“Coffee, please.”
“That’s it? Nothing to eat?”
I shook my head. “Just coffee.”
She walked away and I stared out the window. The diner was on a main road bordered on both sides with stores and restaurants. You could probably find just about anything you wanted to eat on this strip—from Vietnamese and Japanese to American and Mexican.
The waitress returned with my coffee. “Here you go. Cream?”
“Yes, please. Double.”
She pulled four creamers out of her maroon apron pocket. “If you need anything else, just holler.”
I took a sip of my coffee. It was hot, just like I like it. That’s one thing I hate about the club. Its coffee is never hot. You would think a place that costs thousands of dollars to join and hundreds a month in fees could at least serve you hot coffee. Leave it to the diner and Lucy (that was the name on her pin) to serve the best coffee I had in a long time.
I was trying to figure out what went wrong with me and Jeremy. Was it me? Him? Both of us? Was I being too selfish in wanting to get a job? But he worked, so why couldn’t I? I remember what it was like when I worked and had my own money. I didn’t feel guilty about buying a new outfit or spending money on something I wanted but didn’t need. Jeremy has never denied me anything, but it felt good having my own money and being able to spend it on whatever I liked. I hated relying on him for money.
Most of the woman at the club had no problem with their husbands taking care of them, but I wanted to take care of myself. I wasn’t necessarily looking for a full-time job, but just something that would give me a little mad money and make me feel good inside.
I was swimming in my thoughts when a loud group of kids walked into the diner. They looked to be in their early twenties and I could tell they’d been drinking.
The waitress led them to the large corner booth and the six of them slid into the large curved seat. Listening to their laughter and banter and watching them be silly took me back to my college years. Jeremy and I along with our friends always ended up in a diner. We’d go to a club and usually about two in the morning we’d roll into a diner for coffee and breakfast.
I couldn’t help smiling, remembering those years before life became so complicated. How does that happen? One day you’re young and free and loving life and the next you’re pushing forty with kids, realizing some of the best years of your life are in the rear-view mirror.
“More coffee, hon?”
I nodded.
“You look like you were deep in thought,” the waitress said.
“Yeah. Guess you could say that.”
“Man troubles, huh?”
“What?”
“By the look on your face, must be a man’s on your mind.”
I sighed. “Yeah. Man troubles.”
“I was married once. Long time ago. Thank god I dumped him before he dragged me to hell along with him. He was in love with the bottle. Now he’s in jail. Too many DUIs.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I said.
The waitress waved her hand. “I’m not. He deserves to be in jail. Serves him right. He’s a loser. But now your man, I bet he’s not a loser.”
“Not really,” I said. “I mean, he’s not a drunk, except tonight he had too much to drink and made a total ass out of himself.”
She chuckled. “Done that plenty in my life.”
“But he’s a good provider,” I quickly added.
“By the size of the rock on your finger, I figured as much. Unless it’s one of those fake ones. Mary Lou, who works the early morning shift, she has a fake one. She thinks we all think it’s real, but we don’t. Why would she be working here if it was?”
I rubbed my diamond. “It’s not fake.”
“Figured as much. Someone as pretty as you wouldn’t have a fake ring. Any more coffee?”
I placed my hand over my cup. “No, thank you. Just the check.”
***
Jeremy
“This coffee tastes like gasoline,” I said.
“It’s hazelnut,” Tom said. “Sorry, it’s all I had.”
“Shut up and drink it,” Mike said.
“Why’s everyone pissed at me?”
“I’m pissed because you ruined my night,” Mike said. “By now I had hoped to be rolling in bed with Gina.”
“She rolls and she’s that pregnant?” I asked.
“It was a figure of speech. Of course she doesn’t roll. We mostly do cowgirl. I want her to be comfortable and…forget it. The last thing I want to be doing is talking to you about the various positions we have sex in.”
“I was sort of enjoying the conversation.”
“Fuck you, Jer,” Mike said. “Just drink the damn coffee.”
“You know it’s going to take more than coffee,” Tom said. “It’s going to take time."
I yawned. “I’m tired.”
“He’s already ruined our night,” Tom said. “How about if we just let him sleep it off? We can put him in the guest bedroom.”
“You’re probably right,” Mike said.
Tom ran his fingers through his hair. “You don’t have to stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Mike said. “We’re going to have a talk in the morning. Besides, Sue’s with Gina, so I might as well sleep here.”
“Don’t I get a say?” I asked.
“No!” Mike and Tom said.
Next thing I knew I was in a strange bed—alone.
***
Tess
I found Cassie asleep on the couch and the TV on. I nudged her. “Cassie, I’m home.”
She stirred. “What time is it?”
“Almost midnight.”
Cassie sat up and sighed. “Did you have fun?”
“It was OK.”
“Where’s Mr.?”
“I left him there.”
“Oh.”
I could tell by Cassie’s puzzled look she knew something was up, but I wasn’t about to go into details with my 17-year-old babysitter. “How were the kids?”
Cassie stood. “Great. We played John’s new video game and Katie and I made rubber band bracelets.”
