Love Me Like You Mean It

by Jaime Russell

  “Mr. and Mrs. Stephens do not like me. Max saved me from getting my ass kicked in high school. Abby and he became close after that. I’m the reason that they are the best of friends.” Rob laughs, and I throw my empty cup at him.

  “Does it have to do with you being gay and not them being close?” Reagan asks.

  “Nope. They could care less that I’m gay. It’s because of their control over Abby.” I nod, letting Reagan know he isn’t making it up.

  “Interesting,” is all Reagan can say. We finish talking a few minutes and notice the clouds are getting dark, so we get into the truck to go see my dad.

  After I find a spot, we walk toward the hospital. Rob lets me know that he texts Aaron. They are going to meet up, and when I’m done with Thomas, we’re going for drinks. Reagan looks nervous. “You okay? You can meet up with Rob and Aaron.”

  “No. I mean, yes I’m okay, but no I don’t want to go with them.” I wait for her to finish. “I’m more worried about you.”

  “Why?”

  “Max, I heard the horror stories from Cash. Are you going to be okay seeing this man and then going to see Thomas?”

  “Seeing Thomas before or after Jack isn’t going to make me okay. This trip was to say goodbye to Thomas. I’m only doing this to get Abby to not jump on the plane and hurt that baby. We’re only stay a half hour at the most. I love you for caring so much about me. I’m lucky to have you.”

  “I love you too, but I worry. You are lucky to have me.” I smack her ass then head into the elevator.

  “Do you think we have enough time for me to ravage your body before we get to Jack’s floor?” I wiggle my eyebrows to her, and she rolls her eyes.

  “No, we don’t have the time, but I do have a key to the one service elevator to the hotel that doesn’t have a camera in it. We can have sex there, and we won’t get caught.” Reagan winks as she walks off the elevator. I didn’t notice that we were on the cardiac floor. Reagan is at the nurses’ desk asking for Jack’s room number. I look around the floor, and it’s a half circle with about eight beds. I see monitors with a lot of numbers in front of them as they make notes.

  “Your dad is in room eight; it’s over there.” She points to the last room in the half circle. I swallow the lump that’s in my throat. I haven’t seen my dad since before Valentine’s Day almost a year ago.

  What do I say to him?

  How is he going to look?

  Reagan grabs my hand and squeezes it before pushing me into the room. I walk in and move the curtain to see him. Jack Stephens is old. He was always a hero to me, like Superman who never seemed to age. His salt and pepper hair is now completely gray and thinning. Jack’s face is full of wrinkles and his eyes look sunken-in from the weight he has lost. Is this from the heart attack or the past year of losing what was left of his family? Reagan stands back in the corner as she encourages me to sit down to talk to him. She is making the talking gesture with her hands. I start to laugh but cover it with a cough, startling him.

  “What’s going on?” His voice is hoarse as he starts opening his eyes. “Maxwell, I didn’t think I would see you before I kicked the bucket.”

  “Dad, you’re too mean to die.” He chuckles. I smile.

  “Where’s Abby?” He starts moving his head slowly, taking in the room and stops on Reagan. “Who are you?”

  “I’m Reagan Kramer. I’m Max’s girlfriend.”

  “Pretty little thing, isn’t you?” I notice that Reagan blushes and comes to sit next to me. “Abby coming by later?”

  “Her doctor doesn’t allow her to fly right now.”

  “Oh, I heard from Lizzie that she’s pregnant. Good for her.” My mouth opens, and I think it actually hits the floor. “Don’t be an ass, Max. Close your damn mouth. I’ve made some mistakes.”

  “You bet your ass you did.”

  “I need to say sorry to her, but I don’t think she even wants to talk to me or cares.” I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “Dad, Abby’s the reason I’m here. She wouldn’t stop bugging me or Reagan. I don’t know why she does, but she loves you.”

  “I don’t know why I am the way I am. My dad would be so ashamed if he knew. I started counseling when I found out my little girl got married without me.” Jack wipes a tear that’s rolling down his cheek. “Can you forgive me?” Jack sobs. I put my hand on his shoulder to try to get him to calm down and reassure him that I’m here.

