Larry was June’s boyfriend. I had met him once. They were perfect for each other as long as they each stayed clean.
“I have the dog,” I said. “I’ll take care of her. Gives me a reason to see Milo.”
“Why would you need a reason?” she asked.
“You’re busy all the time,” I said. “June does what she wants. I have no ties to that kid. Yet I care about him.”
April hung her head. “Oh, Brice. I’m sorry then. I’m trying to understand all of this as much as you are. I promise you, you’ll always have a place in his life. He loves you. He doesn’t get anything happening right now, but when it comes time to get it, he’ll need everyone who loves him around.”
“I can’t promise where I’ll be, April, but I promise I’ll be there for him. I’m sorry for the situation that was created. Whoever created it. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she said.
“And if you were in debt… I could have helped.”
“No, that’s fine. It’s not your job to help me, Brice. I’m taking care of myself now. And working so much does two things. It lets me get ahead on things for the first time in a while. And it allows me to get ready for if June messes up.”
“April, do you want her to mess up?” I asked.
April’s eyes glossed over. “No. And I hate myself for that. I’m so tired of always being the better person.”
“Don’t change who you are,” I said. “That means nothing coming from me though. You’re a better person and always will be.”
April opened her mouth, but the front door opened.
“Sorry I’m late,” June announced.
I turned, ready to unleash on her.
But she stood there looking like a mess. Wearing an apron and a white shirt with some diner logo on her left breast. She was sweaty and looked tired. Her hair was matted back and greasy.
“Long shift?” April asked.
“That fucking guy,” June said. “Michael. I told him I had to leave on time. What does he do? He sits three tables for me and tells me if I leave, I’m fired.”
“You were working?” I asked.
“Yes,” June said.
“You want a glass of water or something?” April asked.
“Please.”
“Here,” I said. “April, why don’t you go with Milo and Honey for a minute. Let me talk to June. Just to catch up.”
There were a few awkward seconds of silence as April left the house to myself and June.
I nodded and led the way to the kitchen and got her a glass of water.
“You really know your way around here,” she said in a snippy voice.
“That’s because I slept with April on the counter where you’re leaning,” I said.
“What?” June yelled.
I laughed and gave her the glass of water. Then I did something bold. And dangerous. I touched her face with my hands. Like I had done so many times before.
She melted in my hands, her blue eyes wide, ripe with desire.
“We were fucking crazy together, June,” I whispered. “I’ll never regret what we had together. I won’t talk about anything that went wrong. But I will tell you this… you have to take care of Milo the right way. And you have to appreciate your sister. I know you two grew up in opposite ways. Maybe she was the favorite. Oh well. You’re both adults now. And whether you like it or not, you’re both parenting Milo.”
“I’m with someone, Brice. I can’t do this.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to kiss you. I’m not going to turn you around and have you right here in your sister’s kitchen. I just want your full attention. Don’t ruin this, June. Your sister’s heart is shattered right now. And she’s fighting for you. I’ll be anything you both need me to be for Milo, but it’s on you now. I don’t love you anymore, June. I never wanted to marry you. But I’m happy you got yourself the help you needed.”
I backed away and watched as she sipped the water.
We didn’t speak another word.
I walked out to the porch and watched as Milo and April played with Honey. Milo was desperate to teach Honey how to play fetch. All the puppy wanted to do was either run away with the stick or try and chew the thing up as though it were a treat.
April and I made eye contact and I gave a nod.
She nodded back, shrugging her shoulders.
In some way, we were all lost. Just wandering around, waiting for the next step to show itself.
That was the way I always lived my life.
That was the way I would continue to live my life.
I slid a beer down to Danny as I topped off a glass of whiskey for Paul. My days were numbered at the bar, but I was the only one who knew that. I had no idea when my last would be, but when it came, it would piss off Lucky because I didn’t plan on giving any kind of notice.
As far as my place went, I could either sell it, rent it, or just save it for myself when I needed somewhere to stay. I knew that no matter how hard I tried to get away from this area, it would be impossible. The history of myself and Kinsley was just twenty minutes away. And then everything that happened recently with her. The reminder in my heart that love was possible. Even if I had to now toss a heavy heart over my shoulder once again and keep walking forward.
I felt a hand slam to my shoulder so hard that I turned, ready to throw a punch.
It was Lucky.
The old man was grinning big.
“You’re happy,” I said.
“Just enjoying tonight,” he said in his signature rough voice.
“You got laid,” I said. “And now I’m going to throw up because I said that.”
“I’m not saying a word.”
My eyes scanned the bar and sure enough, there was Suzie sitting at a table by herself. Her eyes were all fuzzy, filled with that puppy love look.
“Oh, wow,” I said. “You and Suzie?”
