Beautiful Broken Promises

by Kimberly Lauren

  It was the source of so much incredible pain for so long, but it was worth it. I’d endure it again and again to know I’d be here... instead of there. I wasn’t sure where we would be tomorrow, let alone a month from now, but at least we could finally have a life. Braden and Kate could go to school, meet friends, and live a life children should be allowed to live.

  Thoughts of Kate brought a feeling of melancholy, and I just wanted to scoop her up and hide her away from everyone. My eyes were unfocused in the mirror as I stared at my blurry image. My thoughts were a million miles away, but I slowly faded back in. I soon realized Braden had been in there for a while. He was still new at using a stall so I knew he hadn’t locked it. Slowly, I pushed the metal door open and peered inside.

  “Braden, sweetie...” I found him sitting fully clothed on top of the closed toilet lid, and his thoughts seemed to be a million miles away as well. My sweet introvert. He had been a worrier for as long as I could remember. “Did you use the potty, yet?” He nodded his head and I crouched down in front of him. “What’s going on, bub?”

  “Will we ever see Kate?” he asked softly. My heart lurched and I scrambled to find the right words that could bring him even an ounce of comfort.

  “Of course we’ll see her. They won’t be able to keep us away from her. Don’t you think Kate would be very sad if she didn’t see us?”

  “I think she would cry.”

  “I agree, and no one wants her to cry, right?” Hesitantly, he shook his head. “Look, I’m not going to lie. Things will be different. Kate has her family again, but now they’ll have to realize we’re her family too. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we still get to see her as much as possible.” And I would. If we had to follow the Parkers to the ends of the earth just so we could be in her life, we would. She and Braden were both my children. I would never be able to say that out loud, but in my heart it was true.

  “Okay, let’s put that worry away and go find her. It’s time the three of us get in a nice comfy bed and sleep until next week!”

  “Mama, we can’t sleep that long. Our bellies would be so hungry!” He giggled and I melted.

  “Oh darn. I am really tired though, so maybe you guys could sleep in just a little bit tomorrow.” I winked at him.

  “I’m tired. Kate’s tired too,” he stated confidently.

  Braden hopped up on the sink so he could wash his hands. I looked in the mirror and ran my finger across my bandage one more time. When it grazed over a particularly sensitive area, I stopped and pressed a little harder. I pressed hard enough that it made me wince and I relished the feeling. The pain meant I wasn’t dreaming…that I wasn’t going to wake up soon and still be in that room. Still trapped.

  I pressed harder and tears welled up in my eyes from the stinging, but I couldn’t seem to stop. I needed to know we were really here. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Braden watching me in the mirror and I immediately dropped my hand. With a smile, I reassured him that everything was okay and he gave me a tentative grin in return. This kid was too wise for his years.

  We held hands and pushed the creaky white door open that would lead us back to our girl. The crowd of people was still a bit overwhelming, and for the hundredth time today I wondered why the hell everyone was assembling in the hallway. And didn’t these people have other jobs to do or families to go home to? I felt like a zoo animal being closely observed, and I’d had enough of that over these last four years.

  I looked down at Braden, who was trying to peer between everyone’s legs. I heard words like FBI, kidnapping, Mexico, and hospitals being flung around, and I just wanted to shout for everyone to shut up—we were right here! At least have the decency to talk about us behind closed doors.

  “Braden, sweetheart, do you see Kate or Mr. Parker anywhere?” He shook his head back and forth and I began to push through people, becoming a little panicky. I wasn’t comfortable with the three of us being separated. I tried to allow Mr. Parker his time alone with her, but now I didn’t like that I couldn’t see her.

  Braced against one of the doorframes, I saw a gentleman who had helped us get some food earlier. “Excuse me, Officer...”

  “Bradley,” he finished for me.

  “Yes, Officer Bradley. Have you seen Kate? Or Mr. Parker?”

