘printed’ on our asses.”
When Sarah’s story finished, I realized that my jaw was hanging to the floor.
“Are you fucking serious?” I asked.
“As HPV.”
“Holy shit, Sarah. That is insane! What . . . what happened?”
“I mean, we all got there. Eventually. It started off as the most humiliating thing ever, but by the end we all felt like it was a badge of honor to go up and show them our newspaper-printed ass.”
“Oh my God. My house is seriously PG compared to that.”
“But you guys still have to sleep with a guy from Omega Sig, right?”
“What are you talking about?”
“We have to fuck at least one guy from our partner frat, Alpha, before initiation or we don’t get in, officially.”
“Wait, wait, wait. So you have to ‘officially’ fuck some dude? To get in?” I wondered if forcing their girls to do this was even legal. I was completely speechless. I had no idea how lucky I had been with my pledge experience thus far.
“Honestly, Taylor, I really don’t mind it that much. The guys in Alpha are all so hot and one of my potential Bigs told me which of the brothers were hung and which weren’t. I was gonna fuck a couple of those Alpha boys anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. I can’t even believe you are a Beta Zeta. I never pegged you as Greek.”
“Me neither.”
I wanted to be able to relate to Sarah’s pledge experiences, but I mean, she was sitting across the table from me talking about how she’d basically been sexually harassed. Deep down I believed that I would never be hazed, like, for real. Beta Zeta was different. It just wasn’t that kind of a sorority. They weren’t that type of group.
Sarah went on about a few of the guys she was considering for the “fucking assignment” and I entertained her with as much enthusiasm as I could muster while we looked at each of their Facebook profiles on her iPhone. One guy had a mohawk, so I told her not to fuck him because before I left for school, my grandmother told me never to sleep with a mohawked man and I happened to agree with the old quack on that one. Sarah argued that “Stevey” a.k.a. Mr. Mohawk was a starter on the lacrosse team, so he would raise her proverbial asking price for the rest of the semester, if not year.
As we got up and tossed our empty soy lattes into the trash, the thought crossed my mind that I was going to need to stop judging girls like Sarah for being slutty. Not that everyone was as extreme as her and Kenadie, but there was no way I’d be able to make it through even one year in this world of frombies and soiled newspaper while passing judgment on these girls. I’d go insane. I made a promise to myself then and there: Don’t be a bitch, don’t judge, and just enjoy the ride.
We hugged and Sarah went off on her way and I headed toward my dorm.
My phone buzzed. It was a text from Olivia.
Olivia 4:45PM Question
Taylor 4:46PM Hey, Olivia what’s up
Olivia 4:46PM You’re a women’s studies person right?
Taylor 4:46PM Yeah
Olivia 4:46PM Cool
Olivia 4:47PM So you know about like women’s lib and shit?
Taylor 4:47PM A little bit. Why?
Olivia 4:47PM I’m having a situation with this one professor of mine who I think might be objectifying me
Taylor 4:48PM Hmm. Okay. How can I help?
Taylor 4:48PM Also is it a male or female professor?
Olivia 4:48PM Male
Olivia 4:50PM He’s always singling me out in lecture and saying weird shit to me after class and I can’t tell if he’s being sexist or if I’m just being sensitive because I think he’s a creepy old loser
Olivia 4:50PM Like today he asked me to sing in front of the whole class
Olivia 4:51PM and I’m a really good singer but it was just weird that he knew that, right?
Taylor 4:52PM I don’t know. It doesn’t sound that weird to me.
Olivia 4:52PM Really?
Taylor 4:53PM Yeah, maybe someone mentioned it to him or something. And you’re always humming
Olivia 4:53PM I am?
Taylor 4:53PM Yeah. But it’s nice
Olivia 4:53PM So you don’t think he was trying to embarrass me by making me sing in front of the whole class?
Taylor 4:54PM Why did he ask you to sing?
Olivia 4:54PM Because the book we’re reading in his lit class is about a French singer, and I knew the song we w
ere talking about from high school. We sang it in chamber choir
Taylor 4:54PM Did you tell him that you knew the song?
Olivia 4:54PM Yeah
Taylor 4:54PM Then that’s probably how he knew you sang
Olivia 4:56PM Oh you’re probably right
Olivia 4:56PM So it’s not weird? You don’t feel like he was embarrassing me because I’m a girl?
