Dirty Rush

by Taylor Bell

  “Let’s go for a little drive. I need to regroup,” she slurred, “I need to get out of that party, that fucking party, that girl, this party for a sec . . .” Marley was holding herself up as if she was completely sober, yet when she opened her mouth you could pretty much tell that she was off-her-ass wasted.

  “What do you mean a drive? How far exactly are we going?” Jane looked dubious.

  “I just . . . we’re going to KFC,” replied Marley, who now had her six-inch heels up on the dashboard.

  “As in Kentucky Fried Chicken? Or is that a frat I don’t know about yet?” Jane said.

  “Yoooooouuu are so funnnnyyy!”

  “I know. Okay, no problem, where’s the KFC?”

  “It’s an hour away,” said Sam, who was sitting in between Leyla and me in the backseat.

  “Yeah,” agreed Marley, “the only twenty-four-hour KFC is an hour away in Edgewater. Besides, no one will recognize me there, so it’s the only option. Oops.” She feigned a smile in Jane’s general direction.

  “Okay . . .” Jane huffed.

  “And last I checked, you guys are supposed to drive us anywhere we need to go. Do I have the correct information, orrrr . . . what?”

  Jane responded by not saying anything at all, she just got on the highway, which Sam instructed her to do, and she took driving orders until we got there. They were right; it was an hour at least. But they were also right about it being open at 3:15 on a Sunday morning. And not just the drive-thru.

  Marley insisted that we join her and Sam inside, where we all got to witness them plow their way through an extra-large bucket of fried chicken, a side of mashed potatoes and gravy, an order of mac and cheese, and biscuits.

  “You girls will realize very, very soon that other girls are actually not nice people. Like, do you get what I’m saying? I feel like no one’s talking besides me here,” Marley proclaimed in between bites of a chicken wing that she was dipping in gravy.

  She continued, “Okay? Girls fucking suck and when you are a fortunate, pretty, nice girl like me, then it’s EXTRA fucking hard to meet nice people. Like I have trust shit.” She looked at Leyla, who was falling asleep in her seat. “You get it,” Marley said, putting a greasy hand on Leyla’s arm. I just sat there sipping on the small Diet Coke that Marley had bought for us as a “thank-you.”

  I guess earlier in the night, some girl from another house had called Marley skinny-fat, which she said, “was not something you should ever say to someone’s face.” So she was eating her feelings at KFC on a Sunday morning, washing it all down with Red Bull and vodka from a flask. That night, I made a mental note to never use the term skinny-fat around any of these girls.

  When we got back to campus and we were a few blocks from Marley’s apartment building, I saw a girl walking alone out of the corner of my eye. She looked completely hammered, almost toppling over with every step, or I should say, with every skip. She was skipping down the street, barefoot, holding her platform wedges in her hand, her hair a tousled mess. It was actually hilarious. As we drove past her, I saw her smiling face. It was Kenadie.

  “Ummmmm . . .” I said under my breath as we passed her.

  No one heard me over the Calvin Harris song that Jane had blasting on her car stereo. I felt bad that I didn’t say something; we could’ve squeezed and given her a ride, I guess.

  Not a very sisterly move, Taylor.

  Oh well.

  11.

  HAVE FUN YOU GUYS!!

  When my phone rang at eight the next morning, I thought I was either dead or hallucinating. But I wasn’t either of those things. I was just exhausted. The (roughly) five hours of sleep I’d had in the past seventy-two hours wasn’t working out. Sleep deprivation was not my thing, but duty called.

  Twenty minutes later, I was standing in the driveway of the BZ house with Jane, Leyla, and Kenadie. Somehow, Leyla looked far less tired and far less bedraggled than I did. Even Jane appeared to be holding it together, at least momentarily. God, my life would be so much easier if I was addicted to Adderall. Kenadie produced a sheet of paper from the back pocket of her skinny jeans and handed it to me.

  “Okay, sluts, ya’ll look so fucking pretty right now. But don’t you dare think for one second that I won’t cunt punt you if you lose this fuckin’ piece of paper,” Kenadie said with a severity in her voice that I didn’t know she had in her.

