by Lucia, Julie
“I will try,” Johanna said still not letting him get near.
“I will spend the rest of my days making this up to you,” Malcolm stepped closer until he was face to face with her.
“I still don’t know, I want to believe you, you don’t know how badly I want to believe you, but the pirate, Captain Myers, on the merchant ship?” questioned Johanna.
“Think Johanna, what are David’s companions last names?” Malcolm said at a whisper now.
“They are Jacob Evans and Preston…Myers!” Johanna shocked to find out that every time she turned around nothing seemed to be what she believed.
“And the truth shall set you free,” whispered Malcolm as he slowly put his hand to her frosted cheek.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” whispered Johanna, just feeling as if she wanted to give up. She put her head in his shoulder as he hugged her tightly.
“I know it will take time, but I still have hope that someday you will consider to be my wife,” Malcolm whispered.
It felt warm being in Malcolm’s arms. When Malcolm mentioned marriage, it jolted her. She was reminded about David’s marriage to Kathleen. She took a deep breath to ward off the pain.
“I knew you were ill Malcolm, I will give you that,” Johanna relented. “Maybe we can discuss this later when I get to Ravensworth.”
“Miss, are you ready to leave?” asked the driver.
Johanna nodded, “Yes, I am, thank you.”
“This is wonderful news!” he gave her his best charming smile, dimples and all.
“I said we will discuss it later,” she reiterated.
“Then I look forward to our next meeting,” he kissed her hand softly and then helped her into the carriage.
Malcolm stood in place as he watched the carriage ride out of sight. His smile had now morphed into a smirk.
# # #
“You have got to be kidding me,” said David who had now come out of the shadows inside the carriage.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him as her heart skipped a beat confused by his appearance.
David ignored her question, “Well my Southern Beauty, I didn’t think it possible, but you have definitely surprised me again. You would consider marrying him? After he shot you? Oh, you must be very desperate to get married.”
“Desperation is what drove me to let you, a Northerner, kiss me several times,” Johanna stared him down.
“Was it desperation or love?” David asked.
Johanna refused to answer. “Why would you bring me to Harrisburg, to ridicule me in front of your family or to parade your little wife around in front of me?”
“Do you think that is why I brought you there?” David asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Johanna frowned.
“It does matter to me,” David put his hand on hers.
Johanna’s heart pounded in her chest. His touch made her tremble. She looked into his eyes. His sapphire eyes she was convinced she would never see looking at her that way again, and here they were.
“Do you believe I love you?” she asked him.
“I do,” he insisted.
“Well, you’re mistaken,” she said. “Not everyone is in love with you Mr. McPherson.”
“No, not everyone, just you are,” he insisted.
“How do you know that? How could you have possibly convinced yourself that is true? I have never giving you an inkling of hope that I would ever fall for a man like you. A Yankee for goodness sake,” she continued with her insults. “You aren’t any different than Malcolm, he betrayed me the same as you.”
“If you think that I am anything like Mr. Graystone than you don’t know me at all, Miss Lee,” said David.
“Well, I don’t care to,” she lied. “It’s all lies. No one seems to know how to tell me the truth anymore,” Johanna turned her face toward the window to escape his spell he had on her. “My encounters with the pirates in New Orleans were not from Malcolm and you know it.”
“I do now. I didn’t then. I am sorry. I thought I knew Preston more than anyone but I too was deceived. I should have known he had pirate blood in him,” David confessed with a bit of a chuckle. “He fits the profile doesn’t he?”
Johanna smiled, “Yes, he definitely does.”
“You don’t know what restrain it took to not want to step out of the carriage and pulverize Malcolm,” he said.
“Why didn’t you?” she asked curious.
“Because I have made too many mistakes with you and I will never put you in harm’s way again,” he stared at her wondering what she was thinking. “So, where do we go from here?” David asked her.
“Well, you are getting married and I am going to live with my family in Virginia, which is now planning on seceding,” said Johanna “I guess this is where we say our goodbyes.”
David sat next to her now, leaned in and whispered gently, “I am not getting married.”
The words freed her from the pain that she had been carrying within her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to keep her from smiling. All she wanted to do was smile or giggle, or laugh, but there still was so many obstacles in the way. She felt his gaze upon her. She could hear their hearts beating and the horse’s hooves clopping. David put his hands over her cheeks and brought her to him. He kissed her with so much passion she feared she wouldn’t be able to stop. His embrace was all that she had longed for.
“What are we doing?” Johanna stared at David.
“It’s called kissing,” David smiled.
“You know what I mean. Where do you think this is going to go? We live happily ever after?” Johanna now faced with reality.
“Why can’t we? You have to trust me my Beauty. Have a little faith. It will all work out,” David smiled and caressed her cheek.
Just then Johanna looked outside of the carriage and saw Ravensworth approaching and within its borders were soldiers surrounding its grounds.
“Those must be General McClellan’s men,” observed David. He knew he had to leave before he was noticed. “I have one favor to ask you,” David looked at the map that Johanna was holding.
