The Christmas Ball

by Susan Macatee

  She really had no choice, but cringed inwardly as he cut the trousers. Once he’d finished, she looked up into his widened eyes. He knew.

  Chapter Three

  When Kirk finished cutting the trousers, he gasped. His face flushed at his discovery. Beneath the torn drawers he glimpsed female genitals. No wonder the private had been so reticent about being treated.

  “You’re a woman,” he whispered.

  The private held a finger to her lips and glanced around the tent. Seemingly satisfied no one else was in hearing distance, she said, “My name is Sara. Sara Brewster.”

  He nodded, trying to keep his features composed. He’d heard of women posing as males to serve as soldiers, but this was the first time he’d encountered one himself.

  “Promise you won’t report this,” she said.

  Frowning, he bent down to speak softly in her ear. “I can’t keep this a secret. You don’t belong in the army. This isn’t right.”

  “Please...they’ll send me home.” Her lips pursed.

  “Is that so bad?” He couldn’t imagine why she would rather be in the army than at home.

  “Yes,” she said. “It is.”

  He shook his head, then decided to take a different track. “Where are you from?”

  “I was raised on a farm near Harrisburg.”

  “That doesn’t sound so bad. Why don’t you want to go home?”

  A flash of pain shadowed her eyes. “Please, don’t ask me.”

  “But, I must report this.”

  She reached up and slipped her small hand into his. “Please, I’m begging you...”

  The other doctor and the nurses bustled about caring for other patients. No one took notice of him and the wounded soldier. “Allow me to treat your wound. We’ll worry about this situation later.”

  She bit her lip and nodded.

  He concentrated on the wound. The ball had gone clean through and hadn’t damaged the main artery. All he had to do was clean and bandage it. As long as infection didn’t set in, she’d be all right.

  As per her wishes, he didn’t allow any of the nurses near her. He’d treat her himself until she was stable enough to go back to her own tent.

  After he’d secured a clean bandage around her thigh, she placed her hand on his shirt sleeve. The softness of her touch caused his heart to trip. How could any woman live like this?

  “Thank you, Doctor. Please say you’ll keep my secret.” Her large, blue eyes focused on him, begging him to be truthful.

  “I won’t tell anyone. But I need to check on your wound each day to be sure there’s no infection.”

  “If you’d come to my tent, we’d be away from prying eyes.”

  He nodded, letting out a deep sigh. She looked so young and vulnerable. He wouldn’t betray her trust.

  ****

  That evening, Sara sat on a rock before a blazing fire, huddled in a blanket against the winter chill. Doctor Ellison had stopped by to check her wound and satisfied with what he found, told her he’d be by tomorrow.

  Having his eyes and hands on her now that he knew she was a woman, sent a thrill through her. But what must he see, a scrawny boy-shaped girl in soldier’s garb? He had women working around him every day. And she didn’t even know if he had a special girl back home. She did know he didn’t have a wife. At least that was something.

  Once she was back on duty, she’d try to find out as much as she could about Doctor Ellison.

  Several days later, she arrived at the hospital tent to relieve one of the other stewards. Dr. Ellison was on duty. She caught his gaze, but looked quickly away, her face heating at the knowledge shared between them.

  He cleared his throat. “Private, I could use your assistance.”

  “Yes, sir.” She glanced around the tent. A few women volunteers were helping some of the men write letters. It didn’t look like there was much work to do at this hour.

  Ellison’s lips curved into a smile. “I need help setting up the barn over yonder for incoming patients. We’re much too crowded in here.”

  “Yes, sir. Would you like me to round up more men to assist?”

  “No. You and I can do it. I want to see how many more patients we can comfortably fit. I don’t know if any of the men we have here now can be shipped to hospitals any time soon.”

  “All right. I’ll fetch a lantern so we can see our way around.” She located a lantern and lit it, then turned to find Ellison shrugging into his military coat. She faced him, her gaze focusing on his firm lips beneath his well-trimmed beard. She wondered how they would taste, but flushed at her indecent thoughts.