  There was no way Kenadie had gone to sleep since I’d seen her drunk/belligerent/insane, skipping home at 4:30 in the morning, so I couldn’t help but marvel at how put together she seemed.

  “Enjoy the next eight hours of y’all’s almost fun lives,” she added before walking back into the house.

  “Ughh, what does it say?” Jane said as she grabbed what looked like a shopping list from my hands. Jane was over it. I mean, Jane’s general disposition was normally “over it” or “almost over it,” but this was extra over it. This was verge-of-tears over it. Whatever she’d been doing to appear “okay” while Kenadie was standing in front of us had vanished the second she’d walked away. Seeing her like this was sobering and it momentarily distracted me from how deeply over it I was. I knew I had to keep my shit together if we were going to get through what I hoped would be the last “bitch” task of my increasingly miserable existence as a pledge.

  “It’s a fucking scavenger hunt,” Jane announced.

  “Like on Easter?” Leyla asked.

  “No, you dick, that would be an Easter egg hunt!”

  “Oh . . .”

  I read the note out loud.

  SCAVY HUNTY!!!!!!!

  TEAM TAY-TAY, J-MONEY, SEXY ASIAN LEYLA

  OK miserable bitches (jk!), you’re probably tired from last night, and we get it, but you’re gonna have to complete the following TO-DO LIST before 6 p.m. this evening (No Cars Allowed). And please, please, please, pleeeeeeeease don’t forget to HAVE FUN, YOU GUYS!

  1. Run to the Safeway and buy a condom and a cucumber, lube, ex-lax, and a dozen organic eggs (Please provide receipt.)

  2. Completely hollow out the eggs and place them back in the carton. (Save for later)

  3. Instagram a photo of all of you standing in Yardley Fountain, naked. (you can cover up nips and puss with your hands if you feel that that’s necessary)

  4. Go to the Alpha house. (Front door code is 6-1-7-1-0.) Each one of you has to go up to a rando and make out with him. (photo proof )

  5. While you’re at Alpha, retrieve Kenadie’s charm bracelet that she left in Will Boyle’s room on the second floor last weekend because she wants it back but she does not want to ever see that boy’s acne-battleground of a swine face ever again.

  6. Collect pee and cum from an Alpha brother by any means possible. You will not be judged. (please provide photo of the brother holding both “specimen” cups)

  7. Return to the house with all collected items and proof.

  “Well fuck,” I said, almost to myself.

  “I can’t do this shit right now. I’m calling my mom,” Leyla said quietly.

  “Ley. No. We are doing this, and we’re doing this together,” I said. “I’m not gonna let you quit now. I’m pretty sure that Meg told me that when you get to the scavenger hunt, you’re on the home stretch, so just hang in there.” I put on my bravest face to encourage her. “I can hollow eggs unnaturally fast. My mom is crafty as balls so all I’ll need is a safety pin and I’m good.”

  “Thank God,” Jane said. “My mom’s an alcoholic mess who doesn’t know how to boil an egg let alone hollow one out. That was honestly the only item on this list that was stressing me out.”

  “Well, that’s good then, I guess?” Leyla said, clearly confused as to what the appropriate response would be.

  The three of us stood there, looking at one another.

  “Well, let’s do this,” Jane said. “They want us to have fun, so let’s fucking go have fun.”

  Safeway was actually hilarious. The Sunday-morning vibe at a grocery store was something I’d never ex
perienced. Young dads with baby strollers, grandmas, and a very extensive and diverse array of obese people. We raced around and picked up the items on the list, and since nothing embarrassed Jane we nominated her to walk through the checkout counter and pay for the ridiculous items. Leyla and I stood back and watched as Jane casually and comfortably laid out the cucumber, lube, laxative, eggs, and an Us Weekly, which I guess she wanted for herself. A really creepy checkout guy immediately started flirting with her.

  “This looks like a good time,” said the clerk through his gray teeth.

  “Oh yeah? What do you mean?” Jane replied with a salacious smirk.

  “Jumbo cuke, lubricant. I get off in twenty or so . . .”

