by Claire Adams
“I wholeheartedly agree.” Chloe went back to baking while I started a pot of coffee and made a fresh batch of orange juice. Chloe had the idea of mixing corn syrup into it to take away some of acidic, freshly squeezed taste. It was working. The customers really liked it. We had six orders that morning, so much that the coffee was starting to get neglected.
After the morning rush, I took out a vat of blueberry syrup and started a batch of scone dough. I was starting to add the filling when the doorbell rang. Chloe was busy mixing up another batch of cherry chocolate chip cookies.
“I’ll get it,” I said.
Mona was standing in front of the donut case with Andrew and Abel sitting in a sling wrapped around her waist.
“Hi, how are you?” I asked.
“I’m doing well.” She walked over to the cookie case to get a look. “How are you?”
“Tired—a little richer.”
“I hope you don’t mind the intrusion. I’m having cookie withdrawals, and I thought the boys might like a little sun.” Andrew looked up at me when she walked over to the register where I was standing.
“I don’t mind, at all. I’m glad to see you.”
“You, too. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” She looked me dead on.
“It hasn’t been that long.” I grabbed a rag off the counter and turned my attention to a coffee stain next to the register.
“It’s been a while,” she repeated. “Is everything going okay?”
“Yeah, things have been good.”
“Archer’s been asking about you,” Mona said flatly.
I stopped what I was doing, suddenly aware of the blood rushing to my face. I wasn’t going to think about it. I had to focus on work. “Can I get you anything?”
“What is it, Zoe?”
I sighed and dropped the rag. “I don’t want to do this.”
“You didn’t want to leave him a week ago, either. What changed?”
“Is it that important?”
“You haven’t seen him. Haven’t talked to him. Haven’t returned any of his messages.”
That hurt. “I’ve got things to do.”
“And a man’s heart in your hands. Why’d you do it, Zoe? I don’t mean to push, but I have to know. He’s a good man, and he’s hurt. How many text messages did he send you?”
“Like sixty.”
“Why didn’t you answer him?”
“Because it’s too intense, okay? Things were moving too fast, and it started to worry me.”
“That’s because you both really cared about each other.”
“We needed time apart.”
“And that’s absolutely right, but you didn’t have to break his heart.”
“I feel terrible.” I kept my voice low. “I knew that he was hurting, but Mona, I was living with him, and I barely met him. That’s not healthy.”
“Tell me honestly. How do you feel?” She stared me down.
“I feel terrible. I want to curl up into a ball and hide. I don’t deserve him after what I did. I would’ve called him by now if it weren’t for the fact that I knew I wouldn’t be able to face him.”
“But you have to. You can’t give up. Zoe, I am more than twice your age, and I have never seen a connection like the two of you had. It was intense, and messy and frightening, but it was magical. You can’t give up on that.”
“But there’s so much I don’t understand.”
“Like what?”
“Where’s their mother? Why was there so much talk about me being good for the boys? Is he trying to replace her?”
Chloe walked into the lobby.
“I’ll be right back,” I told her. Mona and I went outside and took a seat on the bench together in front of the store.
“You want to know what happened?” she asked.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Why does it matter so much?”
“Because this isn’t just about me and Archer or our relationship. It’s about me and the way the boys are with me, and I’m starting to think he has a complex.”
“He does.”
“And that’s one of the biggest reasons I was worried. I’m not their mother, and it looks like he’s shopping for a mother, not a girlfriend.”
“It’s part of the package.”
“Talk to me, Mona.”
“I don’t know how he’ll feel about me telling you this.” She paused a moment, so she could gather her words. “Cara was his girlfriend for a year before she got pregnant. They hadn’t been together for very long, and they fought. He was finicky, and she was reckless, but they knew that they had to make it work for the boys even though it was clear that they weren’t a good match.” Mona looked down at the boys who were sleeping with their heads under their hands, leaning against her chest. She smiled. “I used to be Archer’s housekeeper before I started taking care of the boys. I remember Cara ordering me around, trying to get me to help her with the nursery. I didn’t like her very much, but it was inspiring seeing how dedicated she was to them. She would’ve been a great mother.”
“Would’ve…” I nodded. Now I knew.
“The complications started in the second trimester. I didn’t hear much about what it was. I didn’t want to stick my nose into it, but I did hear them talking one night. There was a good chance that Cara wouldn’t be able to survive if she carried the boys to full-term. Archer wanted to keep them. He wanted them so bad, and so did she, but as time went on, her health started to fail. She turned pale. Her eyes went blank, and she’d sit in the nursery staring at the walls all day. I won’t lie. I tried to talk to her about what she was going to do, but once these boys were inside her, she had her mind made up. I think watching her go was one of the hardest things that Archer had to do.”
“I don’t know what to think about this.”
“I don’t blame you. There is an expectation there. This has been very hard on Archer. He can’t take care of these boys all by himself, and when you combine that with the grief he’s had to deal with over the past year, it’s too much for one man to carry. Any woman that comes into Archer’s life would have to be judged on her ability to take care of the boys and be a mother to them. That’s not just because of what happened to Cara. He’s a father. Of course he needs to know that you’ll be good with the twins, and if you do stay in his life, you’d be a mother to them.”
