by Claire Adams
“Dad?” I repeated when he didn’t answer. I was seriously worried about his health.
“I’m fine,” he bit out.
“Dad, I’m so sorry.”
“Why wouldn’t you have told me before? Why now?”
I blinked back the tears that were welling in my eyes. I shrugged a shoulder, unable to speak.
“Liza, I don’t understand. This is all a little overwhelming. Have I ever made you feel as if you couldn’t come to me with the truth about anything?”
I shook my head, still not able to talk.
“Why now?”
“I had no choice.”
He took a deep breath and smiled at the waiter who had appeared at our table. Dad ordered for both of us while I sipped my wine. My dad hated scandals. It was why he had such strict rules for his players.
“This is probably not the best place to have this conversation. I think we can wait until we are home, in private.”
I nodded my head. “I’m sorry. I should have thought of that.”
He shrugged, pretending it was no big deal. I kept sipping my wine, praying I could get drunk before we had a private place to continue the topic.
We ate our dinners in relative peace. He talked about the game on Sunday. I nodded and did my best to get into the conversation, but I knew I had failed miserably. I just wanted to go home and forget the night had happened.
When I went to refill my wine, he stayed my hand. “You need to drive home.”
I nodded, knowing full well I had a bottle at home. I planned on busting it open the moment I walked through the door.
When we got into his car, he drove back to the sports complex in silence.
I practically jumped out when he pulled up next to my car.
“Liza,” he said, stopping me from fleeing.
“Yes?”
“This isn’t over. I want to know what happened. I’m glad you told me, but I’m very interested in hearing the details. I can tell there’s a story, but I won’t press you tonight. Go home, get some sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Fine,” I mumbled and shut the door.
I drove home, parked my car and then walked to Vanessa’s to pick up Ainsley. I wasn’t drunk, but I wasn’t going to risk getting pulled over or getting in an accident with Ainsley in the car and alcohol on my breath. That would basically mean handing my child over to Milo.
I knocked on Vanessa’s door.
“Uh-oh. That is not the face of a woman who had a great dinner.”
I gave a bit of a watery smile. “Not so much.”
She reached out and pulled me into her arms. “I’m so sorry. Come in. Ainsley’s watching SpongeBob.”
“I shouldn’t have told him in a public place. That was stupid. I don’t know why I ever thought that was a good idea.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “You couldn’t have known. I mean, in a way, a public place probably saved you from a complete outburst.”
I laughed. “So instead I got the horrified look and the lecture about embarrassing him in public and making a scene, which will all be followed up tomorrow with the complete outburst.”
“Seriously, he was mad?”
“I don’t really know. I think he was disappointed. His only question was why I didn’t tell him before. We didn’t get a chance to say anything else before the waiter appeared. Then it was all business as usual. When he dropped me off, he said we would talk about it later. I don’t know what that means.”
“Poor Milo,” Vanessa muttered.
“What do you mean, poor Milo?” I asked, a little irritated.
She looked at me like I was an idiot. “Your dad is going to kick his ass, literally and figuratively. If you didn’t tell him the whole story, your dad is going to assume the guy knocked you up, knew about it, then left you—and Ainsley.”
I could feel my face going pale.
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah, oh shit is right. You may want to warn the guy.”
“No. I don’t want to talk to him. He’s the one that forced me to do this,” I spat out.
The look she gave me was one I had bestowed on Ainsley a number of times.
“Liza, really? I don’t think this is his fault. I mean, yes, he is here, pressuring you to tell your secret, but maybe it shouldn’t have been a secret?”
I buried my face in my hands and shook my head back and forth.
“Why, why, why? Why did I make such stupid choices?”
“You were young, and you panicked. You thought you were all alone in the situation. I’m sure you did what you thought was best, and maybe it was at the time, but that time has changed. Ainsley has a father that wants to be a part of her life. Your dad will have to accept that, and so will you. It’s the best thing for her. Think of her life over the next fifteen years. All those father-daughter occasions. Having her daddy there beside her will make all those firsts very special,” she said gently.
“I know. I’ve thought about all that, which is why I’m agreeing to let him see her. I wanted to avoid it getting messy, but I think I stepped into a big pile of shit tonight,” I muttered.
That drew a laugh from her. “I don’t think it’s nearly as bad as you think. Go home, get some sleep and talk to your dad tomorrow after you’ve both had some time to think about it. You know damn well your dad has your back. It will all be fine.”
“Thank you. You are my best friend in the whole wide world,” I said, hugging her again.
She laughed. “I’m your only friend. It isn’t hard to be the best when there’s no competition.”
“Hey!”
“Ainsley, your mom is here!” she called out.
I grabbed Ainsley’s hand, and we walked the short distance home. She was absolutely oblivious to the turmoil unfolding around her. I was glad she had no idea. Her world was about to be changed in a big way. I knew she would be thrilled to have a daddy in her life. Deep down, that made me happy. I wanted her to have those experiences. I wasn’t sure I was quite ready to trust Milo to take care of her on an all-day trip to Disney World, but maybe one day.