  A dark-haired nurse turned their way as they approached the tent entrance. “Doctor, will you be gone long?” She batted her long, dark lashes.

  “No, Miss Fletcher, but my relief should be coming in soon. I’ll be in the barn if you have any emergencies before Dr. Lynch comes.”

  “Of course. I’ll send one of the stewards to get you if I need you.” She smiled brightly, then returned to the letter she was writing for one of the soldiers.

  Sara gritted her teeth. Seemed to her all the young unattached women around here had designs on Dr. Ellison. Well, she really couldn’t blame them. One glance, one smile and she swore she’d melt into a puddle on the floor.

  She hefted the lantern, hoping the growing darkness outside would hide her blush. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she’d taken a cotton to him. He’d probably laugh at the very idea.

  After slipping through the tent flap, she waited for Ellison to join her. The barn he wanted to inspect was on the edge of camp, a perfect location for a temporary hospital.

  She led the way past rows of tents, and men gathered around open fires, trying to stay warm. A small knot of soldiers were singing Christmas carols. No doubt, it brought them memories of their homes and loved ones.

  Her senses tingled at the warm presence of the tall doctor beside her. As she picked her way over uneven ground and approached the doors of the barn, she caught his scent of wood smoke and sandalwood. Taking a deep breath, she tried to concentrate on the structure, but had trouble making it out in the lantern light. The full moon hid behind a cloud, so she couldn’t see the barn clearly, but she had seen it during daylight hours and knew the structure was painted white with a green roof and doors.

  “The barn’s completely cleared out?” she asked Ellison as they stopped just short of the doors.

  “Yes, the owners have moved temporarily. I suspect they won’t return until they get news the army’s pulled out.”

  She nodded and crept into the darkened barn. She held the lantern high, allowing them to survey the interior.

  Ellison moved ahead of her. “This will do nicely. We’ll start setting up cots tomorrow and bring half the men from the tent in here, and that will leave plenty of room for new casualties.”

  “You reckon there’ll be many more?”

  “Unless the Rebs pull out tomorrow.”

  Sara glanced up at his face. His brow creased in a frown and his eyelids drooped, giving him a haunted look. Her fingers itched to reach up and smooth his brow. Brush her hand over his inviting lips. But she didn’t dare. Flicking out her tongue to moisten her dry lips, she moved forward, taking stock of the length of the barn.

  “I think we’ve seen enough for tonight,” Ellison said.

  Thinking he meant they were returning to the tent, she turned toward the entrance. The doctor blocked her path, a smile on his face.

  She glanced between him and the open barn door. “Are we done here, sir?”

  “Miss Brewster,” he said. “I really brought you here so I could speak with you alone.”

  ****

  Kirk gazed at the full mouth he’d been longing to kiss. Ever since he’d discovered the soldier he’d thought of as a lad was in fact a young woman, he’d wanted to protect her and learn more about her background. He couldn’t talk freely when they were around others, so this was his only chance to learn who she really wa
s.

  Her lower lip trembled as she stared wide-eyed at him. “What do you need to speak to me about, sir?”

  He sighed. “I need to know why you disguise yourself as a man. It’s not a usual thing for a lovely young woman to do.”

  She glanced away. Had he embarrassed her by calling her lovely?

  “Here...” He took the lantern from her hand and set it on a crate. “Let’s sit down and have a talk.”

  He took her small hand and led her to a bale of hay, then sat opposite her. When their knees touched, she jerked away.

  “Are you afraid of me?” he asked.

  “Afraid?”

  He cleared his throat. “Afraid I’ll take advantage of you.”

  “Oh, no, sir.” She vigorously shook her head, sending her short curls bouncing. Clasping her hands in her lap, she glanced away.

  “I wouldn’t presume to touch you,” he reassured her. “I just want to talk.”

  Glancing back up at him, she frowned. “About what, sir?”