Taylor 4:57PM Doesn’t sound like it to me
Olivia 4:57PM Okay
Olivia 4:59PM Thanks. I’m glad I asked you
Taylor 4:59PM No prob
Olivia and I never spoke of this issue again, she never brought it up and neither did I. I don’t really know why she chose me to come to for advice. Her question didn’t really have anything to do with women’s studies, liberation, or feminism. But it made me smile. In her own Olivia way, she was confiding in me.
9.
KIND OF ADULTS
By the time the leaves on campus started falling off the trees, Jack and I were hanging out pretty much on a regular basis. We went on a few movie dates and a couple of dinners, but between schoolwork, chapter stuff, and sleep, neither of us had a ton of extra time. But when we did, we chose to spend it together. And of course, we saw each other at parties. Meg and the girls were constantly asking if Jack and I were “a thing,” and despite my pretending not to know, we were definitely becoming one.
Jack 11:40PM You want to sleep over? I’m done with my shit and we could just watch a movie or whatever.
Taylor 11:40PM I want to so bad, but I still have 50 pages left to note for psych. Maybe tomorrow night?
Jack 11:40PM All good. You free Friday? I was gonna drive down to the marina where my dad keeps his boat. We could take a ride. Supposed to be nice weather.
Taylor 11:41PM Omg yeah! For sure. That sounds amazing.
Jack 11:41PM Great. Should we invite others? Could do a little private booze cruise
Taylor 11:42PM Yes, I’ll ask around. Cute!
Jack 11:43PM Sounds good, I’ll see if Dave is free. PS you’re starting to sound like “them”
Taylor 11:43PM Oh god, do I really?
Jack 11:45PM It’s cute
Taylor 11:45PM LOL ok good. See you soon, handsome
Jack 11:46PM xx
Friday couldn’t have rolled around any sooner. The thought of doing anything sorority- or school-related was killing me. I needed a break, and the day trip on Jack’s boat was gonna be just that. Jack invited one of his best friends and fraternity brothers, David, and told me to invite some friends. So Meg and Jonah also came along. I hadn’t seen Jonah in a couple of weeks because his swim season had taken over his life. I missed him a lot and I felt like I had a lot to tell him. It was sweet that Jack wanted to hang out with my friends.
“I can’t believe you grew up here. It’s so beautiful.”
“Looks pretty boring to me,” joked Meg from the backseat.
“Definitely a little boring, but it was fun when I was a kid.”
“Well, I’m happy to be here. This makes me happy.”
Once we all parked at the marina, Jack took me down to the boat to get it all set up and uncovered, while the rest of the group went to a liquor store to take care of the booze part of our cruise. Jack’s family boat wasn’t crazy huge or fancy, but it was beautiful. And it was nice to have a few minutes alone with him.
“A perfect Delaware fall day. Sixty and sunny,” he said, helping me down the dock ladder and into the boat.
“I love this time of year. Not too cold, the light is so romantic.” I snuggled up against him.
“Me too.”
I helped him untie the ropes and lay out all of the cushions.
“So you, like, really know what you’re doing here, don’t you?”
“My dad and I had a tradition of going fishing pretty much every weekend. It’s kind of the only way we know how to relate to each other. So I’ve spent a lot of time on this boat.”
“That’s super cute.”
“WHO WANTS A BEER?” David (cute, short, muscular jock type) screamed from the far end of the dock.
Once we were all aboard, Jack led us out of the harbor and into the Delaware River. Jonah and David handed out cans of Natty Boh. It was weird to be out in the real world with these people. I mean, almost everything social I’d been doing over the past few months was at school. You get stuck inside the bubble at school. It’s insular. But here we weren’t kids anymore, we were kind of adults.
“So, Jonah. You’re a swimmer. You wanna take a dip?” David said as he picked Jonah up and pretended to throw him overboard.
I guess adult wasn’t exactly the right description.
“Ha! Very funny,” Jonah replied, shooting me a dirty look that screamed Why did you make me come to this?
“Ignore him, Jonah. We all must remember that David’s brain hasn’t really healed since colliding with a lacrosse ball in the ninth grade.”
“Thanks, Jack, but that’s pretty obvious,” Jonah smirked at David.
“Okay, okay. I was just horsing around. I didn’t realize this was such a refined group of young adults,” David chimed in. “You’re right, you’re right. We should just all sit here leisurely enjoying these brews . . . or, anyone wanna do SOME COKE??”
