Guarding Mr. Fine (Tough Love #2)

by HelenKay Dimon

  A rough breath knocked against Seth’s rib cage. He was going to thank her, but that would come later. He had to talk to Rick first, and that meant getting back to him.

  He turned to Max and held out his hand. “I need your keys.”

  Max scowled. “People are coming to pick up the car.”

  “Come on. Take pity on the guy. You have a spare set,” Nathan said.

  With some grumbling, Max gave in. He reached into his back pocket and took out the fob. “Don’t wreck it on the way to the consulate.”

  Right, whatever.

  Seth walked to the front of the plane. The door hadn’t opened. At this point he thought he could gnaw through it.

  He looked at Helena over his shoulder. “What’s taking so long?”

  Nathan shrugged. “At least he’s finally thinking.”

  “You did let this one go a little long.” Max poured another drink. “I thought we were going to have to take off and circle Munich before you woke up.”

  “Wait, what?” But Seth was pretty sure he knew.

  “Matchmaking.” The word sounded ridiculous coming from Helena.

  Max’s smile fell. “I refuse to use that term.”

  Seth thought they were just riding him for the sake of riding. But this sounded like something else. “You’re saying…wait, what are you saying?”

  She frowned at him. “I thought you were in a hurry.”

  He was but…he actually didn’t know what he was right then. Anger still floated through him. Rick needed a communications lecture. But there was something else, too. Hope, maybe. All he knew was that he didn’t want to think about Rick but couldn’t stop. He wanted to hate him but those feelings were overwhelmed by the very real fear of never seeing him again. The throwing-up-all-night fear.

  “I’m confused as hell.” He thought that was obvious but said it anyway.

  She laughed at that. “When you get un-confused you can thank me since I went to a lot of trouble.”

  “To?”

  “Set you up with Rick in the first place. I’ve worked this from the beginning.”

  Seth’s mind went blank. “You…”

  She waved her hand at him. Literally gave him the shooing signal. “Get off my plane.”

  Chapter 28

  Rick had piles of paperwork to get through. It sat on the edge of his desk. Another stack waited by his bed, which he had no intention of sleeping in.

  Work, that was the only thing that kept him moving. He had to get through all of this, do some events with a fake smile plastered on his face. Then the real consul general would arrive. This was a wrap-up period. He’d meet with Alec and finalize that report. The rest would spin out over a few weeks.

  Really, this was about going through the motions. Thanks to no sleep and no thoughts of food he didn’t have any energy.

  Thanks to Seth and that scene yesterday, he didn’t have the will to do much of anything.

  God, he couldn’t even think about Seth without getting sick. That voice, so angry. His face screwed up in a mask of fury.

  He’d bet everything, pushed too hard…told the truth. Rick knew he should feel relieved but a hollowness had settled inside him. The only emotion running through him now was pained resignation. He’d made the mess and now he’d have a nice lonely life with plenty of time to figure out how to live with it.

  There was a sharp knock at the door before it opened. Owen poked his head inside. He wasn’t even supposed to be back at work yet. He’d stop by to say hello. Wore his street clothes. Now he’d flipped back into work mode.

  “Sir, we have a problem.”

  Rick leaned back in his chair, wondering what he had to do to keep Owen at home and recuperating. “You don’t have anything. You shouldn’t be working.”

  “This is a special circumstance.”

  “You mean an emergency?” Rick swallowed a groan. “I’m starting to hate Munich.”

  That was an understatement. He’d morphed from loving the place to never wanting to visit again. This was where he met Seth. Where he fell in love.

  Where he blew it.

  “This might help.” Owen opened the door wider and stepped back. “You have a visitor.”

  “No, I don’t think—” That strong face filled the open area. “Seth?”

  “Technically, you no longer work here, so I’m going to need you to stay in this room and close to Mr. Fine.” Owen ended the instructions with a smile.

  Seth nodded. “No problem.”

  “Good.” Owen cleared his throat as he continued to stand there. “Sir, are we okay here?”

  Rick understood the question. Rumors flew around the consulate when everyone found out he and Seth were dating. They spun even faster at news of the breakup. Seth walked out of the building with a bag and never looked back. They all watched him go. Even Rick.

  For him it was a form of self-punishment. Now it looked like he was going to get another shot at the live version.

  Rick spared Owen a quick smile. “Thanks.”

  Then it was the two of them. Seth stood by the door and Rick didn’t leave his seat. He wasn’t sure his feet would carry him. Didn’t really know what to say or how to handle this moment.

  He’d hoped he’d get another shot. Now Seth was here and the words clogged Rick’s throat. He had no idea what this moment was. More anger? Some insults he forgot to add?

  Rick knew he deserved it all. Probably even the shoving. That didn’t mean he could survive another round.

  He decided to start with something simple and obvious. “I thought you were on a plane.”

  That seemed safe. Noncontroversial.

  “I thought you were a desk jockey.”

  Okay, that didn’t make much sense. They’d talked about that from the beginning. Rick had no idea why it surfaced again, but he played along. “That wasn’t a lie.”

