Beautiful Broken Promises

by Kimberly Lauren

  “Leave them here, Charlie,” I said without turning around.

  “She’ll be okay, my office is the next door over.”

  “She’s fine here.” My voice was final.

  “Actually, if we could get the psych evaluations going, it would move this process along for all three of them,” my dad said from where he still sat at his desk.

  “I don’t know…” I hesitated. “I think we should wait for Raegan to be fully present.”

  “The counselor will need to speak with them individually so it will take a lot of time, son. They’ll be okay. Her office is across the hall.”

  I turned to look at both children standing against the wall with their little hands clasped together. They had already been through so much, but I knew they didn’t really understand any of it. I got up, leaving Raegan with the nurse. I looked back at her and then back at the kids. Why was I getting so caught up in all three of them? My sole focus was on Kate, but I wouldn’t lie and say Raegan and Braden weren’t creeping under my skin as well.

  “Hey guys, remember how Raegan explained we were all gonna have to talk to a nice lady today? Well, I think it’s time to do that while Rae takes a little nap. I wish one of us could go in with you, but you’ll be fine. You can color pictures and she might even have some paint.” Both of their faces perked up at the mention of drawing pictures. “We will be right here when you get out, okay? And if you don’t want to talk anymore, just come right back here to me.”

  “I’ll go!” Kate excitedly called out.

  “No, Kate. I’ll go first. Mama needs you to help her get better,” Braden said. Kate happily complied and scampered across the room toward Raegan.

  I squatted down in front of Braden. “That’s awfully brave of you,” I told him.

  “I need to go first to make sure it’s okay for Kate.” He shrugged his shoulders casually.

  “You’re a great brother, Braden.” It was hard for me to say that word. I still couldn’t call Raegan Kate’s mother, but I had to remember this was all they knew. I pushed out my clenched fist in his direction. He stared at it in confusion. “When guys agree on something or they respect each other, they bump their fists together.” He reached his closed fist out and lightly tapped mine. “Thank you for protecting her.”

  I stood up and ushered him to the doorway. The psychologist was standing in her doorway observing our little talk. She smiled warmly and gestured for him to enter her bright, friendly room. I’d had many victims and their children go in there in the past. The Victims Service Unit offered crisis counseling and sought to make their occupants feel comfortable enough to divulge information.

  “Hey, don’t pressure him to talk, okay? He’s real quiet.” She nodded her head with a smile. In that moment, I wished that I knew more about Braden—something I could contribute to give him an easier time. This is why we should have waited for Raegan. “If he seems at all upset or uncomfortable, I want him to come out. Immediately. I also don’t think you’ll get much. As far as I can tell, Raegan kept the whole situation from them.”

  “I would never pressure anyone, Mr. Parker,” she responded.

  She shut her door, closing her and Braden off from the rest of us, and I felt a pang in my gut. Raegan would want to know her son was in there, and I didn’t like him being separated from the rest of us. I’m not sure where this pack mentality of mine had suddenly come from, but I was feeling like pieces of me were scattered when we weren’t all together. I liked it better when we were all locked away in the hotel room.

  “What happened here?” Frank’s wife asked, breaking up my new and scary thoughts. I watched as she pulled a blood pressure cuff and a stethoscope out of her bag.

  Quickly, I explained everything I knew and then I had to ask, “You carry all this medical stuff around with you?”

  “You’d be surprised how many times I’ve had to use these outside of the hospital. Besides, I was just on my way to Lutheran Med for my shift, so I like to keep all my belongings with me.”

  “I’m glad you do,” I whispered.

  “Can you elevate her legs for me?”

  I immediately complied, using my duffel bag to prop her feet up on the couch. It was weird to see someone like this. Raegan was awake, but she wasn’t taking in her surroundings so it was like she wasn’t fully there. I was glad she was at least conscious enough to drink the Gatorade to replenish some of her minerals. I felt dad and Charlie hovering behind me, trying to glance over my shoulder. Kate leaned up against the wall close to the couch, trying to closely observe everyone helping.

  I dug around in Raegan’s backpack and pulled out all of the medicine bottles with her name on them. I handed them to the lady next to me, explaining how Raegan had said she missed taking them this morning. As she read the different labels, I didn’t miss the distinct ‘hmmph’ sound she made at a certain bottle.

  With a quick twist, she had the top off and poured two white tablets into her wrinkled hand. “Get her to take these, please.”

  I gently ran my fingers down the side of Raegan’s face and said, “Hey babe, open up.” I chuckled under my breath because I usually said stuff like that in much more… sensual situations. Her eyes immediately cut to my mine and I swear I saw those beauties roll. “Sorry, not the time for fun,” I laughed again.

  She opened her mouth and looked me directly in the eyes. When her tongue pushed forward indicating for me to place the tablets inside her mouth, all I could do was stare back at her blazing green gaze. I quickly gave her the medicine and shook my head to break the spell.

  “Her blood pressure is very low, but I don’t think we need to rush her off to the hospital just yet. Especially if she’s already got a prescription. This could just be an instance of not taking her medicine. Just in case, I’m going to call the doctor that prescribed these and then I’ll come back and check out what’s under that bandage,” Frank’s wife explained. Without waiting for my response, she vacated the room.

