by Lucia, Julie
“Will you stay a little longer?” Emma asked.
“Yes, you no longer have anything we need in your possession. You are not a prisoner but our guest,” Jacob tried to say politely.
“Jacob,” Emma whispered in an accusing tone.
Johanna smiled, “I know what you meant, but I cannot,” Johanna’s eyes began to tear and she held them on Emma.
Emma’s concerned look on her face turned to a smile. “Miss Lee would you like to meet our son, Daniel?” she asked.
“Would I ever,” she smiled.
# # #
“David, you brought Lee’s niece here? If he knows this he will send troops to retrieve her,” Mrs. McPherson warned her son.
“Mother, I thought she was dying. I didn’t know what to do,” David answered.
“You must have her return to her family. You can’t put us all in danger,” said Mrs. McPherson.
“I know, but there is a problem with that,” said David.
“And what is that, pray tell?” she asked.
“I am in love with her,” David confessed.
“David, you are to marry Kathleen tomorrow,” she said in shock.
“I don’t want to marry her. I can’t marry her. I was never in love with her. You thought it would be a good fit and I just never disagreed,” David now feeling sick about all the people he was hurting.
“I see. You have definitely put yourself in an awful predicament. How do you think this is going to work out between you and Miss Lee?” Mrs. McPherson now concerned for her son.
“I don’t know, but I know if I don’t find out I will always regret it,” he said.
“Will you too regret that you broke an engagement to a lovely woman who has loved you since childhood?” she asked.
“My only regret would be if I married her under false pretenses. I don’t love her,” he insisted. “I never did.”
“You will cause quite a scandal for this woman?” she asked.
“I would die for her,” David confessed.
“That is extreme,” she said.
“I know, I just can’t live with out her,” he admitted.
“Oh, it must be love then,” she smiled.
David smiled back, “I know you will love her too.”
“I am sure I will,” she said. “Son, I encourage you to pray about this decision you are making.”
“I do every day,” he smiled at her.
“That’s my boy,” she smiled back at him. “If this is God’s will then surely he will move heaven and earth for you and her to be together.”
“So, you are okay with this?” he asked.
“I just want you to be happy, that is all a mother can ask for,” she smiled.
“That I am,” he answered.
“I can tell,” she laughed. “You know what a scandal this is going to be among my friends?”
“Can you handle it?” he asked.
“Oh, I look forward to it!” she smiled.
“Thank you,” he smiled and kissed her on the cheek.
“You have one difficult task ahead of you,” she said.
“And what is that?” he asked still smiling.
“You must go and tell Kathleen,” insisted Mrs. McPherson insisted.
David’s smile disappeared. He sighed, “I know.”
# # #
“Are you sure you want to leave?” Emma questioned Johanna while they were alone. “I so much enjoyed your company.”
“You are such a dear friend. I am so thankful to you,” smiled Johanna.
“I am sorry David hasn’t come around. I don’t know what could keep him,” she tried to make Johanna feel better.
“He has no reason to come here now. I have nothing he wants,” Johanna frowned. “I have nothing to offer him.”
“Oh, I don’t believe that is true,” Emma smiled. “Jacob told me how much David cares for you. He didn’t have to tell me though I saw it for myself when he was at your bedside.”
“That was probably led more by guilt than anything for putting me in this situation in the first place,” Johanna frowned.
“It seemed more to me,” Emma insisted.
“I think I am just causing too much controversy being here. I don’t belong here, I really must leave,” said Johanna.
Emma and Johanna were interrupted by a knock at the door. When Emma opened it a young lady stood with a basket of pastries and smile.
“Oh Rebekah, it is so nice to see you,” Emma hugged her.
“Mother asked me to stop by and give you some pastries and welcome your new guest,’ she said as she handed Emma the basket with a big smile toward Johanna.
“Thank you. This is Miss Johanna Lee,” said Emma introducing them.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Johanna smiled back unsure of their new guest.
“Oh, it is so nice to finally meet you,” Rebekah said enthusiastically surprising Johanna with a friendly hug.
Johanna was awed by Rebekah’s excitement and hugged her back without any reservation.
“How is Daniel doing?” Rebekah asked.
“Oh, he is doing just fine, thank you for asking,” said Emma with a smile.
“I must go,” she smiled brightly again at Johanna. “I have so many things to prepare for you see.”
“Thank you for the pastries,” said Emma.
“Oh, you are very welcome. I look forward to meeting you again very soon,” Rebekah said only looking at Johanna.
Johanna smiled, “as do I.”
They watched Rebekah leave with a bit of a skip to her exit. Emma closed the door and looked at Johanna with a huge grin upon her face.
“Well, she was easy to befriend,” Johanna said to Emma with a grin. “She was the sweetest girl I have ever met. I have never seen anyone overflow with that much joy. I wish I could keep her near at all times.”
“Interesting you say that,” said Emma.
“Why is that?” asked Johanna.