  He looked a bit confused when he asked, “Mr. Parker? Oh! You mean Lane? That’s hilarious. Umm, no I haven’t seen him. He was carrying his little girl around, but maybe he took her home so she could get some sleep.” He stated it nonchalantly, as if taking the little girl who had become half of my world away from me without even telling me was no big deal.

  My heart hammered painfully in my chest, and I pulled Braden down the hall faster. “Kate! Where is she?” I began to yell. I had no shame. Especially when it came to my children. “Kate!”

  - FIVE -

  LANE -

  When a case like the one I was involved in cracked wide open, it was a big fucking deal. Our precinct mainly dealt with vandalism, theft, and burglary, and didn’t get as much excitement as some of the others like the 75th. Sure, there was the occasional armed robbery, arson, or shooting to shake things up, but cases like mine didn’t happen often… especially to an officer.

  I cringed when I thought about the many headlines splashed across The Brooklyn Paper and The Brooklyn Daily Eagle. I even saw my picture in the Post once. Brooklyn Police say one of their own is the victim of his daughter being kidnapped. Officer Parker of Brooklyn PD searches for missing daughter. Cops hunt man after officer's daughter abducted.

  All I saw when reading those words was Useless father can’t even protect his own daughter. That was what they might as well have said because that was exactly what I felt every day when Kate’s mother looked at me.

  I squeezed my little girl tighter. We’d been out in all the chaos of the hallway, but I needed answers from Charlie and I needed them yesterday. He was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, so I told him to meet me in the conference room.

  When I turned toward the door, I realized that Kate had slumped down in my arms and fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder. Her soft breaths blew across my neck. Now I was glad I’d told Charlie to meet me in the room because it was much quieter than out there. When I found a chair that looked semi-comfortable, I slouched down in it so Kate could rest her head on my chest.

  How was it possible she could be this relaxed with me? I never once imagined that could happen. As each year slipped by, I had become more distraught at the idea that she wouldn’t know who I was when I found her. Technically, I didn’t think she really knew me. She just understood that I was her father, but even that I was grateful for at this point. She seemed to be an outgoing little thing though, never letting a pause linger in our conversation all the way up until she fell asleep.

  Charlie strode in the door with his hands weighted down by stacks of papers that I recognized as case files. He plopped them down loudly on the big, wooden conference table in front of me and I growled at him.

  “Dammit! Sorry. Fuck, I’m not good with kids,” he explained.

  “You don’t say...”

  “Yeah, I cussed in front of that other one too.” He waved his hand dismissively, and I chuckled at his obvious uneasiness at being around children.

  “How much do you know, Charlie? How the he—” I caught myself and then continued, “How in the world does she know who I am? I haven’t seen her since she was a baby! And what is that nanny doing out there… shouldn’t she be in handcuffs or something?”

  The more the words came flying out of my mouth, the more heated I felt. I had always thought the next time I saw Raegan Hayes, I would have my hands tightly clutching her throat. Having Kate back in my arms seemed to cool my need for immediate vengeance, but that didn’t mean I wanted her getting off easily.

  Charlie sighed loudly and ran his hands roughly down over his eyes. “Lane... I know it’s always been easy for you to fault her but you need to stop. What
is Raegan going to think when she hears you say that?”

  “I trusted her to take care of my daughter!” I bit out a little too loudly. As the last word came out, I spotted two little eyes watching me from the doorway.

  Before I could say anything else, I heard a commotion out in the hall. A female voice yelled, “Where is she!?” and I instinctively pulled Kate in a little closer.

  “Shit, Lane! Did you not tell her you were taking Kate in here?” Charlie scrambled out of the room. Why the hell did I have to tell anyone where I took my daughter?

  Braden was still standing in the doorway, and I swear that little guy was glaring at me! How did a four-year-old know how to cast off a glare that hard?

  “That’s my sister,” he stated while slowly entering the room. I ignored his words because I didn’t have the heart to tell the little guy how wrong he was. “You can’t take her away from me.”

