Falling Into Us

by Selene Chardou

  It was true she did remind him of his birth mother who had killed herself when he was a young boy but she had a light in her eyes he never wanted to see dulled by the pain he could inflict upon her. He always wanted her to look the same way she did at that moment.

  The problem was he didn’t want to admit his conflicted feelings toward her because women had a tendency to use a man’s weakness against him and he liked to think he always had the upper hand. It had always been that way even when he was married to Damira. She knew her place in the food chain and Kaz was at the top.

  More than anything, he hated how his personality seemed to splice when he was on tour. There was Kaz when he was back in L.A., chillin’ and making an album; then there was Kaz on tour, always on edge, unnecessarily cruel and too much like his father.

  Like father, like son, he thought angrily as he sipped from his Macallan 30 scotch.

  Would this person he became scare Sydney away? Would she become a weak and spineless Mary Sue the way she had earlier that day, sniveling like a little teenage girl who’d been told all the tickets for the latest Justin Bieber concert were sold out? Or would she step up to the plate and transform into the woman he knew she was more than capable of becoming?

  He’d chosen her because of her unwavering strength and resolve. Yet women always had to complicate any good situation with talk of “love”, “devotion”, and “together forever”; nothing he could tolerate at the moment simply because the only place his mind was focused on happened to be the tour.

  They were always hard work but he wouldn’t have it any other way, and he knew his fans felt the same way. They loved witnessing a Scarlet Fever gig and he was very grateful for their support because without it, he would have never been able to break away from his tyrannical father or his crazy family.

  Kaz sighed as a young platinum blonde approached him with her brunette friend in tow.

  They were quite intoxicated by the way they swayed on their feet and used each other as props to the help one another stand.

  “Oh. My. God! We had nosebleed seats at the Garden Arena but it was so totally worth it to see you,” the blonde began in a slightly slurred tone. “I was wondering if you could autograph my tee-shirt? My friend wants hers done too.”

  “Of course,” Kaz responded on auto-pilot as he continued to watch Sydney with hungry eyes. “What do you girls do?”

  “We both go to University of Nevada in Reno but since you weren’t going to be in our part of the State, we drove up here,” the brunette replied obviously less intoxicated than her friend.

  “Cool,” he said as he grabbed a black sharpie.

  “Where do you want me to autograph your tee-shirts, ladies?”

  The blonde pulled her shirt off and exposed a nice rack of what had to be natural thirty-two C boobs. The nipples were perky, erect and held his attention as she handed it to him. “Anywhere you want to.”

  It wasn’t her exposed flesh that made him nervous but the tattoo right under her left breast. It was the symbol for the Demon’s Bastards, a rival MC to Lucifer’s Saints. He quickly scrawled his signature on the tee-shirt and handed it back but not before Jaden noticed and stood with wary precision.

  “What the fuck are you sluts doing here? Your Daddies’ know your consorting with a known member of the LS?” Jaden inquired coldly.

  Faith rolled her eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Jaden, they are just fans and you don’t belong to LS—your parents do and that is quite different.”

  “What the fuck is this then?” he inquired as he removed his black wife-beater to expose the Lucifer’s Saints symbol on his left shoulder blade. “You don’t leave an MC—they throw you out or murder you and no matter what I do for a living, they are still my club. I can’t just leave, unless I want to be gutted like a fish or have this inked out and never be allowed around my sister or younger brothers again.”

  The room suddenly went quiet as the blonde slipped her tee-shirt back on. “Listen, our parents don’t know we’re here. We lied and said we were just gettin’ away for a while. We hide all our Scarlet Fever memorabilia because we know what it would mean if they found out. Believe me, we weren’t trying to cause trouble.”

  Sydney suddenly strolled through and slipped a hand around the blonde’s arm. “Of course you weren’t trying to cause any harm. Kaz, can’t we give these two beautiful ladies some Scarlet Fever and Winter’s Regret swag as well as comp them a night at the MGM Grand. You two must be exhausted.”

  He couldn’t believe how smoothly she’d handled it and was still in awe as he replied, “Of course.”

  “Follow me, ladies, I’ll show you to your suite for the inconvenience. No one wants this to be a bad experience for either one of you. This concert should always be a very fond memory in your lives.”

  Kaz breathed a sigh of relief as Sydney strolled off with the two women before he glared at Jaden. “Put your fucking shirt back on.”

  “I don’t think so. I need to talk to you…in private,” Jaden responded in an angry tone before he headed for one of the available rest rooms.

  He followed his best friend reluctantly and closed the door behind himself before he locked it just to make sure they weren’t “accidentally interrupted”.

  Jaden sat on a dry countertop and allowed his left leg to dangle while the right rested firmly on the floor. He wore his usual getup, black tight jeans, lots of chains and a black wife-beater he still held in right hand with a brand new pair of black shit-kickers. He went through shoes almost at a pace of his girlfriend, Faith, but if his friend hated anything, it was scuffed-up boots. At least he was environmentally responsible and sent all his used clothing and shoes to the Salvation Army.