“Because Rebekah is David’s sister,” smiled Emma.
Chapter 23
“O
h David, you have finally come back,” said Kathleen. She was surprised how happy it made her to see him standing there in front of her. He was as handsome as ever. She leaned in and felt him wrap his arms around her. His muscles tightened and she felt the strength in his arms as he hugged her. His hold lasted only a second before he let go.
Kathleen’s mind raced through all the memories she had of him. All the lonely nights she waited for him, knowing one day he would come to her and they would be husband and wife. And now he was here, but it was different. She really didn’t want to marry him. Now it was more the idea of him that she loved. She knew he really never loved her and doubted if he ever truly would. It was something she couldn’t bare. She let go of her hold and decided to let him go.
“Kathleen,” David didn’t know where to begin or even if he should. He noticed the warmth in Kathleen’s eyes harden, her manner changed in an instant, she held her head high.
“We are to marry tomorrow David,” said Kathleen.
“I know we are,” said David frowning. He tried to gauge her feelings. He didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he had to.
“It hurts me to tell you this,” Kathleen said.
She knows David thought. He tried to lean in to her and squeeze her hand in support, but she reeled.
“What is it Kathleen?” David asked.
She heard herself speak but she could not imagine where this courage had come from.
“You’ve been gone a long time, David. Sometimes feelings change, people change,” she said.
David eyed her with confusion. He again tried to put his hand on her hers, but she put her own hand up to halt him.
“What are you saying?” he asked.
“I am calling off the wedding,” she announced.
“I am sorry, I wanted you to hear it from me,” David apologized thinking someone had told her about Johanna.
She interrupted him, �
��please let me finish,” she paused. “I don’t love you anymore David, and I am pretty sure you never loved me.”
David was so taken back by her words. He was going to let her down. He was going to say these things, but not so abruptly and not so harshly.
“Are you upset with me?” David had no idea what was happening. This was not what he was expecting.
“No, David.” Kathleen’s harshness turned to its softness once again. As she spoke, she suddenly felt free. She hadn’t realized that this was exactly how she felt. She saw the panic in his eyes but knew relief was in his heart. She knew she was doing the right thing for both of them.
David still was feeling speechless. He wondered if he should try to change her mind. He suddenly felt afraid for his future. Life would be safe and normal with Kathleen. He was sure he could love her eventually, in time. Time was all he would have once he left the army. He remembered looking forward to coming home to family and friends, to familiarity. Everything had changed since then. Had Johanna been a siren in disguise? Was he making a mistake? David’s muscles tensed, he could feel the heaviness of his decision.
This moment would impact the very people he held close in his life. “What should he do?” he wondered.
He had to make the right choice. The safe choice was Kathleen. But Johanna, he didn’t think he would ever get her out of his mind or heart, even if he tried.
“I don’t know what to say. I thought you would be angry with me, especially because I…” he didn’t know how to finish, but she did it for him.
“You love someone else,” she said.
“Yes. I do. How did you know?” he asked.
“I had my suspicions when I discovered you were here for a week and you never came to see me,” she said.
“I am sorry,” he apologized. “That was very insensitive of me.”
“You thought she was dying. Why would you leave her side?” she asked with a knowing smile.
“You knew that too?” he asked sheepishly.
“David, everyone in town knew,” she said.
“I am sorry,” he apologized again. “I forget sometimes what a small town we live in.”
“Is she feeling better?” she asked.
“She is, thank you,” he said.
“Is she really Lee’s niece?” she asked curious.
“Yes, I am afraid she is,” he frowned.
# # #
Is the coach waiting for me?” Johanna asked Jacob while she tried to put on a brave face.
“It is. Are you sure you want to leave town without seeing David first?” Jacob asked.
“Absolutely, I am sure he has a wedding to plan,” Johanna said with a grim look on her face. She tried so hard to show her tough exterior even though her heart was broken within.
“He…”Jacob stopped what he was saying. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know where David was but he knew he would be devastated once he realized she had left.
Johanna hugged him and Emma goodbye and hopped into the carriage. The driver closed the door and through the window Jacob saw her do a small wave to him and then the carriage rolled out of sight.
“Where is David?” Jacob asked Emma.
Now that Johanna was out of sight on her way to Ravensworth, she let everything she had been holding in come to the surface and she sobbed uncontrollably. How could she let herself be so betrayed by everyone? She didn’t even know where her journey had begun. How she had gotten so far off the beaten path. She always felt in control of her life. Even when her parents had fled, she knew it was the right thing for her to stay. It hurt sometimes, but sometimes decisions did. Her mind raced through the inventory of men that came in and out of her life like a swift breeze right before a storm’s wrath. They all had promises of love and yet all betrayed her in one swift blow. It was disheartening to believe this pallid life she was leading could be hers. She was finally going to Virginia to be with family but now the excitement of it seemed more skewed and foreboding. She recited scripture that always gave her peace, “all things work together for good.” She wanted to believe this but she could never be as an unhappy as she was right now. She tried desperately to not love David.