“Yeah,” Lucky said. He put his hands to the bar. “Been flirting for too damn long to not have something happen here.”
“I don’t blame you,” I said. “She’s a hell of a cook.”
“And she’s great in-”
“That part I want to know nothing about,” I said.
He laughed. “Sure thing. I won’t be parading women through here like you do.”
“Nah, that’s not me, Lucky.”
“I have eyes and I see things, Brice.”
“Leave it be, Lucky.”
“Ah, rough times in the world of love.”
I walked away, swallowing a few choice words for him.
I checked on the regulars at the bar and was surprised to find someone sitting there.
It was Linda.
Kinsley’s neighbor.
I got her a beer without her asking.
“First one’s on me,” I said.
“You’re good,” she said. “You remembered what I drink.”
“Only because you were with Kinsley.”
“Ah, that’s right, the hopeless love continues,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.
I touched my chest. “Another shot to my heart.”
“Cheers, Brice,” she said.
“I’ll drink water,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“Out for a drink.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m meeting someone a little later.”
“Kinsley?” I asked, realizing how eager I sounded.
“No,” she said. “A guy.”
“A date?”
“A… a meet up.”
“Booty call?”
“Booty calls happen when you’re home,” Linda said.
“So, you have experience in that department?”
“You’re an ass.”
I laughed. “How’s the legal situation?”
“Quieter,” she said. “I’ll live with that baggage for the rest of my life. Well, until Paige turns eighteen. I guess I’m trying to be normal right now. Is it wrong to have
a drink with someone?”
“Not at all,” I said.
I stood there quietly.
“You can ask me how she’s doing,” Linda said.
“I might not want to know the answer,” I said.
“Well, I haven’t talked to her in a little while. She’s been busy, I guess. Or just back to old ways.”
“Old ways?”
Linda shrugged her shoulders. “The life of a schedule. You know?”
It angered me. That was not the Kinsley I once knew.
“Well, as long as she’s happy,” I said.
“Hey, how come you aren’t the guy that punched Dave?”
“What?”
“I saw the look on your face the day you punched Dave. That intense look. Where’s that guy when it comes to Kinsley?”
I grinned. “Look, there’s no gesture I can make other than her knowing who I am and that I love her. She knows if she came knocking at my door tonight, I’d answer. And if she showed up seven years from now, I’d still answer.”
“For the record, I knew nothing of you or her past until recently,” Linda said. “She really just never talked about it.”
“Yeah, I figured that part out.”
“I wish I could say or do something.”
“Nah, you like me too much to play fair,” I said.
“That’s true.”
I knocked on the bar. “Let me know when your date shows up. If you want a table, grab one and I’ll still take care of you.”
“Thanks,” Linda said.
Ten minutes later, her date arrived and they sat at the table where she and Kinsley had sat the night they showed up at the bar.
It was an interesting thing to see and feel.
Lucky and Suzie flirting and desperately waiting for the end of the night to rush home together. And Linda and some guy talking, laughing, casually exchanging glances as they wondered what the rest of the night would have in store for them.
And I just paced the bar. Like a hungry and lonely lion.
Thinking about what Linda said. That Kinsley was quiet again. Meaning she hadn’t seen her that much. Meaning whatever she and Ben had going on, it was all going back to that sense of normal they lived in. The normal that Kinsley didn’t like, but accepted because it was comfortable.
I started to get pissed off and had to switch my attention to something else.
I went into the kitchen and started washing dishes. That wasn’t the best time in my life to try and take stock of things. After selling my business, the money I got could carry me for life if I didn’t do anything stupid. So, it wasn’t a money or career thing, but I tried to keep my attention on that. Because anything else I thought about went back to one person.
“Hey, there you are,” Lucky said as he walked into the kitchen carrying a plate of gnawed on wings and half eaten celery.
“What?” I asked.
“Someone’s out there looking for you.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. Some guy.”
“A cop?”
“No. Would a cop be looking for you?”
“Not that I know of,” I said.
I dried my hands and left the kitchen.
It took me two seconds to realize who was there looking for me.
It was Ben.
And he came charging right toward me.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
Instead of answering me, he threw a punch… and connected with my jaw.
I stumbled back, not expecting him to punch me.
It was a decent hit. I fell back and hit the wall.
He was in some fancy looking pair of pants and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Anger in his eyes. But a lot more than that too.
My reaction was what anyone would expect.
I took a swing back at him.
It felt really good to feel my fist connect with his jaw. He went back and bumped into someone at the bar. That made a bunch of people stand up. Now it was like we were in high school and everyone was gathering around to watch a fight.
What we were though were two idiots.
Tangled up and throwing fists for the heart of a woman.