  Suddenly, a flushed and panting Raegan flew in through the doorway, her long, dark brown hair swinging wildly behind her. When she spotted Kate sleeping soundly in my arms and then she looked to Braden sitting in a chair by the door, she visibly relaxed. Her ample chest rose and fell dramatically, and I couldn’t help but think what lay beneath that white, button-down shirt. Kate shifted under my arm and I snapped out of my ridiculous gawking.

  “You can’t do that!” Raegan yelled at me from across the room. A cry escaped her clenched teeth and she furiously swiped at her eyes. When I saw her earlier, I didn’t notice the bandage on the side of her face, but now that she was closer, I could see that whatever was under the white tape was nothing to sneeze at. So many questions, I didn’t even know where to begin.

  “I can’t take MY daughter into a quiet room to sleep?” I tried to reply nonchalantly.

  “You can’t just take her out of my sight. I’m not ready for that,” she whispered.

  “Guys, let’s calm down a bit. We’re all tired. Chief is on his way up here and when he clears it, I’ll take you to a hotel,” he said, looking at Raegan while talking, “but you’ll have to come back tomorrow morning.”

  “Joy,” she stated sardonically.

  “I can take my daughter anywhere I like. I have the freedom to do that, because she’s my daughter. Don’t forget that.” My words came out harsh and cruel, exactly how I had meant them. If my mom were here, she would definitely be swatting me on the back of the head for talking to a woman like that, but sometimes anger consumed my manners—this was one of those times.

  Raegan began taking in deep, calming breaths while she ran her fingers through Braden’s hair. He had passed out too, and his little body somehow managed to stretch across three chairs. This gang was exhausted.

  I watched as Raegan slowly sat down at the table and then rubbed her hand over the bandage above her eye. I was pretty sure I spotted her pressing down roughly and when she winced, she took a few more breaths. What I wasn’t sure was what the hell was going on and whether or not I should be bracing myself for an impending storm.

  “Why do I get the feeling you’re placing some kind of blame on me?” she asked.

  “Well, you were hired to take care of my child, and well... here I am four years later meeting her again. Take care not take. There’s a difference.”

  “Lane! Cut that shit out,” Charlie scolded.

  She physically recoiled from my words, and as much as I hated doing that to anyone, I just couldn’t help it. This was my daughter we were talking about and I’d missed years of her life, thanks in part to the woman seated in front of me.

  “Mr. Parker, you think...” She paused and popped her knuckles fretfully. “You’re telling me that you never stopped for one moment to think that maybe, just maybe, Braden and I were abducted too? All this time you thought I had something to do with this...” She waved her hands erratically, indicating the kids, the police station... the entire situation. “Are you out of your mind!?”

  “I didn’t think you were involved at first. And I never would have accused you until I found video footage of you talking to Mrs. Camilla Flores. You were speaking to her on a park bench the day before the kidnapping,” I ground out.

  She visibly flinched when I said Mrs. Flores’ name, but then she caught herself and said, “Mr. Parker, where is Ash? She’s much easier to talk to. Why isn’t she here?” She looked at Kate in my arms when she spoke of her mother.

  Charlie shifted nervously on his feet and turned his back toward us to “read” paperwork. Coward. I would have loved to avoid this awful conversation at all costs, but I had to tell her at some point.

  “Ash passed away last year.”

  She must have been expecting me to say something like that. She had to have. That was the only way I could explain the almost instant sob that ripped through her chest. Her misery almost brought me back to that time. I almost allowed her to bring me down with her, but I quickly locked down my defenses and kept the emotions at bay.

  “How?” she squeaked.

  “Car accident. She and her boyfriend were intoxicated. They were both ejected from the car.” I spoke to her as if I were reading the police report. For a moment, I could almost feel the papers shaking in my hands again.

  Her eyes cleared for an instant and she glared at me, probably because of my cold manner. “Ash had a... boyfriend?”

  “We got divorced, Raegan. We could barely look at one another after...” I glanced down at the beauty in my arms and was struck by an overwhelming sadness that Ash couldn’t see her right now. She would have groaned about Kate getting her nose, but I had always thought her nose was adorable. She would have loved that Kate still had my hair color. And she would have laughed at how outgoing Kate was—we’d always wondered what her personality would be like.