# # #
“Jacob, I am here to see Johanna. Is she awake?”
David asked with a smile. “I have great news to tell her, the wedding is off.”
“David, it is too late,” Jacob mortified by having to break the news to David.
“What do you mean it’s too late? I am free to love her now,” David rushed to the room where he last saw Johanna. “Where is she?” said David scared now.
“She left, David,” Jacob put his hand on David’s shoulder to console him.
“Where did she go?” David asked.
“She left to Ravensworth to be with her family, where she belongs,” Jacob answered him.
“What do I do?” David asked his friend for advice.
“I think you should let her go,” Jacob said as he saw the surprise on David’s face who wasn’t expecting this from him.
“But, I love her,” David said.
“All the reason more you should let her go. She is angry with you and she thinks you betrayed her. How do you think this is going to end? We have failed our mission because of this and trust me, Meade will make us pay. They will never let us leave the army.”
“I will take the blame,” said David still in shock of losing Johanna.
“We just got word that Virginia is considering seceding. It is only a matter of time Lee will give his resignation. Her family is now considered traitors,” Jacob sadly said. “Everyone is going to be hurt by this, including you my dear friend.”
David’s mind was spinning. He had sprinted to Jacob’s with such joy in his heart, happier than he had ever been. He was ready to confess his love to Johanna, and instead he found himself faced with the realization that his happiness was only fleeting. He left in a daze, his mind in a darkened fog. He pondered every possible situation and could not find a suitable solution. He had no idea where he was walking. His mind continued to race as his heart broke with each step he took. He suddenly found himself at his family’s home standing at the doorway in tears.
“Son, are you okay,” Mrs. McPherson asked noticing his somber demeanor and led him to a chair.
“She is gone,” he whispered.
“Who is gone?” she asked.
“Johanna. I don’t know what to do,” tears slowly seeped down his unshaven face. “I can’t lose her, but I don’t know how to keep her.”
“Yes you do! Listen to your heart,” she smiled wiping away his tears with her handkerchief.
“My heart has betrayed me,” whispered David again, “It will never work out. We are now from two different sides. It is too late.”
“You will fight for your country but why won’t you fight for love?” Mrs. McPherson asked him.
David closed his eyes while he inhaled deeply. He then opened them this time with a new outlook and a new desire to take a leap of faith.
“Thank you,” David kissed her cheek and disappeared out the door.
Chapter 24
“W
e are stopping for a short rest, the horses need water,” said the driver as he helped Johanna out of the carriage.
“Of course,” said Johanna.
“Hello Miss Johanna,” Malcolm came up to her.
“Malcolm, what are you doing here?” Johanna scared of the man who shot her.
“I followed you. I wanted to apologize for everything. Can you ever forgive me?” said Malcolm with sadness to his voice.
“Malcolm, you shot me,” Johanna confused by his apology.
“I know. I will never forgive myself. I had a terrible fever and I was sick for many days. I didn’t know what I was doing. You have to believe me,” he begged her.
“You tricked me, you betrayed me,” Johanna continued. “How could you do this to me and my uncle?”
“That was a lie. I did not set you up with pirates
and I did not switch sides. McPherson was confusing you,” insisted Malcolm.
“Why did you come here?” she kept her guard still not trusting him.
“I am trying to tell you, I am giving up the life of a soldier if that is what you want. I am spending my days taking care of you until you can forgive me,” he handed back her cigar box and map.
“You’re given me these after all that? You are handing them over just to say you’re sorry and then what? Say I forgive you right now, Malcolm, then what?” she asked. “Will you ask for these back? Did you realize you couldn’t go to my uncle without me and the papers?”
“That is not why I am here,” he insisted. “I thought you were going to stay with McPherson. When you left Harrisburg, I thought I might still have hope.”
“You shot me, took everything in my possession, lied to me, and betrayed me like no other, and you think that I would just forgive you?” she asked. “Why is it that you and Lieutenant McPherson can betray me in the worst way and think that I will just get over it?”
“You found out I was telling the truth about him, didn’t you?” Malcolm asked. Johanna refused to answer. “Let me take you to Ravensworth. Let me prove to you my deepest regret was losing you.”
“Malcolm, I don’t think that is necessary,” she continued to search him with her eyes for any deceit.
“Please let me. I did try to keep a close eye on you after I recovered from my fever. I found out where you were and kept watch from a distance to make sure you were in good health and safe,” he stepped closer not trying to alarm her.
“You mean to make sure the bullet you put in me didn’t kill me,” Johanna stared him down.
“Johanna, I swear to you, I knew that David felt something for you. I had myself convinced that you loved him too. I was out of my mind with fever and jealousy. I thought if I hurt you, I would hurt him too. It was a terrible mistake. You don’t love him do you?”
“No, I do not,” Johanna said without hesitation as she bit her lip in anger.
“Will you forgive me?” Malcolm asked.