My One and Only: A Holiday Novella - Book One in the Harper's Corner Series

by Christina George

  “It’s a bit overwhelming.” She willed her voice not to shake, but the emotion of the moment made her eyes burn. Damn it, what was happening to her?

  He kissed the top of her head. “Jess, I have loved you for twenty years. I can wait a little longer.”

  “But what if it’s a lot longer, or never…”

  He sighed. “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. We only have this moment, Jess. Any moments that follow are a gift, and I plan to be grateful for every one of them.”

  That did it. His words, like poetry, flooded her with an emotion she hadn’t felt in ages, maybe ever. Tears streaked down her cheeks, and she lifted her head to wipe them away.

  “Baby, it’s okay. It’s all going to be all right.”

  He kissed her then, and again, and soon, when he’d kissed all her tears away, she was on top of him, straddling him, sliding herself onto him and riding him to their mutual climax. All the while thinking about how deeply and uncontrollably she was falling in love.

  20

  By the next morning, Jess was in full-on flip-the-hell-out mode. It was one thing to be stuck in a cabin with a hot guy, but staying the night was something wildly different.

  It meant a relationship, a future. Maybe even marriage.

  Jessica tried to calm her wildly beating heart as she lay next to Matt, who was still asleep and breathing deeply, his arm flung over her.

  Jessica could feel the beads of sweat gathering on her forehead. She had to get out, and she had to get out now. His breathing was heavy, so Jess was pretty sure he was still in a deep sleep. If she was careful, she could slip out without waking him.

  But even as she slipped quietly out the door, she realized that she might not be able to undo what was about to happen.

  . . . .

  After Jess left, she was in a fog, and all she could think about was seeing a friendly face. She steered her car to Maggie’s house, realizing that she might either still be asleep, or if she was really lucky, she might be awake and getting ready to take Charlotte’s 6:30 am spin class.

  And in the event Maggie wasn’t alone, she sent her a quick text asking if she could drop by.

  Maggie’s response was, Did you already screw things up with Matt?

  Her friend did, indeed, know her well.

  Jess parked on the street and walked up to the front door. Before she could even knock, Maggie threw the door open. As expected, she was wearing her spin gear.

  “What the bloody hell have you done?” Maggie’s hands were on her hips, and she gave Jessica a look that almost knocked her on her butt. “And for the record, you look like hell.”

  Jessica realized she probably hadn’t combed her hair, so it was still messy from…well…hot sex with Matt.

  “It’s cold out here. Can I come in?” Jess asked meekly.

  Without saying a word, Maggie stepped back and flung her arm out, encouraging her friend to come in.

  Jessica walked past her like a puppy that had made an accident in the house. Her head was down, her purse clutched in her hand, and then she started to shake and then cry.

  “I-I just can’t do it….”

  Maggie walked over to her, and pulled her in for a hug. “Tell me what happened…”

  “I love him, Mags. I love this man more than I thought I could ever love a man, way, way more than I loved…” she stopped before she finished, but they both knew who she meant.

  “Come on. Let’s sit down, and I’ll make you some coffee.” Maggie released her hug and stepped back.

  “I don’t want to make you late for your spin class.”

  Maggie waved away her protests. “It’s fine, they can do without me this one day. I’ll take two classes tomorrow.” She winked, and walked toward the kitchen.

  As she began filling the pot with water, and adding coffee, Jessica slid onto one of the barstools surrounding Maggie’s high counter.

  “What did he say when you left?” Maggie asked, and when Jessica looked away, she gasped.

  “Oh, dear God, please tell me you at least told him goodbye.”

  Jessica shook her head while tears streaked down her face, and her nose started to run.

  Maggie slammed a coffee mug on the counter, and Jessica jumped.

  “I love you. You know that, right?”

  Jessica nodded.

  “Then you know I say this with the utmost love and friendship. You’re being a jackass.”

  “I-I was thinking of sending him a text.”

  That earned her an eye roll. “Well, isn’t that romantic? And you will do no such thing. Stop being a chickenshit and get back over there. Have a cup of coffee, especially now I’ve made it and missed spin class, but first text him, tell him you’re sorry you panicked, but you’re coming back over.”

  When Jessica didn’t move, Maggie sighed. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m terrified,” she said, slumping.

  The rich smell of percolating coffee rose accompanied Maggie around the counter to sit next to her friend.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Everything.” she sniffed, “I mean I didn’t expect to be so…so terrified…but I can’t, I can’t do this.”

  “Maybe in time,” Maggie tried to sound reassuring, but she could see her friend shaking.

  “I’m over Will. I mean, he’s so in my past. It’s just this big, black fear that I felt when I was with Matt.” Jessica pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I mean, when we were in the cabin, it was, I don’t know, survival or something, but then we were together last night, and it felt so…so good, and so terrifying.” Jessica bit her bottom lip to keep from crying again.

  “Give it time,” Maggie whispered. “This is your first real relationship since Will.”

  Jessica shook her head. “I can’t. I know I can’t. I’m a wreck.”

