by Tara Sue Me
His reprimand, no matter how harsh, was justified. Every word he’d spoken struck her like a dagger. She’d fucked up and now she had to handle the ramifications.
That was being a grown ass woman.
The next week would try her, but she planned to face it with all her strength. She’d view the coming days as a learning experience and take from them valuable lessons. After seven days passed, and she knelt in front of Cole, he’d be proud.
With the image of him praising her clear in her mind, she stood and prepared for the week ahead.
12
Three days into the week, Sasha didn’t know how she’d be able to last another four. The last three had been horrible. Cole might have spoken four words to her. The house was so still and quiet; she felt like she lived in a tomb. It had become so bad; she jumped at damn near every sound.
But the nights were the worst.
At night, in the darkness of the unfamiliar guest room, she battled her old enemy, insomnia. Then, with her defenses down, the misery, the fear, the self loathing she worked so hard to ignore during the day hit her at the same time. Unable to fight back, she’d bury her face in her pillow and sob.
As she prepared for her nightly battle, she grabbed the secret weapon she found earlier in the day. While sorting clothes and doing the laundry, she’d taken one of his white dress shirts and hid it in the guest room. Turning out the light, she lifted his shirt to her cheek. His scent clung to the fabric and if she closed her eyes, she could pretend…
She woke from a deep sleep and felt a presence in the room. Her breath caught in her chest before she recognized Cole. But her relief didn’t last long. Why was he in the guest room after making such a big deal about her not being with him this week? And he just stood there. Not moving. Not talking. It was freaky as hell.
“You’re awake,” he said, but she wasn’t able to tell if he stated the obvious or didn’t know.
She risked answering. “Yes, Sir.”
“I need to fuck and I’m tired of using my hand. I’m going to use you instead.”
Yes, finally! She hadn’t thought he could go all week without her. He wanted her back. Thank goodness.
“Before you get excited, this changes nothing.” He sounded distant. Not like her Cole at all. “You’re a hole for my cock. That’s all. You’re not to talk, moan, or make any noise. Stay still unless I tell you otherwise and you sure as hell better not come.”
Just that quickly, she was back to hopeless. He moved and the low light in the hallway revealed he was naked.
“Bend over, facing the bed. The last thing I want to see while I’m fucking is your face.”
It would have hurt less if he slapped her. She bit back the tears, refusing to let them fall. If this was all he wanted, this was what she’d give him. He might act like he believed the cold, harsh words, but his body couldn’t lie. Once he touched her, his fingers would speak of his love.
She shoved his shirt under her pillow and scrambled to get up and over the bed. He’d forbidden her from wearing clothes to bed and she’d assumed that hadn’t changed just because they weren’t sharing one. Stepping behind her without a word, he pushed her head deep into the bedcovers.
She waited, every breath anticipating his touch: the warmth of his palm cupping her breast, his lips teasing the line of her spine, and his knowledgeable fingertips along her inner thighs making her burn for him.
That wasn’t his plan for tonight. She braced herself as he pushed two fingers in her and cursed.
She wasn’t wet.
At all.
She heard him spit and his cock replaced his fingers at her entrance and pushed. Aware of his size, he’d never entered her without making sure she was ready. The pain of him taking her when she wasn’t aroused hurt more than she expected. She bit into the sheet, her body a massive knot of tension while his cock tried in vain to penetrate her.
He mumbled under his breath, pulled back, and spit again, ready to try once more. Her body couldn’t take it, he’d never be able to fuck her. But a chill ran down her spine. He could. He was stronger and able to both hold her down and force her at the same time.
She couldn’t be with this Cole. The one void of emotion. If he showed a hint of anything… maybe. But not like this.
He grabbed her hips and thrust inside.
She couldn’t breathe. “Red,” she gasped but not loud enough for him to hear. “Red,” she tried again. He didn’t stop. “Red!” She screamed and kicked, desperate to get away.
“Sasha.”
“Red!”
“I have you, little one. No one will hurt you.”
You are. She didn’t know if she said it in her mind or out loud.
“Oh, God. Sasha. Don’t. Please come back.”
Her eyes flew open. Where was she? Who was she with? She tried to take a deep breath to calm down, but all she did was choke. Another one. Just try. She inhaled and filled her lungs. That’s it. Big exhale. She exhaled with a whoosh. Good. Once more.
She realized with a start she wasn’t talking to herself, rather she was in someone’s lap and they were helping her calm down.
“Take another deep breath, little one.”
Cole?
She didn’t want to look at him and see the nothing face, but his voice differed from moments before. Unable to stop herself she lifted her head. His nothing face was gone. One filled with concern and sorrow in its place.
And he wore a tee-shirt and boxers.
She twisted to get a better look. “Cole?”
A tear ran down his cheek. “Yes, my love.”
He carried her back to their bedroom, where he put her on the bed and joined her, pulling her on his lap and covering her with blankets. For over an hour they stayed like that, not talking, not sleeping, just being.
As the dawn began at to peek in through the windows, he spoke.
