Devastated

by MIA HEINTZELMAN

  Izabelle leaned in close to my ear. “He made me a deal. He said it only has to be you. They just want to watch.”

  I shook my head, because a deal with Marshall was a deal with the devil himself.

  “You can’t trust him.” Again, my voice wavered. “Please. Let’s just go.”

  I was begging her, and she refused to listen.

  She took a step back and fixed me with her pleading eyes. “I have to try,” she said, then turned and walked away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  IZZY

  “Where do you want me?” I asked, praying Marshall would keep his word. I was standing in the middle of the bedroom, and out of the dozens of eyes on me, I could only focus on the heat and the weight of Xander’s stare on my back. But at this particular moment I couldn’t trust anyone in the room.

  As soon as I arrived at the suite Marshall had whisked me off through the sidelines of cheering people and into the bedroom, where he promptly closed and locked the door. I stood there with the wall’s cold wood holding me upright, shaking, and wondering how hard the fall would be if I jumped out the window. If one teensy thing didn’t go according to my plan, it would mean my ruin.

  Snapping to, I flitted a glance over my shoulder at Xander that I meant to be reassuring, but the way his shoulders slumped, I knew I misfired.

  So be it.

  “Let’s call in the viewers first,” Marshall announced.

  I nodded and remained at the center of the room, careful to keep my back to the camera while the unnamed faces of Wastelands’ hallways filed into the empty spaces, into chairs, on the floor, against the walls.

  “All right. Thanks, everyone, for coming. The feeding will commence shortly, but I need to take care of a few quick orders of business. One, I want to make sure everyone checked their phones at the door. You know the rules. We’ll make sure you all have a link in the event our star decides to snitch.” A hum of yesses and nods wafted over the crowd. “Okay, then. I just want to say Happy Valentine’s Day for all you lovebirds. You demanded, and, as your trusted king, and a man of my word, I have supplied.”

  I wanted to gag at the way he rubbed his hands together with that seedy look in his eyes.

  “We’ve got a special treat for you tonight. On his birthday, one of our very own, Xander Gale, will be gifting us with a show I know will live up to the hype. And joining him, the newest member of The Feed—Izzy!”

  This guy is off his fucking rocker.

  Again, the cheers and applause ramped up and died down, quickly replaced by the buzz of anticipation. I felt like I was in the middle of The Hunger Games, with all the palpable excitement, the thrill of witnessing a person be destroyed.

  “Xander.” Marshall sliced the air with his hand, gesturing to the bed, and Jorden Battle, who was on camera duty, panned the room. I turned my back while Xander walked forward painstakingly slowly, then plopped down on the mattress with a small bounce.

  “Maybe we can give him some encouragement, guys,” Marshall added.

  At his sides were the Harding twins and Honoré standing guard.

  “Although we’d love to see how Izzy does it.” He laughed and lifted his chin quickly, holding up a finger as if something just occurred to him. “Oh, just to cover my bases… We don’t need any further incidents. We don’t do force. For the camera, I need you to state your agreement to the sexual acts in which you are about to partake?”

  I thought about what he said earlier, when it was just the two of us in this room.

  Insurance is so important.

  He’d patted the breast pocket of his blazer where he’d stashed his phone and immediately my mind went to the video of me and Xander. It was clear enough, and the angle just so, to make out my face and Xander’s cock plunging into me. I was in complete survival mode and left with no choice but to do the unthinkable if my plan was going to work.

  I searched into the crowd and spotted Abbie in place by the door, so she could break away easily. Owen was by the window. When I met his stony gaze, he nodded, which meant he’d gotten his phone into the room. That was the signal. He was ready, and Clementine was waiting.

  I can’t believe I’m going to fucking do this.

  A wave of heat washed over me, I could barely breathe, and for a split second I thought my legs would give out. Between the ringing in my ears and my chest caving in, I could very well have been about to faint or have a heart attack, but I pushed it all away. I was light-headed at the thought of what I was about to do, but I turned on my tunnel vision. Falling apart now wasn’t an option.

