Dirty Rush

by Taylor Bell

  “Just let me talk and you can ask questions after, please. It’ll be so much easier. And faster . . . I’m actually starving.”

  I cracked a reluctant smile. My sister is borderline anorexic—for her to admit that she’s hungry was a sign of real desperation.

  “Okay,” I agreed, “start talking.”

  “Okay. Last year Colette and I were in charge of a campaign to raise money from alumni to upgrade the annual children’s hospital event. Colette was a junior, and I was a senior, obviously.” She took a gulp of beer. “We realized that we were going to fall way, way, way fucking short of raising the amount we needed to reach the goal we’d set. It actually costs a lot of money to set up the right venue and the honorary guests’ travel and all of that shit. And I gotta say, missing the goal was mostly Colette’s fault for spending more time blowing Jimmy Ludwig that semester than harassing alumni for cash like she should’ve been doing, but anyway, that’s not the point. We ended up resorting to selling a tiny bit of Adderall that we would buy from a supplier in town to make the money and we reached the goal.”

  “I thought you said—”

  “Okay. Having some extra cash to play with didn’t hurt either, so it turned into us selling a lot of Adderall.”

  “How many people were you selling to?” I almost didn’t want to know the answer. The thought struck me—how many people on campus know me as their dealer’s little sister? Anyone? Everyone?

  “At the end, I think the list was up to about thirty solid customers. All of them in a sorority or a frat. We never strayed,” Kelly said plainly.

  “Jesus.” I knew there were plenty of drugs on campus—I’d only been at school four months and already had my fair share of spiked Red Bull—even sampled cocaine. But I just couldn’t picture Kelly as a drug dealer—nor could I picture myself as a drug dealer’s sister . . . “Were you using too?”

  “Fuck no. Apart from the occasional swig of fun juice, I never touched that shit. Honestly, Tay. Half of that school is on scrips. Especially the srat kids. It’s fucking sad. But it’s not my fault.”

  “Um, you definitely weren’t helping.” There was a surprising anger in my voice.

  “We didn’t know it would get so huge.”

  “This is so insane, Kelly.”

  “I know. I fucking know it’s insane.”

  “So, what does the house know? These are like my only friends at school besides Jonah. How do I . . . ? Like, does Colette hate me because—”

  “No, stop. See, this is why I didn’t tell you. Let me finish.”

  “Okay.”

  We both took sips from our beers.

  “So,” she continued, “we were eventually able to raise more than enough money for all the shit we were doing. But just before graduation, Colette and I were ratted on by some piece-of-shit ethics major, isn’t that ironic, who told a university official about everything. Then, in hopes of avoiding a schoolwide scandal, the administration basically offered us a plea deal. So instead of making it public and crucifying two unlikely drug lords with shiny hair and good tits, they would just handle it internally. The whole hazing scandal at Alpha had just gone down, so I don’t think they could handle any more bad press. It was lucky for us, honestly.”

  “So why were you sent away and Colette got off?”

  “Because her hair is shinier and her tits are better.”

  “Oh my God. How can you make jokes about this right now?”

  “What else am I supposed to do at this point?”

  I just stared at her blankly.

  “Okay. I told you I’d give you the full story; cool your puss. So, we both admitted guilt to the disciplinary committee and they agreed that we would be quietly punished without causing any damage to the reputation of the sorority. Believe it or not, our main concern at the time was that we were gonna get BZ shut down.”

  “But how could they do that? Why would they do that?”

  “You know the bathroom with the green door in the basement of the BZ house?”

  “No, I’ve never been down there.”

  “Yeah, no one goes down there. We were using it as a storage room for the . . . product.”

  “God,” I blurted, “I’m literally in an episode of Breaking Bad right now.”

  “Aaaand . . . a few other Actives got involved in the selling.”

  “What?! Who?”

