by Claire Adams
“I think you care too much. It’s starting to get to you.”
“He’s got you living in his house, taking care of his kids, making him dinner, and putting him to bed every single night.”
“So?” I asked.
“So, you just met him. Please, be logical. It’s not healthy, Zoe, and somebody’s got to say it.”
“It’s intense, but it’s not about how long we’ve known each other. It’s about how I feel.”
“That’s what sixteen-year-olds say. When relationships get this intense, this early, you run. Do you know what intensity turns into?”
“No, I don’t.” I pulled a crate of blueberries out of the cooler. “But I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
“I am, because you need to know. Eventually, those things will get the better of you. You guys will get too close. Then reality will set in, and you’ll find those little things that all couples fight about, and one of you will start to pull away. It will hurt the other one, and you’ll be stuck dealing with jealousy, even hostility. Maybe even violence. In the end, you’ll be ready to stab him. I’m trying to save you.”
“Violence? What makes you say that?”
“The incident with Mr. Beetle.”
“That’s the only time I’ve ever seen Archer get angry and violent, and he had good reason to be.”
“That anger is still a part of who he is. If he’s capable of losing control like that, then you’d better watch out. He might turn on you.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I poured the blueberries into a pot, then put the pot in the sink to fill it up with water.
“It’s scary is what it is. I know what’s going on. You might not talk about it much, but you’re starting to act like a mom to those boys.”
“So?”
“So, you’re not their mom. They didn’t come out of you. He probably just needs a replacement.”
I turned off the water. “I doubt that. He didn’t even want to tell me about the boys. He’s not using me to replace their mother.”
“He’s got you waking up in the middle of the night to take care of them. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how tired you’ve been.”
“I like helping.”
“And he likes you helping. Those boys are going to lure you into a relationship that you know nothing about. By the time things start to get ugly, it’ll be too late. You’ll already be too attached to them to leave.”
“All right, maybe I should take things a little slower than I have been, but I’m not going to write Archer off just because he has kids.”
“I agree. I’m not completely opposed to you being with him. I just don’t think it’s healthy for you to be spending so much time together. You have to set boundaries. If you don’t, you’ll slip into co-dependency, and I’m not about to watch you get into that situation. I’ll physically drag you out myself.”
“He did say that he wanted to spend the entire weekend alone with me.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. You’ve got to have some time to yourself.”
“You’re right.” I threw my hands up into the air. “I haven’t been thinking logically.”
“You’re blinded by your feelings, and you know better than I do just how dangerous that can be.”
“God,” I groaned, “I’ve been so stupid, and I’m so sorry for the way I’ve treated you, Chloe. I’ve been so mean.”
“I’m just glad you finally came around.” Chloe pulled a knife off the rack so she could cut the apples. I put the blueberries on the stove.
“I don’t even know what happened to their mother.”
“You didn’t ask?”
“No, it’s kind of a touchy subject.”
“That’s the kind of thing you need to know.” She finished one apple and moved on to another.
“I know. I know, but I didn’t want to upset him.”
“He probably has a complex about it. He’s trying to replace her. That’s why things are moving so quick.”
“You’ve already said that.”
“And I’ll keep saying it,” Chloe shot back. “At least until you start listening.”
I considered it. “He does mention how good I am with the kids all the time. And how he’s so glad I don’t mind being around them. And his nanny told me that the boys needed a woman’s touch. All those things keep coming up. You might be right.”
“I’m certain of it now. You need to step back and look at this rationally before you get into a bad situation and you end up getting hurt.”
We didn’t talk much about it after that. It was too unsettling. I’d already gotten so invested in this relationship, but now it felt like I’d been wrong to do that. I felt like I was being reckless. I needed to slow things down and make sure this whole situation with Archer wasn’t a huge mistake.
After work, I went out back to call Archer while Chloe finished cleaning.
“Hello?” he answered.
“Hey.” I was doing my best to avoid sounding distressed.
“Zoe. How are you, gorgeous?”
I could hear his smile through the phone. He was happy to hear from me. It was beautiful, but as hard as it was, I couldn’t allow myself to get caught up.
“I’m good,” I said. “But I’m tired.”
“Would you like me to make you dinner?”
“I don’t know. I think I’m going to head back to my place tonight.”
“Is something wrong?”
I hated the way he went from excited to disappointed. “No, I’m fine. I just want a quiet night to myself.”
“What about Mr. Beetle?”
“I haven’t heard anything from him. I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”
“Maybe you’re right. I’ve been thinking the same thing, but I don’t like taking the risk.”
“I can’t abandon my apartment.”
“You’re right. I’m going to miss sleeping next to you, though.”
I rested my head against the back wall. I was going to miss sleeping next to him, too. I wanted to tell him that I’d be right there. We’d have dinner together, make love, and fall asleep in each other’s arms. I could practically feel him wrapping his arms around me. But it was a trap, a beautiful, intoxicating trap. I couldn’t let myself get caught in it. “I’ll give you a call.”