  “I honestly don’t know, but we can work toward it.” I squeeze his shoulder, and his hand covers mine. My phone starts buzzing in my pocket. “Speak of the devil. Hello, Abby.”

  “Have you seen Dad? Is he okay?” I can hear the concern in her voice.

  “I’m with Dad now, and he looks rough, but he’s going to make it.”

  “Can I say hi?”

  “You’re on speakerphone.” I slide the phone closer to my dad.

  “Hi, Daddy. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m alive, how’s my grandbaby?”

  “Good, kicking up a storm.” Abby chuckles. “Poor Cash is running all over the place.”

  “Good to hear. Here’s Max.”

  “Love you, Daddy.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Hey, Abs, Reagan and I will call when we get to the truck.”

  “Hey, Abby, do me a favor. Tell Cash that you want Mexican, but it can only be made by the food truck along the beach about two miles from Sally’s house,” Reagan says with a mischievous look.

  “Why?” Abby’s tone is confused.

  “Entertainment value.” Reagan shrugs her shoulders, and Abby laughs as she agrees to it. She hangs up.

  “You know her husband?”

  “Yes, sir. One of my best friends. I’ve known him most of my life. We are godparents together for my nephew. He’s the best guy, and lucky to have a wife like Abby.” Jack nods his head and my mom walks in.

  “Having a party?” She leans down to kiss him on the forehead and fusses over his pillow.

  “Nah, these kids are boring. They were just leaving so I can have some time with my wife.” I can take a hint.

  “It was a pleasure meeting both of you,” Reagan says pleasantly. My parents mutter something resembling, “You too.” I make a promise to come back sometime this week.

  I sigh as I hit the button to leave this floor.

  What the fuck just happened?

  Reagan

  I’m trying to be supportive of Max, but Abby’s obsession to check on her dad has me confused. According to Cash, this man beat her so bad that she missed her graduation and tried to pay Cash off. I shake my head in disbelief.

  “How are you holding up?” I lean into Max wanting to be near him.

  “I honestly don’t know, after his kind words about and to Abby, plus he wasn’t an ass to you or me. The initial shock factor is gone, but he has aged a lot since I last saw him. Let me see if I have a picture on my phone.” Max searches the phone for a picture while we ride the elevator in silence. I turn my phone back on and see I have a voicemail. I hold the phone up to my ear and groan out loud when I hear my ex-husband’s voice.

  “I went by work, and they told me you were on vacation, out of state with your boyfriend. When the fuck did that happen? I thought we were going to that football game on Sunday. Call me. I want to make sure you’re all right and haven’t been kidnapped. Where is Jonathan? I don’t like this one bit.” I delete the message. I send him a quick text to let him know that I’m alive and that I’ll let whoever is watching Jonathan know where to drop him off at the game.

  “Bad call?” Max asks as we walk to the truck.

  “Don called. He is being his normal self. Ugh, he’s calling. Hang on.”

  “Reagan?”

  “What, Don?”

  “Where are you?”

  “None of your business. I sent a text to the people watching Jonathan, they will have him at your place early Sunday morning, and I will let you know where to drop him off.”

  “
This is so unlike you, you’re irresponsible.”

  “The day you signed those divorce papers, I’m no longer your property or problem.” I hang up the phone. “Now we go see Thomas?”

  “Yes,” is the only thing Max says as we drive toward the nursing home. The area that Max grew up in was a beautiful one—lots of trees, kids playing in the yards. It’s a nice quiet town. I never thought that I would want to live in suburbia, but it might have some potential when I get married again. Do I want to get married again? Max pulls into a parking spot and runs his hands over his jeans before getting out. He comes around to open my door. I grab his face to look at me and lick my lips before kissing him. It’s not a rushed kiss, just a slow, sensual one.

  “Thank you,” he says into my lips with a smile. I like how my kisses have an effect on him. Max isn’t afraid of PDA with me as he’s constantly having to hold my hand, have his hands on me, or touching my hair.

