by Tara Sue Me
When they finished and Cole took her aside to speak privately, he once more asked her what she thought and if she would like to try. He didn’t act surprised her answer had changed, but it sure as hell shocked the shit out of her. She didn’t tell him with those words, but a look into his laughing eyes told he he knew her thoughts. He smiled and told her to write her thoughts in her journal because they would discuss soon.
He granted her leave for thirty minutes to talk with her friends, and only submissives, he added. At parties she could not speak to men, ever, regardless of whether he was a submissive or dominant, without Cole’s approval. Not that she had to worry, they were among friends and everyone knew his rules.
Sasha saw Dena sitting in the kitchen near her husband, Jeff. Dena looked angry enough to burn a hole through Jeff’s shirt with her eyes, but he appeared not to care.
“Here’s Sasha,” she heard him say. “I’ll get out of the way so she can sit and talk. I need to ask Daniel something.”
Sasha went over after he left, giving Dena a hug and letting her squeal over her ring. She took a seat next to the gorgeous blonde, wincing as her butt hit the hard chair. Dena shot her a look of understanding. “Do we need to move somewhere cushiony?”
“No, I’m fine here.” Sasha cocked an eyebrow. “Are you okay?”
Dena waved her hand. “Yes. Jeff’s just being Jeff. Normally, I’m okay with that, but when I’m expecting, he annoys me.”
Jeff and Dena had announced at the last group meeting they were expecting their second child. Sasha remembered how crazy overprotective he’d been when Dena was pregnant with their now eighteen-month-old daughter.
“I’m guessing he’s not more laid back the second time around?” Sasha asked.
“Laid back? Jeff?” Dena raised an eyebrow. “You have met my husband, right? The tall, dark sinfully good-looking man over there with the great ass just begging for you to take a bite? God, I need sex.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. “I will die if I don’t have it soon.” She cracked open one eye and glanced at Sasha. “Not really, but, oh my God I might.”
“How long do you have to abstain?”
“We don’t according to my OB/GYN. But my husband, Mr. You-Aren’t-Biting-My-Ass, says not until the second trimester.”
Sasha left Dena in Jeff’s hands when he returned from talking to Daniel. She had fifteen minutes until Cole expected her back at his side. Julie and Daniel had breezed by the kitchen five minutes ago. She walked in the direction they went, hoping to cross paths.
Her route took her past Cole’s office and as she approached, the sound of someone shuffling papers drew her attention. Was someone in there? She froze, wanting to know who it was before she either alerted Cole or confronted them herself.
“Here it is,” Cole said from inside the office. “Handwriting looks the same.”
“You’re right,” Fritz said. “I didn’t think it was. Hell, how long has it been?”
“Not long enough,” Cole replied and Sasha pictured him running his fingers through his hair.
“Since India?”
If Cole answered his question, she didn’t hear. India? What did that have to do with anything?
“First the journal and this arriving today. I must be in a shitty episode of This is Your Life.”
“Maybe it’s because you should have told Sasha before now.”
Her heart pounded. Told her what?
“Don’t. Not right now. Just don’t.”
Why did Cole sound so angry?
“How do you think she found you?” Fritz asked.
“Probably that fucking announcement mother had to get in the papers. Damn red stationary.”
Red stationary? Cole knew who sent the note and somehow they tied in with the journal and India. Her heart sank. Something Fritz thought Cole should tell her, but Cole refused. And got angry at the suggestion.
She crept back to the kitchen, trembling and no longer interested in finding Julie. Abby stood at the island and rushed to her side.
“Are you okay?” She asked guiding Sasha into a nearby chair away from the group. “Do you need some water?”
“No,” she said. “But if you have any idea what happened to Cole when he was in India, I’d love you forever.” She’d said it as a joke, but Abby’s eyebrows furrowed.
“Now that you mention it….”
Sasha sat up. Holy fuck! Did Abby know something? “What?”
“It’s nothing specific,” Abby said almost as an apology. “But the first time I met Cole, he’d recently returned from India and he looked sad. What did he say?” She paused, thinking. “It was something like: it was a beautiful place and he liked the people, but he didn’t think he’d ever return. I only remember it because of his voice and the pained look on his face. Do you know what happened?”
“No, but I’m sure as hell going to find out.”
8
The next day, she tried to put everything out of her mind as she went with Julie to try on wedding gowns. This was not their first time shopping, and the situation was getting dire. Julie and Daniel’s wedding was six months away. That amount of time cut down on the number of dresses Julie could order and expect to arrive in time. It wasn’t for lack of trying, Julie hadn’t been able to find anything she liked. Unfortunately, they were running out of places to look.
“It’s times like this,” Julie said, searching through the racks of yet another bridal salon. The store they were in was more of a wedding gown outlet, but several people had recommended it, praising the numerous gowns offered. “I wish my sister still worked for that designer.”
“Isn’t that the truth,” Sasha said. Things had been easier when her sister could mail whatever she wanted. With wedding gowns, though, Sasha doubted Julie wanted to shop by mail.