  Maggie got up to fill their mugs with coffee. “Text him. Now. Regardless of your issues, Jess, he’s a good man and he deserves the truth, from you. Now. Then you’ll finish your coffee, comb your hair, and drive back there and talk to him.”

  Jessica nodded and pulled out her phone.

  I’m sorry I left. Let’s talk. I’ll be back there shortly.

  There was no response to her text, but when she finished her coffee, she got back in her car and drove to Matt’s anyway.

  21

  When Matt opened the door, she stood there looking pale and lost.

  “Come in,” he said gently, “and I’m glad you came back.” His eyes were what she first noticed, the mixture of worry and hurt. And it killed her, seeing the hurt there.

  Jessica walked past him, willing herself not to cry.

  “Let’s sit down,” Matt nodded toward the couch, but Jessica shook her head. He was wearing jeans but no shirt, and she had to force herself not to stare at his chest.

  “I can’t.” Damn it, the tears were back, and Matt wasn’t sure if she meant she couldn’t have a seat, or she just couldn’t. He prayed it was the former.

  “I’m sorry, Matt.” Jessica didn’t move from the spot where she was standing. She clutched her purse like it was the last thing in the world she owned, so hard that he noticed her knuckles were turning white.

  “Jess, honey,” he stepped closer to her, and she took a step back, her palm out in front of her.

  “Please…don’t…” She was crying again, damn it all to hell. “I’m so sorry, I just can’t. I can’t be with you, I can’t do this, and I can’t marry you.”

  Matt frowned and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Did someone propose? Because I don’t remember talking about getting married.”

  Jessica fumbled with the edging of her handbag, “No, we didn’t, but we would, eventually, and I can’t, not ever.” She looked up at him, needing to make sure he got the message loud a
nd clear, that there was no question left in his mind, so he could move on.

  The thought of him moving on pierced her, hot and fast, but she continued, because she it was unfair to let him linger, or keep him waiting.

  “I have nothing to give,” she said. “Nothing. I’m not even a good bet. I’m damaged goods, and I wish to God things were different, but they aren’t. I’m not going to let you hope and wait and wonder if I’ll ever get better. I’m broken, Matt, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be unbroken.”

  Matt’s eyes were soft on her, soft and kind and understanding, and all she wanted to do was fling herself into his strong arms.

  A silence hung between them as her words settled into him. “So,” he began softly, “what you’re saying is we need to take it slowly?”

  She shook her head fiercely. “No. I’m letting you go.” Tears started falling. Again? She didn’t cry like this when she was stood up at the altar.

  Matt frowned. “Is this because I left you all those years ago?”

  She blinked. “W-what? No, of course not. I mean I get it…now.”

  He walked over to her, and when she didn’t step back, he took her hands. Even when he was all disheveled and unwashed, and she was in her current state of disrepair, he could still affect her in baffling ways.

  She didn’t pull back when he held her hands. Instead she thrust her chin out, determined to make sure he got the message.

  “I’m not good bet,” she repeated.

  “So you keep saying.” But the tiniest of glints appeared in his eyes. “I’m not a betting man, but if I were, I’d take you in a second.” He leaned closer, and she stilled.

  “I cannot do this.” Her voice was tight. “I will ruin us.”

  “I won’t let you walk away, not from this, not from what we have. And also,” he smiled, “I know you love me, or you wouldn’t be acting like this. I know it’s hard, Jess. It’s got to be god-awful hard for you. I mean, my brother destroyed you, and I disappeared when you needed me. But I’m here now. I get that this isn’t ideal, but when is love ever perfect?”

  She held her head down and shook it. “No, no, no,” she repeated. He wasn’t getting it, damn it. He refused to understand what she was saying, and even worse, he refused to give up.

  He tipped her chin up until her eyes met his. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”

  Jessica sucked in a breath. She had to make this final, and she had to do it for Matt’s sake. She could not let him wait, because she knew she’d never be ready.

  “I don’t love you.” She tried to say it as convincingly as she could.

  Without warning, Matt pulled her in, kissing her deeply. She struggled, and finally managed to push him away.

  “Stop it. I’m done with this, Matt, and I’m done with you.” Her flat statement wounded even her. “I will forever be grateful that you saved my life, but this is where it ends. I’m done.” She held it together, but she knew she didn’t have long. She needed to get out of there, and fast. His kiss had nearly done her in. Another half a second, and she’d have been panty-less and climbing him like a tree.

  She turned, yanked open the door, and walked out without saying goodbye.

  22

  New York was just the kind of busy she needed, full of noise and people, with no chance in hell she’d run into Matt. And thankfully she had a busy schedule. A meeting with the store owners in an hour, then dinner with some new buyers who were considering her collection. She would head home the following day. If she was lucky, she could be back at her shop by noon.

  Jess walked through the spacious New York apartment she was allowed to use while she was in town. It was everything a posh, Upper East Side apartment should be, with tall windows overlooking Central Park, a large, fully equipped kitchen, a living room big enough to throw a party for fifty or more people, and a bedroom with a huge, comfortable bed.

