Fragile Love

by Mack Black

  His eyes went wide. "Dude. Shit dude. I wish Bri would do stuff like this. No wonder you fucked up. Jesus. I didn't know Bella could be so damn hot."

  I yanked the phone from him and glared. "Can we stick to the point? " I slapped my hands hard on the table, stiffening. "Step up and be a man. That's all you can do.

  What's Bella think?" he asked.

  "Fuck, I don't know. She was screaming at me in Italian. I have no idea what she was saying."

  Tucker laughed and grabbed the mug in front of him, gulping down a large mouthful. "Aren't you supposed to be taking Italian classes?"

  "Yeah, but I guess they haven’t gotten to the words your girlfriend might yell at you," I said, pushing away my beer.

  "Did she seem angry?"

  "Yeah, but then she seemed better. Maybe she just needed time for it to sink in."

  "Where is she?" Tucker asked, finishing the last swig of his beer and filling his mug back up.

  "I don't know. She was gone when I woke up this morning. We didn't talk much last night after it happened," I said, pouring more beer into my glass mug. "We were both in our own heads, even when we went to bed."

  "Wait this happened last night? Why are you freaking out? I thought she already missed her period or something," he said, a smile etching his lips. "Listen man, don't worry about it right now. You got at least a month before you should worry. For all you know, she isn't even pregnant."

  "Whose pregnant?" Bri said, sliding into the seat next to Tucker.

  "Nobody," I said, shaking my head.

  "Well hello to you too, grumpy ass."

  "I'm sorry. Hi Bri! How was your day? Mine was shit," I said, faking enthusiasm.

  She rubbed noses with Tucker, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "If it's any consolation, my day was shit too," she offered, smiling at me.

  "Nice to know. Look I gotta go. Thanks for the talk Tuck." I stood up and dropped a twenty on the table before heading out the door. I knew I was being a dick and Bri didn't deserve it, but I needed to get the hell out of there before I got myself trashed and said or did something even stupider.

  When I made it home, I shut the door and slid down it, dropping my head in my hands.

  Then I heard the shower, so I walked to the bathroom. A small crack showed Bella scrubbing her skin to get the paint off. I couldn’t believe she’d come back, but I wouldn’t complain about it. Maybe things hadn’t gone to shit like I’d thought.

  "You gonna join me or just stand there and stare all day?" she called, peeking out behind the shower curtain.

  "I don't know if that's a good idea considering," I mumbled before I turned and went back to the living room.

  "Suit yourself then," she said.

  Not long after I sat on the couch, Bella trailed out and joined me. The smell of honeysuckles invaded my senses as she combed her fingers through her long, wet hair.

  "Look James, we don't need to worry yet. My mom always said don't borrow trouble. Everything is going to be fine." She forced me to look at her, assuring me we’d be okay.

  "How can you be so calm?" I asked, ringing my fingers through my hair. "It's all I can think about. We aren't ready for this. We've barely even begun a relationship."

  "Because despite everything, I know you. I know that no matter what happens, we will make it. Now come here and hold me. I've been dying to be in your arms all day."

  I took her in my arms, kissing the top of her head as I stared blankly at the TV, not paying attention, but at least it took my mind off being a dad.

  "This doesn't change anything," she whispered as her lips touched mine.

  "It changes everything," I said in a firm voice, knowing in my heart it did.

  "No, it doesn't. I still love you. I still want you. I still even want to have sex with you. Whatever happens, it's for a reason. We may not know that reason yet, but it's definitely for a reason." She crawled into my lap, resting her palms against my cheeks.

  "I still love you too. More than anything."

  "Then show me how much you love me," she whispered.

  I grasped her wet hair in my hands, pushing it to the side. My lips found the hollow of her neck and my hands held on to her waist, pressing her closer against me.

  "I love you." I ran soft kisses up the vein in her neck, stopping just below her ear. "I swear I do."

  "Everything is going to be okay."

  Somehow, I knew I had to believe her.

  I was rushing to finish dinner on time. My dad and sister would be here any minute and I’d focused on anything and everything except for the one thing that had consumed my mind the past two days.