  “I’m not allowed to say, but you don’t need to worry about that. I explained to them all that they could never mention their involvement to anyone, ever. And if they did, they’d run the risk of being kicked out of school and be the cause of BZ shutting down. No one is saying a word. Trust me.”

  “Ugh. Okay.” I found this hard to believe, but I chose not to question it.

  “So, I got screwed by Colette. We agreed to take the fall together, but Colette, who still had a year left at school and more to lose, put the whole thing on me in our final disciplinary committee meetings and convinced the powers that be to let her walk away unscathed.”

  “What? I don’t understand!”

  “Before our respective meetings, we agreed on what we would say. We weren’t gonna rat out any of the other girls who sold with us and we weren’t gonna list names of clients who the school hadn’t found with their own investigation. We were just gonna keep our lips as sealed as possible. So I was pretty fucking shocked and appalled and buttsore when I got a call later that afternoon to come back in to meet with the dean and his cronies. Basically Colette told them I framed her.”

  “And they just took her word for it?”

  “I don’t think it helped my case that Colette’s dad is on the board of trustees. A position he obtained when his fro-yo empire donated millions of dollars and new yogurt machines to all the dining halls. You know how much people love those fucking frozen-yogurt machines.”

  “What?!” I asked, incredulous.

  “Oh, I know. There was so much weird shit going on behind closed doors, I could just smell it. So they allowed me to walk at graduation, you were there so you remember that, but I wasn’t allowed to get my diploma until I completed a horrible, Girl, Interrupted–type, life-scarring, six-month rehab thing where I had to live with actual addicts and crazy people.”

  I’d been so hung up on how all of this would affect my life on campus that I didn’t even stop to ask her how she managed to survive six months of rehab. I looked down at the beer sweating in my hand, the enormity of my sister’s admission finally settling in. “Kelly, I . . .”

  “And that’s all folks, here we are.” She let out a sarcastic laugh.

  I looked at Kelly. Her back was straight, her palms pressed against her knees as if she was about to stand up and bolt. I could tell she didn’t want to talk about rehab. “Jesus.” I was at a loss for the right words. Again.

  We sat in silence.

  “I just couldn’t bring myself to snitch on anyone, even Colette. I didn’t want to hurt the house, you know? I guess her priorities skewed a little differently.”

  “How could she do this to you and live with herself?”

  “I’ve asked myself that question over and over and over. And the answer is always the same. Colette won and I lost. She’s a sociopath—textbook narcissist, superficially charming, manipulative, cunning. I was supposed to go to Africa; I didn’t make that up entirely. But the internship started in August and obviously I was institutionalized already at that point.”

  “How did I not see all of this going on? How did Mom and Dad not let it slip?”

  “You were a senior in high school last year. You were in your own world, where you should’ve been. And you were excited about graduating and about CDU. We all decided to just keep it hush-hush. We were trying to look out for you.”

  I had to stop myself from crying. I was the youngest and they were looking out for me.

  “All Colette thinks about is herself,” I said. “I mean, I knew I sensed a bitchy, conniving side to her. But Jesus. This? This is insane.”

&nb
sp; “Honestly, she’s probably terrified of you,” Kelly said, taking a sip of her beer. “Bottom line: Colette may be a liar who sold me down the river, but she’s also a shark. She got off on the business of it all. I think it made her feel powerful. It was weird; we were friends at first and I actually liked her because she was so direct and bossy—you know how she is. But then when it got bigger, and our list of clients started to include some pretty big names on campus, the power went to her head.”

  As if reading my mind, Kelly put her hand on my leg and continued, “You can’t resign and you can’t fight her. It will only make more of a mess.”

  I paused.

  “No fucking way,” I quietly said. “Of course I can’t resign. If I quit now then Colette will totally get off scot-free . . . uggghhhhhhh!!”

  “Whoa, whoa.”

  “I could kill her. I knew something was weird. I totally knew something was, like, very, very weird with her.”