“I need to tell you about her.”
Sasha nodded.
He spoke of himself, the university kid who wanted to learn about kink and the German Dom who would mentor him. He spoke of the first submissive he’d been with and how he became enamored with her. How after his mentorship and against the advice of his friend, Fritz, he continued to see that submissive, Neysa.
They hadn’t been dating long when he realized they’d never work, but he didn’t break up with her because he was looking for a job in the States. Before transferring to Oxford, he’d attended university in America and fell in love with both the country and her people. It had always been his plan to move back and he’d never kept that a secret.
Neysa was in graduate school, many of her family members lived in the UK, and she’d told him numerous times she had no interest in moving to America.
The day he told her he’d accepted a job in New York, she broke down and told him she was pregnant. He was shocked because they had discussed children in the past. She knew he didn’t want any. He accused her of purposely getting pregnant. She became inconsolable, begging him to help her, and that her parents would disown her.
“I should have handled the situation better and it pains me to admit this, but I told her to get an abortion, that I wasn’t staying in England and nothing and no one would stop me. I left her that night. Six weeks later, she sent me an email telling me she’d miscarried. I was already living in New York. We’d have been miserable if we stayed together. I’d resent her for making me give up my dreams and she’d resent me for not loving her. But even knowing that I should have handled it better.”
Sasha sat in stunned silence. Perhaps this was another nightmare and she’d wake up to find the Cole she knew, the man she’d fallen for.
Cole didn’t appear to notice how stiff and tense she was because he continued. “When I went to India after Kate and I broke up, Neysa was there visiting family. It wasn’t planned, neither one of us knew the other would be there.”
He paused and took a deep breath. “We had dinner together and ended up talking for hours. I was finally ab
le to apologize for my actions and words so many years ago. She admitted she’d skipped her birth control pills on purpose. It shouldn’t have happened. I should have stopped it, but we kissed and I took her back to my hotel room. We had an ugly fight the next morning because I thought she knew it was a one night thing. But she saw it as fate giving us another chance and told me no matter where I went she’d find me because we were meant to be together.
“That was the last I heard until the note arrived in the post the other day. I guess she saw our engagement announcement.”
So many emotions and questions were running through Sasha’s head, she had no idea what to say first. She pushed herself from him and decided to start at the beginning. “Let me make sure I have this right. You tell the woman you got pregnant to get an abortion and then you leave her and move to a different country? She sends you an email after a few weeks and you consider yourself lucky because she miscarried?”
“I never said I felt -”
“Don’t interrupt me!” Sasha’s body shook with rage. “Then years later, after a chance meeting, you fuck her and leave again? And now she knows where I live?”
Cole remained silent.
“Who are you?” She whispered. “If I got pregnant accidentally, would you leave me, too?”
She didn’t wait for him to answer. She climbed off the bed, taking the blanket with her.
“No, Sasha,” he called. “Wait. Where are you going?”
“Back to the guest room.” She turned to make sure he knew she was serious. “Suddenly, the idea of four more days without you doesn’t feel like a punishment.”
13
Julie raised her eyebrow at Sasha’s entrance the following day. Sasha held her hand up before her friend could ask a question. “Don’t ask, I’m not discussing.”
“I respect that,” Julie said. “But for the record, Bad Ass Sasha beats Mopey and Depressed Sasha hands down.”
“Thanks. I think.”
“And if Bad Ass Sasha would like to use her powers constructively, I have a few delinquent corporate accounts that need to be called.” Julie held up invoices.
Sasha grabbed them and headed toward the back. “On it.”
Julie had been out of the office the day before and missed Bad Ass Sasha’s debut, not that her business partner missed anything. Sasha had spent most of the day growling at anyone unfortunate enough to come in contact with her. At least today she could do something useful. Calling delinquent accounts hadn’t crossed her mind yesterday. Though that was probably for the best. No doubt she would’ve bitten the head off anybody she contacted and they would never do business with them again.
She’d finished three calls and was looking through the details of the fourth and last when Julie popped her head into the room.
“Someone’s here to see you.”
Julie would have told her if it was Cole. Thinking it was business related, she stepped into their main room and froze at the man standing and waiting.
“Fritz,” she said.
He smiled. “No Herr Brose today?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Doesn’t feel like a Herr Brose kind of day.”
“I’d like a few minutes to talk with you. Can we walk outside?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Did he send you?”
“No and he’d kick my ass into next week if he knew I was here. But he did fill me in.”
“I’ll give you five minutes.” She looked over her shoulder and told Julie, “I’ll be back in a few.”
They’d only taken a few steps when Fritz spoke. “I needed to come and apologize for my part in what happened between Cole and Neysa.”
“What?” She asked, because that made no sense.
“You, perhaps more so than many submissives, acutely know that Doms are not perfect. Did you ever read the letter Neysa sent me? The one in the white envelope?”
She shook her head. Truthfully, she’d forgotten about it.
