Duality

by Heather Atkinson

  When the phone rang he snatched it up. “Hello?” he practically yelled, praying to the god he didn’t believe in that it wasn’t a call telling him she was dead.

  “Ryan, it’s me.”

  “Oh Rachel, thank God,” he said, knees going weak. “Are you alright? Where are you?”

  “I’m fine and I’m at the police station.”

  “Have you been arrested?”

  “No I haven’t. Me and another woman were attacked tonight. Actually she was attacked and I helped her.”

  “Attacked?” he exclaimed. “I’m on my way.”

  “No, it’s alright, don’t disturb the kids. I’m getting a lift home, my car’s being kept for evidence.”

  “Evidence, why?”

  “I got rammed.”

  “By who?” he yelled, gripping the phone tightly.

  “I’ll explain when I get home, I won’t be long. Love you.”

  “Love you too,” he said, then she was gone.

  Ryan sank down at the huge kitchen table, so relieved he could cry and he very rarely cried. His wife was his world, they’d gone through hell together too many times to count and if he ever lost her his life would be over. He’d have to go on for their children’s sakes but without Rachel he’d be a walking shell of a man.

  “She’s alright, she’s alright,” he repeated to himself in an attempt to shake off the anxiety that had settled in his gut ever since she’d failed to come home on time.

  He turned off the oven and drank down a glass of red wine in one go, glad when it steadied his nerves. Ryan prided himself on being unflappable but when it came to his family it was a different matter.

  Then he pulled a chair up before the bank of security monitors that covered the exterior of the house, eyes glued to the entrance to the driveway, waiting for her to return. It was far too dark outside to see and he would need to buzz open the electric gates. After what they’d endured they’d ensured their new home in the heart of the Devonshire countryside - which they’d had to rebuild after Alex Maguire had burnt their old farmhouse to the ground while in the grip of his insanity - had the best security their considerable wealth could buy.

  Every second of the forty minutes he had to wait was agony. When a police car finally did appear at the bottom of the drive he leapt up, slammed the button that would open the gate then raced out of the house, greeting the car as it reached the top of the drive.

  The back door was flung open and Rachel jumped out and ran to him. Ryan pulled her to him and buried his face in her long dark hair.

  “I’m okay,” she said, rubbing her hands up and down his back. “Honestly.”

  He pulled back slightly to regard her and took her face in his hands, eyes earnest. “You’re sure?”

  She nodded and gave him a small smile. “Sure.”

  He put his arm around her and led her back to the house. “Let’s get you inside.”

  “Thank you,” Rachel called to the police officer who had brought her home. Ryan only spoke to the police when they didn’t give him a choice.

  After kicking off her shoes she curled up on the couch with Ryan, who poured out a glass of wine for them both, and told her tale. By the end of it he was furious.

  “I will track them down and put each of them through the worst pain imaginable,” he snarled.

  “There’s no need, the police will find them.”

  He released a snort. “Yeah, right.”

  “Me and Samantha gave them as much information as we could.”

  “Did you see their faces?”

  “No, they were wearing masks.”

  “Do you know who they were?”

  “Well…no.”

  “So how can they possibly catch them?”

  “They might find something at the scene or in Samantha’s car.”

  “We both know that car will be on fire somewhere by now. This was a gang initiation, they will have a back-up plan when something goes wrong.”

  “Perhaps. I don’t think they were the brightest sparks.”

  “You said they were chasing you. That means they got your licence plate number. They’ll be able to track you down.”

  “I should think when they find out who we are they’ll leave us alone and be grateful they had a lucky escape.”

  “Perhaps. Or perhaps they’ll see us as a challenge. Plenty have.”

  “These are stupid little boys playing at being gangsta. They’re not in the league of Alex or the Slatterys.”

  “Well, let’s hope so. But I think it would be wise to be cautious.”

  “Alright,” she sighed, yawning and running a hand through her hair.

  “Adrenaline wearing off?”

  She nodded. “You know what the worst part of tonight was?”

  “What?” he said, stroking her face.

  “When Samantha realised who I was she started screaming her head off. She was terrified of me.”

  The hurt in Rachel’s eyes infuriated Ryan. “How dare she, after you put yourself at risk to rescue her and her spawn from a hideous fate.”

  “I can’t really blame her.”

  “Don’t defend her Rachel.”

  “I’m too tired to think about it now. I just want a hot bath then bed.”

  Ryan wanted to ask if she would like company in the bath but wasn’t sure she was up to that. Romance was the last thing on her mind. “Would you like me to bring you up a cup of tea?” he asked instead.

  She smiled gratefully and squeezed his hand. “That would be lovely, thank you. I’m sorry, I know you had something more exciting in mind.”

  “Do not apologise. I’m just relieved you’re home safely.” He pulled her to him. “Please do not be that reckless ever again.”

  “I’ll try but I can’t promise anything.”

  “And that is why I love you,” he said, kissing her.

  Jules stared at the plastic stick in her hand in astonishment.

  “Pregnant?” she whispered.