“You want the map,” Johanna now feeling duped.
“It’s not what you think,” he said. “Jacob wants to retire and stay with his family in Harrisburg. Meade will never let him if we go back to him empty handed.”
“So, it’s for Jacob, not for you?” Johanna was still unsure of his intentions.
“Listen, keep the cigar box. I just need to bring the map back. Please I am asking you to trust me,” he pleaded.
She bit her lip deciding her fate, “all right, I will give it to you, but it’s not for you, I am doing it for Jacob and Emma.”
“I know,” he frowned and looked out the window.
They both felt the moment intensify. He would have to depart and leave her alone once again. To Johanna it seemed her once in a lifetime romance would come to an end once David stepped out of her carriage. A foreboding feeling crept over her.
“Wait,” she whispered before he leapt out of the moving carriage. He seemed to know what she was feeling perhaps he was felt it too. He didn’t say a word. He grabbed her with a powerful embrace, kissed her, and then jumped.
# # #
“Johanna, my dear, you made it,” said Mary Custiss-Lee hugging Johanna. “I am so sorry for leaving Arlington before you came. Are you all right?”
“I am fine, Aunt Mary,” smiled Johanna feeling the warmth of her aunt’s hug. “I am happy to finally be here in one piece.”
“You have been through quite a lot since your parents left,” said Mary with a frown.
“You don’t know the half of it,” said Johanna.
“Well, we can sit and have tea and you can tell me all about it,” smiled Mary.
“That’s sounds wonderful,” said Johanna returning the smile.
“Your uncle should be here soon,” said Mary. “He told me he appointed a young soldier to escort you here. Where is this young man?”
“It is a long story,” sighed Johanna. “Maybe one I should write down one day, for I can’t believe it myself, and I went through it.”
“Was it that bad, my dear?” asked Mary worried about her niece.
“Yes, I would like to hear all about it,” said a voice from the doorway.
“Robert, you are home,” Mary ran to her husband, embracing him.
Robert smiled at his wife and then eyed his niece, “Johanna, I think you and I need to talk.”
“Yes, I think we do,” said Johanna.
# # #
Weeks had passed and although Johanna was thankful to finally be with her family, she missed David and thought of him often. No word came from him and she started to believe that maybe he really did only pretend his affections to get a hold of the map. Everyone was talking about the new Confederate States of America in which David was no part. Malcolm had continued to pursue her and she began to welcome the company. He did seem to feel regretful about shooting her and eventually she did forgive him.
“Johanna, do you truly forgive me for shooting you?” Malcolm asked as they walked the gardens.
“I do Malcolm,” said Johanna.
“Will you say I do again to me in front of witnesses?” Malcolm smiled.
“Maybe I will,” Johanna smiled back.
“You don’t know how happy you have made me,” Malcolm leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I must leave at once to New Orleans. I have been called to a meeting with your uncle at Fort Pike. I can’t wait to tell him the news!”
“When will you be back?” Johanna asked.
“In two weeks, just enough time for you to plan our wedding,” Malcolm smiled as he walked out the door.
“Wait, I can’t plan a wedding in two weeks,” Johanna tried to say but he had already left. “What am I doing?” Johanna questioned herself. “I must speak with Aunt Mary.”
# # #
“Sir, I know I have asked you this before, but I am asking you again for leave for a few months,” reminded David.
“I understand that, Lieutenant. I can’t accept your request. I need you, you’re my best soldier. If I let you leave now I am afraid you will never return, like your pal Myers,” said General Meade.
“I told you, he never left New Orleans. I guess he decided to stay with his outlaw brother and become a pirate himself,’ admitted David. “It was a surprise to me sir. I had no idea he was related.”
“At ease soldier, I know that,’ Meade said.
“You have me on missions that anyone can do, I haven’t even gotten to write a letter to my family in six weeks,” David said now frustrated with his predicament.
“I know. We do thank you for your dedication and retrieving the map for us. Now that Virginia seceded and Lee followed like we predicted, it will be a detrimental asset. General Grant is looking for a few men to lead another mission. It’s dangerous but I know that you can handle it, so I recommended you. Will you consider taking it?” Meade asked.
“What is it?” asked David.
“We need you to head to Baltimore and retrieve luggage that was taken by a mob from the Baltimore Riot. There was something in one bag that must be retrieved. Further instructions will be waiting for you at the train station where it was last seen.”
“What in this bag?” David asked.
“A letter from Lincoln, let’s just leave it at that,” Meade said. “I need you to take this too.”
David realized Meade had handed him the map that started it all. “I can’t do that,” he whispered.
“Yes you can. It’s an easy task. Why don’t you take Evans with you or if you prefer you can go it alone. Change your clothes, you’re going undercover for this one,” Meade ordered. “Oh by the way, Private Graystone decided to follow in Lee’s footsteps and leave the Union, he was a traitor just as you suspected. He ended up marrying the General’s daughter.”