“She sent it a few weeks after Cole left India. She was very straightforward and told me she’d forgiven Cole because she realized finally he wasn’t the right man for her and never would be. Instead she blamed me.”
“You?” Sasha stopped walking. “Why you of all people?”
He guided her to a deserted bench nearby, and they sat down. "Of the three of us, I was the one with the most lifestyle experience and I should have known better. I knew she wanted to settle down, and I knew Cole had no intention of remaining in the UK. I could see her point."
“I’m sorry, Sir, but that sounds like utter and complete horse shit. Are you also to blame because she decided to skip her pills? Are you to blame that Cole’s dream of living in the US blinded him to all responsibility?”
“No but -”
“There’s no but.” She interrupted him. “We’re not perfect people so we’re not going to do perfect things. But it's those imperfections that make us who we are. So maybe we should just agree to be imperfect together.”
Fritz tried to say something, but she stopped him because she'd suddenly remembered an important but untried truth she once spoke. “Sorry to keep interrupting, Sir, but I need to speak to someone urgently.”
Fritz’s eyes danced with merriment. “And when shall I tell Julie to expect you?”
“Tomorrow,” she answered with a laugh.
She found Cole sitting outside on their back deck, his favorite place to sit and think. Moving as quietly as possible, she sat at his feet and smiled when he cried her name in surprise because he wasn’t the only one with ninja skills.
He didn’t ask her any questions, so she spoke. “Remember when I told you I loved all your parts because they all made you who you are?” At his nod, she continued, “as much as I meant that when I said it, there’s no way it could have been true because I didn’t know all of your parts then. Even more, I didn’t dislike any of your parts at that time.”
His expression was guarded. “And now that you know of parts you dislike?”
She came to her knees and leaned forward, resting her hands on his. “I still mean it. All your past, even the parts I dislike, played a role in making who you are today. The you of today is different, you’ve learned and matured. Better than most, I’d add.”
He reached out and brushed her cheek with his fingertips. “If you happened to get pregnant unexpectedly, I would never leave or suggest you get an abortion. I’m not that selfish boy anymore.”
“And I’m not that girl.”
“No, you’re not. Do you know who you are?”
She climbed into his lap. “I’m your Sasha.”
He pulled her close. “You’re so much more.”
14
Sasha pretended as though she wasn’t anxious about Cole’s plans for the afternoon. Cole, me, and a cane. Nothing to worry over. She shook her head. What was I thinking when I agreed to this?
She knelt naked outside a spare room on their second floor that before today they’d used as storage. Three weeks had passed since the nightmare that still spooked her, but their relationship was stronger than ever.
The door to the room opened and Cole stepped into the hallway. His gaze fell on her. “I can hear your thoughts from the other room, little one,” he said. “Would you prefer not to do this?”
She debated telling him she’d changed her mind and could not go forward. But the truth was she wanted to do at least one scene like what she’d seen with Abby and Nathaniel.
“Trust me, little one,” he said. “You will enjoy this.” He held out his hand, and she took hold. His touch calmed her racing heart.
They walked in the room together and her jaw dropped at the changes since the last time she'd seen the room. He had removed the storage boxes. The low light of gleaming candles sparkled and danced along the shadows on the walls. Spicy lavender filled the air. And in the middle of it was a large massage table with numerous blankets and pillows piled nearby. How different from the cold and harsh setting of a discipline session. Her breathing came easier
.
Cole ran his hand down her back. “Okay to continue?”
“Yes,” she replied, wanting to see and experience more.
Knowing her the way he did, he let her stand for a few minutes, looking at everything, and settling. “When you're ready, you can get on the table, face down. Only when you’re ready. No need to rush.”
He would never push her too fast. Letting her approach new experiences at her pace proved how safe she was with him. It made her want to continue with the scene even more.
She moved to get on the table and it wasn't long before Cole stood behind her. He covered her body with warm towels and placed pillows around her, making sure she was comfortable. Soft music played from overhead. Even seeing Abby and Nathaniel’s scene had not prepared her for this.
Ever so gently, his hands rested on her shoulders. “Still okay?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Breathe,” he said.
She obeyed, inhaling deeply.
“Exhale.”
He matched his breathing to hers and the intensity of being still and breathing in unison together amazed her. Time slowed during those few minutes when all they did was breathe. His hands rested on her shoulders. Not doing anything. Proving with his touch he remained by her side.
His hands slid under the blankets and with gentle touches, he massaged her muscles. She wasn’t aware of when he removed the blankets, only that at some point they were gone. He worked out the tension in her back with a soothing touch allowing her to sink into the bliss of her surroundings.
She hummed in pleasure when the massage evolved to his fingers dancing like raindrops along her spine. The raindrops expanded, traveling across the expanse of her back. They would switch and go in another direction, she tried to anticipate their path and failed. She gave up and let herself go.
“Yes,” he said above her and the rain became heavier. Pounding her into the warmth and softness of the table. She sighed, delighted to learn how good rain felt. Over and over until the rain became a song and she the piano he played it on.