“But I’m not their mother, and I don’t want to be made to feel like I have to live up to the same standard.”
“You’d do fine. I’ve seen you with them. I’m more worried about what will happen if Archer doesn’t have a woman in his life.”
“Why? That’s another thing. Everyone always says the boys need a woman’s touch.”
“Sure, they do. But Archer does, too. I don’t know how much he told you about his past, but things have been hard for him. His mother died when he was born, and his father raised him just like Archer’s doing with his boys. I used to know the man before he died, had a little fun.” Mona nudged my arm. “He was a strange creature. I couldn’t have him around for very long because one way or another, he’d find a bottle. When he did, he’d sit for hours crying about how hard it was being a single father, and how if it weren’t for Archer he’d have been married and happy. Joe never knew how to show affection to Archer. He never hugged the boy or told him that he loved him. Seeing them together was like watching a soldier talking to his commanding officer. It was sad. Archer told me that the man never used to drink, but that life started to drag him down, and he didn’t know how else to cope. Joe told me that it was because he was lonely, and he knew that something in his son was broken. Archer needed a mother, and he never had one. It’s made him stiff and finicky. He’s constantly worrying, and he doesn’t know how to show the boys affection the way he should.”
“I’ve never seen him like that.”
“No, and you won’t. You’ve got a woman’s touch. When Archer is with you, he comes alive. I’ve never seen him so happy. I think that in a way you�
��re filling the gap that was created when his mother died. I don’t think it’s a conscious thing. I don’t even think he knows that he’s any different because of his mother’s death. All I know is that you’ve made him whole.”
“This is so overwhelming. I don’t know if I want to take this risk.”
“But you care about him.”
“I do,” I conceded.
“I saw something in Joe. That’s why I let him come around as often as I did. He wasn’t a degenerate, or even a true alcoholic. He was a good man that’d been pushed past the breaking point. He spent his time worrying about Archer and working as much as he could just so they could get by. He told me that when Archer was in middle school, he had three jobs so he could save money to put Archer through college. Archer is the exact same way, and that scares me because I don’t want him to end up alone and drunk the way his father did. I want him to be happy, and you make him happy. Goddammit, girl.” She pointed a finger at me. “You think I’d come down here if I didn’t know for certain that you were making a big mistake?”
“No, I don’t.”
“He’s probably staring at his phone right now wondering why you haven’t called. You should see it. He’s a mess.”
“Is he?”
“What’d you expect?”
“Exactly that. Come on; I’ll give you two dozen cookies on the house.”
Mona hopped up off the bench and followed me inside. When she left, I took out my phone, careful to avoid Chloe, so I could call Archer. He ignored the call. I tried again, but he didn’t answer. He was probably too mad to talk to me, but I couldn’t give up. Mona was right. I had made a huge mistake. I decided to go visit him the second I got a chance.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Archer
I felt the sun hit my face and sat up right away. I pulled my phone off the nightstand to check the time. It was eleven in the morning. I couldn’t remember sleeping that late since I was a kid. I got up to make my bed and stopped halfway through. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I laid back down and grabbed my pillow. It smelled just like Zoe. I threw it against the wall and got up to shower.
I got out and wiped the fog off the mirror. I looked even worse than I did the day before. My hair was too long, and my eyes were bulging out of their dark sockets. I took my time shaving my beard and perfecting my sideburns. When I was done, I still looked terrible, but at least I was clean.
Rick called when I was putting my pants on.
“Hello,” I said, my voice low and trembling.
“You still all worked up over that girl? You’ve got to get it together.”
“How are you?”
“I’m itching for it. You still coming out with me tonight?”
“Yeah, I don’t have anything better to do. You’re not going to make me dance with a stripper again, are you?”
“What’s wrong with strippers? They know how to move.”
“I want a normal girl.”
“It’s a one-night stand, and don’t you forget that. I won’t have another repeat of last time. I’ll tell them you’re married.”
I laughed. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would.”
“All right, I’ll give you a call later. I’ve got things to do.” I hung up and walked to my closet to find a shirt. It didn’t matter what I wore. I’d end up changing in a few hours anyway. I pulled on a plain gray t-shirt and walked downstairs to pour myself a bowl of cereal.
I left my phone upstairs. I didn’t want to have to worry about whether or not Zoe was going to call again or what I was going to say to her. She called the day before when I was in my office going over paperwork. I jumped when I heard the sound of my phone ringing. I couldn’t believe it when I saw her name came up.
I reached out to press the talk button. It was finally over. I wouldn’t have to wonder about whether or not she was okay, or if she wanted to be with me. She did. But what if this happened again? I couldn’t expect her to stay forever, but she would stay. This could last for years, and if it did, I wouldn’t be able to recover when she finally left. I ignored the call and set my phone down. She called right back, so I shoved it into my desk drawer and went back to work. She texted me later that evening, but I knew that if I read what she’d have to say, she’d reel me in, and I’d just end getting hurt. I swiped the message away and ignored it.