“There has to be something, somewhere I like. There has to be.” Julie frowned at the two gowns Sasha held up. “You know, if one of us would go all Bridezilla, I would have picked you over me.”
Sasha shoved the two gowns back on the Buy Today. Take Home Today rack. “Thanks?”
“I didn’t mean it negatively,” Julie tried to explain. “It’s just….”
"Never mind." Sasha eyed several gowns to get a feel for what she liked, promising herself she’d find one in half the time it took Julie. "You know Daniel wouldn’t care if you showed up wearing a burlap bag."
Julie raised an eyebrow. “Maybe, but I can’t even imagine what our wedding pictures would look like.”
"As long as you told him to wear one, it wouldn’t matter."
“And the rest of the wedding party? Would you wear a burlap bag to my wedding?”
“Hell, no. Have you lost your mind?” At her exclamation, Julie’s mouth dropped open in shock. Sasha waved a hand at her. “Please. You and I both know you would never wear a burlap bag to your own wedding even if the rest of the wedding party did.”
“True,” Julie said watching as Sasha studied and rejected a gown, putting it back without asking for an opinion. “Wait.” Julie pushed her out of the way and grabbed the rejected gown. “This one.”
Sasha eyed the bag clutched in Julie’s hands. “Are you sure? You tried the exact gown on when we went to those salons in New York.”
“No. That one had beading. This one has crystals. The one in New York had a gathered waistline, and this one is smoother.” She looked at the tag. “But it is the same designer so there are similarities. It’s my size. Come on, let’s try it on!”
Forty-five minutes later, they sat in a nearby coffee shop having a quick snack before heading back home. Julie was on the phone with Daniel and Sasha couldn’t tell who was happier she bought a gown.
“It’s perfect,” she gushed to her Dom and fiancé. “The woman in charge of alterations said she’d never seen an off the rack gown need so few modifications.”
They spoke for a few more minutes before saying goodbye. Julie beamed, Sasha thought. Just like every bride should.
“I couldn’t hear his words,” Sasha told her. “But I could hear his tone. I’m not sure he believed you at first.”
“He feared my inability to find a gown was an unrecognized anxiety over getting married. I hope I killed that theory.”
“Me, too.” Several of their BDSM group’s newer submissives had been whispering the same idea.
“Of course,” Julie continued, “it’s not like we’re finished shopping for gowns. You’re up next. I’m a little surprised you didn’t look at all today.”
“Today was all about you, but I looked a little. Imagining which style would flatter me the most. We have time though. Cole and I haven’t even discussed dates.”
“You haven’t? Why?”
Sasha shook her head. “He has an upcoming deadline that’s taking up a lot of his time.” She debated not saying anything else, but went for it since Julie was her closest girlfriend. “To be honest, ever since that dinner with Fritz and Kate, he’s been off.”
“Off how?”
“You know Fritz was Cole's mentor?” At Julie's nod, she continued. “He kept a journal about it and at dinner he gave it to Cole. He seemed surprised it even existed. Fritz mentioned him letting me read it or him reading it to me. But he hasn't. I can deal with him being distracted as long as he tells me what’s going on. But for him not to say anything, it’s like he’s keeping a secret. That hurts.”
Julie nodded.
Sasha continued. “Then before the party yesterday, we got a letter and the only thing it said was, All my best and it’s signed with an 'N'. I tried to talk to Cole but he wouldn’t discuss it. Later at the party, I overhear him and Fritz in his office talking. They know who it is, plus it has something to do with India. Fritz says Cole should tell me, but drops it when Cole gets angry.”
“Read that journal.”
Sasha bit her bottom lip. “How can I when Cole doesn’t want me to?”
Julie thought for a minute. “If Fritz was Cole’s mentor, it’s sort of like being his boss. And if Cole’s boss thinks you should read it, I think he’s giving you the authority you need.”
Sasha didn’t think Cole would agree, but it was an interesting way to look at things.
Later that evening, she looked across the table to where Cole sat. He picked at the rice and vegetables he’d cooked for dinner, but didn’t appear to be eating. He must have felt her staring at him because he turned his gaze from whatever had captured his attention to focus on her. She sat up straighter, not wanting him to notice anything out of the ordinary.
She cleared her throat. “Julie and I were talking today, Sir. She asked if we had decided on a date for our wedding yet and I told her we didn’t. What dates or months were you thinking?”
It wasn’t the question he’d thought she’d ask based on the way his eyes grew wide and how his fork stopped midway to his mouth. He recovered, finishing his bite. “I thought sometime late summer.”
She smiled. “After Daniel and Julie? Works for me.”
Typically, he would have laughed or given her a wink. Not tonight. Cole nodded and continued eating, falling silent once again. It was infuriating.
Finally, she couldn’t stand it for a second longer. “Is something wrong, Sir?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why do you ask?”
Seriously? she wanted to say. “You seem distant lately and I can’t remember you ever being like this before.”
He smiled and though it was his normal easygoing smile, it didn’t quite reach the rest of his face. She didn’t believe that smile for a minute. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest.
“I get the impression you don’t believe me.” His voice remained calm, but the set of his shoulders said otherwise.
