Fragile Love

by Mack Black

  "James," she blubbered.

  "What's wrong Nessa? What did he do? I'm gonna kill him." I growled.

  "Charlotte’s execution day has been moved up."

  "That's great news. Why are you crying, then?" I asked.

  "Her lawyer told her Jace and I were married and had kids now. She killed a man, James. She killed a man because of me. That's why they moved her execution up. Every time I think of her, I’ll think of that poor man’s death. It’s all my fault.” I could barely understand her from all the blubbering.

  "Vanessa you didn't kill him. She did. It isn't your fault. All you did was marry the man you love. You can't let what she did affect your life anymore. It's over. It's finally going to be over." I looked around me to make sure nobody was listening. Didn’t need to add any fuel to the incident from earlier.

  "Yeah? And when are you going to stop letting her affect your life? Ever since her, you’ve been different. Distant. You let people walk all over you because you're afraid of what they might do to you. You're afraid you'll end up with someone like her. Don't tell me to stop letting her affect me because she affects you too, whether you want to admit it or not."

  She wasn’t wrong. Charlotte affected most of my choices and I couldn't stop thinking about it no matter how hard I tried to push it from my mind. I didn't know if the anger would ever go away. It was always boiling beneath the surface, ready to strike at any opportune moment. Charlotte had really done a number on all our lives. I couldn't imagine what Jace must be feeling right now.

  "Ness, I love you and all, but why didn't you talk about this with your husband? I'm not supposed to take personal calls at work. I could get into trouble for this."

  "James, he is going through enough right now. I don't care if you get into trouble. This is important, damn it. She's being executed in two months," she yelled, her anger getting the best of her.

  "Can we talk about this after I get home? I promise I'll call you as soon as I walk into my apartment." A few of my colleagues looked my way, so I was itching to get off the phone.

  "Whatever."

  Before I could say anything else, she hung up on me.

  "Women," I scoffed, hanging up the phone, and right when I did, my boss called for me.

  "Yes, Mr. Freedmon?" I said, skidding to a halt in his office.

  "No personal calls at work, James," he said, tsking.

  "I'm sorry sir. It won't happen again." I looked down at the floor.

  His eyes always made me uncomfortable. He reminded me of Medusa, like he could turn me to stone with a mere look.

  "And no more outbursts of public affection either. That was highly unprofessional. This office isn't meant for your sex life," he barked, lacing his fingers together and resting them on his knees. "That is all."

  "Yes sir, sorry sir. My girlfriend got carried away. It won't happen again." I turned, rushing out of his office and back to my desk. Now even more annoyed, I went back to the papers I needed to get through, ignoring everyone and everything around me as I rushed to finish my work on time. When five o' clock came, I’d finally finished everything. I could go home, so I grabbed my things and headed out. As I walked, I thought about Vanessa, about how everything was eating at her. When she’d called, I’d already been upset. I’d taken it out on her, and it hadn’t been fair of me. I pulled out my cellphone, dialing her number as I walked into my apartment building and towards the elevator. It rang once.

  "Call me to tell me more about how I need to stop letting her have power over me?" she answered. No “hello,” or “hey” or anything.

  "I'm sorry Vanessa. I had a really bad day and my boss crawled up my ass about that phone call. I'm skating on thin ice," I said, trying to be the bigger person. "I never should’ve said that. I know you feel guilty because I know you're a good person."

  "It's fine. I'm sorry I dumped everything on you."

  "There's no reason to apologize. I reacted badly and that's that. Tell me what happened."

  She sighed, and I could imagine her running her fingers through her hair and tilting back a glass of red wine. That was her go to vice now. I was just glad she wasn't smoking weed anymore.

  "They decided to move up her execution because she was a harm to everyone around her." There was no emotion in her voice, it was just eerily calm, which scared me.

  "Well at least she killed a criminal and not an innocent guy," I said, trying to cheer her up a bit. Really it didn't matter. He still didn't deserve to die like that, but I wasn't about to say that to my sister.