  His gaze roved over her, trying to gauge her feminine form beneath the male clothing. “About why you dress and pretend to be a man.”

  “Oh, that. I was pretending to be a man long before I joined the army.”

  “But why?” He couldn’t imagine why she would do that. And how did no one know?

  “My family’s poor. Dirt poor.” She shrugged as if that explained everything.

  When he didn’t reply, she went on. “I had to work to help support them, but all I could do as a woman was sew, take in laundry or hire out as a domestic.”

  “And you didn’t want to do that?” He folded his arms over his chest.

  “It doesn’t pay all that well.” She scowled. “I took some of my brother’s clothes, cut my hair and got a job as a canal worker. It paid real well.”

  “And your family didn’t object to you doing that?”

  “Why would they?” She shrugged. “The farm income wasn’t enough to support all of us. If I could make better money pretending to be a man, why would they care?”

  “But didn’t they fear you’d be injured?”

  She shook her head. “It was no more grueling than what my brothers and me already did around the farm. My mother did all the cooking and most of the cleaning. I worked alongside the boys.”

  Understanding dawned. So that was how Sara had come to this point. “But how’d you end up in the army?”

  “While I was working at the canal, a Union recruiter tried to get all of us to sign up. He told us we could make more money in the army. So, I took a gamble no one would realize I was a woman and signed up.”

  “Just like that.” His lips twitched at her matter-of-fact attitude. “Hard work is one thing, but to sign up as a soldier.”

  She shrugged again. Although she appeared small and frail in her uniform, he was sure she’d developed muscles on the farm and working as a male, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to hide her sex.

  She rose, rubbing her hands over her arms. “You won’t tell on me, will you? My parents depend on the money I send home.”

  He sighed. “Not if you don’t want me to, but I don’t think this is a wise idea. You could serve just as well as a civilian nurse.”

  She shook her head. “I wouldn’t make near enough money, and I like being a soldier.”

  He rose and settled his hand on her shoulder. “I won’t betray your trust, Sara...er, Miss Brewster. I promise.”

  Her sharp intake of breath sent his gaze to her face. Her full lips parted and a blush colored her cheeks. He ran his hand down her arm and took her hand. It was work-roughened, the nails broken, but small, making her seem vulnerable and frail. She’d had a hard life by her reckoning. He wanted to do something for her, to help lighten her workload.

  To his surprise, she lifted his hand to her face and kissed the back of it. The softness of her lips on his knuckles sent a shiver through him.

  “Miss Brewster,” he said. “This isn’t a good idea.”

  She drew in a deep breath. “Doc Ellison, I’ve longed to do this ever since I first set eyes on you.”

  She reached up and circled his nape with her hands, drawing his face to hers. Standing on her toes, she kissed him.

  He stiffened for a moment. This wasn’t right. But her sweet lips on his, sent his own tingling and he couldn’t resist her no matter how hard he tried. He wrapped his arms around her back, drawing her close.

  She murmured in satisfaction, her moans urging him on. He deepened the kiss, pressing his body against hers. Her lips parted to give him complete access to the velvety inside of her mouth.

  He hardened in response to the softness and scent of her body. His impulse was to undress her, so he could feast on her woman’s body under the male clothing. His breath hitched and he pulled away a bit.

  She reeled, her eyes opened wide. Apparently she’d been as affected by the kiss as he. He reached out to steady her, then his fingers grazed the buttons of her sack coat. She stood stock still, as he slowly loosened each button, then slid the coat over her slim shoulders. She shrugged out of it and let the garment drop to the ground behind her.

  Of their own accord, his fingers reached for the buttons of her shirt.

  ****

  Sara closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Doc Ellison’s kiss had scattered her senses. For months she’d dreamed of being in his arms. As he reached for the buttons on her shirt, her breath caught. His hands on her body thrilled her. She’d never felt like this before.

  After loosening the buttons, he opened the shirt and gazed at her bosom.

  She studied him, wondering what he was thinking. Did he like what he saw?