  I couldn’t let Dad or Nessa find out, or else they’d know exactly how stupid I really was. So, I made sure the table was properly set and that everyone had two forks and a knife with their place setting. I welcomed my OCD because it kept my mind on other things.

  Bella had cooked a homemade lasagna and garlic bread for dinner and was whipping up a salad to start the meal. I told her not to go all out and cook a fancy meal, but she didn't listen to me.

  "James?" she asked.

  I whirled around and walked to the bar in the kitchen, looking at her. "Is it done?" I asked.

  "I've been thinking, you know about everything," she said.

  "Look Bella. No offense, but I seriously can't think about how I might be a father, not right before my dad and sister show up. Vanessa is like a leech and she won’t stop if she suspects something is wrong. Not until she finds out what it is.”

  "No, not that. About us. I'm thinking maybe it's time we take the next step." She looked up at me through her lashes and I grabbed the counter until my knuckles turned white. After a few seconds, I gave up resisting her and stepped around the bar, taking her in my arms. Then I kissed her until she was breathless. "What do you mean little flower? We've already taken the next step," I said, smiling at her.

  "We've known each other six years. It's not like we're jumping into anything new," she said, her arms wrapping around my neck.

  "I don't understand what you're saying."

  "I think we should move in together."

  Before I could even register her words, the doorbell rang.

  After a quick peck, I rushed to the door, her words fresh in my mind.

  Move in together. Why would you bring that up right before this important dinner?

  "Hi Dad, Nessa, Jace." I ushered them in. "Where are the girls?"

  "They’re with the sitter," Jace grumbled.

  "I take it everything isn't back to normal yet," I whispered to my sister as she passed me.

  "Shut up! Dad doesn't know, and I'd like to keep it that way," she mumbled.

  I nodded and pushed my way to the table.

  "Bella, so nice to see you again." Dad took her hand and kissed it.

  I rolled my eyes. My dad was so over the top sometimes.

  "Nice to see you, too." She turned and grabbed the salad bowl, dropping it in the middle of the table.

  “I hear you and James are a thing now.” He smirked. “I have to tell you, I kind of saw it coming."

  Bella laughed, pretending to be busy, but I could see the red tinge on her cheeks.

  "Shall we eat?" I jumped in.

  "Yeah,” Vanessa said, grabbing my arm. “First, though, can I talk to you in the other room, James?” The glare she gave dared me to say no.

  "Sure." As Vanessa dragged me away, I shot a reassuring smile over my shoulder to Bella. When we got to my room, I barely shut the door before Nessa hissed, "Don't fucking tell Dad anything, but Dateline called. They want us all to give interviews about Charlotte. I don't know if Dad is ready for all this yet, and I damn sure don't want him worrying about Jace and me too."

  "What?" I almost yelled, but somehow stopped myself. "Haven't they milked that story enough already?"

  "Keep it down. He’ll come in if he hears you.” Her lips pressed together, and her eyes narrowed as a frown set in.

  "Fuck! This is exactly what I nee
d right now. Everything is coming to shit on me." I instantly regretted my words. So much for keeping my mouth shut.

  "What does that mean James?" Her eyes widened, and her brows raised. I knew I’d never get out of this alive, not with that puppy dog face she’d mastered so well.

  "It means Bella and I have hit a few snags," I lied. It wasn't a complete lie at least. We had hit some snags. We were just past them now.

  "Like what?"

  "We've just been fighting a lot lately," I lied again. Technically we had been fighting, but nowhere near what I was making her believe. "I don't know if this is going to last like I want it to."

  Lies. Lies. Lies.

  "I'm sorry James. I really like her. Do we need to make a plan? I still owe you for helping me get Jace back all those years ago."

  "No Ness. I got this. It’s just this dinner, and now this interview…It just couldn’t have come at a worse time."

  "Well are you gonna do the interview?" she asked, pushing her hair back and tucking it behind her ear.

  "I don't know. I can't think about that right now. I gotta get back to my girlfriend before Dad charms her to death."

  Nessa laughed, rolling her eyes. When our conversation ended, I plastered a fake smile on my face as I made my way to the living room. To get through this dinner with our secrets still intact, I would have to fake a lot of smiles.