“Sure,” Jonah answered immediately.
“Um, what? Are you serious Jonah?” I asked.
“Yeah. Why not? It’s Friday, it’s a beautiful fall day, we’re on a fucking boat. What else are we supposed to be doing?”
“Yeah, Tay, what else are we supposed to be doing?” David added.
“Dave, did you really bring coke on my dad’s boat?”
“Oh, I most certainly brought a lot of coke onto your dad’s boat.”
“I’m down,” Meg added.
“The people have spoken, fine sir,” David said, shrugging.
“It’s fine, I guess,” Jack replied while piloting.
We hadn’t been on the boat more than twenty minutes, and everyone but Jack and me was high as a kite. I wasn’t disappointed, necessarily, but I’d had a different vibe in mind for the boat ride. They were all getting high, drinking, being crazy, and dancing like maniacs to Daft Punk, while Jack and I just sat together in the helm chair and laughed at them. So I guess it kind of worked out for the best.
“I’m so down for a party on a boat, but these guys are too much,” Jack said. Jonah was trying to teach Dave to twerk.
“Dave seems like a real winner.”
“He’s usually not this bad. I brought him because he never seems be able to close the deal with girls and I thought we could set him up with Meg.”
“That’s really sweet of you, but from the looks of it he seems more interested in Jonah than making a move on Meg.”
“You may be right. Hey, they’d make a cute couple.”
“I don’t think Zac Efron in that fraternity movie is really Jonah’s type,” I said.
“To be honest, I don’t know whose type he is. Why don’t we anchor here for a bit and chill? I haven’t even shown you the berth yet.”
“Okay. That sounds cute.”
Jack turned off the motor and led me down to the lower cabin. It was cozy, with a little kitchen and a tiny bedroom at the front. Finally, some real privacy.
“This is it.” He sat down on the bed.
“I love it.”
“Good. I love it too. I’ve spent a lot of time on this boat.”
“Like with your family and stuff?”
“Yeah, but also alone. This was like my own private hideaway when I was in high school. I would just come here to get away from shit.”
“I’m sure all the ladies in high school wanted to ‘check out’ your dad’s boat.”
“Well, honestly, no. I wasn’t that smooth with the girls back then. I wish I had been. This would have been a killer spot, but it wasn’t in the cards. I was a skinny, pimply geek.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“No. I’m being serious. When I go
t to college freshman year, I was five nine, and a hundred forty-five pounds. Sounds sexy, doesn’t it?”
“I have a hard time believing that you weren’t cute, even if you were scrawny.”
“I wish I had been, but sadly, all I did here was watch old movies on VHS and read the entire Hunger Games trilogy, over and over. Are you completely turned on right now?” Jack sheepishly smiled.
“I gotta say, you’re constantly surprising me. You’re not the guy I thought you were . . . like . . . in a good way. A really good way.”
“Did you think I was going to end up being this meathead frat brother or something?”
“Maybe at first?”
“Oh my God! I can’t believe you. That’s hilarious.”
“Well, I don’t know? I met you on, like, my second day here. I think I had a lot of wrong ideas about who everyone was and how they would act.”
“Did you honestly think that an average meathead would willfully enroll in a women’s studies class at eight-thirty a.m. on Mondays?”
“Point taken,” I said as I closed the sliding door to the bedroom and sat next to Jack on the bed.
“Never judge a frat boy by his cover.”
Jack leaned in to kiss me, and as his lips touched mine, we both laid back onto the little mattress. I was so into him I couldn’t contain it. It really isn’t a myth—college boys actually are better/cuter/hotter than high school guys. As Jack’s body rolled on top of me I wanted to scream, but I knew I had to keep it inside. If the cokeheads made their way downstairs we’d never have any alone time for the rest of the day.
“Do you have a condom?” I asked as I pulled him closer into me.
“Really? You’re okay doing it in here?”
“Yes. We can just try to be quiet. So, do you have one?”
“I do.”
Jack hopped up, took his wallet out, and took his shirt and pants off as I stripped down to my bra and panties in record time. He placed the condom on a little wood ledge next to the bed and jumped back on top of me. There was something about his demeanor that was so disarming. Like he was confident, but also there was a tenderness about the way his body moved that made me feel completely free with mine.