  We walk into the nursing room, and there is a bell going off, and Max releases his hold on me. Max’s eyes start going all over the place, and his hands start sweating. Max takes off running down the hall after releasing my hand. I try to keep up with him, but his longer legs let him stride faster. My heart is starting to race as he stops in a doorway. Max stands there not moving, and I put my fingers into his belt loop on his jeans to give him some reassurance that he isn’t alone. He sags in relief after I hear him tell someone to stop fussing over him—he isn’t dead yet. I chuckle.

  “Did you bring me donuts?” the old weak voice says, but I can’t see who is saying it.

  “No, you old goat. You had a dozen a couple of hours ago. Did you eat them all?” Max starts walking in, and I follow closely. Nursing homes creep me out. The smell, the old people yelling, and the nurses cursing at the people. I always told Kennedy that if she ever put me in one, I was haunting her ass.

  “Get out then.” The older man, who I assume is Thomas, starts coughing. Max hugs a woman who spies me over his shoulder.

  “You must be Reagan. I’m Amanda, or PandaBear, as Max and siblings like to call me.” Amanda could be Max’s twin sister; they look so much alike. I shake her hand as Max puts his hand on my back to put me front and center with Thomas.

  “Thomas, this is Reagan. Reagan, this is Thomas.” I go over to his side of the chair to bend down to give him a hug.

  “I’ve heard so much about you. Max can’t stop talking about you.”

  “All lies, I promise.” Thomas kisses my cheek. “Sit down. You’re prettier than he deserves.” I laugh at him as Max sits next to me.

  “How are you feeling?” I ask.

  “With my fingers, what about you?” Thomas winks. “Tell me about yourself, Reagan.”

  “There isn’t much to tell. I’m raising my nephew and going to get ready to reopen my book store and coffee shop when I get back to Miami.”

  “It must be a tough job. Max told me about your family; I’m very sorry.” Thomas grabs my hand, squeezing it to reassure me. I talk a little more about Jonathan, and I begin to see him tire. Thomas starts coughing, and Max goes to get the nurse while Amanda and I help Thomas sit up straighter while he coughs. The nurse comes in and asks us to wait in the hallway while she gets him ready for bed. Amanda flings herself into Max’s arms crying, “I’m not ready.”

  “I’m not either, but I don’t think we have the power to keep him here.” Max tries to keep his voice calm, but his words come out shaky and unsure.

  “I need more time, more needs to be said. Max, what am I going to do without him?” Amanda sobs into Max’s shoulder.

  I speak up because I don’t think Max can say anything as they stand there crying. “You live your life, teach your kids about their grandfather since they are too little to understand, love your husband like your parents loved each other. Life goes on, but we do what we need to do to honor them.”

  “You believe that?” Amanda sniffles.

  “Yes, I believe that, because it’s what I did with Jonathan.” Max stares at me through his wet eyelashes, a look of confusion flashing on his face. I need to ask him about that later. The nurse comes out with a knowing look. Thomas doesn’t have much time left; his body is weak, but his mind is still sharp. We go back in, and he’s lying there breathing peacefully.

  “What do we do?” Amanda whispers.

  “I don’t know. This is all new to me,” Max says, looking out the window at the sun setting. I stand next to him and squeeze his hand, willing to give him my strength or to show him that he isn’t alone. I look at the sky to see it turning a beautiful, bright-pink color. It’s beautiful and poetic because in the fifteen minutes we stand watching the sunset, Thomas passes away.

  Max is the first one to turn around, and when he sees the smile on Thomas’s face, he collapses to his knees and lets out a strangled cry as Amanda and I turn to see what was going on. Amanda shakily falls to the chair crying. I quietly walk out to find a nurse to let her know that Thomas passed away. The nurse starts to cry and I hug her. “I’ll be in in a minute. Let me call the doctor.”

  I walk into the waiting room/living room area and dial Abby.

  “Hello?” Abby answers the phone laughing.

  “Abby.” I sniffle.

  “Reagan, is everything okay?” Abby’s voice is full of panic.

  “Thomas just passed away. I didn’t know who to call, and I don’t have Rob’s number since we were to be meeting him for dinner.” I sniff as the tears are falling. I only met him a couple of hours ago, and the love he showed me in that time makes me feel like I know him. I hear Abby crying into the phone.