  It had never been easy for me to hold on to secrets, and right now I was full to the brim with them. Hopefully, they’d stay locked away where they were safe. Although, they had a tendency to pour out during stressful situations, such as this one.

  "So, dinner?" I said, gesturing toward the table. I took the seat opposite of where my sister had sat and grabbed my fork.

  "We've been waiting for you two to come out of your little hut," Dad said.

  "Secret? What secret?" I asked, my heart racing.

  Vanessa kicked me under the table, causing a howl to escape.

  "What's gotten into you tonight?" Dad asked, frowning at me. "Bella, did you give him weed or something?"

  Vanessa roared with laughter, earning herself a kick from me.

  "Xanax actually. Sorry, I didn't think it would make him act this weird. It's my fault. I told him I was accepting a job offer in Los Angeles and he started to hyperventilate. I didn't want you to see that, so I gave him the Xanax to calm down." Bella gave me a pointed look, and I choked on my food.

  This is the first I've heard about a job offer.

  "Sorry James," Bella added, running a hand across my back in a soothing motion.

  There was too much happening all at once and I couldn't take anymore. The walls were moving closer and closer, and my breathing sped up. It felt like my throat was closing. If I didn’t do something, I would have a full-on panic attack, or pass out.

  "You can't leave!" Jace said. "You're the only reason why…" he trailed off, a nervous twitch in his eye as he looked at Dad.

  "The reason why what?" Dad asked.

  That was the last thing I heard.

  Next thing I knew, I was on the floor with everyone crowded around me.

  "James? Baby?" Bella said, stroking my hair. She pulled me into her lap while everyone else backed away.

  "Los Angeles?" I croaked.

  "Is that why you passed out? God no. No. I said that to cover for you. It was obvious something was going on, so I made something up to explain your behavior. I shouldn't have said that. I know that's a trigger for you. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not going anywhere." Her fixed stare told me she meant what she said.

  "Fuck this day." I sighed.

  I stood and grasped my spinning head. My dad, sister, and Jace were standing in the corner arguing over whether they should leave or not because I was obviously not up to this dinner.

  "He's fine, everything is fine. Let’s go back to the table and eat our dinner." Vanessa tapped her foot, pointing to the table.

  I didn't understand why Nessa was so adamant about keeping everything a secret from Dad. He would eventually find out. Dateline would have to call him for an interview, too, so might as well give him a little notice.

  "James, I know something is going on. Why don’t you just tell me?" Dad pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

  "I'm sure you know they moved Charlotte's execution up," I said. Vanessa glared at me, but I didn’t let her stop me. "Dateline called Nessa and they want us to do interviews. Nessa didn't want you to know because she didn't want to hurt you, but that woman is still hurting us. Why are we still allowing her to win? I'm sick of it. I just want to move on and live my life with my girlfriend without Charlotte coming between us. Even from jail that bitch still manages to have a hold of our lives. I can't do the secrets anymore. We're a damn family and we shouldn't have secrets. We are all we have." A weight that had been crushing me evaporated as I sucked in a long breath and blew it out.

  "James, Charlotte doesn't have anything to do with my life," Vanessa sneered. She rolled her eyes and looked everywhere but at me.

  "Charlotte has everything to do with your life. The constant doubt inside you was planted by her.” I looked around the table to each person sitting there. “Someone please back me up here."

  "Sweet heart, James is right. You spent a year refusing to leave your house because you were afraid of her. You and Jace suffered so much more than we did. Also, Charlotte affects most of my choices, and to this day, your brother can't trust women. I still can't believe he is in a relationship.” He turned to Bella. “No offense dear. You seem like a great girl, but obviously it won’t go far since you’re leaving for a job."

  “I lied about moving. I was trying to cover for James. I’m sorry.”

  "You definitely fit in with my children." Dad laughed.

  After clearing the air, everything felt better. Since her execution was right around the corner, we’d be able to move on, to stop letting her take control of our lives, of our choices. We could be rid of her once and for all.