For so long, she had been my sole responsibility. I dreaded relinquishing some of that responsibility, but also looked forward to sharing the burden. Having someone who could watch her at times and someone to be scared alongside me when she was sick, or to attend that first school function with me might be nice. My dad had done his best to fill in as her daddy, but it wasn’t fair to him or Ainsley. My dad raised his daughter. He shouldn’t have to play double duty as grandpa and pseudo-father.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Ainsley asked as I wiped away the tears silently streaming down my face.
“Nothing, sweetie. I just had something in my eye. Everything is fine. Let’s get you to bed. We have school tomorrow,” I told her, hoping I sounded completely normal.
Once she was in bed, I debated whether I should call Milo and warn him but decided against it. My dad was a professional. He wouldn’t let this interfere with his work. I knew there would be things said outside of practice, but hopefully, he would give me a chance to explain. I knew he was not going to be pleased to hear about what I did.
Chapter 18
Milo
My stomach is a jumble of nerves. Did she tell him? Would he bench me? I had no idea what to expect when I walked into practice for the day. Half of me hoped she didn’t tell him because I didn’t want to face the man. The other half told me to suck it up because the only way I got to move forward in getting that relationship with my daughter was facing the man.
It was a double-edged sword, but I was ready to fall on it if necessary. It wouldn’t be pleasant, but the reward would be worth it. I took a few deep breaths before climbing out of my car and walking towards the main entrance of the sports complex. Coach was already there. My stomach turned over, and I nearly puked right there in the parking lot.
I could do this. I was early. I was always early. The other coaches were already in the locker room.
“Pastek!” one
of them called out.
I gulped in air, waiting for the words. “Yeah?”
“Coach wants to see you in his office before you suit up.”
Shit. Fuck.
“Okay, thanks,” I mumbled, my mouth suddenly dry.
I put my bag in my locker, took a few deep breaths and with heavy feet dragged my ass into coach’s office.
“You wanted to see me?” I asked, trying to judge his mood by the way he was sitting at his desk.
I couldn’t tell if he was mad or happy. The man had a poker face. Years of having cameras on his face had taught him how to school his features. He never revealed what he was thinking or feeling. He was known for his cool demeanor under pressure.
He stood up and came around his desk. I stood there waiting for him to fire me or yell at me. Did she tell him? Did he know? I couldn’t tell by his expression, and the anticipation was driving me crazy. I didn’t have to wait for long.
The second his fist slammed into my left eye, I had my answer. The blow was stronger than I would have thought possible for an older guy. It knocked me backward and I landed on the couch pushed against the back wall.
I sat there, looking up at him, waiting for him to hit me again. I wouldn’t fight back. The man was protecting his daughter. I imagined I would do the same thing if I found out someone hurt my little girl, and I didn’t even know her yet.
He glared down at me and just when I thought he was going to hit me again, he reached out a hand. I stared at it like it was a snake ready to bite me. He shook it once, and I took it. He pulled me up, and I waited for him to hit me again.
“That’s for getting my daughter pregnant.”
I nodded. I had figured that part out.
“I won’t let you be a deadbeat. You’ve gotten away with it long enough. What kind of man gets a girl pregnant and then tells her he doesn’t want a baby and leaves her to do it all on her own?”
My mouth dropped open. That little bitch. She told her daddy a bullshit story. “I didn’t know.”
“What do you mean you didn’t know?”
I held up my hands. “I didn’t know until last week.”
He looked at me as if he didn’t believe me. “Bullshit.”
“Coach, I swear. I only figured it out when I saw her at your house. I had no idea I had a kid. None.”
He eyed me a little longer. “Did you try and find out?”
“What?”
“Obviously there was a chance she was pregnant. Did you try and find out?”
“No.”
He nodded his head as if he had just made a valuable point. “Coach, I don’t know how much she told you, but I’m guessing you can figure out the timeline. I was gone shortly after we graduated. I had no idea. None,” I reiterated.
“Bullshit.”
I wasn’t going to sit there and slander his daughter, but it pissed me off that she put the blame solely on my shoulders. That was the bullshit.
“I’m here now.”
“Don’t get testy with me young man. You should have been here four years ago.”
I opened my mouth to protest but gave up. It was no use. He was never going to hear my side of the story. I only risked making things worse.
“Did you need anything else, Coach?”
“No. This doesn’t change anything. You are my QB, and I won’t treat you any differently on the field. I expect you to handle your business and step up and be a man. I will not tolerate you shirking your responsibilities. You have a child. You damn well better do right by her,” he lectured.
I stared at him, wanting to rage and scream and tell him I was trying, but it was evident Liza already said her piece.
“Got it.”
“Don’t you dare hurt either one of my little girls or I will make your life a living hell,” he said in a low growl.
I didn’t say anything. No matter what I said, it would be wrong. Princess Liza could do no wrong. I had fucked up. Liza was an innocent victim that I had forced to sleep with me and then carry my child. I was the bad guy. It wasn’t anything I wasn’t used to. Being a foster kid in a home with ‘real kids’ usually meant I was the one to blame for anything that went wrong.