  “Ohhhhh, right. I see. Yeah, I get what this looks like, but I’m actually into girls. So, I’m just gonna go home and lube up this huge, thick cucumber, and then I’m gonna stick it inside of me, like up to . . . here,” Jane indicated nine inches with her hand, “and then my sorority sister Taylor over there,” she said, now pointing to me, “is gonna insert these raw eggs into my ass one by one, while my other very hot, very vulnerable sister, Leyla, drinks this whole bottle of laxative and then shits all over my . . .”

  “Okay. We’ve gotta go,” I said, running over to Jane. “Thanks for your help, sir.”

  The clerk and his mullet definitely weren’t as offended as they should have been. I took the bag out of his hand, grabbed Jane by the arm, and headed for the exit.

  “You’re a crazy person, Jane.”

  “They told us to have fun!”

  We walked the mile back to campus and headed straight to Yardley Fountain, which was directly in the center of the Quad. The Actives had thoughtfully picked a task that involved us being naked, in arguably the most public place on campus, in November. And to make it more fun, they wanted us to post our exploits on social media. We knew there would be little to no traffic around the fountain this early on a Sunday and our plan was to wait until there was no one in sight and then strip and get the photo done in less than a minute. I’d texted Jonah and told him to meet us at the fountain so he could snap the shot of us and he’d begrudgingly accepted.

  “Jonah’s five minutes away,” I let them know as we approached Yardley.

  “Couldn’t we have just asked another girl to do this?” Leyla asked.

  “He’s gay. Gay trumps girl in these types of situations,” Jane explained. “The last thing I need is some random-ass bitch silently judging me as I stand in a freezing fucking fountain.”

  “Jonah’s gay? I thought he was your boyfriend, Tay,” Leyla said, bewildered.

  “Ley, you are legit the most special girl I know. Like, there are some extra special girls in this bunch, but you’re special as fuck. And I say that in the most complimentary way possible,” Jane said as she starting taking her clothes off.

  “Thanks,” Leyla replied quietly.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Jonah is my best gay. We went to high school together.”

  Jonah arrived just at that moment looking tired, angry, and annoyed, wearing a down jacket, gym shorts, socks, and Adidas sandals.

  “I didn’t know you were gay,” Leyla blurted out.

  Jonah just stared at Leyla. Without saying a word he held his hand out for me to give him my phone. We all stripped down, hopped in the water, and Jonah took a few different angles. We all tried to cover up as best we could.

  While Jonah was snapping photos, I got a good glimpse of Jane’s tits and they blew me away. I thought they were man-made. Like, actually, they were the best boobs, real or fake, that I’d ever seen. They sat high and perky (but not pointy) and her nipples were perfectly nickel-size. No wonder she had no issue getting naked. I really wanted to touch them just to feel what they felt like. There we were standing in the middle of the fountain at 9:30 in the morning, posing naked. Holy shit, this is really happening.

  The pictures looked good enough, so we all threw our clothes back on. Jonah kissed us each goodbye and vanished, but not before saying, “I’d fuck all of you.”

  “Thanks, you’re the best.” I smiled. “Now go back to sleep, you look like shit.”

  The three of us ran back to my room to shower and warm up before heading to Alpha for the various shit we needed to complete over there. As tired as I was, and as horrible as the scavenger hunt seemed, I was kind of having fun. Leyla and Jane were keeping me entertained and I’d probably never do this type of thing again, so I figured I might as well eat it up.

  I showered first then got to work on hollowing out the eggs while they got ready. Once the eggs were empty and we were all semi-presentable, we walked over to Alpha house. I knew Jane would take the lead on getting the cum and pee from an Alpha brother, but we each had to make out with one random brother. It felt weird to me because I’d just started feeling like Jack was my boyfriend. I knew he’d be fine with whatever (within reason) I had to do to complete my pledge duties. I mean, he was the one who’d said that “sometimes the chapter just has to come first,” but I honestly did not feel like finding some hungover Alpha asshole and putting my tongue in his mouth.

  The plan was for Leyla and me to grab the first two kissable guys we saw, snap a photo, and get out of there, while Jane snuck into Will Boyle’s room and did her thing. We unlocked the front door and let ourselves in. The house was fucking sick (in a bad way). I mean, the Omega Sig house was disgusting, but compared to this shit hole, it was the Plaza Hotel. Alpha house looked and smelled like the inside of a homeless man’s ass. Red cups everywhere, and overflowing trash cans populated every corner in sight. I was terrified. Not just for me, but for the future of the world.