  A tornado of thoughts raced around my head. I was mad and confused; I wondered what Colette knew, or what she thought of me. Why had she let them dirty rush me at all? Did she only draw me in so that she could watch my every move? And who else knew?

  “Does she know that I know?” I asked.

  “CDU made us sign confidentiality agreements. So I’m guessing she doesn’t think you know. And besides, she knows what lengths I’ve gone to in order to protect Beta Zeta. Telling you the truth would have put all of that at risk.”

  “I guess . . .”

  “Also, Colette is insanely good at reading people. I’m sure she’d be able to tell if you had dirt on her.”

  “I don’t know, Kelly, I think she dirty rushed me because she wanted to keep her enemies close.”

  “I think you were dirty rushed because Meg and the girls genuinely like you and wanted you to pledge. Of course, the fact that you’re a legacy is what made them pursue you in the first place. But it would not have happened without Colette’s blessing, and she definitely wanted to keep a close eye on you—of that I’m positive. But there’s no way she’d just assume that you know.”

  “This is so much to deal with . . . Oh my God, does Jack know?” My palms were sweating.

  “Alright, slow down. I don’t think he knew about it and he was definitely not a client. He’s not the kind of kid we were dealing with.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. Don’t worry about that.”

  “How can I not worry about that?!”

  “Jesus! I knew you’d react or whatever, but you are on ten right now when really you should be on seven, maybe eight. It’s kind of amaze, though. But, Tay?”

  “What?”

  “I’m serious about you leaving all of this alone. You need to take this information and just swallow it. Clearly the sisterhood of Beta Zeta and the code of silence among pill poppers have been successful in keeping the scandal—and my involvement in it—a secret. You’re making friends and doing your thing and you’ll have your own experience at BZ. You can’t let this shit from the past ruin anything for you and you cannot get involved. It’s not your mess to clean up, and frankly, it’s over. Water under the bridge. I fucked up, I served my time and that’s it. I can’t control Colette and her bullshit. Just don’t get involved. You’re better than this.”

  I sensed an awkward smile creeping onto my face. Kelly also smiled. I felt a rush of adrenaline and then boom! It felt like I hit a wall going a hundred miles an hour.

  “It’s gonna be fine,” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. “I’m gonna go back there and everything’s gonna be super fine. Jack, the girls, school. I’ll make it work. This will have a happy ending. I won’t get involved. It’s okay.”

  “Really?”

  “I know you’re probably thinking, let’s talk this out, let’s make sure Taylor’s all good and not gonna freak out later, but trust me. I’m fine.”

  “I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it anymore, I will not argue with that.”

  “You fucking bitch!” I said, pushing her back into the sofa by her shoulders. We were laughing like kids.

  But it wasn’t really fine. I was freaking out inside and I wanted to scream. Most of all I wanted to scream at Colette for putting me in this position and for what she’d done to my sister. Sure, they’d both fucked up royally, but Colette took it to a whole other level of shadiness.

  I wanted her to pay . . . but the truth was I’d probably be on the floor of my bedroom later, curled up and not even crying, just thinking really fucking hard.

  17.

  SHE’S LIKE SMART-STUPID

  “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

  I was letting Jonah have his freakout moment.

  “Are you fucking KID-DING-ME-with-this-shit-right-now?” He was really angry.

  “I know. I know.”

  “Knew that bitch wasn’t normal from the moment I met her at that party at Jack’s house.”

  “Duh, no normal person eats soup for dinner every night of the week.”

  I was starting to feel more sane. Jonah got me, he knows me, he understands how I react to the world. I’d had more than a week to live with the new info about Colette and Kelly, but I’d waited until Jonah and I were in his car alone, headed back to school for the Snow Bash (which was supposed to be the most epic Greek party of the year), to drop the bomb. He’d been running around having what he refers to as “forced family fun” during Christmas week and I knew how stressful that kind of stuff was for him, so I’d made the decision to hold off on telling him my interesting news. Also . . . I think I just needed time to try and personally process everything. Not that I was very successful at that.