  Marshall cleared his throat and I glanced back at him.

  Here goes nothing.

  “Yes.” My voice was choked with tears.

  “Well then, let’s get started.”

  I took the few steps to the bed where Xander was sitting on the edge, his face pale. He looked up at me from under heavy brows. His eyes were an overcast blue and filled with apologies. I kneeled, peeling my dress straps off my shoulders and letting my dress pool to the floor. I was completely nude.

  The crowd hummed their approval.

  Absently, I scratched an itch at the corner of my mouth, and as I looked at the deep purple stain on my hand, I realized I’d forgotten all about the lipstick.

  “You don’t have to do this,” Xander whispered.

  “We haven’t got all night. Can we go a little faster?” Marshall scoffed with traces of annoyance and smugness.

  He wasn’t the only one who wanted to hurry and get this over with.

  “Sit back,” I said to Xander, who hesitantly obliged. As he did, I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, freeing the full length of his already-hardened cock. He flushed, as if embarrassed by the evidence that he was turned on.

  How can you be mortified when I’m the one on my knees, about to surrender the last of my innocence?

  I was right there with him, though, my heart racing, the beat pounding in my ears. Shame didn’t even cover what I was feeling at the pull low and tight in my belly. How could I be turned on when I was being sacrificed? Between my thighs, I could feel myself getting wet as I stroked him. Gently at first, then I quickened the pace before taking him into my watering mouth.

  “Fuck that’s hot,” a guy said, reminding me we weren’t alone.

  Even though we had an audience, I blocked them out and it was just us two. I alternated between fast and slow. Licking and sucking around the veiny thickness, I drank in his bitter sweetness. Xander shifted, his body tensing, cock throbbing against my tongue. He rocked, slippery and wet, down my throat, fucking my mouth hard and deep. He didn’t grab my hair the way he’d done in the hotel, but I could tell he wanted to as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down hard enough to nearly break skin.

  I was completely aroused.

  Down his shaft, I played with the purple rainbow fading up to the tip.

  This was what they wanted, a fucking show. But if I was going to go down for the sake of entertainment, I was damn well going to treat them to a show they’d never seen before.

  Just when Xander stiffened in my mouth, I pulled my head back, got to my feet, and climbed on top of him.

  “Holy shit. She’s going to fuck him right here.” The crowd buzzed and the volume in the room rose, but I wasn’t going to stop.

  My knees slid over the black satin sheets as I straddled him, centered him at the meeting between my thighs, and forced him inside my blazing hot flesh until I was full. I lifted and slammed down again and again as Xander grabbed my ass and spread me wider to accept all of him.

  “Fuck,” he said on a shallow breath. “Why are you doing this here?”

  “This is what they want. They want to humiliate me. But trust me, I’m not playing by their rules.”

  It was like a lightbulb went off in him. His expression brightened, and he opened his half-lidded eyes wide to meet my gaze. We were speaking without saying a word. Maybe I could trust him.

  Just you and me.
>
  I felt like I might burst as he lifted his hips and I crashed down onto him harder and faster. Then, amazingly, I came apart, collapsing onto him as he pumped and shivered beneath me. My skin pulsed and blazed everywhere it touched his, and he was holding me so tight I almost forgot where we were.

  “Talk about enthusiasm…” Marshall went back to his emcee duties. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see what she does next.”

  Next?

  My heartbeat sped up again as I lifted my head and turned to meet his gaze. He was smarmy and underhanded, and I knew he had something up his sleeve.

  In fact, I was counting on it.

  While Marshall walked to the center of the room to address his willfully blind followers, I turned to face the door, searching the faces until I found Abbie’s red frames and bright amber eyes waiting for my signal.

  I nodded and she was gone.

  Please let this work.