  “You’re the one who guided me out of there that night. After the others were killed and I got away. I was being tracked, but my watch started beeping with coordinates.” Seth started walking then. He moved from one side of the room in a few seconds.

  This close Rick could study him. Every part of him matched the memory Rick had called up over and over again during the last few hours. He looked more tired and maybe a bit defeated, which Rick hated. Seth came on strong and blustered through, and that was one of the many things Rick loved about him.

  There it was. The word. Love. Because that’s what it was. Not falling, fallen.

  But now it was time to bleed. “I put you in unnecessary danger. I don’t deny that.”

  “Then you fixed it.”

  Anger no longer lingered in Seth’s voice but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hidden in there somewhere. He’d come back for a reason. A hard shot was headed for him and now Rick just had to wait for it to land. “I know I should have told you when I realized who you were, but—”

  “Stop talking.” Seth walked around to stand beside Rick’s chair.

  This close…this was a problem. His control wavered even on good days and this one sucked. He’d been dragged down into this well, convinced he’d be alone and wrecked for a long time.

  He needed Seth to hear all of his regrets. Maybe then the guilt wouldn’t slam into him so hard. “I need you to understand.”

  “I do.”

  Is that a smile?

  “What?” Rick blinked, so sure he’d dropped into a dream. The lack of sleep was playing with his head. He didn’t really need a reason to be any more vulnerable.

  “You’re not perfect.”

  On that one point they were in absolute agreement. “Not even close.”

  “Oh, no. You’re close.” Seth sat on the edge of Rick’s desk.

  This was too much. The hammer was going to fall because it had to. This was not where they left things or how Seth felt when he walked out that door twenty-four hours ago. He vibrated with fury and spoke in a way that signaled hate.

  Rick knew because he’d relived the conversation s
everal times since then. Whenever he got frustrated that Seth had refused to listen, he reran the words and immersed himself in guilt again.

  And that’s what he needed to do now. “Don’t do that. Don’t make me out to be special or whatever.”

  “Are you searching for compliments?” Seth smiled then. “Because I’ll give them to you.”

  Rick thought his head was going to explode. He had to get up and get some air. Put some space between them so he’d have the energy to stomp out any hope.

  He got as far as the other side of the desk and stopped. “I don’t get what’s happening.”

  “I’m apologizing.”

  A new wave of nausea crashed over him. Rick grabbed onto the edge of the desk for balance. “No, that’s just it. I owe you—”

  “When I tell you to stop talking you should listen to me.” Seth got up and moved around the desk. He stopped right in front of Rick.

  He had trouble bringing enough breath into his lungs. “Okay.”

  “I said sick things to you. Shitty things.”

  Rick didn’t want to remember. “I deserved all of that.”

  Seth’s shoulders slumped. “Okay, let’s try it this way.”

  This was too damn hard. “Seth…”

  “What I’m about to say is ridiculous.”

  That was new. It didn’t sound like Seth at all. “You have my attention.”

  “I have a thing for you.”

  Every thought disappeared from Rick’s brain. He had things to say and apologies to make but the words fell away.

  He clearly hadn’t heard that right. “What?”

  “Fuck, you’re going to make me say it.” He closed in with his hands on Rick’s waist. “I’m falling for you. Like, can’t stand the thought of not being with you. Want to wake up to you every morning.” Seth ducked his head and stared right into Rick’s eyes. “Does any of this make sense?”

  Not even a little. “What happened on that plane?”

  “I came to my senses and figured out I probably, maybe, someday soon, love you.”

  That time Rick heard a thunking sound. It was as if his brain moved around up there. “Did you just use the word love?”

  Seth winced. “It sounded weird to me, too.”

  Rick had to fight from crawling all over Seth and demanding he say the words again. But he turned them over in his mind.

  For a second he looked, really looked, at Seth. Tension no longer tugged at the corners of his mouth. His smile met his eyes and looked genuine. The color had even returned to his face.

  Rick had no idea what that meant but he hoped he knew. “I thought it sounded pretty great.”

  Seth’s fingers tightened for a second then eased again. “Any chance it’s reciprocal?”

  In the last ten minutes his world had flipped upside down. Rick didn’t know who to thank but he didn’t want to lose this chance. “Don’t be a dumbass.”

  “It’s kind of a natural state for me right now.”

  “Seth.” Rick was about to say more but he felt Seth’s hands slide around him and inch up his back. Their bodies pressed together.

  Everything felt right.

  Seth lowered his forehead to balance against Rick’s. “Put me out of my misery. Tell me I didn’t screw this up.”

  The future waited right there. Commitment and working together to find something. Rick could see it, almost touch it. But they had baggage and at some point they’d have to unpack it. “I should have told you about our connection on that mission sooner.”

  Pain shadowed Seth’s eyes for a second then disappeared.

  “I don’t want to talk about that.” Seth exhaled. “But we’re going to. Not now, but we’ll work through it.”

  Rick understood. A declaration of sort-of-maybe-love was not the time to talk about all that destruction. Rick just needed to know that they weren’t going to bury it again. They needed to take it out and work through it so it didn’t come back to bite them. “It’s important that the man I’m in love with not carry around that kind of weight.”

