The Ex's Confession

by L. C. Davenport

  Rebecca groaned silently. Two more hours? Maybe she should start walking home. Then she thought of those blasted heels.

  “He said he’ll take everyone out to dinner to apologize,” Nicole continued.

  Cassie’s eyes lit up. “Two hours? That’s perfect,” she exclaimed. She grabbed Rebecca’s hand and started dragging her down the street. “We have just enough time to do something about your hair.”

  Rebecca stopped walking and wrenched her hand away from Cassie’s. “No hair,” she said firmly. “There’s nothing wrong with my hair.”

  “You’re right, Cassie,” Haley said thoughtfully, completely ignoring Rebecca’s protests. “We may as well do the whole package. When was the last time you had a haircut, Rebecca?”

  “Two months ago,” Rebecca replied promptly. “The night before Jen got married she dragged me into the bathroom and cut off–” She paused at the look of horror on Cassie’s face. “Well, haircuts are expensive and I was trying to save money,” she finished.

  With a click of her tongue, Cassie grabbed her arm and forced her to walk. Haley caught up to them and grabbed the other arm. Nicole, Rebecca noticed, trailed several feet behind, her phone to her ear again.

  When they arrived at the salon, Cassie handed her over to the stylist and told her not to make a fuss. “Francis is excellent,” she assured her sister. “You’ll look even more wonderful when he’s done than you do now.”

  Two hours later, Rebecca stood on the sidewalk in front of the salon feeling very self-conscious. Every man that passed looked at her in an appreciative manner. She wanted to hide back in the salon. Men never noticed her.

  When Elliot pulled up a few minutes later, he took one look at Rebecca and almost drove the car onto the sidewalk and into a man walking past. He corrected hastily and got out to help put the shopping bags in the trunk. When the last pair of shoes–almost certainly uncomfortable, Rebecca knew–was tucked in with everything else, she finally spoke to him.

  “You shouldn’t have left me alone with those three. I may never be the same again.”

  Elliot paused and looked sideways at her. “Maybe I should stick around next time,” he said finally. He slammed the trunk closed and got back in the car.

  Nicole started chattering as soon as everyone was seated. Rebecca let her head rest against the window, noting that she couldn’t see Elliot’s face in the rearview mirror this way.

  “So, how did things go with your boss?” Nicole put her hand on the gearshift.

  “Fine,” he said shortly.

  “What took so long?”

  Elliot’s voice became disgruntled. “We had a disagreement, and I wanted to be sure she understood my point.”

  Nicole’s hand drifted to his arm. “What could she disagree with you about? I’m sure your articles are wonderful.”

  She must not have read them, Rebecca thought. Of course, they may sound better when they aren’t about you…

  “I want my columns to be less… personal, and she thinks the public likes the style I’ve written in the last week or so.”

  Rebecca’s head jerked up. Was this never going to end? She had hoped that Elliot would tire of writing about their strange relationship. Well, evidently he was, but he was stuck doing it for now–and she was stuck starring in them. She really hoped this library job worked out; at least then she wouldn’t have to face him every day in addition to everything else. And from the tone of his voice, he couldn’t wait for her to move out either.

  “Personal, huh? Maybe I’ll have to start reading them,” Nicole said playfully.

  “Where are we going for dinner? Michael says he’ll meet us there.” Rebecca almost kissed her sister, who had been on the phone and not paying attention to the conversation.

  Elliot’s eyes rose to look directly at Rebecca’s in the rear view mirror in an undisguised challenge. “Jaime’s,” he said. “It’s not too far from your dad’s old place.”

  Rebecca smiled at him. She needed to apologize to Jaime anyway. With any luck Jaime would focus his matchmaking on someone else. She wondered what he would think of Nicole.

  She hung back when they arrived at the restaurant and escaped to the restroom for a minute alone. As she washed her hands, she looked at herself critically in the mirror for the first time. It wasn’t as terrible as she had thought back in the salon when she had been shell-shocked by the shopping, and the cutting and the making-over.

  It was shorter by quite a few inches, lying just past her shoulders, and the highlights weren’t too silly; maybe it was the dim lighting in the restroom, but she thought she looked older, somehow. The senior picture she had looked at only that morning flashed into her mind. No, she didn’t look the same anymore. It was amazing what several hours with a self-proclaimed fashion expert could do to a person.

  When she made her way to the table, the only seat left was next to Elliot. She didn’t look at him. Nicole, seated on his other side, placed her hand on his and looked up at him through her fake eyelashes. “I think it’s so sweet that you’re taking us all out to dinner,” she cooed. “You’ve been stuck with us girls all day and I’m sure the last thing you wanted to do was spend your dinner hour entertaining everyone.” She giggled. “Next time I’ll cook you dinner. That would be much more relaxing.”

  He glanced at Rebecca before he smiled at Nicole and said, “That would be wonderful sometime.”

  Rebecca tried not to roll her eyes. She was glad when Jaime came to their table. He took one look at her and started talking as fast as she’d ever heard him.

  “Look at you! This is a Rebecca I’ve never seen before! You are beautiful! You are gorgeous! The men, they will be falling all over themselves to get at you! I will get you a dog. You will need one to keep the admirers away. Maybe I’ll get two.”