  “I’m just gonna find a guy who doesn’t look like he puked on himself, and kiss him while he’s sleeping,” I told Leyla.

  “Okay, great. Just let me know when you’re ready. I’ll probably just do the same.”

  I looked around to see what my options were. I was not impressed.

  “How about this one,” Leyla said, pointing to a shirtless, hairless freshman, who was passed out with his ass up on a Ping-Pong table.

  “How about this one . . . for what?” boomed a strong voice from behind us.

  I turned around and locked eyes with a giant of a man in nothing but a pair of gym shorts, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Dirty blond, piercing brown eyes, sexy as fuck in a dumb-jock kind of way.

  “Oh, hey. Sorry.” I struggled to get the words out.

  “That’s fine,” he replied, “but can you answer the question?”

  “We, um . . . the thing is . . . um, we’re pledging Beta Zeta and we have to make out with an Alpha brother for this stupid scavenger hunt thing.”

  “Sounds chill.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You guys should make out with me,” he added.

  “Really? Would that be okay?” Leyla asked.

  “Yup. Both of you. Absolutely.” He grinned.

  Leyla and I each took a turn kissing this dude. His name was Kenny, he played on the hockey team, he was six foot seven, and he wasn’t even that bad a kisser. We locked lips for a total of four seconds. I was completely relieved when it was over, because I felt nothing tingly while it was happening. Leyla, on the other hand, ended up making out with him for at least three minutes. They actually could have made a really cute couple.

  As Leyla and Kenny were finishing up, Jane came running down the stairs with her T-shirt and jacket in one hand, and two red Solo cups in the other.

  “We gots to go, kids,” Jane said, trying to put the shirt on, but having difficulty because of the cups.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. We’re done. Got it all. Scavenger hunt complete!” Jane yelled as she rushed out the front door.

  Leyla gave Kenny the hockey man a last lingering smooch on the cheek, and we sprinted out of the house to catch up with Jane.

  “Holy shit that was fucking crazy!” Jane screamed.

  “You got everythin
g?” I asked.

  “Will Boyle was the jackpot. Dude was dead asleep. Found Ken’s shit in like ten seconds, no joke. Then kissed him, while taking a pic of us. He woke up, I told him that I’d show him my tits if he jerked off into this cup, which I did and then he did, but not before pissing into this cup. All in all took me about six minutes. You guys get what you needed?”

  “Amazing. You are amazing. Yeah. We both made out with the same guy and took pics. We’re done!”

  We had a fun group hug, careful not to spill any of Will Boyle’s fluids.

  “Can we go eat?” Jane asked, “I’m fucking starving.”

  The three of us went to the dining hall and scarfed plates of eggs, pancakes, and bacon. And the best part was that it was only 11:30 a.m. We barely talked. We just stuffed our faces and were back at the BZ house with all of our “Scavy Hunty” items before 1:00. Fuck. Yes.

  “Well, that’s a house record,” Colette said as we walked in the door. “Are you sure you got everything?”

  “We’re sure,” Jane replied.

  “Well, good for you. Be back here tonight at eight wearing an all-white dress with your pledge pin, nude underwear, and flats. Also, no makeup. Cute?”

  “Crystal cute,” we answered.

  “Oh. And come sober. Seriously. You need to be here with your hearts and minds completely pure.”

  12.

  COMPLETE SILENCE AND TOTAL DARKNESS

  After the craziness of the weekend, and all the rumors and secrecy about sorority initiation ceremonies, I didn’t know what to expect when I came back to the house that night. I was nervous, but I’d come this far, endured so much, and spent so much time in pledge hell already that I wasn’t about to drop out now.

  When I walked up the front stairs, Meg was already waiting for me with what looked like my paddle, wrapped in green, pink, and silver wrapping paper.

  “Open it.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes, bitch.”

  I started to pull off the paper and ribbons.

  “Disclaimer: I’m not naturally crafty, and wrapping this was a fucking challenge. So, sorry it looks like a blind kid with no arms wrapped it.”