  She had stayed here before, but when she arrived yesterday, she saw the apartment through different eyes, maybe how Matt might have seen it, had they managed to arrive there. But if they had, what happened in the cabin might never have occurred.

  Perhaps that would have been better, in a way. Now things were different. Painfully different. But she’d wanted that, hadn’t she? When Matt kissed her and gave her ample chance to back out, hadn’t she said she wanted things to change? And when they did, she beat it out of there so fast she didn’t even give him time to respond.

  She tried to banish the image of Matt from her mind—standing in his bare feet, with his tousled brown hair, and those warm eyes that were somehow both sharp and soft at the same time, holding her and rescuing her from the blizzard like a modern Prince Charming. Good thing she knew better than anyone that fairy tales didn’t exist. Never had. Never would. Especially not for someone as broken as she was.

  A knock at the door shook her from her thoughts. She looked at her watch. It was too early for the meeting, but maybe it had been moved up. She walked to the door and opened it without checking who it was, because the only people who knew she was here were the bridal boutique she’d come here to meet with.

  She checked her hair in the mirror and smoothed her blouse before she opened the door with a smile.

  The smile dissolved in an instant when she saw who it was.

  William.

  23

  She tried not to gasp, but she was pretty sure she did. She blinked repeatedly, hoping the image would dissolve, or she’d wake from this stupid dream. He was still there.

  “Hello Jessica.” William stood there, his hands in the pockets of his trench coat. He bounced on his feet, back and forth from ball to heel. She remembered him doing that; he was always fidgeting about something. Jessica tried to calm herself, but she could feel her heart pound in her ears as she held open the door.

  “May I come in?” he asked, his voice soft, not strong like his brother’s. Jessica stood there, unable to speak or move.

  Finally, she asked, “What are you doing here, and how did you find out that I was here?”

  William shrugged and gave her a half smile. “My firm is legal counsel for the owner.”

  So that was it? she thought. He was legal counsel, and somehow found out she was in town, and he just decided to drop in?

  “Jessica,” he leaned closer, and she took a step back. “I really need to talk to you.”

  Is this about Matt? Oh, God, is he hurt?

  “Is Matt all right?” the words popped out of her mouth, and William glanced away.

  “He’s fine,” he said on a sigh, “but please, what I have to discuss with you is personal, and I’d rather not do it out here in the hall.”

  Against her better judgement, Jessica stepped aside and let him in. He was shorter than she remembered. At least a head shorter than his brother, and he’d gotten heavier, which didn’t suit his shorter frame.

  “Nice place.” William walked through the short entryway and into the living room, shedding his coat, then folding it carefully, and laying it over the couch. He was wearing a suit, and from what Jessica could tell, it was a pretty expensive one. He’d done well for himself, she surmised, and she caught the glint of a ring on his left hand.

  She nodded toward it, “Congratulations, Will.” She walked past him to stand by the windows, giving herself a safe distance.

  He fingered the ring. “I haven’t seen you since…” his voice trailed off.

  “Since you left me on our wedding day,” she finished the sentence for him, crossing her arms in front of her.

  William glanced away again. “I read in the paper that you and Matt got stuck in the blizzard,” he began, ignoring her comment.

  She nodded.

  “Online, actually. I like to keep up with what’s going on in Harper’s Corner.”

  “Why? I mean, you seem to have done well for yourself, you li
ve in this big, exciting city, you’re newly married. You haven’t been back to Harper’s Corner in years. Why would you care what happens there?”

  William shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked on his feet again. “There are things about it I miss.” Then his eyes met hers directly while he added, “I miss you.”

  The words hit her, and for a moment she thought she’d heard him wrong. She frowned, and then almost laughed.

  “You what?!”

  He let out a sigh. “I miss you, Jess, and I miss what we had.”

  He started walking toward her and she backed away. “What we had, William, was a lie.” She studied this man, who’d left her life in a shambles, and now was standing here, freshly married and...what? Asking for an affair?

  “What we had was amazing!” William moved closer and reached for her. She yanked her arms back and walked past him to the kitchen.

  “William, I will tell you that five and a half years ago I might have agreed with you. Before our wedding day, I thought you were it for me. I thought you were the love of my life, but you weren’t, not even then. And why the hell are you here, anyway? Isn’t a little late for this?”

  Something twisted on his face. “I married the wrong woman, Jess. I realize that now…”

  She bristled slightly at hearing him call her “Jess.” He hadn’t done that when they were together, but he knew full well it was what Matt called her.

  She needed to keep her hands busy, so she grabbed a kettle to fill it with water. She wasn’t going to offer him tea, or anything else, but she needed something. She set the kettle with a thud on the stove.

  “Are you kidding me? You’ve been married for all of ten days!” Jessica eyed him speculatively.

  He shrugged. “I-I know, I just, I felt it the day Maryanne and I got married, and it’s only grown. I mean, then I talked to Matt, and he—”

  Jessica held a hand up. “You talked to Matt and what, William?”

  William looked lost, like he’d gotten himself down a road, and he wasn’t sure whether to keep going, or turn around and retreat.