  "That doesn't make me feel any less guilty," she whispered.

  I stepped into the elevator, clicking the button for my floor and stepping back as the doors closed. "I know. I'm sorry Ness."

  "It's scheduled for February twenty-seventh, at one. Promise me you’ll be there." Her voice hitched, and I knew she was seconds away from crying.

  I wanted to hug her and assure her it would be okay, but I couldn’t do that through the phone. My heart hurt for her and the way she blamed herself. "I wouldn't miss it."

  "You're the best brother anyone could ask for. You know that?" The slight stutter in her voice and the sounds of sniffling told me she was crying, just as I’d predicted. Drown your sorrows in your wine. It's gonna be alright.

  "I know. I just can’t help being so amazing."

  I could hear her lips stretch into a smile right before the audible scoff she gave me.

  I stepped out of the elevator and walked towards my door, my eyes planted on the ground.

  "Your head has gotten way too big since I made you hot and you snagged the girl of your dreams. How is she anyways?"

  Right as I got to my door, I jumped and the hand holding my phone dropped to hang at my side. "Bella?" I said.

  "James," Bella replied.

  The sound of Nessa’s voice blared through the hall, so I lifted the phone to my ear, speaking almost like a robot as I said, "I've gotta go. I'll call you later. Love you." I ended the call and shoved the phone into my back pocket.

  "Who was that?" she asked, refusing to look at me.

  "My sister. "

  She kicked at the rug and stared at the floor. I busied myself with my keys and opened the door. When she looked up at me, I could see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

  Just kiss her and end this madness.

  "What I did was stupid. It was petty and something I regret more than you’ll ever know. I'm not that girl. I swear I'm not." She dared a look up at me, a tear rolling down her cheek. “How much trouble did you get into?”

  “It was fine, he told me not to let it happen again.”

  With trembling hands, she reached out for me and drew me into a hug. “Good. I’m sorry again.”

  I let out a breath and hugged her. “I’m sorry I reacted that way. It’s just, I really can’t afford to lose my job right now.”

  Her lips parted, and her eyes closed as her forehead touched mine.

  “It’s okay, I probably would’ve done the same thing.” She opened her eyes, staring into mine, and I fell for her all over again.

  Her fingertips caressed my cheek, and then her lips grazed mine. I pulled her closer, deepening the kiss and running my fingers into her hair to grip the back of her head. I was swept away into the same pattern I always was with her. It was like she was my air. Maybe it was a little unhealthy, but I wasn’t going to change it. I needed her, and maybe deep down she needed me too.

  When I finally broke free of the kiss, I stared at her for a moment, relishing in the fact that she was mine. So what if she’d almost made me lose my job? I hadn’t, and truth be told, it was kind of hot that she wanted to assert her claim to me in front of everyone. No one else had ever cared enough to do anything like that before. My phone rang, and I jerked it out and answered it with a harsh hello. Whoever it was, they were ruining this moment with my girl and I didn’t really appreciate it.

  "Why did you hang up on me?" Nessa demanded.

  “I’m sorry, someone was wait
ing for me and I needed to hang up.” I wanted to again, but I knew my sister needed me more. “You still wanna talk about it?”

  Vanessa cleared her throat, trying to sound better than she was, but I knew my sister and she wasn’t okay. “It was lover girl, wasn’t it?” She teased, all the earlier emotion gone from her voice.

  I didn’t understand how she could just turn it off like that. Like it never existed. That’s something I’d never learned to do. Truth be told, I was a bit jealous of her ability to hide from her feelings.

  “Yeah.” I breathed.

  “I’ll call you later then, okay?”

  I gripped the phone tighter in my hand, motioning Bella to have a seat on the couch and wait for me.

  "You really love this one, don't you?" she asked.

  "I do."

  And I did. I loved her fiercely.

  “I’m glad. Call me later.”

  "Okay, okay," I said. "I'll talk to you later."