  I took a breath and stood up to talk to the others. When my eyes met the two other men in the room, I froze.

  “Why the he—why are you two gawking like that?” Not cussing in front of Kate was going to be a hard habit to break. At the thought of her, I extended my hand toward her and she skipped to my side. I needed her close to me as much as humanly possible right now.

  “Shit…” I immediately covered Kate’s ears when Charlie started speaking. “It happened a lot faster than we thought,” he told my dad.

  “Yeah.” Dad smiled mischievously.

  “What happened?” I glanced down to check on Rae’s sleeping form. She had finally slipped into a peaceful rest, and the nurse said it was okay to let her stay that way for a while.

  “I thought it would take at least a month. Chief here thought it would take two weeks. Guess we were both wrong...” Charlie continued.

  “What are you two goons talking about?”

  “For you to fall for her,” my dad stated simply. “It’s written all over your face.”

  I turned my back on them and faced Kate, who was listening in on the inappropriate conversation but luckily didn’t appear to be absorbing any of it. I grabbed my headphones out of my bag and pulled my phone from my pocket.

  “Hey Kit Kat, can I show you something cool?”

  “Yup!” She bounced on her toes excitedly.

  I quickly scooped her up and sat her in my dad’s leather chair. I slipped the headphones over her ears and scrolled through my playlists. Audrey had downloaded a country album on here, and it was the only thing I was sure didn’t have any curse words—at least I hoped not anyway. I adjusted the volume to a level low enough for her ears and when the music began, her face lit up brighter than the California sun.

  “This is so cool, daddy!” she yelled in the little room, not knowing her own volume. I chuckled and then tousled her hair.

  I stepped back over to the couch where Raegan snoozed lightly and sat down on the edge near her legs. With a heavy sigh, I faced
the two men in front of me.

  “Okay, now what in the hell are you talking about? Fall for her? As in you think I fell in love with someone in a little over twenty-four hours? Because if that’s what you’re yapping about, I think I’m just too tired for this stupid conversation.”

  “Cranky, much?” Charlie jested.

  “Exhausted,” I amended.

  “Not love… at least, not yet. But you care for her,” my dad said, pointing to Raegan’s prone form.

  “Of course, I care. She took care of Kate. She figured out a way to tell Kate about me and I don’t know how yet, but she saved Kate. She got her back to me safely, both physically and mentally.”

  “She made herself sick,” Charlie began, “like really fucking sick so they would have to take her to a real hospital. She took a big chance they could have just offed her, but they took her. When she saw an opening, she called the station and asked for you. You, of course, weren’t available so the next person she knew to ask for was Chief.”

  My head hit my hands and I contemplated everything this woman had gone through for these kids.

  “Look, son, I can see the wheels spinning. You have always admired strength and courage. I can see the way you look at her and she is quite beautiful. But if the feelings do head down that way, make sure they’re for the right reasons. Make sure it’s because you care about her, not what she did. Because if you don’t, eventually the reasons will fade from your memory and the children are the ones that’ll be hurt in the fallout.”

  “Dad, I think you’re taking this a bit too far. I’m grateful for her, but I’m not in love with her. Even I can see the difference.”

  The two men in front of me exchanged knowing looks, and I glanced down at the girl they were insisting I was “falling” for. She was kind and beautiful and so damn strong, but I didn’t even really know her. These two were crazy.

  - EIGHT -

  RAEGAN -

  My head was pounding and I could tell that I hadn’t been drinking enough water lately. That was one of the many things the doctor in San Diego had stressed to me, over and over. I figured every doctor said that, but now I could see his point. Actually taking my medication would probably help as well.

  I pushed up to a sitting position and pulled my legs from Lane’s duffel bag. His large frame was seated further down on the couch near my legs and he stared at me with concern on his face.

  “How do you feel?”

  “Not dizzy, so that’s good,” I replied.

  “That was scary,” he whispered. “You need more rest.” He handed me a bottle of water and I gratefully snatched it from his hands and started gulping the cold liquid down. “Why didn’t you tell me you had sepsis? A blood infection is a huge deal, Raegan.”

  “How did you find out?”

  “The nurse that helped you called the doctor about your prescription, just to double-check everything.”

  “I didn’t exactly know the right time to tell you about it. It’s healing, and it’s not as bad as it could have been.” I shrugged my shoulders casually, trying to tamp down the seriousness of his face.

  “I think an infection that damages your heart is pretty bad.”

  “And the medicine is healing it. In the meantime, it makes me a bit dizzy.” I shrugged again, hoping to play off the situation.

  “It all happened because of that cut on your forehead?” he asked. I nodded in return and looked away, attempting to cut off his line of questioning. “How did you get it?”

  “Let’s not do this here, okay?” I pleaded. “It’s probably not one of those conversations you want to have in front of… everyone.”

  He wasn’t happy about that, but he looked satisfied to see me drinking water and I followed where his gaze had moved. Kate was sitting in a large, leather chair with Lane’s dad. The two of them each had an ear bud in one ear, and they were whispering animatedly about the music that I assume they were listening to. The Chief looked beyond joyful and I wondered if Kate had any idea that she was sitting in her grandfather’s lap.