  He dropped his hands and half-turned away.

  “Please,” she gasped. “Don’t stop.”

  Turning back, his gaze roved over her. She tried to read his expression. Was that desire she saw, or disgust?

  “We should be going now,” he said. His gaze dropped to the hay strewn ground.

  “No!” Boldly she reached out and fingered the buttons of his coat. He didn’t move as she slowly undid them and parted the material. Her fingers tingled as they brushed over his shirt, feeling hardened muscle beneath.

  His breath hitched, but he gently pushed her away. “Miss Brewster, we mustn’t...”

  “Doc!” A shout from outside, startled her. She jerked away from the doctor and scanned the barn opening.

  “Yes,” Ellison called. He eyed her. “You’d best go.”

  She nodded, hurriedly fastening her buttons. One of the other stewards approached. His dark eyes slid from her to the doctor. “They don’t need me in the hospital tent, and told me to come on over and give you a hand.”

  Ellison glanced at Sara. “We’re about finished here. I was on my way back.”

  “All right, Doc,” the soldier said. “I’ll head back with you.”

  She swallowed, not sure she could find her voice. “Ah... I’m off duty, so I reckon I’ll head back to my tent.”

  Ellison reached up and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She caught his gaze, trying to gauge his thoughts. Would he have allowed her to undress him if they hadn’t been interrupted?

  “Goodnight, Private,” he said.

  “Goodnight, Doc.”

  At the barn entrance, Doc handed her the lantern. “You’ll need this to see your way back.”

  She gazed at the sky. The moon was full and bright. She’d have no trouble finding her way. “I’ll be fine, Doc. You take it.”

  He eyed her. “You’re sure?”

  “I can find my way with my eyes closed. Goodnight,” she said again, while nodding to the steward.

  As she made her way weaving around fire pits, she shoved her hands in her pockets, her brogans crunching against the hardened soil. Did Doc Ellison really care for her or had they just given in to lust now he knew she was a woman?

  She wanted to know how he truly felt.

  Chapter Four

&nbs
p; Once off duty for the night, Kirk declined an offer by one of his colleagues who’d suggested they have a drink by the open fire outside the tent.

  “I just wouldn’t be much company tonight,” he apologized.

  “Sleep well then.” The older doctor took his leave.

  Kirk retreated to his bunk at the rear of the hospital tent. He often slept there, partitioning off a space for privacy, so he’d be available if a patient needed him during the night. A few stewards were also on duty to attend any minor needs of the men while he slept.

  The scent of wood smoke, drifting in from outside, helped mask the smell of disinfectants and blood. Now that the battle was over, he should have no new casualties coming in, only men who succumbed to illness.

  He undressed down to his shirt and trousers, loosening his braces. He had to be presentable if he did get a summons during the night.

  Laying his head on his pillow, he sighed his frustration. How had he allowed things to go that far with Miss Brewster? And furthermore, he had to stop thinking of her as Miss Brewster. She was Private George Brewster. He’d sworn to keep her secret and wouldn’t go back on his word. But every time he saw her now, her lips and sweet scent enticed him.

  The other problem was, how could he protect her if she insisted on posing as a man, a soldier?

  His mind drifted back over the orders he’d received this morning. He was to report to Washington D.C. next week to serve as a surgeon in a military hospital.

  He rolled onto his stomach and punched a hand into his pillow. It would solve his dilemma by taking him out of reach of Miss Brewster, but now he knew she was a woman, how could he go without knowing what would become of her?

  He shifted to his back and threw his arm over his eyes. He rearranged his body on the narrow cot, so he lie on his side. Pushing his face into his pillow, he decided to wait until morning before he came to a final decision concerning Miss Brewster.

  ****

  Sara reported for hospital duty early the next morning, wondering how Dr. Ellison would act around her. Would he acknowledge that he loved and cared for her, or pretend it hadn’t happened? Her hands trembled and her breath hitched as she considered the possibilities.