There was a pause. I was certain that he’d picked up on my detached attitude. After a moment, he said, “I’ll be waiting by the phone.”
I walked back inside. Chloe was busy mopping under the sink. “I can’t stand these little dust bunnies. I want them gone.”
“I feel terrible,” I said.
“Why?” Chloe pushed the mop under the sink.
“He knows that I’m pulling away.”
“So?” She pulled the mop back and turned her attention to me.
“So, I don’t like doing this to him. He really cares about me.”
“This is healthy. You know it. I know it. What’s the problem?”
“I don’t like disappointing him.”
“You’re doing the right thing.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Archer
The dining hall was completely dark except for the light coming from my phone screen. A message popped up saying that the battery was critically low. I swiped it away and pulled up my message history. There were more than a dozen messages that I’d sent to Zoe. The first said, “Good morning.” I sent it the morning after she called me to tell me she would be staying at her apartment. I was hoping that we’d have a chance to talk for a little bit before she went to work, so I stayed in bed while I waited for her to respond.
I must’ve waited for more than fifteen minutes staring at the phone. I imagined what my face must’ve looked like. I started wide-eyed and innocent, with a drunken grin on my face. As the minutes passed, my grin fell, lower and lower, until it’d gone from neutral to depressed.
By the time I’d finished making my bed, I was convinced that Mr. Beet
le had gotten to her. I called Jo to do a quick drive by before she went into work. He messaged me saying that he saw her get in her car and drive to work.
She was ignoring me. The rest of the day, I stayed by the phone, glancing back at it every few minutes, trying to tell myself that she wasn’t pulling away, but I knew what she was doing the moment she told me that she was going to stay at her house. I just didn’t want to accept it.
Halfway through the day, I couldn’t help myself. I had to say something, so I called her. She ignored the call after the fourth ring. I wanted to throw my phone out the window. Instead, I took a deep breath and decided what I was going to do.
She probably just wanted some space. Things had been intense, and Rick was right, we were moving too fast. But it wasn’t like it had happened on purpose. I only wanted her to stay at my place so she would be safe. I wasn’t the kind of guy that clung to people right away.
I waited all of an hour to text her again. I told her to call me and that I was worried. I knew how it sounded. I was acting desperate, like I couldn’t live without her, but this was so sudden. There was no warning, no build up. We were in heaven, and now I was in hell.
I locked myself in my room that night and asked Mona to take the boys. I couldn’t face the trouble. I held onto my pillow all night, pretending that it was her. I was so used to having her sleep next to me. I told myself the next morning that it didn’t matter. I took a chance, and it didn’t work out. Halfway through the day, I started thinking about it again.
She could’ve just gotten caught up in things at the bakery. Her life was busy. She was probably swamped at work and too exhausted to call me. I texted her to say that I missed her. Then I set my phone down and kept it close by so I could answer her right away while I finished my paperwork.
I signed one page, flipped it over, and started reading another. I had to focus. I couldn’t allow her to interfere with my work life. I wasn’t a starry-eyed teenager any longer. I was a grown man, the architect of a billion-dollar empire. How could I possibly run a company if I couldn’t handle being away from Zoe for more than a few days at a time? I had to be disciplined. I was getting soft.
I glanced back at my phone. It was blank, but the purple light was flashing on the front. I had a message. I snatched it up, faster than I knew what I was doing, turned on the screen, and checked the message. It was spam. I shoved the phone in my desk drawer to get it out of my sight.
I had Mona stay over again that night, and the night after that. I must’ve sent Zoe thirty messages in two days. She didn’t respond to any of them. At some point, I had to stop, but that was harder than I’d expected. I tried to keep it down to two a day, but that didn’t work. It was more like five or six.
It’d been almost a week, and I couldn’t ignore the truth. We were supposed to spend the weekend together. It was supposed to be our time. Why would she do this? I put my phone away and walked out of the dining room to go to bed. I thrashed around, trying to calm myself and stave off the wave of depression that’d taken over. It was pathetic, but I couldn’t help it.
I finally started to calm down and felt myself drifting off. Then the sound of Abel shrieking sent me running down into the nursery. He punched at me and kicked his legs when I tried to pick him up. It got so bad that I had to hold him down just to keep him from falling out of my arms.
Andrew woke up as soon as I took Abel into the hall. I went back and forth until Mona walked in and saw me standing there, trying to wrestle Abel on the landing. He nearly slipped out of my arms when he saw Mona and tried to reach out to her.
“Just stop!”
“All right, all right.” She walked up the stairs to grab him. “Come here, little guy.” He stopped crying when she pulled him away. “They kept you up all night, didn’t they?”
“Yeah, they did, and I still haven’t heard from Zoe.”
“Oh.” She clicked her tongue. “I’m sorry to hear that. She was so nice, and she loved the boys.”
“I think I came on too strong.”