  She was sat on her bathroom floor, back against the cool tiled wall, trying to get her head around the fact that something she thought would never happen to her just had.

  “I don’t get it,” she said to herself. “I can’t get pregnant.”

  Jules had been violently raped on her thirteenth birthday by her adopted father’s best friend - who had been the highest bidder for her virginity - and she’d almost died from the hideous damage that had been done to her. The doctors had said she’d never be able to have children so she’d never factored kids into her life. She had never even considered them, until now.

  She didn’t even have the solace of blaming the test for being wrong. This was the third one she had done - and all were positive.

  “Oh shit, oh shit,” she said before throwing the stick across the room. There was only one man the father could be. Even though she’d thought she couldn’t have children she’d always been careful to practice safe sex because of the risk of disease - except with one man and that was because she hadn’t had any choice. Not that it hadn’t been consensual, she’d enjoyed herself mightily with him but she’d been a prisoner in his home after he’d abducted her from the Maguire compound when it had blown up. He’d taken her to his home in Kent and instead of doing the sensible thing and killing her he’d taken a shine to her and they’d had some really enjoyable sex. The only other man she’d slept with since had been Jackson Driscoll, her long-term bootie call but they had always played it safe.

  “Oh bloody hell, I’m pregnant with Jared Slattery’s baby,” she exclaimed. “How marvellous, how fucking marvellous.” What was her family going to say when she broke that little gem to them? Not only had Jared Slattery broken into the Maguire compound and abducted her but he’d almost succeeded in bringing down their entire family and their empire, he was the only man to ever get anywhere close and her cousin Mikey and her brothers Jez and Ryan hated him. She couldn’t imagine them taking to having his child as a niece or nephew. And what if Jared found out? Both hi
m and his mum had been creepy weird. Tanya, Jared’s mother, had even tried to kill her, she was almost as good with a knife as Jules herself. She’d seen the longing in her eyes whenever children were mentioned, she would love nothing more than an heir to the Slattery empire and she could imagine Tanya going to any lengths to get one. Maybe it would be better if this baby didn’t exist?

  She rested her head back against the tiles and looked up at the ceiling for inspiration. “What the hell do I do?”

  The sound of her doorbell ringing had her leaping up. Mikey was here, they were going out to a meeting but not the civilised kind in a board room. This was in the back of a closed down pub and Mikey wanted her along as back-up. She knew he wouldn’t be impressed if he found out his only bodyguard was a pregnant woman who kept throwing up every thirty seconds.

  Briefly she considered not opening the door and pretending she was out but that wasn’t her style, she never hid from anything, no matter how bad it was and she didn’t intend to start now. So she dragged herself to her feet and wandered through the living room to the front door, checking the spy hole before opening up.

  “You ready to go?” were Mikey’s first words.

  Hell, he looks good, thought Jules. She loved the combination of his dark Maguire hair and sea green eyes. Mikey was her first cousin but that fact had done nothing to stop them from getting hot and heavy a couple of times. They’d never gone all the way but they’d come close. There was an irresistible attraction between them that might not have been there had they been raised together as cousins, but he and her brothers had only come into her life a year ago so to her he was just another man rather than a blood relative. Mikey’s mother and Jules’s father had been brother and sister but neither of them cared.

  Mikey entered the room looking dark and brooding, as always. She’d noticed that lately he’d seemed to have become darker somehow. His experiences at the hands of Jared Slattery and his conspirators had taught him a harsh lesson. For a few days after the compound had blown up he’d had to pretend to be dead in order to lure their enemies into a false sense of security before brutally cutting them down and it had left its mark on him. He looked more mature, harder, which only made him more attractive to Jules.

  He stood there in a very expensive deep blue suit, hair stylishly tousled, eyes cutting into her.

  “Are you okay?” he said. “You look a bit pale.”

  “I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

  “Who kept you awake?”

  “No one. I was alone, I just couldn’t sleep.”

  “Something bothering you?”

  There was a beat of silence as Jules tried to work out whether he actually knew her secret, he was staring at her so intently.

  “No,” she quickly replied. She hadn’t had time to process this huge shock and as yet she had no idea what she was going to do about it and she wasn’t going to tell anyone until she knew.

  “Let’s go then.”

  She nodded and followed him out into the hall. She lived in a block of flats that had been built by Ryan and Rachel’s property development company. Mikey had bought it off them for Amber when she’d fallen pregnant with their baby but she’d moved out when they’d become a solid couple. Mikey had set Jules up here when she’d first started working for him and she hadn’t bothered to find anywhere else. It was comfortable and had everything she needed so she hadn’t seen the point in moving.

  They jogged downstairs in silence and the second they were outside Jules automatically reached for the pack of cigarettes in the pocket of her leather jacket then thought better of it and decided to leave it where it was, which took a huge effort of will, she’d smoked from a young age.

  “Not sparking up?” said Mikey as they headed to his gleaming black Audi sitting in the car park. He didn’t allow smoking in his car, he hated it but he was used to her frantically puffing on a cigarette on the short walk between the door and the car.