I handed Cassie thirty bucks. “Thanks for watching them.”
“Anytime,” Cassie said. She held up the bills. “And thanks for this. There’s a new shirt I’ve been dying to get.”
I smiled. Oh to be young again, when the most important thing on your mind was buying the revealing shirt at the mall you knew your parents wouldn’t approve of—and wearing it under a sweatshirt you’d later remove.
Cassie left and I went to bed—and locked the door.
Chapter 6
Jeremy
Damn. I hadn’t felt this messed up in a long time. My hangover had a real attitude. It took me a few minutes to realize I wasn’t in my bed. Hell, I wasn’t even in my home. I sat up to try and get my bearings, but my head hurt even more when I moved. My throat felt like sandpaper. I needed something to drink and something for the pain. I stumbled downstairs.
“Look who finally decided to get up,” said Tom, looking up from reading the morning newspaper.
I held up my hand. “Don’t even say it. Just please get me something for this killer headache.”
Tom got up to get some pain pills.
“How about some coffee?” Mike said.
“I think I better stick with water.”
Mike got me a glass of water and I slowly lowered myself into a kitchen chair.
“So how big of an ass did I make of myself last night?” I asked.
“Pretty big,” Mike said.
“And Tess?”
“She’s pissed, Jer. Really pissed. You really fucked up last night.”
Tom returned with the pain pills. I swallowed them and emptied the glass of water Mike had gotten me. Tom filled it up again.
“How about eating something?” Tom asked. “You don’t want those pills to upset your stomach.”
I shook my head. “Just thinking about e
ating something makes me want to puke. Maybe a little later. How about laying it on me?”
“You want all of it?” Mike asked.
I nodded. “Might as well find out how deep the shit I’m in is.”
“It’s pretty deep,” Tom said.
Ten minutes later I had the cliff notes. How I blurted out all of the things Keith had privately shared with me about Kris and his sex life. How Tess and Kris left pissed off. How Keith was so pissed he wanted to slam me a good one.
I buried my head in my hands. “What do I do now?”
“For starters, I think you go see Kris and Keith and apologize,” Mike said. “And then you need to work things out with Tess.”
I took a gulp of water. “I’m not sure that’s possible.”
“Maybe you two need some time way—alone,” Tom said. “Capture what you lost.”
“I’m not sure she’d go. We haven’t gone away as a couple since we had the kids.”
“Sounds like you’re due then,” Mike said.
“Yeah, at least try,” Tom said. “Sometimes you need to look at the past to figure out what to do with the future.”
***
Tess
I was up before the kids, which is unusual on a weekend. But I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned all night, thinking about Jeremy and what a jerk he was. I couldn’t believe our marriage was such a mess.
I remembered our first big fight. He was in dental school and I was working. We had moved in together, thinking it’d be easier for both of us. It was—for him. But I felt like his maid, not his lover. I was always picking up after him. I did the grocery shopping and laundry and made all the meals. At first, I didn’t mind. In a way, it made me feel “grown-up.” But the more I did, the more he came to expect. And then I felt unappreciated. And when he partied the night away with his friends after taking his last final, while I sat at home with a celebration dinner that grew colder by the hour, I had had enough. That’s when the shit really hit the fan and I moved out.
It didn’t take him long to figure out what he’d lost, and I made him work hard to get it back. It occurred to me that life was perhaps repeating itself. I did everything—and I felt unappreciated. But the situation was different. I wasn’t his girlfriend; I was his wife and the mother of his children. And leaving him would mean disrupting the lives of our children and that was the last thing I wanted to do. But if I stayed, and nothing changed, I would be miserable. Unless we could fix our marriage—together.
“Mommy, are you all right?” asked Katie, bouncing into the kitchen.
“I’m fine, sweetie. Why’d you ask?”
Katie shrugged. “Just wondered. With you and Dad fighting and all.”
I took a sip of my coffee. “Sorry about that. Sometimes parents disagree and argue. Just like kids.”
Katie’s eyes widened. “But you argue a lot.”
“Well, sometimes parents argue a lot.”
“You’re not getting a divorce, are you?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Good, because Angela’s parents argued all the time and they got divorced and now she has a bedroom at her mom’s house and one at her dad’s house.”
“Come here.” I wrapped my arms around Katie and kissed her on the cheek. “Dad and I will try to work things out. I promise.”
Katie pulled away from me so she could look me in the eyes. “Pinky promise?”
“Pinky promise,” I said. “We’ll try.”
“Oh, almost forgot. Grandma called to see if you and John wanted to go to the movies and spend the night.”
Katie jumped up and down. “I do! I do!”
John walked in and yawned. “You do what?”
I looked at John. “Grandma wants to take you to see that new movie and said you could sleep over.”
John yawned again. “Cool. Definitely. Is she picking us up?”
“I told her I would drop you off. I’ll call her now and let her know it’s a go.”
***
Jeremy
Mike offered to take me home.
“Do you mind stopping by Keith’s?” I asked.