Ben slammed me back against the wall and tried to use his head to hit my face. I turned my head and broke my right arm from his grasp. I landed a punch to his ribs, enough to knock him back. Another punch to his gut and he gasped for air and let me go. He threw a weak left hook to my cheek hard enough that the inside of my cheek felt like it had exploded.
That’s when Lucky got between us, his chest puffed out, his hands ready to attack both of us. Years of running the bar, he’d probably seen his fair share of bar fights. But this wasn’t just some bar fight. This wasn’t two drunk guys without a good reason to fight. If Lucky knew the story here, he’d probably clear the bar and let Ben and I beat each other senseless.
I stepped forward, willing to knock Lucky out of the way for another shot at Ben.
Linda appeared from the corner of my eye.
“No,” she said. “You two are not doing this.”
“What the fuck is he doing here?” I asked.
“She’s with you,” Ben said. “I know it. I’m tired of this mess.”
“With me?” I asked. “I’ve been working here all night.”
“I don’t believe you for a second.”
“He has,” Lucky said. “Now I don’t know who you think you are coming into this place and throwing punches at my guy here.”
“Lucky, save it,” I said.
“You two, get outside,” Linda ordered.
Ben showed his hands and backed away.
“Linda, go back to your date,” I said. “I’ll take care of this.”
“Like hell you will,” she said.
I looked over at Lucky. “Sorry about this.”
“Hope she’s worth it,” he muttered to me.
I touched my swollen cheek. “Sad part is, she’s worth everything.”
“Then figure it out,” Lucky said. “I’ve got this place covered.”
All eyes followed me as I went outside. It took Ben a split second to come at me, bouncing his chest off mine. I made fists but held myself back.
“Should we finally do this for good?” he asked.
He smelled of expensive cologne. I smelled like stale beer and grease.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re doing here,” I said.
“She’s gone,” Ben said.
“What do you mean?”
“I came home, and she was gone. She left a note. That was it I’m not an idiot, Brice. I can read the writing on the wall.”
“There’s no writing on any wall, Ben,” I said.
He put a finger out, ready to touch my chest. I grabbed his wrist and twisted it. He yelled, and side stepped.
“You assholes,” Linda yelled.
I stepped back. “Where is Kinsley?”
“I don’t know,” Ben said. “Why the fuck do you think I’m here?”
“What do you mean she’s gone?” Linda asked.
“I just said she left a note. I got home and there was a picture. That was it. She’s gone. She’s at your place. I know it.”
“Not that I know of, Ben,” I said. “I haven’t talked to her… seen her…”
“You fucking ruined everything,” he said.
He moved toward me again.
I stood my ground and Linda got between us. “You two cannot hurt each other over this.”
“Why not?” Ben asked.
“I’m just standing here,” I said. “I’m supposed to be working.”
“Throwing drinks at some dive bar,” Ben said. “That’s a good life for Kinsley to live.”
“Better than a cookie cutter life where everything is decided in advance,” I said.
“I took care of her,” he said.
“You know nothing about her,” I said.
“Where the hell could she have gone?” Linda asked, being the voice of r
eason.
“I don’t know,” Ben said. He stepped back, running a hand through his hair.
I saw how upset he was.
Which meant he really did care about her.
He loved her.
Not that I ever thought about it or would question it, but I was seeing it spread across his face.
The look on his face was the same look I had when things fell apart after Lindsay.
I hated this guy for my own reasons, but he was concerned about Kinsley.
“What happened when she left?” I asked.
“I was working,” Ben said.
“How late?”
Fire burned in his eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re going to try and blame me for this?”
“Just think for a second,” Linda said.
“I was here working,” I said. “I didn’t get any calls. Texts. Nothing. I haven’t seen Kinsley since I took the puppy to see her.”
“Of course you got a fucking dog just to see her, huh?” Ben asked.
Two steps at him and I grabbed his shirt. I could have ripped every button off that expensive shirt, but I gritted my teeth.
“I’m worried too, man,” I said. “So just think for a second. What happened?”
Ben shook me away and walked to the building and put his hands to it.
Linda looked at me. She was scared.
I showed my hands and shook my head.
No more punches. I’d keep myself cool from here on out.
“It hasn’t been all that great,” Ben said. “We’re both distant. Ever since we started talking about everything. I had been working late. I always work late. It was never a problem before.”
“Yes, it was,” Linda said. “It was always a problem, Ben.”
I wasn’t interested in hearing about Ben’s personal life or work life.
“Wait a second,” I said. “You said she left a note? Or a picture?”
“The picture was the note I guess,” Ben said.
“Do you have the picture?” I asked.
“Of course I do.”
“Can I see it, Ben?”
He stared at me with intense hate. We didn’t know each other’s true stories and that was maybe as unfair as the two of us being ready to hurt each other for Kinsley’s heart.
“If it’s a picture I sent her, I can tell you where it’s from,” I said.
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