  “How’s Max?” Abby’s concern in her voice makes me want to hug her tight.

  “I left him and Amanda alone in the room to spend some time with him.”

  “I’m sure he appreciates it. He is going to yell at you, ignore you, and try to kick you out of his life. Be strong, and don’t back down.” Abby’s giving me some pointers, so she must like me. I smile at her advice. We talk a few minutes, and I promise to call her later on with updates on Max.

  I take a deep breath as I head back into the room with Max, and my knees buckle as I see him so vulnerable with tears falling down his face as he lays across Thomas’s chest. I stand there watching him as my heart breaks for a child losing a parent.

  Max

  He’s gone. I’ll never hear him say how proud he is of me. I’ll never get to introduce my children to him. I’ll never see him standing next to me when I marry Reagan. He’s gone.

  Amanda is trying to get me to get up, but I keep pushing her off of me. “Don’t touch me,” I bark at her. I need to feel this connection to him, and if I move, it’s gone.

  “Max, get off of Dad. The doctor needs to do his thing, and we need to let him.”

  “He can work around me,” I scream out in grief.

  “Max,” Reagan whispers into my ear, “let the doctor work.” She grabs my arm and tugs. I try to push her off, but she doesn’t move. She tugs again, and I push her back. I sigh as she tugs on me and moves me off of Thomas. “Let’s take a walk, all three of us.” She gives me that Mom look where she stares at you with that one eye, and you know there is no room for argument. “We’ll be back in a half hour, Doctor.” He nods as we walk out the door.

  “What the fuck was that for? We don’t want to leave.” I look Reagan in the eyes, trying to let her know that I’m not okay with her doing what she did.

  “Max, the doctor needs to do his job. He—” I cut her off by walking out on her. I grab my phone from my pocket to call Rob.

  “Rob, I need you to come pick up Reagan. Thomas died a few minutes ago. She overstepped.”

  “What did she do?”

  “She pulled me off of Thomas so the doctor could pronounce him, and get him ready to go to the funeral home.”

  “How dare she try to honor Thomas,” Rob yells in his overdramatic voice as I pinch the bridge of my nose. Rob has a way of letting me know when I’m being stupid.

  “What?
” I sigh.

  “Max, I know how you feel about Thomas, but Reagan was only doing what needed to be done. There are protocols to death. The funeral and viewing is the time to say goodbye and honor him. The hospital isn’t the place. Please don’t shut her out.”

  “I can’t do this with her.”

  “You can’t let her see the side of you that only a few are allowed to see? Hmm, I guess you don’t really love her after all.” Rob’s banging some pots and pans in the background.

  “What?” My head is literally spinning with his talking, and I don’t need a lecture from Rob.

  “I know you and Abby are new to this, but pay attention.” If Rob was in front of me, I might have punched him. “Showing your weaknesses, flaws, vulnerability to the person you love doesn’t make you weak but in fact strong. You need her, so lean on her. I don’t think she’s going to run.”

  “What if she does?” I whisper into the phone.

  “I don’t think she will. Trust her.” We talk a few more minutes and hang up. I look up to the sky, and I feel a tiny hand on my belt loop.

  “Is Rob coming to get me?” Reagan’s voice is childlike.

  “Nah. He wouldn’t anyway.” I wink at her as we smile at each other. Amanda comes out with one of the nurses that I didn’t recognize.

  “The funeral home is coming to pick him up, and I have his stuff in this box. I need to get home to Jeremy and the kids.” Amanda’s eyes are swollen and red. I grab the box to carry for her. “Dad already contacted the funeral home, it’s paid, and the days are picked. I guess he told them that two days after he wants a day of viewing and then the funeral.” She shrugs and sighs with relief. I don’t think she could have handled things, because I know that I couldn’t do it. “Is there anything here that you want?”

  “Can I go through this later? I’m not mentally ready.”

  “Of course. I have Daddy’s stuff in my basement, so before you leave, come by. Don’t forget to read that letter or should I say letters?” I groan as I put the box in the minivan. I say goodnight and kiss her on the cheek. The girls hug, and she waves. I send a text to Jeremy to let him know that she’s on her way home.