Even if I did talk to her, I didn’t know what I would say to her. I made myself look like a desperate fool. I sent her sixty desperate messages. I didn’t like her knowing that she broke my heart. I never showed that side of myself to anyone, not like that.
I stared down at my cereal bowl while I pushed the flakes around. They were soggy, and the milk was warm, but I didn’t have anything else to do. This was the first time I’d had a whole day to myself in a long time. The house was empty, and most of the lights were off. Everything was quiet, so I was alone with my thoughts, and I didn’t like that.
I took a risk, and I got hurt. Now I was doing what I had to do to protect myself and the boys. If Zoe and I were going to keep walking away from each other, it was only a matter of time before things got ugly, and the boys needed somebody stable who would stay by their side no matter what. I couldn’t expect Zoe to do that.
I didn’t know why she walked away, but I knew that it was for the best. I just had to find a way to distract myself. I bought the antique couches in my living room because I didn’t want to encourage laziness. If I had nice, comfortable couches that I could sink into, I’d sit around all day and do nothing, but that also meant I couldn’t get comfortable when I sat down and turned on the TV.
I tried changing into my swimming trunks and hopping into the pool, but the water was too cold, so I got changed and pulled out my laptop, hoping to lose myself in some mindless browsing. There was a picture of Zoe playing with Andrew and Abel on the desktop. They were laying on their backs reaching up to her, and she was smiling down at them. I slammed the screen shut and checked the time on my phone. It was late enough that I could justify going up into my room to get ready, but I was still early.
I decided to let off some of the tension when I got into the shower. I turned the water on as hot as I could, letting the heat burn through my thoughts, washing away all of the regret and self-pity. It was a momentary distraction. Then, as my thoughts took a darker turn, it felt like I was punishing myself. I turned off the water and got out.
I wanted to call Zoe back. I almost did, but I knew that I’d just end up getting myself into trouble. If I didn’t want my heart broken, I was going to have to take Rick’s approach and find comfort in strangers. If I didn’t know the girl, she couldn’t break my heart. I could just get my rocks off and move on. It’d be easier that way.
I combed my hair to the side and added a spritz of cologne. Then I walked into the closet to look through my clothes. I didn’t want to stand out. I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing tonight. I’d sneak up next to a girl, charm her, get into her pants, then send her home as soon as we were done. It’d be easy.
I settled on a pair of tight jeans and a black button up, then called Rick to tell him I was ready. He said he’d come pick me up in an hour, which meant I’d have to sit around waiting for him to show up. I laid back down on my bed and closed my eyes. I could still smell her.
I wasn’t kidding anyone. I couldn’t go pick up some random woman and bring her back to the house. It wouldn’t work. I’d just end up feeling guilty for betraying Zoe. She wanted me, and I wanted her. Why were we torturing ourselves when we both wanted to be together?
I took my phone out and stared down at it. I could call her, but what would I say? I acted like a child. I texted her so much that I probably freaked her out. Then, when she finally came around, I got mad and ignored her call, like some petty fool throwing a temper tantrum.
She probably didn’t want to talk to me now. She hadn’t called me all day. This entire time I kept thinking that we’d get back together somehow, but if she wasn’t callin
g now, she wasn’t going to call. I had to accept that she wasn’t coming back.
I texted Rick to tell him that I wasn’t going. I was just going to make things worse. He called me, but I ignored it. He texted me to say I was an idiot and that he was coming anyway. I told him I was going to bed, and that’s exactly what I planned on doing when I heard the doorbell ring.
I sat up in bed, confused. Mona wouldn’t just show up at the house, and the cleaning staff was allowed to walk in and out as they pleased. Security took care of them. I threw myself off the bed and ran down to answer the door.
When I opened it, Zoe rushed in and hugged me. “I’m sorry.” Her cheeks were moist. “I’m so sorry, Archer. Please, I know you’re mad at me. I wouldn’t blame you if you turned me away. I didn’t want to do it. I just…”
“Just what?”
“I didn’t want to get too close and end up getting hurt.”
“I came on too strong.” I pulled away and turned around to walk back into the living room.
“No, you didn’t.” She came in and closed the door behind her. “It was everything. I was staying with you and taking care of the boys, and we just got together. I was worried that things were moving too fast.”
“What made you come back?” I needed to know that she had a good reason. I couldn’t deal with the uncertainty any longer.
Zoe took a seat on the couch, and I sat down across from her. “It was Mona.”
“Mona?”
“I didn’t know anything about the boys’ mother, and I was too afraid to ask because you never talked about it. I asked her, and she told me about how much it hurt you when she died, and how hard it was for you, and how your father had to go through the same thing. She said it turned him into an alcoholic and drove him crazy.”
“He died of cirrhosis of the liver.”
“Mona said it was because he was so lonely and he had to raise you by himself. I didn’t want that to happen to you.”