by Luna Pierce
Will I ever be sure of whether or not what I’m doing is a mistake? I nearly cost Cameron his life, and I killed Silas. Yeah, he’s a vampire but what if he wasn’t? How could I live with myself knowing I did that?
I’m a monster. And Silas has figured that out.
Chapter Four
Seeming to sense the hurt in my voice, Silas immediately says, “Willow, I’m not scared of you in that way.”
“What then? I killed you. I snapped the bones in your body and watched you fall to the floor, lifeless. You’re worried I’ll use my powerful witch juju and kill you for real.” My voice shakes at every word.
“No, I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re strong as hell, but I’m not worried in that sense. I’m afraid of you killing me in another way… by breaking my heart.” He shifts and avoids eye contact.
Oh. I’m a fool, I really thought he was afraid of what I’m capable of doing with my magic. Never did I ever consider he’d feel this way.
“I don’t want to hurt you in any way, ever.”
He manages a weak smile. “I hate admitting any of this. I’ve never spoken to anyone in this capacity, and it’s… it’s all I can do to not run out the door.”
“Thank you for staying.”
“I’ve lived a long time, Willow. Never did I imagine I’d find you. And now that I have, the thought of losing you is almost too much to bear. I can’t picture a life without you in it.”
“I feel it, too.”
“I’ve never been so… vulnerable. And I’m not sure how to handle that. It’s like a sensory overload, nothing I’ve ever experienced.” He fidgets with his hands underneath the table.
I press mine to his shoulder, willing him to be at ease. “You can let your guard down with me. I’m sorry I left the way I did. I pushed you away and I’m sorry, but never will I ever hurt you on purpose. I promise you that, Silas.” I force the calming magic out of me without realizing it, noticing his face shifting in the process.
“How did you do that?” he asks suddenly.
I shrug. “It’s one of those things I can do. I’m sorry if it was out of line. I hate feeling you feel that way. I want the best for you.”
“That was incredible. I still have the thoughts of being afraid, but you got rid of the physical manifestation of it.” He beams. “You’re brilliant, truly.”
“You give me too much credit.” I nudge him.
“Okay, enough uncomfortable talk for the day. Let’s get to work.” He points at the book in front of me, dying to be read.
Hours go by with no progress. I pace around the room with the text in my hand, scanning the pages trying to make sense of the words. Sure, I unlocked it, but I have no idea how to read this old language. Everything is written in code—short snippets that don’t make any sense on their own.
I scan the page and flip to the next with no luck. Whoever wrote these was either a genius or a complete idiot. I can’t help but feel the latter trying to figure it out.
I snap the book shut and dust flies up and out.
“No luck?” Silas asks.
“It’s like someone’s playing a trick on me. I have no idea how to read this.” I hold out the book and toss it onto the table.
“You have to be patient with this kind of stuff. Trust me. I’ve been reading the same texts for decades and only rarely make any progress.”
Decades? How old is he?
“How have you not given up then?” I ask, hesitant to shine a light on my other nagging question.
“Determination, I suppose. What good does giving up do? Sure, I wouldn’t have to spend time reading and re-reading, but every so often I find something useful, and that makes it all worth the wait.” His eyes gleam.
For a second I think he’s talking about something other than reading old books.
“You’re right. I just found out I’m a witch, I should have some patience with the whole process.” I sit onto the table, putting my feet on my chair. “Will you tell me about you?”
“All business, remember?”
“Not about fate, about you, and being a vampire. No one has told me what it entails, and I don’t really want to make assumptions. Like if you turn into a bat or if I should avoid eating garlic around you or something. Everyone has given me info on a limited basis because of the energy thing, but I want to learn.”
He laughs a little, but his energy tells me he’s nervous. Vampirism must be a touchy subject.
“Neither of those things are true, although turning into a bat would be cool.”
At this, I giggle. “Oh wow. The infamous Silas Harlow thinks something is cool.”
He shakes his head. “You’re mocking me!”
“I’m not mocking you; I’m mocking everyone else for how they see you. They think you’re all tough and scary and anti-social. Speaking of which, what’s up with Sydney, why do you two hate each other so much?”
“Sydney… well… witches and vampires typically have a natural disposition against each other. He takes that rather seriously.”
“I don’t naturally despise you, must be a Sydney thing. What else? You’re super-fast and are clearly immortal.” And you’re beyond gorgeous and incredibly endearing when you want to be. I fold my arms over my chest and wait for his reply.
“You’re right with those two. I have increased speed and can live longer than humans, given I don’t take a stake to the heart.”
He doesn’t seem to want to give up any other information willingly.
“What do you… eat?” I ask the question I’m sure he’s trying to avoid.
“I can eat people food, but I need blood to survive.” He shifts. “Don’t get freaked out, though, I’m on a purely animal diet, so don’t worry about that.”
“And you can heal yourself?”
“Certain things are harder than others, but yeah, vampires heal at a much quicker rate than humans. Werewolves do, too.”
Werewolves. Deghan.