  Seth’s eyebrow lifted. “So…”

  How could he not know? Rick had lived his feelings the entire time they were together, not hiding anything. “For a smart guy you’re being kind of slow.”

  “You’re the smart one, nerd.”

  Rick never thought he’d miss that nickname. Now that he heard it again, he never wanted to stop. “I knew I was in trouble that first night you tried to sleep on the couch.”

  Seth groaned. “That sucked.”

  The rest of the worries and doubts fell away. Rick wanted to be clear. He didn’t want any confusion this time. “I want this. You. All of it.”

  “The plan was to fuck you and walk away.”

  Rick wasn’t offended. That was kind of the point of a one-night stand. “Same here. I had a job to do, and no time for a guy with a smart mouth and great ass.”

  “But I wore you down.”

  “I fell for you.” And that was the truth. It had been that simple. Being with Seth did it. Day by day, in small things and big. The bonds grew until Rick couldn’t break lose.

  Seth pressed a quick kiss on Rick’s mouth then pulled back. “That’s like love, right? Or on the way to it.”

  Rick wanted to shout it. “Stick around and we can figure it out together.”

  “You know that probably thing is more than probably for me, right?”

  Rick knew saying even that cost Seth something. That the big, tough guy didn’t believe in emotions and he was getting walloped by them. “Are you trying to tell me you like me?”

  Seth frowned. “Don’t make a big thing out of it.”

  “Technically, love is kind of big.” Rick brushed his mouth over Seth’s. “And that is what I’m saying.”

  “We’ll take it slow and blow that probably into something bigger.”

  That sounded perfect. It was more than Rick expected and he refused not to grab the chance. “Yes.”

  “Together.”

  That’s all he wanted. That and the hand that was slowly making its way down his ass. “I think we’re finally on the same page.”

  Seth’s hands cupped Rick’s ass. “Any chance we could do that naked?”

  “Yeah, we’re going to be just fine.”

  —

  They got stuck in Munich for three more weeks. Getting the consulate back on track and wrapping up the mission took priority. But now they were back in London. On Seth’s turf with a little bit of time off.

  Normally Seth hated that shit. He wanted back in the field and fast.

  Not this time.

  He opened the door to his top-floor flat. The walls were white and the sun bounced off every surface. He usually stopped in for a few days, dropped his bag, then moved on again. This time clothes hung in the closets and the stocked refrigerator remained full.

  He had exactly one reason to call the place home. He dropped his keys on the small table near the door and went to find him. It wasn’t hard, since music blared and plates clanked.

  He turned the corner into the kitchen and there was his reason. “What are you doing?”

  Rick looked up from the box in front of him. Something brown streaked over the backs of his hands and stained the front of his white and blue baseball style T-shirt. “You sent me chocolate.”

  “You sound like you’re five.” But Seth loved the enthusiasm. Rick kept insisting he liked it, so why not.

  “I promise I’m a grown man. And a very happy one.” He popped a blob of something into his mouth and swallowed.

  Seth went up to the other side of the counter and peeled a piece of white paper back from the side of the box. It looked like the blob had friends. “It melted?”

  “That doesn’t matter. It still tastes like heaven.”

  He looked ridiculously hot standing there in his chocolate-streaked shirt. The adorable nerd. “You have it all over you.”

  Rick glanced down. “I can solve that.”

  Rick’s hand
s left the mess long enough to peel his shirt off. Now he stood there in black jeans, bare chested, wearing his hot little glasses and covered in chocolate. Seth was pretty sure that was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

  Rick’s gaze traveled over Seth. “You could join me.”

  “Why not?” Seth didn’t need to debate this. If Rick wanted their clothes off, Seth always said yes.

  He unbuttoned his long-sleeve shirt and let it hang open at his sides.

  Rick shook his head. “Nu-uh. All the way off.”

  “If this is how you act when you eat chocolate I’ll be bringing it to you every day.”

  “I have a weakness for exactly two things.” Rick held up his fingers, ignoring the chocolate dripping off them.

  “Do tell.”

  “This.” He held up what looked like the remains of something caramel and sticky. “And you.”

  Seth liked the sound of that. Loved it, actually. Loved him but hadn’t truly said it out loud yet. He’d danced around it, called it other things, qualified it, but skipped the big word.

  They hadn’t jumped off that cliff, but he felt it. Every single day.

  Rick had rearranged his life so they could be together. He’d been transferred to an office in London and moved in. He met the rest of Seth’s team and survived to talk about it. He’d even stayed calm when Seth panicked after handing over his spare set of keys. Like with everything else in his life, Rick took it all in stride.

  Coming home to him every day was better than Seth ever imagined. Leaving him for long hauls was going to suck.

  “We should shower and clean you up.” After their near-constant time together lately, Seth figured Rick knew that meant sex.

  He shook his head. “Nope.”

  Or maybe not. “I scrub you down then dry you off with my tongue. Sound familiar?”

  “Why go anywhere when there’s a perfectly good kitchen counter right here?”

  Seth laughed. The lightness welled up from deep inside of him and overtook everything else. All the doubts and fears. The struggles with the past and the worry of never living up to expectations. With Rick, the burdens weighed less and the good times soared.