  “So, no, Ash won’t be joining us. It’s just Kate and me now. I’m not a cop anymore either, so I think my new job will allow me to be at home more often with her.” I was rambling and I quickly zipped my lips. She didn’t need to know anything about me.

  I brought my arm up to brush some stray hairs out of my daughter’s face, but my shoulder pulled painfully. For the first time since Kate had kissed it, I remembered the wound. The pain had been nonexistent, or more likely I had been too wrapped up in her to notice.

  Speaking of pain, I wanted to get back to what caused all of this in the first place, but based on Raegan’s reaction, my theory now seemed less and less solid. There was only one way to find out. “Were you and Mrs. Flores friends? Did you have this planned out for awhile?”

  “You know what, Mr. Parker? I’m glad you’re not a cop anymore because you sure as hell are a terrible one!” she seethed back.

  “Terrible? I’m the one that found the camera footage! We would have never known where to even begin searching for you guys. I think that’s the sign of a pretty damn good cop.”

  “Yes, but blaming me because of some park camera recording is not! I’ll bet that footage didn’t even have sound!” When my eyes shifted away from her for only a moment, she jumped on it. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

  “There wasn’t any audio, but I know what I saw.”

  “You saw NOTHING!” she yelled.

  “I saw enough to lead me to Flores.”

  “Lead you to him?!” Her voice had almost reached a frightening level, and I was impressed that both kids were still sound asleep. “If you knew where he was, where the hell were you? WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? Where were you when I had to beg for Kate’s life because they wanted to toss her?” I flinched at her words. “Yeah, toss her like she was trash, because they didn’t want a girl. Where were you when I had to rock two crying babies all by myself, night after night? Where were you when I had to get slashes because I wouldn’t let the men take Kate wherever the hell they wanted to take her?”

  “Stop!” I shouted and then sank back, berating myself for raising my voice, especially with Kate in my arms. “I’m not ready to hear all of this right now,” I said, forcing a calm I didn’t feel into my voice.

&nbs
p; “I wasn’t ready to live it either,” responded quietly. “You,” she pointed at me, then over to Charlie and out the door, presumably at the other officers. She rose out of her chair and continued, “Did nothing. I took care of them. I took the punishments for them. I got us out of there. Don’t talk to me about this being my fault.”

  Charlie and I stared open-mouthed at the five-foot-five, painfully beautiful woman who stood across the table from us. I wasn’t sure what to say, and I had a feeling Charlie was just as dumbfounded. Whatever I was expecting to fly out of that saucy little mouth, that had not been it—none of it.

  “I’d like to go to that hotel now, Officer Charlie,” she stated while slowly sitting back down again with her hands splayed across the wood table.

  Charlie looked at her, but he couldn’t quite seem to snap out of his stupor. Finally, he cleared his throat and tried to resemble a professional. “Uh, yeah. I’m just waiting on Chief to get here first.”

  “NO,” she began just as Chief marched in the door, looking as if he’d been woken from a deep sleep.

  “Chief, I’m glad you could make it,” Charlie stated professionally.

  “Chief.” I nodded my head toward the gruff older man that stood in the doorway.

  “Knock it off, Lane, and call me Dad. You don’t work for me anymore, son,” my dad barked at me.

  I hadn’t seen my parents since Ash’s funeral. I knew how bad it was of me to cut them out, but they just reminded me too much of Kate. Of pain and loneliness and all that I had lost. I mainly left New York so I could look for Kate on the West Coast, but I also left to escape the memories and the pitying looks from everyone I knew.

  When my dad finally got a good look at me, I saw the instant he realized what—or rather, who—I had in my hands. His face visibly softened and he quietly walked toward us. I swiveled in my chair away from the table and faced him as he knelt down in front of his granddaughter.

  “Your mother needs to be here,” he whispered, hovering over her. He looked as if he didn’t know where or how to touch her.