Still, she had gone this far and saw no point in turning back now. Even if she upset Cole. “Very intuitive, Sir.”
“Are you talking back?”
“Not at all, Sir.” She took a deep breath as if doing so could somehow relieve the tension he carried. “But you’re correct. I think something’s wrong and it worries me you won’t talk about it.”
He watched her for a few long seconds before replying. “I never want to cause you stress and I’d thought not mentioning what was going on would shield you from that. However, it appears to have done the opposite instead. I’m sorry, little one. That was not my intent.”
She nodded and waited for him to continue. He would continue, wouldn’t he?
With a sigh, he did. “There are several issues I’m dealing with. One is an approaching deadline I fear I might miss and I’m working late so I don’t. The other main issue deals with my past. I don’t feel it’s the right time to discuss. I need you to let me determine the best way and time to bring it up.”
It sounded reasonable on one hand, but on the other, like a huge issue. It had to be major if it both bothered him and he asked for time before talking about it with her. What could it be?
“Sasha,” he said, before her imagination spun out of control. “I also mean you are not to dwell on it. Understood?”
“Yes, Sir.” Understanding what he was saying wasn’t the hard part. It was the actual doing that was the issue. Did she understand he didn’t want her dwelling on the issues he was going through? Yes. Did that mean she could do it? That remained to be seen, but she was doubtful.
They finished eating and chatted for the rest of the meal. For a short time, it almost felt as if there was nothing bothering them. Almost. But not quite.
Sasha went into the kitchen to clean up while Cole retreated to his office. It didn’t take her long to finish. Cole wasn’t a messy cook so she never had too much to clean after a meal. She loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the countertops.
She had to pass by his office to get to their bedroom. Her plan had been to take a quick shower before writing in her journal. It was a daily activity Cole had her do and though when she first started; she wrote in the morning, as time went on, she found she preferred writing her thoughts down at night. Cole didn’t mind one way or the other as long as she did it.
But as she walked closer, she had an idea. Undressing as quickly and as quietly as she could, she was naked in less than a minute. She stepped into the middle of his office and knelt with her head bowed.
She could tell when he noticed her only because his typing faltered for a quick moment. Then, just as quickly, he resumed. She feared he might say nothing and leave her kneeling all night.
It wasn’t long until he stopped typing and he didn’t push back from the desk. At least she didn’t think he did, there was no sound of a chair moving. Instead, the first thing she heard was him.
“Is there something I can help you with, little one?”
She looked up and met his gaze. “I thought perhaps I might offer you a distraction.”
She had rarely asked for sex. Typically, there was no need. But tonight she wanted to do something for him though it seemed like forever before he replied.
His voice held no emotion. Nor could she guess his mood off the neutral expression he wore. “Thank you for the offer, little one. If it were any other time, I’d love to oblige. But, if I'm going to meet this deadline, I need to work tonight.”
Her heart sank. He’d never turned her down before. Even though she knew it was silly, and he had a deadline, it still stung. She blinked back her tears.
"However," he continued. "I would be happy if you sat beside me."
He left the decision to her even though he could have commanded her. It wasn’t a hard decision to make. “I would like to stay here in the office with you, Sir.”
His smile conveyed his delight. “Thank you, little one.”
9
She woke up the next morning with one thought: She would read the journal. Looking back, spending the better part of the evening sitting in Cole’s office while he worked afforded her too much time to think. And thinking gave her what she needed to justify her actions.
Mainly, at dinner Cole didn’t fo
rbid her from reading the journal. He said he wasn’t discussing it yet. Two separate things. She could read all she wanted. She could not ask Cole about anything she read.
He’d told her last night as they prepared for bed he’d be leaving after breakfast to meet with Nathaniel, Jeff, and Daniel at the BDSM club Nathaniel was part owner of, for most of the morning. She nodded, hoping he didn’t pick up on her excitement he’d be out of the house.
As soon as his car pulled out of the driveway, she slipped into his office. Her hands shook as she opened desk drawers looking for the journal. It wasn’t there. Had he thrown it away or given it back Fritz? Fuck. She chewed a hangnail on her thumb and glanced around the office. Where else?
Her gaze landed on the bookshelves behind his desk and she smiled when she spied what she was after.
FROM THE FILES OF FRITZ BROSE
Client: Cole Johnson
Background: I was approached by Cole, a sophomore at the University, nine months ago because he was researching up for paper on the D/s lifestyle and I was one of the Doms he approached for an interview. I found him to be inquisitive, open-minded, and respectful.
Cole called me again last week as he could not get what he learned about the lifestyle out of his mind. He believes he might be a dominant and approached me for mentoring. I gave him the paperwork to fill out, knowing that if he was not interested, I wouldn’t hear from him again. He filled it out, however, and returned it. I was impressed by what I saw and we made an appointment for him to come and see me today.
Initial assessment: Cole arrived on time and as expected, approached our talk with the same respectful and open-mindedness I noted before. I discussed my plans, my curriculum, and what was expected. He asked a few questions and when our appointment ended, we’d scheduled a start date. I expect it won’t be long until he’s ready to work with a submissive.