  I hung up and walked towards Bella, a smile creasing the corners of my lips. “Wanna play a game?” I gestured towards the PlayStation.

  “Sure.”

  I walked over to the game system, switching it on and grabbing two controllers. She grabbed one and kicked at the carpet before speaking.

  “So, what did Elise have to say when you got back?”

  “She said you took it too far,” I explained.

  Her eyebrows pinched together, and I knew we were about to fight. I was already exhausted from the entire day, but the wild look in her eyes told me she wouldn’t let me out of the conversation we were about to have.

  “I took it too far? What about all the things she did to you? She is the epitome of taking it too far.”

  I sighed, dropping the controller to the couch. “That is all in the past, let’s not rehash it. None of it even matters now.”

  She stood, tossed the controller to the couch and paced back and forth. “It does matter James. Everything that every single girl in your life has ever done to you matters. It has shaped you into who you are today.”

  I groaned and wiped at my tired eyes, gripping the back of my neck as my pulse quickened. I really didn’t want to do this right now.

  “Who exactly am I, Bella? Some helpless guy who can’t fight my own battles? I don’t need you to fight them for me. I’m a grown man. I can handle these things on my own.”

  Her nostrils flared as she glared at me. “Fuck you, James Winters.”

  With that, she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

  I grabbed my controller and dove into the game. I wasn’t going to chase after her this time because I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was tired of her trying to swoop in and play the heroine. Sometimes, I just needed to handle things on my own.

  I was distracted in my game. I had never lost so badly. I kept replaying the argument in my head, wondering how I could’ve done it differently, how I could’ve made her stay, instead of pushing her away. Damn it. I wasn't ready to lose her, but I couldn't just go over there.

  It always happened like this. One of us would get mad and then apologize, but this time I needed to not be the one to apologize. I was only standing up for myself the way she’d told me to.

  I finally chucked the controller and went to my room. I fell onto my bed and screamed into my pillow. This was beyond frustrating. I couldn't stop thinking about her, about how much I loved her.

  It was pathetic and stupid.

  I closed my eyes, begging sleep to come and take away this pain. As usual, the universe was out to get me, and I couldn't fall asleep.

  By the time my alarm blared, I’d only gotten thirty minutes of sleep. I didn't want to get into trouble with my boss again, so I stopped at a store on my way to work and grabbed a couple energy drinks, chugging them both down in a hurry.

  They gave me energy at first, but by lunch time I was crashing hard. I even managed to fall asleep at my desk twice.

  Quitting time rolled around and I ended up calling a taxi because I was too tired to walk home. I would’ve probably ended up asleep on a park bench again, and who knew what would happen then.

  I walked into my apartment, falling into the couch and telling myself I would just close my eyes for a few seconds.

  Next thing I knew, it was three am and I was wide awake. My stomach was growling, and I felt sick at the same time. I was so miserable I didn't want to move, so I just laid there, pouting like a small child on my couch. All I wanted to do was go to her house and take her in my arms, tell her how badly I missed her and wanted her back, but I couldn't because I had to stand up for myself. I hadn't done anything wrong.

  If that meant losing her, I’d just have to deal with it.

  I groaned and heaved myself up from the couch. I needed to get my mind off this crap.

  I rummaged through the cabinets, finding everything, but nothing I truly wanted, so I gave up. Crossing back to the couch, I flipped on my Xbox and pulled out a game.

  At least it would take my mind off her. I had three more game systems to go before I burned out and gave in.

  Then I thought about the time we played strip video games and I felt pathetic again. There was only one solution to this, but the problem was it was four in the morning and I had to be at work in three hours.

  I pulled myself together, taking an extra-long shower and heading to work an hour early. It gave me an excuse to hit the coffee shop Bella went to every morning when she walked me to work.

  Maybe I would run into her and she would apologize.

  Or maybe your weak ass will break down and do it for her.

  I walked into the coffee shop, peering around at all the customers before stepping up to the counter. When I looked up, I gasped.