“Are you sure you want to do that first thing?”
I sighed. “Yeah. I need to apologize.”
By the time we arrived at Keith’s, it was already early afternoon. I knocked on the door and I heard his bulldog, Diesel, barking.
Keith opened the door. By the way his lips were mashed together and his eyes narrowed, I could tell he was still steaming.
“Can I come in?”
He stepped aside and waved me in.
“Kris,” Keith yelled. “Jer’s here.”
Kris walked into the living room, twisting a floral kitchen towel in her hands.
“Look guys,” I said. “I’m sorry about last night. I had too much to drink. It’s no excuse, I know.” I looked at Kris. “Sorry for being such a jerk.” I took a deep breath and looked down at the floor.
Kris shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. I know you were drunk. I was more mad at Keith for telling you about the chocolate hide-and-seek game.”
I looked at Keith. “And you have every right to be pissed at me. Go ahead.” I stuck out my left cheek. “Take a shot if it’d make you feel better.”
Keith waved his hand. “I’ve had nights where I drank too much too. But damn, Jer. What we talk about has to stay between us.”
Kris cleared her throat. “But, like we talked about, there are certain things that are off limits when it comes to discussions with your friends.”
“Look, guys,” I said, “I totally understand. I just hope you both give me a second chance. It’s no excuse, I know. But what’s been going on between me and Tess has me more messed up than I realized.”
“Then go home and fix it,” Kris said. “And if you want my advice, listen to your wife. Really listen. I think if you listen you’ll hear more than what’s being said.”
When I got back inside Mike’s car, he was on the phone with Gina. “I’ll be home soon. We’re leaving Keith’s now. Love you. Bye.”
Mike looked at me. “How’d it go?”
“Better than I thought. They were both pretty understanding, considering. I think Kris was more pissed at Keith than she was at me.”
Mike nodded. “Well, then. The next one on your list is Tess.”
I shook my head. “And that’s definitely not going to be as easy as this was.”
“You know what they say,” Mike said. “Anything worth having usually isn’t easy.”
“So Lisa wasn’t worth having?” I asked about his ex-wife.
“Things were different with Lisa,” Mike said. “Lisa and I were great friends. I thought that was enough. But it wasn’t. Lisa deserved more. She deserved to be loved like her husband loves her now. I just wasn’t the man for her. My heart always belonged to Gina. It was Lisa who helped me see that. But you, man. When Tess came into your life she turned it upside down. I never saw a woman, and you’ve had plenty, that had that kind of effect on you.”
I licked my lips. “You’re right. I thought I was going to marry Betsy. Remember her?”
A smile inched onto Mike’s face. “Do I ever. She was one hot chick.”
“True. She was. But she was more body than brains, which was fine when I was a freshman.”
“What ever happened to her anyway?”
“It was weird,” I said. “She just vanished. We broke up at the end of the school year and she never came back to college. I guess she transferred to another school. I never really found out. But it wasn’t long after that I met Tess. And that’s when I realized what real love was. I just don’t know how I let things get so out of control.”
By the time I got home, Tess and the kids were gone. There was a note on the kitchen table saying she was dropping the kids off at my parents’. I jumped in the shower. I couldn’t remember the last time Tess and I had taken a shower together. Damn I miss those times.
***
Tess
I
hugged John and Katie. “Be good for Grandma.”
“They’re always angels,” Diana said.
Too bad their father isn’t.
“When do you want me to pick them up tomorrow?”
“How about dinner? You and Jeremy come to dinner. I haven’t seen my son for a while anyway.”
Katie’s eyes darted to me.
I winked at Katie. “Dinner sounds great. See you around five then.”
On the drive home, I wondered if Jeremy would be there. I really didn’t want to face him, but I knew I had to. And, with the kids not around, I had the perfect opportunity.
It occurred to me wanting to go back to work was just part of the problem. If I were honest with myself, we’d been growing a part for a while. I realized we really didn’t have a lot of common interests. I had artistic interests. I enjoyed going to concerts and art museums and reading books. Jeremy was more outdoorsy. Given the choice between attending a concert or hiking, he’d choose hiking in the time it took him to smile. Over the years, I accepted his reluctance to attend concerts and do the other things I wanted to do. And instead of not going by myself, or with a girlfriend, I gave in and did the things he wanted to do. I realized I was resentful and mad at myself for giving in and mad at Jeremy for not wanting to do things that made me happy. How do you fix stuff like this? How do you fix something when the other person doesn’t think it needs fixing?
I was stopped at a red light near the entrance to the park. I glanced over and saw a young couple sitting on the bench. They faced each other and appeared to be in deep conversation. It reminded me of the first time Jeremy and I said the L word.
***
It had been a crisp December day and feathery snowflakes floated toward us as we sat on a bench outside Old Main. It was the week before finals and we weren’t going to see each other over Christmas break. He was spending his break in Florida with his grandparents and I was going home, hoping to pick up some hours at the department store where I had worked the previous summer.
Tess and Jeremy Page 4