“Of course, you saw that I had powers, in the shadow realm. All supernatural beings have some kind of magic.”
“What about the sun?”
He snorts. “The sun does affect us, but not how it does in the movies. It burns but won’t kill us, not unless we’re in direct light for an extended period. We’ve evolved and taken precautions, though, to eliminate the pain where we can.”
“Is that it?” I can’t help but think he’s not telling me everything.
“Not exactly, but what’s the fun in knowing it all?”
“It would be nice to not be so damn clueless all the time.”
Silas’s face changes, and his shoulders stiffen. He focuses on something else for a second. “Someone is coming.”
Fear washes over me but is whooshed away seeing Deghan appear in the doorway, his sturdy, muscular frame filling the space.
“Hey, sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” he says. “But Remi and Kyra are going to have a coronary if you don’t get to their room ASAP.”
I glance to the clock by the door. Shit, I’m going to be late.
“Thanks, Deghan,” I say while stacking the books on the table. “I’ll be right there.”
“Cool, I’ll wait for you down the hall.” He winks and leaves.
“Where are you going?” Silas asks, not jealous but worried.
“There’s a party tonight. The girls invited me, basically said if I want to be friends with them again, I have to go. It’s the least I can do, considering what I did to them.” I study his face.
“Have fun, but be safe, okay?” His request is sincere.
I smile. “I’m sure you’ll be lurking in the shadows.”
“Is it that obvious?” He stands from the table and pushes in his chair, and then mine.
“Mmhmm.” I nudge him on the way out the door.
He stops in his path, and I turn back.
“You coming?” I ask.
“I’ll see you in a little bit. I’m going to hang here for a little longer.” He hesitates in th
e entryway to the room he was in by himself earlier.
Part of me wants to reach out and hug him, but I’m not sure if it’s too forward. He did kiss my face not too long ago. Not wanting to make the first move, I hold back.
His gaze settles over me, and a long moment passes. “I’ll find you.” And then he disappears into the room.
Disappointment weaves through me, and I fight it back, not sure why I expected anything else from the situation anyway. His absence becomes a dull ache at my core with each step away.
Deghan pulls me in and squeezes tightly. “Wills, you’ve been down here for hours. How did it go?”
“Uh, not the greatest. I unlocked some magical Oliver book, but have no idea how to read it, so that’s cool.” I allow him to guide me down the narrow hallway and into the normal library.
“It happens. You’d be surprised how long it takes people to find out about their lineage. Took me a while, and I haven’t learned much.” He takes my hand and leads me up the stairs.
“Your parents didn’t tell you?” I recall him mentioning his parents the time he told me why he’s never missed a sunset, but I don’t think he’s ever elaborated about them since then.
“Nope. I lost them both as a kid and was raised by my aunt and uncle. Found out about being a werewolf the hard way.”
“Oh, Deghan, I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks, Willow.” He firmly tightens his hand around mine. “Now, if you’re anything like me, you’ve got to be starving after spending all that time down there.”
The thought of food sends my stomach growling. “Absolutely.”
We enter the dining hall and head toward the food.
I decide on a grilled chicken sandwich, French fries, a tea, and dollop some honey mustard on my plate for dipping.
Deghan fills his tray with two large slices of pizza, a cheeseburger, and a salad. “It’s a wolf thing,” he whispers.
“I’d say so.” If I didn’t know any better, I would never assume Deghan had washboard abs hiding under his shirt. But he does, and boy are they chiseled to perfection. Even his biceps strain against the fabric of his sleeve, daring to burst through at any moment. Despite the hard surface, he’s so damn cozy, and every single embrace is like a pillow hugging my body.
“You’re totally judging me hardcore.” He laughs, setting his plate on a nearby table.
“Exact opposite,” I admit.
“Ooh, you think I’m dreamyyy.” He taps me with his elbow and then dangles his slice of pizza it in front of him and takes a bite.
“Don’t make me go eat with someone else.”
He clutches his chest with a partially full mouth and says, “You wouldn’t.”
“Don’t tempt me.” I dip a fry in sauce and shove it in my mouth. Unwrapping my sandwich, I realize I really am near starving.
We eat in a rush, not wanting to keep the girls waiting any longer, but not wanting to go through a pretty princess makeover on an empty stomach.
Deghan finishes my remaining fries, and once he’s done, he walks me to the south dorm.
The energy is fully different here than in the west and north wing. The amount of juice the supernaturals give off is a lot to get used to. The human dorms are so… normal. The only thing I pick up on here is hormonal young adults stressing over boys and homework.
“You’ll be there tonight?” I confirm.
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Deghan smiles and bumps my chin with his hand. “See you shortly, pretty lady.”
“You’re not pretty,” a voice in my head bellows.
What the hell was that? It sounded so similar to my voice but strained.
The door to the girl’s room bursts open, and Remi latches on to my arm, yanking me in with her. “About damn time. I really thought you were going to no-call, no-show.”