  “What’s goin’ on, Kaz? You’re not actin’ like your usual self and frankly, we’re all worried.”

  Kaz crossed his arms against his chest in a defensive position. “Who is this ‘we’? Or is it just you? In terms of what is going on, I believe I am going to need some more information.”

  Jaden’s amber eyes glared in frustration. “Listen, dude. We were always best buds. Way back when…I remember like it was yesterday when this was all a dream. Then Grant and Will joined in and it really seemed like we could do this band ‘thing’. Something about you is different this tour. I can’t put my finger on it but it is seriously starting to annoy the fuck out of me.”

  “Nothing is different about this tour except your playing isn’t as top notch as it could be and you need to lay off the drugs until after we finish performing. Other than that, I guess I have just gotten older and I still love to tour but I also have Syd and that makes it more exciting and nerve wracking,” Kaz explained in a calm voice.

  “That’s it?” Jaden grabbed a square mirror and began to crush up an Oxy tablet using the bottom of a clean glass. “You mean that bitch isn’t wearing your balls for earrings and leading you around by your dick because you sure act like she is. You would have groped that blonde just to be playful but you couldn’t concentrate for looking at your girlfriend. Believe me, no woman’s pussy is fur-lined, including your gorgeous former virgin, Sydney.”

  “What has she done to you to make you hate her so much? You don’t even know her,” Kaz responded before he swigged from his scotch.

  “I don’t have to know her—I date one of those rich bitches, remember? I know how they operate and this one has you: hook, line and motherfuckin’ sinker.” He straightened the crushed Oxy powder in three lines with his Centurion American Express card before he sniffed the first line with a metal straw. “You know you can’t trust women. They lie and will say anything to get the cock and then they are gone so fast, they make your head spin. Do you think I have any delusions about where Faith and I are going to end up? It certainly isn’t going to be happily ever after.”

  “Well, that certainly isn’t what Faith thinks or do you not see how much she’s in love with you? She’d happily take you if you could get off drugs. Do you know how stressful it is for her? She’s rathe
r get high with you than see you do this to yourself. This is no way to live. Next up is Seattle and I seriously don’t need the aggravation. I’m serious. This tour is going to go fast and we have a lot of time to spend around each other but I need you sharp,” Kaz explained in a rational voice.

  Jaden finished snorting his lines of Oxy and put his drug paraphernalia away. “I’m always ready. I just don’t want that cunt leading you around by your cock. I know the type and she is manipulative. You haven’t told her anything…she could use against you to make you stay with her, has she?”

  “No, I haven’t. I know she spoke to Damira but I also exchanged a few choice words with her and she promised me she wouldn’t dare spill anything to Syd. In fact, she told her point blank it was my place to tell her but I’m not ready to go into all that yet. I just want our relationship to remain as normal as possible for as long as I can stall.”

  Jaden laughed like a maniac as the Oxy began to take effect. “You’re not normal, Kaz, and your life makes the average soap opera seem quite tame. If you want to lose her, you’re doing a great job because no way is she going to want you after everything comes out. And you’re lucky your ex-old lady is a woman like Damira and not some gold-digging whore like that Kardashian chick. She would have sold all your secrets for a fat paycheck from Society Magazine. Hell, her ugly fuckin’ mug would be on the cover of the November issue of Rolling Stone instead of us.”

  “I guess I should thank my lucky stars I’m not Kanye West,” Kaz responded humorously.

  “Dude, just thank your lucky stars you’re not a black dude since that seems to be her preference. She’s not too fucking picky as long as they’re loaded and look like Mandingos straight out of the heart of Africa.”

  “Anyway, just lay off Sydney, okay? She’s never been on a tour before and she is struggling as much as the next person. She doesn’t know how crazy they get and the last thing I need is you raggin’ on my old lady.”

  Jaden looked toward the floor. “That isn’t why I called you in here though. I wish all we had to talk about was who we’re fuckin’ but it’s much more complicated than that.”

  Kaz’s heart began to pound in his chest because he had a feeling what Jaden was going to tell him.

  Technically, their lead guitarist was a member of the main chapter of the Lucifer’s Saints MC. He was on loaner to them to live out his rock fantasy and it was great money because most of his money he wasn’t able to arrange for Paul to hide in various Cayman Island accounts went back to the club. That money then went to purchase drugs and guns which were sold to the highest bidder.

  “How long has Desmond given you?” Kaz inquired in a soft voice.

  “Three more fucking years. The money is too good and I am the Club’s cash cow right now along with the drugs and the guns. By my thirtieth birthday, I have to leave Scarlet Fever and re-join the MC as a full-fledged member. You see what I am getting at and why Faith wouldn’t want me? Who wants to be part of a motorcycle gang? She’s much too classy and no matter how much she loves me, she isn’t going to give up all the money and glamour to become my old lady in LS.”