David sat in sheer disbelief. He whispered to himself, “You mean his niece.” He felt like he had just been punched. “Sir,” he said aloud, “I will accept the mission. But after that I am staying in Harrisburg to protect my family.”
“I understand,” answered Meade.
David rode hard into the night. Grief stricken at his loss he cried out into the abyss, “If you only had a little faith in me.”
Chapter 25
J
ohanna figured there was no way that David and she would ever be free to be together. March came and went with no word from Malcolm or David. Conflicts began to rise throughout the country. Ft. Sumter had fallen and in Baltimore a riot killed Union soldiers. It made Johanna sick to think it could have been David or Jacob. Virginia indeed had seceded and her uncle decided he couldn’t fight against his own state and family. It was a hard decision for him to make.
“He has been out in the gardens for hours, just pacing,” said Mary.
“What do you think he will do?” Johanna asked.
“I don’t envy him, it seems no matter what he decides, he will be fighting against friends,” Mary said sadly.
“Does it have to come to war?” asked Johanna fearful.
“I am afraid that is what it is leading to,” said Mary.
The women continued to watch Robert in the gardens. Both of them filled with anxiety about his final decision for different reasons.
“Now, what about this Malcolm I have been hearing about?” Mary asked trying to distract them from the heaviness of the situation. “Do you want to marry him?”
Just then Robert entered the room. Both women looked up with concern.
“I have come to the final conclusion,” he announced, “that I must resign from the U.S. Army.” He stood erect confident in his decision. “I will accept the position as commander of the Northern Virginia Army.”
Johanna and Mary began to cry.
“I cannot fight against my home state,” he added.
To Johanna it was like a knife had just ripped apart any connection that David and she had together. She felt the heart strings break one by one leaving her with only one decision to make; how to get over David McPherson.
“Johanna,” said Robert, “I am very grateful for your help in keeping my plans safe. I knew that I could trust you. I am sorry for putting you in harm’s way getting it to me. Mary said that it caused a lot of heartache as well?”
“I am glad I could help,” said Johanna. “I am just sorry the union soldier took the map. I found myself being deceived on several occasions. I didn’t know who to trust.”
“It is hard to know,” explained Robert. “Sometimes you just have to go with your gut.”
“Pardon?” asked Johanna not understanding his words.
“Go with what your heart tells you. It never seems to mislead,” he said.
“My heart has made me love one who is now our sworn enemy,” confessed Johanna.
“Johanna,” Robert put his arm around her, “you are free to love who you choose. I just want you to know that I have many dear friends in the North. I had to make a decision because of who I am. That is one decision you do not have to make. We will always be your family, always.”
Tears welled up in Johanna’s eyes. “Thank you for saying that, Uncle,” she smiled. “It doesn’t matter now. I fear I will never see him again.”
“I am a bit confused. What ever happened to Malcolm?” he asked. “Are you not going to marry him?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t heard from him,” she answered. “He told me he was going to meet you in New Orleans. Did you not see him there?”
“I never made it,” said Robert.
“I am finding he is not very trustworthy,” said Johanna.
“Nonsense,” insisted Robert. “He is a fine man. I hand picked him myself to escort you out of South Carolina.”
“Well, maybe he was delayed,” said Johanna. She wondered if she should tell her uncle about him shooting her and then decided against it.
“I must leave. I will send word if I am in contact with Malcolm.
In the meantime, would you continue to hold on to my cigar box?” he asked.
“Absolutely, you can count on me,” she smiled.
“Good. I know it is safe in your hands. I will send for it when it is needed. Hopefully, this time it won’t cause you as much grief,” he said.
# # #
It had been almost two months since David jumped out of her carriage and out of Johanna’s life. He had the map and didn’t need her anymore she thought. She did have the plans kept safely in the cigar box skillfully wrapped around each aroma filled cigar. Her uncle had left it in her care once again until it was needed. She reread her Blackwood’s Magazine, “it’s a beautiful romance, but it is all so fleeting,” she frowned and then closed the book.
“There is a letter for you Miss Lee,” said one of the servants who handed her a sealed envelope.
“Now who could this be from?” asked Johanna.
Malcolm hadn’t sent word, a reprieve for her she welcomed. She just wasn’t sure if she really wanted to marry him. He had proven himself to be unpredictable and rather unreliable.
Johanna opened the envelope which bore her name. She felt the anticipation as if she were a child opening a special gift from a loved one. “Oh, it’s from Abigail!” she smiled at first. As Johanna hurried through the short letter her demeanor changed. At first pleased to hear from her dear friend and then quite distraught by the news it brought;
Johanna,
I have scandalous news! You won’t believe it when I tell you. I hope you are sitting down. Your dearest Malcolm Graystone married Clarice Beauregard yesterday. The wedding seemed to come up quickly but they say they were privately engaged for several months. I pray you are not too upset. You still have your number three.
Forever your friend,
Mrs. Abigail Jenkins
Johanna held the letter in her hand reading it repeatedly not quite sure what to make of it. She didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry. She felt quite humiliated with a tinge of relief in her heart.