  I scanned the room for the other little set of eyes that usually weren’t far from Kate. When I came up empty, I immediately shot a look to Lane while trying to push myself more upright.

  “Where is he?” I demanded.

  “Hey, he’s okay,” Lane said with a consoling tone. “He’s just doing his psych eval. I can see the door from here. I’ll know the second he comes out.” His soothing words did little to diminish my anger.

  “What? How dare you! He’s my child. I should have been the one to consent to this!”

  Lane scooted across the couch and pushed me back down, his hands holding my arms gently. “Rae, you did consent. That’s why we’re here, babe, remember? I’m sorry, I told them we should wait for you, but dad made a good point. If we want to get this all over with, we need to just get it done. Braden said he would go first. I explained the situation to him and he seemed fine.” His words began to penetrate my fiery rage.

  “What if she—” I began.

  “I gave her very strict instructions not to pressure him,” he interrupted. I finally felt a deep sigh leave my chest and I stared at the closed door. “He should be done soon. Don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to him.”

  I stared at him when those last few words left his mouth and tried to decipher what he meant. I decided it was best just to ignore them for now. There were much more pressing problems at the moment. I laid my head back onto the couch pillow and thought about everything they could be discussing in there.

  I had tried my hardest to make our situation appear as normal as possible to Kate and Braden. I never wanted them to know that they had been kidnapped. I didn’t want them to know that if we weren’t there, they could actually run and play in the sunshine... that there was so much more for them outside of those four depressing walls.

  “I wasn’t sure exactly, but I told her that he probably wouldn’t know much,” he gently conveyed to me.

  I nodded my head. “Thank you.”

  My eyes had closed, so when I felt his hand lightly squeeze my leg, they snapped open in surprise. “We should head to the apartment tonight so they don’t have to keep paying for the hotel.”

  The fact that he said the apartment and not his apartment was not lost on me. That was probably the last place I ever wanted to see again besides that house in Mexico. But the apartment I was cruelly taken from years before was a close second on the list. I didn’t have much of a choice though. I didn’t even have any identification, let alone money. I would need to figure something out really soon.

  “We won’t stay there long.” His hard tone, indicating that he felt the same as I did about the place, surprised me.

  “You must have a nice job now if you can afford to keep a New York apartment you don’t even live in anymore.” I’m not sure why I said that, but it came out of my mouth all the same.

  “Ash’s parents kept it. They’re loaded, apparently,” he ground out.

  Ash having money was news to me. As far as I could tell, they were living paycheck-to-paycheck back then. Lane had always been working any overtime shift he could catch, just so they could make ends meet and pay a nanny to watch their kid during the day. I liked Ash and we talked whenever she was home at the same time I was there, but I wouldn’t say we were close friends.

  “I worked my ass off to keep the lights on and food in the fridge. All that time she had a trust fund with an ungodly amount of money in it. Her parents never liked me, or the fact that she married a rookie cop.”

  The frustration and hurt in his voice was loud and clear. I couldn’t imagine feeling as if your partner had basically betrayed you. I had a hard time believing that she had let him work his tail off, day after day, to take care of his family, when he very well could have cut back some with that trust fund.

  “Maybe her parents wouldn’t let her have access to it,” I suggested, hoping that would help in some way. “If that were the case, she probably didn’t me
ntion it because it only would have added stress.”

  “Maybe,” he conceded. “It’s all Kate’s now anyway. My mom’s been taking care of the apartment, hoping that I’ll come back.”

  “She misses you, I’m sure.”

  “The Lane they knew and loved was gone. I couldn’t stand being here anymore.”

  All of a sudden, I realized how deep our conversation had become and how he was actually sharing a piece of himself with me.

  “I think they love you enough to understand that. No one can fathom what it’s like to lose a child until it’s happened to them. I used to actually get down on my knees and thank God I was taken as well. I just couldn’t imagine being left behind to… wonder. Wonder where my child was.” I looked up and saw the tears in his eyes, and my heart clenched. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

  He swiped at his eyes and looked back at his dad and Kate. Thankfully, they were blissfully ignorant to our conversation. Gently, he scooped up my hand and squeezed.

  “Don’t ever be sorry.” His words were brief, but they meant a lot to me. I’d gone through cycles of grief after the kidnapping. They spread out over the first few years. I was mad at myself. I was mad at Lane and Ash for not waking up to save us. I was ashamed. I even had a period of deep depression that I was all by myself to care of two infants. But his words were correctly aimed at my heart. I shouldn’t be sorry.

  I accepted his moment of comfort and laced my fingers through his. He squeezed again, and I smiled up at his beautiful hazel eyes that were more golden than green today.

  Charlie chose that moment to enter through the door and we quickly let go of each other’s hands. Lane used his forearm to wipe the remaining signs of sadness from his eyes and then aimlessly dug through his bag. I knew he wasn’t really looking for anything; he just didn’t want Charlie to see him crying. It was a shame because those hazel eyes sparkled brightly when they had water reflecting in them.