  “It is three years away, Jaden. Maybe I can just pay off the gang and get you out so you’re always an affiliate member—”

  “Don’t do it.” Jaden walked over and placed his hands on his best friend’s shoulders. They were nearly the same height and as he placed his forehead against Kaz’s, the warmth of his skin sent shivers down the lead singer’s spine. “I’m not worth ten million dollars, Kaz. I have spoken to my dad and that’s what it would cost you. Tell me why I should allow you to put that kind of money at risk for me? Hell, we might have broken up as a band by then.”

  “That is about as likely as me and you having a ménage à trois with Rihanna; it’s never gonna happen. We have too much territory to explore and with Talia around, our creative juices are endless.” Kaz took a deliberate step back though Jaden continued to clutch his shoulders. “Speaking of the talented songstress, can you at least apologize to her? You really made her feel like shit and she’s got it bad enough as it is. She has to deal with all of us guys and the jealous female fans. It’s a complete nightmare for her you know.”

  Jaden shrugged nonchalant shoulders. “It’s not my problem she can’t take a joke and the fact that she is a gorgeous woman dropped in the middle of eight horny fucking guys all under thirty just seems wrong. Listen, it’s because I am in an MC I know what I am talking about and there is a reason why women aren’t allowed to join. They are a distraction if they’re beautiful like Talia and if they’re fuckin’ bull dykes, they try to take all the action. It isn’t worth the aggravation. I’m telling you this as a friend and not a band mate.”

  “Thanks for the advice but she’s a member of Winter’s Regret and you’re just going to have to accept that.” Kaz backed away before he turned and walked out. He needed to see Syd and frankly, the conversation had gotten old.

  It didn’t take him long before he was able to schmooze his way right out of the after party and upstairs to the suite he shared with his gorgeous girlfriend. Her delectable pussy was calling to him and he couldn’t wait to dig in.

  Chapter Ten

  On the Road Again

  I didn’t really comprehend how far Seattle was from Las Vegas until I did a Google search on my iPad. We had approximately eleven hundred miles to our destination and had only put a dent in around four hundred of them.

  From Nevada, we had to cross into Idaho, cross through Oregon and then finally drive into Washington State where it was a straight shoot to Space Needle City as I liked to call it.

  I watched Kaz as he slept peacefully on the bed. It was only a full-size bed but we fit perfectly all right next to one another and he was indeed tired because he’d fucked me half the night and then woke me up with a hard cock before we had to shower at four thirty in the morning and make it to the buses by five a.m.

  The nice part about it was we had a top of the line Keurig Coffee Maker and every type of coffee, latte and latte tea one could think of. I sat on the sofa and looked over at Kaz every now and then as he slept peacefully though his position wasn’t open but defensive. His body was curled in a ball and although he only wore a pair of boxer-briefs, his body was covered with a thin sheet of sweat.

  The air conditioning was on and it was downright chilly to me so what could he possibly be dreaming about to cause him night sweats in this frosty environment? I’d slipped on a cute ivory cashmere sweater coat I could easily remove during stops. I slid it off now and revealed a short-sleeved, tight white Scarlet Fever tee shirt and a pair of boyfriend jeans. It was a long trip and I wanted to be comfortable.

  I stood over him for a second and watched as the muscles in his back flexed and all the tattoos he had covering his gorgeous body. On anyone else—except perhaps David Beckham—I would have declared he had too much ink but I knew how addictive tattoos could be and once one started, it was like alcohol and nicotine; almost impossible to stop. Not only did I have the Scarlet Fever tattoo on my back but Loire and Nil had stopped by the show in Vegas and I also had a brand new musical note wrapped in a heart tattoo on my right shoulder.

  I vowed any other tattoos I got would be in places my mom wouldn’t be able to see because she was going to flip as it was once she’d seen what I’d done to my precious skin.

  I sat next to him and allowed the fingers of my right hand to trace his spine. He stirred slightly but didn’t wake.

  “Oh, baby, what ever you’re dreaming about, I wish you could share it with me. I hate you feel like you have to be so guarded around me. I wouldn’t judge you…we all have our secrets,” I whispered before I kissed his exposed temple and stood.

  The bus would be stopping shortly to allow us to stretch our legs and for the blessed smoke breaks. Due to our driver being a non-smoker, Kaz had a hard and fast rule we couldn’t smoke on the bus, which was fine with me. It kept the atmosphere fresh and clean and I could concentrate on more pressing matter
s like going through all the photos I’d taken the previous night.

  I logged on to my fifteen-inch MacBook Pro and hooked up the camera via a USB cord. I suddenly received a message through my Facebook account and realized it was a friend request from Damira. I accepted and she immediately began to personally message me.

  Damira: What are you up to?

  I pondered the question for a moment before I responded.

  Me: Nothing much. I was just about to peruse the photos from the concert. I should really get rid of the ones that aren’t any good and can’t be used. I am sure I will be taking tons of photos in Seattle. I haven’t been there in ages.

  She seemed to type lightning fast before her answer appeared.

  Damira: Yeah, Seattle is a super fun city and you will definitely get a lot of photos. How is Kaz?

  Again I was a bit reluctant to answer the question before I finally wrote my answer.