  Lifting off of Xander, I pulled my dress on and slipped the straps back up over my shoulders before turning to Marshall. As expected, behind him were the Harding Twins, flanking Honoré’s shoulders. She was hanging on his every word—right where I needed her to be.

  Three, two, one.

  “What do you say? Did I live up to the hype? Did you guys enjoy the show?” I asked, and all eyes were on me, including a searing pair attached to Marshall. Even though I wanted to tuck myself away in a dark hole and never come out, this wasn’t over. The crowd response was raucous and wild. I took it as a resounding yes.

  “What are—“

  “It turns out that Marshall, your fearless leader, has another surprise for you. He’s brimming with special treats tonight.” I was talking fast, leaving no room for anyone to get a word in edgewise. My game face was firmly in place.

  “For his best friend’s birthday, he’s going to give you guys an encore presentation. Joining him will be your queen Raven and my favorite roommate, Honoré Montgomery.”

  Gasps pinballed off the walls, and I led the applause.

  Wide-eyed terror flashed in Marshall and Honoré’s eyes. She looked like her knees might buckle. He rocked back and forth, shifting from one foot to the other, his chest puffed out. It didn’t seem as if they liked the taste of their own medicine.

  “Come on, guys, you can do better than that. Let them really hear how much you want to see what they’ll do next.”

  The room echoed with whistles and shouts, people clapping, stomping, and rooting them on.

  “You can do this.”

  “Fuck, yeah. I’m so glad I came tonight.”

  Another. “I’ve been dying to see you guys together. I knew they were a thing.”

  Far off in the back, I heard two girls talking. “This beats hearts and chocolate any day.”

  Yes, it did.

  “Guys.” I whirled around, clapping my hands. “Wait a minute. You know the rules. We don’t do force.” I turned to the deceitful duo. “Do you guys agree to the sexual acts in which you’re about to partake?”

  A small bit of joy filtered the venom coursing through my veins as Honoré froze and pressed a hand to her heart. Her lips quivered, and tears welled in her glossy green eyes. As expected, they both consented, and while they began stripping off their clothes, I peeked over to find Owen recording, which meant he’d already texted Clementine. While she was in Marshall’s cloud deleting the Creekside video of me and Xander from all Marshall’s devices, I eased my way over to Jorden and the camera on the tripod.

  Once Honoré’s throat was full, I began my mental countdown.

  Within seconds, the fire alarm blared through the room.

  I stood completely still as chaos ensued.

  While some funneled through the single door, others darted every which way, trying to decide whether it was a real emergency. But I knew different.

  I knew that, like Owen and Clementine, Abbie did her part, and now it was my turn.

  The moment Jorden turned away I fiddled with the camera, deleted the video, and disappeared into the crowd, leaving my undoing and Xander behind.

  By the time I made it to the stables, I was physically and emotionally drained. Embarrassment seized me. My throat thickened with sobs while sorrow shredded my insides. My scalp prickled with shame, the guilt over what I’d done tormenting me. It took root in my heart, weighing me down, drowning me in humiliation. I didn’t know what I was going to say when I faced them around campus. I wanted to disappear—to curl up and die on the spot, but that would mean they’d won.

  My phone pinged and my screen glowed with a group message.

  Marshall: You just bought yourself a world of trouble.

  Honoré: This isn’t over. If I have to spend the rest of my life trying, I’m going to make you suffer for what you’ve done.

  Jorden: The game is over. This is war.

  Penny: You can run… You know the rest.

  Izabelle: “Insurance is so important.” Check your cloud.

  Along with my videos, turned out Marshall had a whole deck full of tricks, and now they were all in my hands. Tears trailed down my cheeks as I lifted my chin. One thing was for sure. I might now be an empty shell of who I was, but they didn’t take me down. They’d sought me out and tried to ruin me socially and sexually, fully intending to throw me out like trash, but I was still here.

  Xander or no Xander, The Crows would have to find someone else to feed on.