  “I’m trying to quit,” she said, feeling frustrated and irritable already. She’d never tried to quit before and she thought it probably wasn’t going to go well.

  “This is going to be fun,” he sighed as they got in the car.

  Mikey drove them towards Cheetham Hill, north-east of the city centre where the meet had been arranged. Jules sat in silence, gazing out of the window as she mulled over this fresh shock, trying to figure out what the hell she was going to do. She was carrying the baby of one of their biggest enemies, it would never be accepted into the family and what sort of mother was she going to make? She was too screwed up to ever be a parent. The baby’s father and grandmother were even bigger nightmares than her, it wouldn’t be fair to inflict all that on a child. Maybe an abortion would be for the best?

  “Alright, what’s up?” said Mikey, cutting through her thoughts.

  “Nothing.”

  “When you’re not talking there’s something wrong.”

  “I told you nothing’s wrong, I’m just tired.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  Jules swallowed nervously, forcing her face into an impassive mask before turning to face him. “Why would I lie?”

  “Because you have a secret, obviously.” He didn’t even look her way as he spoke, keeping his gaze on the windscreen but there was so much gravity in his voice that he didn’t need to look at her.

  “I don’t.”

  “Yes you do. Something’s on your mind. Are you going to tell me what it is?”

  “Nothing’s on my bloody mind,” she exclaimed, getting annoyed.

  “Yes it is.” He shrugged. “But you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “You’re optimistic.”

  “Whatever it is, it’s obviously big. The small stuff doesn’t worry you so, if it is big, you’ll be forced to come to me.”

  “Oh yeah? What if I’ve got a woman’s disease? You going to hold my hand while the gynaecologist has a shuftie down there?”

  “If you’re trying to embarrass me into silence then it’s not going to work.”

  “I should know by now that nothing shuts that massive gob of yours,” she said, folding her arms across her chest and slumping down in her seat. She glanced at the clock and sighed. “You going to put your foot down a bit? You’re driving like an old biddy, they’ll be gone by the time we get there.”

  “I’m driving sensibly. I never do anything to draw police attention to myself.”

  “Except blow up your own compound,” she said sarcastically.

  “That wasn’t my fault. Jared Slattery forced my hand, the bastard.”

  Jules’s stomach rolled over with nerves and morning sickness. For a horrible moment she thought she might actually throw up in Mikey’s car. She had no idea why it was called morning sickness because it seemed to happen any time of the day, in fact she just felt continuously sick, it never seemed to end. It was what had prompted her to do the pregnancy test in the first place. There were more pitfalls of pregnancy - stretch marks, blood pressure issues, threat of miscarriage and stillbirth, piles, heartburn, not to mention the birth itself, which scared the shit out of her. Jules felt guilty, there were women who would give the right arm to be in her position. Her adopted mother, Alice Parker, hadn’t been able to have children, which explained her desperate desire to bring little girls into the house and dress them up like dolls. But that hadn’t explained why she’d lost interest in them the minute they became teenagers and sold them to paedophiles.

  “Oy, are you listening?” said Mikey.

  “What?” she said, sitting upright in her seat. “Yeah, course I am.”

  “What did I say then?” barked Mikey.

  “Err, you were talking about the meeting we’re going to.”

  “Actually I was talking about you. Pay attention.”

  “I am,” she snapped back.

  “I need you to be up to this today Jules. Jez is at a meet in Leicester with Mark and Declan and Grant is off sick. You’re all I’ve got for
back up and I need you thinking clearly, not bloody daydreaming.”

  “I am thinking clearly. Stop going on at me.”

  “Oh I am sorry for wanting someone with me who’s capable of watching my back.”

  “I am capable and by the way Mr Perfect, you just drove through a red light.”

  “I did? Shit,” he exclaimed.

  Jules laughed when he checked his mirrors. “Worried the police are going to come after you?”

  “It’s not funny.”

  “Maybe you should keep your mind on your driving before you get pulled?”

  “Christ you drive me up the fucking wall sometimes Jules,” he said, slapping his hand off the steering wheel.

  “Love you too cuz,” she replied before blowing him a kiss.

  “Stop messing about.”

  They both lapsed into silence, annoyed with each other.

  CHAPTER 3

  “I don’t like this,” said Jules, eyeing the back of the pub where they’d arranged the meet. It stood alone in the countryside. “Couldn’t you have organised somewhere less isolated?”

  “If I’m going to buy it I have to look at it.” He frowned at her. “You’re not getting cold feet, are you?”

  “No,” she sniffed. “Let’s go,” she said, walking forward determinedly, if only to protect her pride if nothing else.

  Mikey had to hurry to catch up with her, still watching her suspiciously. Jules was well aware she wasn’t fooling him in the slightest, although she was quite sure he hadn’t guessed what was wrong yet. For the first time in her life she actually felt nervous about a confrontation because she was carrying a tiny life inside her. Great, what a fucking marvellous time to go soft.