  “The thing that’s so fucked up is that this little tidbit of info, like, basically affects every aspect of your life, you know?”

  “Like, can I trust anyone at this point? My parents lied to me, my sister lied to me, and my sorority used to run a drug ring.” I sighed. “So that’s what I’ve been dealing with for the past ten days.”

  “I’m sorry, babe. That sucks in a major way.”

  “Thanks.” I stared out the window and realized I’d done nothing but talk about myself.

  “Shit, I’m horrible. How was your Christmas and everything?”

  “It was fine. My dad’s a dick, my mom’s a drunk, my brother’s an asshole—and his video game obsession scares me. But other than those minor details, it could have been worse.”

  “Sounds festive.”

  “It was a festive mess.”

  “Families are a mess.”

  “Truth,” Jonah agreed with a nod. “I never, ever thought I would say this, but I wish classes started tomorrow. I mean, I’m glad we get to go back to campus, but after the Snow Bash, I have to go back to my parents’ dysfunctional home for another week of misery. I could honestly fucking murder you for the fact that you’re just gonna stay at school till classes start. My parents would never let me skip out on a week of torture with them.”

  “Well, after this whole thing happened with Kelly on Christmas Eve, I was pretty much calling the shots in that house. They all felt like shitheads for lying to me.”

  “Every cloud . . .”

  “I guess.” I wanted to talk about something else. Anything else. “Will Ryan be in town at least?” Ryan was a guy from our hometown whom Jonah had kind of dated on and off the summer before we left for CDU.

  “Maybs,” Jonah replied, semi-blushing.

  “Well, that should keep you occupied. Maybe you guys could go for a swim together.”

  “Haha. There’s definitely been heavy texting.”

  “Love that.”

  “We shall see.”

  Jonah rolled up his window.

  “P.S. I can’t believe your preppy-ass sister was a drug dealer.”

  “No. I honestly can’t with that whole aspect of it. Can we move on to a different subject—”

  “I’m all for being proactive as a fund-raiser for a cause you believe in, but this is ridiculous.�
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  I guess we had no choice but to keep talking about it.

  “Doesn’t surprise me one bit that Colette was involved, though,” I added.

  “Oh, me neith. Nothing would surprise me about that girl. Speaking of little miss drug lord . . . What are you going to say to her when you see her?”

  “I don’t know. Kelly said not to get involved. And she spent six fucking months in rehab to keep the chapter’s secret . . . What do you think I should do? Do I come right out and tell her I know what’s up?”

  “Fuck yeah, you do. In front of all those bitches. She deserves a public stoning.”

  “She most definitely does, but it’s the other girls I worry about. This whole scandal is going to crush them. They all look up to Colette like some sort of holy benefactor. I don’t think they can handle it.”

  “You’re not considering just keeping quiet on this, are you?”

  “No . . . I mean, I don’t think so.”

  Jonah pulled off the road and onto the shoulder, slamming on the brakes.

  “Taylor Natalie Bell, I’m sorry, but you are honestly brainwashed if you just let this one slide. You and Kelly may not have been that close, but she’s your sister, like, your real sister, and Colette fucked with her whole future! I don’t know what those girls did to you to make you this way, but trust me it’s not a good look.”

  “Jesus. Okay! I’m gonna do something. Obviously. Retribution will be dealt. But I just need to figure out what my move is.”

  “It’s pretty simple, Tay—”

  “It’s not as simple as you might think. This scandal is not public knowledge in the house. Some girls might know bits and pieces, but no one knows what really went down. These girls are all innocent.”

  “So?”

  “So . . . they have been really nice to me.”

  “Who cares? Colette lied to them all. All the more reason to humiliate her and get her out of there.”

  “If I expose her publicly, it’ll create so much tension in the house. And the way these girls gossip, I’m sure it would get out that Beta Zeta was involved in a scandal, which could end up getting our chapter shut down.”