  The guy behind the counter was the kind of guy that people like me stayed away from. He was the kind of guy who would shove your head into a toilet just because he could.

  I knew his kind, I’d encountered many like him in high school. "You seen Bella?" I said, trying not to cower beneath him.

  "Who is Bella? She your dog or something?" He ran his fingers through his hair and winked at a lady that sat alone at a table next to the counter.

  "No. She's my girlfriend. Every morning around this time, she comes here. She’s got brown hair, real pretty, and she’s Italian. Ring any bells?"

  "Nah. I like ‘em blonde. Ask me about a blonde girl and I can point her out to you. Besides, Italians are feisty little creatures and personally I like ‘em falling at my feet. Know what I mean?"

  God even his voice was annoying. What did girls see in this guy?

  "Mmmkay, well, I'd like an expresso to go, please," I said, slapping a five on the counter. "Keep the change."

  He fixed my expresso and I walked out, chuckling to myself.

  I made my way to my building and walked inside. By the time I got to my desk, the coffee had worn off and I was tired again. I tugged out my phone and typed a quick message before getting started on my work.

  Hey Tuck. We should have a bro night. I kind of need to blow off some steam.

  I put my phone away and clocked in. Today was going to be a long one.

  At lunch, I grabbed my phone and opened a text that had me squirming in my seat for the past hour. Unfortunately, it wasn't from Bella like I’d hoped.

  Sure, a text was lame, but at least it was something. I was starting to go crazy.

  Sorry man, I can't. Got plans with the lady... If you know what I mean.

  Of course he did. Because I was the only loser who wasn't getting any...again.

  "James!"

  I wanted to slap her. In fact, I could imagine the sound it would make when I did it.

  "What do you want Elise?" I swear I tried to keep the hatred from my voice, but I failed.

  "Listen. I ran into your sister yesterday and it turns out she really needs a babysitter, so I was hoping we could put this mess behind us and just be friends again," she said, waving her hands in the air to really sell it.

  I'm going
to murder my sister.

  "Yeah that would be great, except we were never friends in the first place," I said, equally as rude as before.

  She scoffed and held a hand up to her heart, an obviously fake gesture to implicate she was shocked. "We were friends. I just screwed up. Didn’t I tell you I was sorry? Cuz I'm real, real sorry. You're with her now, so I just have to get over that. You guys were meant for each other anyways. Who am I to stand in the way? Besides, I really like your nieces and I think they like me too." She whined.

  "Whatever, Elise. I could care less. Be best friends with Nessa for all I care. Just leave me out of it. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to work."

  "Thanks James." She leaned down and kissed my cheek and on instinct, I wiped it away with my sleeve.

  "Oh yeah. Sorry. My bad." Then she walked away.

  I really dodged a bullet with that one. Crazy pants for sure.

  It’d been a week since everything with Bella had happened. I’d admitted defeat, accepting things were well and truly over between us.

  I punched the button on the elevator in the apartment lobby and waited. When it dinged, I sulked inside and leaned against the cool walls, which were cooler than normal being mid-December. Since my skin was flushed from the walk home, I welcomed it.

  As the doors opened, I shuffled out, my head down until I got to my door. I pushed my way in, falling into a heap on the couch and letting my bag slide down my arm to hit the floor.

  I released a heavy sigh as I slammed my head into the couch over and over. I was one second away from going into a full-blown panic attack. Right on cue, my phone rang, and I groaned as I reached into my bag and pulled it out. Without looking at the caller ID, I put it to my ear.

  "What?" I said, ready to snap on whoever had disturbed my misery.

  "I miss you," Bella said, her soft, angelic voice making my heart speed up.

  I straightened, gripping the phone harder and looking at it to make sure it was really her. I stared down at her picture, bright on my phone, and mentally thanked the gods.

  "I miss you too," I admitted.

  "I'm so sorry James." I could hear noises in the background, but I couldn't make them out. “I’ve been really childish lately about things. I don’t even really know why I got so mad.”