  A sense of peace wrapped around me—something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

  For so long, I expected my dad and my sister to give up on me because I’d given up on myself. I accepted I was a wreck and chose not to fight against it, but I realized they were here the whole time trying to help me fix what was broken inside. I just hadn’t seen it. This was my family and Charlotte had no control over that. My mother had no control of that. All the women in my life who’d let me down and lied to me had no control of that. I’d been so desperate for a mother's affection, I’d allowed women to use me as a pawn because I needed to feel loved. My choices were mine, and mine alone. Charlotte may have influenced some of them, but I’d always been the one who made them.

  I grabbed Bella and kissed her right in front of everyone. "I'd love it if we moved in together. I love you and I'll be damned if I let anything else get in the way. Even if you aren't pregnant, I still want this. I want you. I want us," I said, forgetting we weren’t the only people in the room.

  Bella's cheeks reddened, and her eyes were wide as saucers. I opened my mouth to respond, but I never got a chance.

  Vanessa’s mouth fell open. "Wait what? Jace pinch me because he just said—Oh my God. I'm freaking out right now." Her voice rose a few octaves.

  My dad stared right at me, but I couldn’t read his expression. I’d turned into a deer in headlights while I waited for him to say something, anything. I couldn't believe I’d just said that out loud, in front of everyone. To top it off, Bella hadn’t said anything, only gazed at me with tears in her eyes.

  The words poured out again as I met Bella’s gaze. I couldn't have stopped them if I tried. "For so long, I wanted what they had." I pointed to my sister and Jace. "I was so jealous of the love they had for each other, but now I realize I wouldn't trade any of what we have. I don't want you to ever think I’d cheat on you. I don't want to have to fight to be with you—"

  "James stop it!" My sister yelled, cutting me off. "Just stop! You can tell your own secrets, fi
ne, but you can't tell mine!"

  I turned towards Vanessa. "No more secrets, Ness. Secrets are what tore us apart last time."

  "He's right Less. No more secrets.” Jace’s gaze landed on Dad. “Something happened between your daughter and me. Because of it, we've been having some problems and the girls have been staying with a sitter off and on so we could work it out."

  "I see," Dad said. "So, this dinner, which we haven't touched by the way, has told me my son might be a father.” Dad ticked off his fingers as he continued. “The news is once again hounding us for a story. Also, my daughter and son, who I thought were happy, aren’t happy at all.” This is great." He faked a smile and walked towards the table to sit down. Without a word, he picked up his fork and ate. We each followed suit and sat down. Bella was quiet, and I wondered how angry she was at me for telling everyone everything. I'm pretty sure she hadn’t wanted to re-meet my father this way. We ate in silence, minus the sound of a throat clearing occasionally and the chewing food noises. Occasionally, a fork or spoon clanked against a plate.

  "Well there's one thing to celebrate, a silver lining if you will. My son is finally most definitely a man." Dad said, giving me a thumbs up.

  We all burst into laughter, and I was thankful my dad could still make a joke despite it all. He had to be taking this pretty hard, even if that joke was at my expense. He’d really loved Charlotte until he saw what a monster she was. Even after everything that happened, he’d seemed fine. I’d assumed he was, but I’d never stopped to think how this would affect him.

  I used to talk to my dad every single day, now he was lucky to get a call from me once a month, and when he reached out, I was usually busy and didn't bother to call him back. I hadn't really noticed just how far it had driven us apart. Until now.

  "James, mind if I talk to you by yourself for a few minutes?" Dad said as he wiped his mouth and pushed his plate forward. "Wonderful dinner by the way Bella. The lasagna was exquisite."

  I led Dad to the bedroom, the only place in the apartment that offered any privacy. Dad’s eyes searched the room before landing back on me.

  "Son, I'm not even gonna ask why you have cameras in your bedroom. I probably wouldn't understand anyways." He paused, glancing nervously back at the cameras. "I want you to know I'm proud of you for saying all that today. We all needed to hear it. I'm sorry my choices have affected you so deeply. I know you feel like I don't care very much, but I do. I just…I was giving you space because it was easier than admitting it’s my fault you’re so screwed up with women. First your mother and then my other wives, not even including Char because she just gets a category all on her own."