  But that was just it. I couldn’t let this happen to anyone else.

  Chapter Eighteen

  XANDER

  Gravel crunched under my feet as I walked slowly toward Izabelle at the far end of the stable.

  She sighed and deflated as soon as she seemed to realize it was me.

  “How did you find me?” She slumped against the wall, all her earlier bravado gone. She wasn’t the fragile girl I met at my parents’ house, either. In fact, everything about her was different. Wilted and watered down.

  From the way her arms hung at her sides but her chin remained lifted, I could tell she’d learned the hard lesson: victory in war wasn’t for the faint of heart.

  “You know they’re never going to give up. What you did, it’s just the beginning.”

  With every step I took, the light grew stronger on her face. The gravity of what she’d been through was etched somewhere between the lines and the tears swimming in her eyes. Her knitted brows and smeared lipstick were proof that she was harder somehow.

  “I’m counting on it.” She gritted her teeth.

  “Yeah?”

  “Why are you here, Xander?” She blinked up at me. Anger flashed in her eyes before she closed them and bowed her head. “Shouldn’t you be with your murder of Crows and the unkindness of Ravens, plotting your revenge on me? The rest of them are.” Her voice croaked, thick with emotion, and my pulse quickened as she lifted her phone in the air, shaking it.

  I knew they wouldn’t waste any time gunning for her. It was the second most important reason I was here, the first being the unyielding urgency to tell Izabelle how I felt about her. As I crouched down and sat beside her, our shoulders touching, I finally breathed.

  “I’m not like them anymore. I’m done being a Crow.”

  I felt her shoulders tense, and I expected her to recoil, but Izabelle surprised me by leaning closer and crossing her ankles in front of her.

  “I know.” She gave a mirthless laugh as she wrapped a curl around her finger. “Do you ever feel like you can take on the world for someone else and keep you head, but when it comes to you, after a certain point, you’re just, like, fed up?” She shrugged. “That’s where I am at right now. I’m sick and tired of everyone in this wasteland putting their hand out for a piece of me—”

  “I love you.”

  My voice was only a whisper, but from her small gasp, I knew she hadn’t been expecting me to say it. Not like this. While we were having sex, sure. It could be explained away as lust in the moment. But this was flat-out real, surrounded by nothing to detrac
t from it. Even though I’d been feeling it creep into my heart, I still hadn’t expected to say it—to mean it.

  Her expression softened, but her shoulders stiffened, like she wasn’t exactly sure what to do with my confession.

  “I wanted to cancel the party and just have a nice night with you. I wanted to buy you something to show you how I’m feeling, but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to buy you, so…” I jammed my hand in my coat pocket and pulled out the purple envelopes.

  “What are those?”

  “This is me trying to earn your heart.” I handed her the numbered letters. “There’s twelve in all. One for every day I’ve known you.”

  Tears shimmered in her eyes as she sat them on her legs and began opening the first one. I tilted my head to read along.

  The first day I met you, Izabelle Waters, you asked me if you’d done something wrong when I stopped kissing you. It took me all this time to realize that I stopped because I was consumed by you. Deep down. I knew I wanted you then, I just didn’t understand how much I needed you…

  Izabelle peeked up at me, sheepish and coy, as a small grin toyed at her mouth. After a few seconds, though, she finished reading the letter and moved on to the next, and the next, until she made her way through the full dozen. Then she slid her right hand over to mine and twined our fingers together.

  “I’m thinking we’ll call it…taming of the Crow.” She giggled, and I loved the way she looked like she was glowing from the inside. There was a fire inside her that blazed brightest for me.

  Warmth filled my heart. I was weightless, my spirits soaring as I tipped her chin up and brushed my lips over hers. “You’re real funny.” I grinned against her mouth. Suddenly, we were both laughing too hard, smiling too hard, despite the darkness closing in on us.

  At Izabelle’s side, the horses began to squeal and snort.