“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. What matters is that she’s got to make her own choice.”
“I know.” I leaned against the railing and stared down into the foyer. “I have to accept it.”
“But you don’t want to.” She walked inside to put Andrew to bed.
“No, I don’t,” I said when she came out. “I hate it.”
“Remember when this started, and I said that she might not be the one?”
“What are you getting at?”
“She pushed you into the dating pool. That’s a good thing.”
“I don’t want anyone else.”
“That will change. It might not feel like it now, but soon, you’ll be looking for somebody else.”
“I don’t think I can do this again. It’s getting to me. I can’t think when I’m at work. I can’t handle the boys because I’m too upset about her leaving. I spent two hours last night just staring at my phone.”
“I knew it’d be bad.”
“But you convinced me to do it anyway.”
“You know as well as I do that you’re not going to get anywhere in life without getting hurt a little.”
“I don’t like the idea of being alone this weekend. We were supposed to spend it together. I’ll take the boys.”
“No. I said I’m kidnapping them, and I meant it. You haven’t slept all night. If that happens again, they’ll have to put you in a straitjacket. Look at you. You’re a mess.”
“I’m going to get through this. It’s a minor upset is all.”
“That’s the right way to look at it. Focus on your work.” She slapped me on the back before I walked into the bathroom to get showered. I wiped the fog off of the mirror when I got out and stared at my reflection. My eyes were sagging, with half-moon circles below them, and there was a thick beard already growing on my face. It left a patchwork pattern down my neck that made me look like a hobo.
I needed to shave and get a haircut and take a nap. There were a lot of things I needed to do. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was too upset. I couldn’t let Zoe do that to me. No matter how much I cared about her, she wasn’t worth the stress I was putting myself through.
I felt like I was neglecting my work. It seemed like I spent more time in the warehouse than I did at the office. Angela was taking on more and more responsibility, and it was starting to take a toll on her. I wanted to go straight in to the office, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of being bombarded by phone calls. I took a detour to the warehouse to see Rick’s progress.
I poked my head into his office. “How’s the upgrade coming?”
“We’re making good time. The Palantir two-point-oh should be ready by the end of the month.”
“Any bugs?”
‘We’re still working them out. The coders are having some trouble with the heat sensors, but they’ve assured me that the problem is fixable.”
“Good, I want the Eye of Sans on every plane in the country.”
“The Eye of Sans?”
“You don’t like it?”
“No, I like Palantir better. What I’m more worried about is that fake enthusiasm of yours.”
I slumped against the wall. “Is it that obvious?”
“Your beard is ridiculous. I can tell by the way you look that you haven’t been sleeping. How long has it been?”
“How long has what been?”
“Since she broke up with you. I can smell it. I told you this wouldn’t go well, but you wouldn’t listen. You kept it up knowing damn well that this could happen. Why would you do that to yourself?”
“You’re right.” I threw up my hands. “Do you want a gold star?”
“No, I want you happy again.”
“You want me to be your wingman is what you want.”
“There ain’t nothing better than a fresh piece of ass to fix a broken heart.”
“I don’t want a fresh piece of ass. I’m not interested in getting with anyone n
ew right now.”
“You want to wallow in misery for a while. Is that it?”
“No, I just don’t think I could get into meeting someone new.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way once you meet the right girl.” He pointed his finger up in the air, looked at it, then back at me with a comical expression.
“Fine.”
“You mean it? You’re actually going to come out with me?”
“I don’t feel like I have any other choice.”
“Good. Now get back to work. You’ve probably got ten thousand messages by now.”
I checked my phone. “Just about. I’ll catch you later.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zoe
I woke up with the sun and began smoothing out my covers and tucked the ends under the mattress. I had a nickel already sitting on my nightstand. It bounced just like I knew it would. I didn’t take very long to get ready. I was anxious to get into work. I was starting the apricot streusel as a regular item. It was so popular that I couldn’t keep up with the orders.
Archer’s mechanics had tired of the orange and ginger snaps and moved onto the cherry chocolate chip. Chloe was already there, making a batch when I came in.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“No.”
“Why are here so early?”
“Things have been so hectic around here, what with all the orders; I thought I’d come in and get a head start.”
“I like this new attitude of yours.” I pulled out a can of cherries and started opening it for her.
“How have you been holding up?” she asked.
“Fine.” I took the lid off and popped a cherry in my mouth, then handed it to Chloe so she could do the same.
She took one and looked me up and down. “Are you lying?”
“Why would I lie?”
“Because you don’t want me to know that it sucks being away from Archer.”
“I’m not lying. I haven’t had any trouble, at all.”
Chloe poured the cherries into the mixer and grabbed a bag of cocoa power out from underneath the sink.
“I don’t buy it. You were so stuck on him before. What changed?”
“I took what you said to heart. I don’t want to get caught up in anything that intense. I have to focus on work. Once I’m successful, I can take more risks, but now’s not the time for that.”