I rub the spot on my arm where she let go. “No, I got sidetracked at the library and had to eat first. You don’t want to deal with me hangry. But, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“Over there,” she demands. “Now, sit.”
Chapter Five
“There,” Kyra calls out. “You’re perfect.”
I stand, adjusting the skintight dark-gray tank top hugging my torso, and walk to the mirror.
My silver hair, in subtle beach waves, has that one lock of onyx weaved into a braid on the side. Black lines my eyes, and a hint of pink dusts my lids. I’ll never fail to be amazed at the work Remi and Kyra do. They should both consider careers in cosmetology or fashion.
Lillian seems pleased with her transformation, too. A dark-red top complements her well, her hair curled to precision.
“You look beautiful, Lills,” I say in a desperate attempt to warm her up to me.
“Thanks,” she replies bleakly.
In the few hours I’ve been in this room, the heartache at what I put them through has both been eased and intensified. Remi and Kyra are taking to my quality time with them, but Lillian is hesitant to welcome me back in. And I don’t blame her. I would be wary of one of my friends disappearing into thin air. It pains me to not be able to tell her the truth, but I understand that no matter how much I want to, I can’t.
Lillian hurts the most, though, considering how close we became in such a short amount of time. She was my rock, my constant, keeping me grounded when I wasn’t sure who I could count on. I left her hanging like a complete asshole. It’s no surprise she’s standoffish. With time, I hope she forgives me, at least enough to be my friend again.
“She’ll never forgive you,” that voice calls out.
My stomach sinks. What if it’s right?
Remi slides her arm under mine. “Ready?”
“Yep.” I force a smile and lean into her. “I missed you girls.”
“And we missed you, brat,” Kyra chimes in.
“I don’t care who changes your schedule, next time, they go through me,” Remi says.
We exit the room and head through the south dorm hallway, following each other down the stairs and into the center of the building.
I want to pull Lillian aside and talk to her alone, but it might not be the best time for it. Hopefully, I’ll get a chance at some point during the party.
Cameron and Ethan stroll toward us, Ethan immediately gawking at his girl.
“Lill, you look stunning.” He grabs her hand and twirls her in a circle.
Her face lights up, and it brings me joy to see her happy with him.
Cam’s eyes meet mine, and he grins, coming to my side. He leans in so only I can hear. “You’re killing me, Willow.”
“What did I do?”
“You know what you did,” he teases. “Have you seen you?”
“Oh hush,” I respond.
He turns to face me while continuing to walk backward, through the dining hall. “You’re absolutely beautiful.” He scans me up and down, but not in a demeaning way, more like admiration.
I return the exchange. His light-blue button-down shirt complements his that-much-bluer eyes. His smile grows while he watches me watch him. He runs a hand through his golden hair and flips his body to join me in going the correct way.
“You’re not so bad yourself.” I wink at him.
The group gains more and more people making our way through the doorway, out onto the oversized patio and onto the grounds behind the school.
Deghan and a few of his friends join in, and I can’t help but wonder where Sydney and Silas are. Silas is usually always close by, but I can’t locate the pressure of his stare quite yet.
“Sydney’s on his way,” Deghan tells me like he somehow read my mind.
“You don’t belong here,” the voice says.
I shake my head to rid myself of whatever nonsensical trick it’s playing.
“You all right,” Cam asks, his expression kind as always.
“Yeah.” I seize his arm and tug him to me. “This is nice.” I breathe him in, reeling in the clean citrusy aroma.
Arriving at the clearing, the guys
make quick work of the fire and then tap the keg someone somehow procured.
Cam gets me a water. “Under no circumstance will you drink from anything other than this bottle.” He rustles through his pocket and acquires a permanent marker, writing my name on the bottle. “Better safe than sorry. But if this bottle is ever out of your sight, you’re not to drink it. Okay?”
“Yes, sir,” I reply. “You’re on top of things tonight.”
“I heard what really happened, and no way in hell am I letting it happen again. Not on my watch, Miss Oliver.”
“So kind of you. Thank you, Cam.”
The music comes on, and a group forms near the source, bodies wiggling to the beat. It’s not long until Remi grasps my arm, peer pressuring me into the dance area.
I hook on to Deghan on the way.
Cam is already making his trek toward the group, my bottle of water in his back pocket for safekeeping. He really is one of the most thoughtful and considerate people I’ve ever encountered. And somehow, still, despite being almost killed by a demon and finding out your new best friend is a werewolf and the girl you have a crush on is a witch.
We’re dancing our little hearts out when I notice a shift in the energy.
Silas.
I keep dancing, taking Remi’s hand and twirling her around. If I don’t go to him, maybe he’ll come to me. But that’s a fat chance, considering how he never attends these types of things.
He told me his bloodlust was under control, but what if it’s not and that’s why he doesn’t come to parties, where booze is flowing and blood is pumping wildly through our veins? What if he wants to attend but can’t because of that?
The thought halts me, and I lock eyes with Cam, throwing my thumb toward the woods and mouthing, “I’m gonna pee.”
He points at himself and squints in response.