I turned and walked out of the office and quickly dressed down for practice. Coach could be mad. I knew the truth, and so did Liza. Ainsley may never know, and I doubted Coach Summers would know, but I didn’t care. I had a clear conscience, and I was going to do right by my daughter.
Luke came into the locker room and took one look at me before grinning. “What’d you do? Did you get caught with some dude’s wife?”
I smirked. “Nope, ran into a door.”
He chuckled and slapped my shoulder. “Good story. Stick with that.”
A few other guys decided to razz me about the quickly blackening eye. I could feel it swelling a bit and knew I was going to have a hell of a shiner by the end of the day. Coach was a lot stronger than he looked.
Practice was the normal, grueling workout. Coach didn’t single me out any more than he usually did. I kept expecting him to make me run suicides or give him a hundred pushups because he could, but he stuck to his word and didn’t appear to be holding the issue against me. I hoped we could maintain our professional relationship. Our personal relationship had been shot to hell.
After practice, I was getting dressed when Luke approached me. “Want to go to the beach?”
I grimaced. “I can’t today. I’ve got to go buy a new rig. This rental car is costing me a fortune, and there’s no reason to keep throwing money away.”
He shrugged a shoulder, and I could see the disappointment in his eyes. The kid was lonely. I recognized the look.
“You could tag along if you’d like. I could always use a second opinion. I don’t know shit about cars.”
His face lit up. “I’m an excellent negotiator. What are you looking for?”
I shrugged. I hadn’t even thought about what I wanted. I knew it needed to be safe. I planned on having Ainsley in my car one day, and I wanted to do everything I could to ensure she was protected.
Another big, full-face grin. “Perfect. A blank canvas. I know everything there is to know about cars,” he started bragging.
I groaned. I was in for a hell of an afternoon. We decided I would drive since I knew my way around the city. I headed for the big autoplex that sold new, luxury cars.
“Are you looking for a sports car? Like a Ferrari or Porsche? How about a Jag?”
I vehemently shook my head no. “I need something bigger. What’s the safest SUV on the road?”
He looked deep in thought for a bit. “Do you want something fancy like an Escalade?”
“I don’t care if it’s fancy. I’d like it to be comfortable, but most importantly I want it to be safe,” I reiterated.
He raised an eyebrow. “What do you plan on doing in this rig? Are you prone to accidents? Maybe I should have driven.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “No, but I want to make sure I don’t get jacked up if some dumbass blows a light and hits me or something like that.”
He nodded his head. “Let’s check out what they have. Don’t talk to the sales guy. Let me do the talking. First, I need to do a quick internet search. You don’t have any idea what you’re looking for?” he asked again.
I shook my head. “I know nothing about cars. I had a leased Tahoe or something before. It’s never been a big deal.”
It wasn’t more than five minutes before we were swarmed. Several salespeople along with other customers browsing the lot recognized me. Everyone had an opinion about what kind of vehicle I needed. It wasn’t long before local paparazzi figured out I was at the dealership. The joy of Twitter, I mused.
“Why don’t we go inside,” one of the salesmen said. “We can keep them out of the building, but not off the lot.”
I didn’t say it, but I knew he was more than happy to have them roaming his lot, taking pictures. It was all free advertisement. We sat down in a back office while he
pulled out various brochures outlining the features of each of the vehicles I was interested in.
I settled on a Land Rover after a lot of debate with Luke. He insisted it was an excellent choice, but the sales guy wanted me to go for the Lincoln. I ordered all the extras and arranged for the SUV to be delivered to the hotel at the end of the week.
Feeling accomplished, we drove back to the sports complex.
“Thank you, Luke. I seriously couldn’t have gotten through that without you. I hate doing that kind of stuff.”
“No problem. You got a nice rig. I can’t wait until my contract is up for renegotiation. I am going to get me one of those fancy sports cars. No family car for me,” he teased.
“Safety first, Luke; safety first,” I teased.
He rolled his eyes. “I’ll take my chances.”
“Can I buy you dinner?” I asked all of a sudden. I didn’t want to go back to the empty hotel.
He batted his eyelashes at me. “I thought you’d never asked,” he sang out in a forced falsetto.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. The kid was quite the character. We managed to get into a restaurant on our celebrity. It was nice to have someone to hang out with. We talked about our lives before the NFL and what we hoped to achieve once football was done with us.
I debated telling him about Ainsley but thought better of it. I wasn’t quite ready to share that secret yet. Once the world figured out I had a daughter, things were going to get crazy. I wanted this time alone with her so I could get to know her before we had to deal with the rest of the world. I would tell Luke first, but not yet.
Once back at the hotel, I took a hot shower. My eye looked like hell. Thankfully, it was just bruised. I grabbed some ice and lay back on the bed, thinking about what to do next. I still needed to get some kind of official paperwork started to protect my rights with Ainsley, but for now, I would take it easy. I would give Liza time to adjust and ease the little girl into the idea of having a daddy.
I smiled as I stared up at the ceiling. I had a little girl. It was one of those things I never knew I wanted until it was a reality. Now I was never letting go.