  Laughing, Rebecca said, “If you’re not careful you’ll give me a big head. Can we order?”

  Jaime threw her a disappointed look and glanced down the table, noticing Elliot for the first time. He turned back to Rebecca and spoke in Spanish. “Does he know you speak Spanish?”

  “I don’t think so,” she replied back in Spanish.

  Elliot’s mouth fell open. “I didn’t know you spoke Spanish.” He sounded irritated. She wasn’t sure if it was because he knew they were talking about him and he couldn’t understand or because there was something about her that he didn’t know.

  Jaime smirked and continued in Spanish. “Evidently not.” He looked at Nicole, her hand still on Elliot’s, and his eyebrows raised almost to his hairline. “Who’s the stick-person grabbing your Elliot?”

  “Cassie’s sister-in-law.” Rebecca felt slightly guilty as she watched Elliot, who was obviously trying to figure out what they were talking about, but she couldn’t help the self-satisfied feeling

  Jaime looked more closely at Nicole and Elliot. “He doesn’t like her,” he finally pronounced. “She tries too hard.” Then, switching to English, he said, “May I take your order, miss?”

  Elliot shot Rebecca a dirty look and turned to focus his attention on Nicole. Jaime winked at Rebecca before he left for the other end of the table.

  Rebecca pulled her phone out of her pocket to check the time. 7:00 PM. The day was thankfully almost over. Before she could put it away, it buzzed with an incoming text from Jen.

  Where are you?

  Jaime’s.

  The Mexican restaurant on Golf and Algonquin?

  That’s the one.

  Hold on just a second.

  Confused, Rebecca looked up just in time to see Jen’s head appear over the back of the booth in front of her. Before she could say anything, Jen put her finger to her lips and disappeared. The phone buzzed again.

  Who’s sitting next to you?

  Rebecca looked to her left and replied. Haley.

  No, you idiot, the other side.

  Elliot.

  Jen’s head reappeared. “Elliot?” she mouthed. The phone buzzed again. We’ll be right over.

 
Rebecca froze. What was Jen doing here? And what was she going to do? She should have kept her big mouth shut while they were at school. Jen knew every detail of the whole sad business. She had developed a healthy dislike for Elliot even though she had never met him, no matter how many times Rebecca tried to explain that it hadn’t been his fault.

  A second later, Jen materialized next to her chair, and was followed closely by Scott. “Rebecca! I’m so glad to see you! Scott was hoping he’d have a chance to talk to you today.” She looked at the group of people around the table and then at Rebecca. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

  Rebecca rolled her eyes and made the introductions. Scott pulled two chairs next to Rebecca and sat down, pulling Jen into the other one. “I was actually hoping to see you this week,” Scott said in her ear. “I have some news about your dad’s account.”

  Rebecca smiled gratefully at him. “Thanks. I hope it’s good news.”

  Shrugging, Scott lifted Rebecca’s napkin and placed it on Jen’s lap. “Just that you’re listed on the account, so you have the legal right to have them investigated. I have the papers in the car if you want to sign them.” He popped a nacho in his mouth.

  “I would. Thanks a ton.”

  Scott patted her on the shoulder and whispered, “What’s all the fuss about this Elliot guy? Jen almost flipped over the table in her rush to get over there. Ow!” he protested, rubbing his knee. “What’d you do that for?”

  “Mind your own business,” Jen snapped under her breath. “So tell me, Elliot, how do you know everyone? It seems that everyone here is related in some way except you.”

  Elliot lifted a shoulder. “I moved into a new apartment building a few weeks ago and was lucky enough to meet Nicole and Haley. They were kind to an old bachelor and invited me along for all their fun.”

  “Actually,” Nicole said, “he’s the one that’s been kind. He’s been driving us all over the city today.” She let go of Elliot’s hand to hug his arm to her side. Elliot glanced at Rebecca before he smiled at Nicole, placing his free hand on hers.

  Rebecca’s phone buzzed again. It was Jen, texting under the table.

  He’s a jerk.

  Rebecca shook her head.

  No he’s not. There’s nothing wrong with flirting.

  There is if you don’t like the person you’re flirting with.

  Rebecca put the phone away. Why did everyone think Elliot didn’t like Nicole? Even she could see there was something there. Why couldn’t anyone else?

  When dinner arrived the conversation stopped. Jaime had seen the addition to the group and brought Jen and Scott’s plates to their table. Rebecca wasn’t sure that she didn’t want Jen back in her own booth. It was easier to ignore Elliot when she didn’t have Jen asking him innocent-sounding questions.

  “Oh, look,” Nicole said, inspecting her salad. “They made a design in my salad.”

  Glancing across the table, Rebecca almost choked. Jaime had drawn a person on Nicole’s salad: cucumber head, celery body, and carrot arms and legs. A stick person. She looked down at her own plate quickly. Elliot leaned over, speared the cucumber on his fork, and popped it in his mouth. “Delicious.”

  Rebecca could almost see the mischief spark in Jen’s eyes. “Scott and I were discussing once before we were married about his ideal woman,” she said casually. ““What is yours, Elliot? Do you have an ideal woman?”

  Elliot leaned back in his chair. “The ideal woman? She doesn’t exist.”

  “Sure she does,” Scott said. “I’m married to her.”

  “That’s so sweet,” Nicole said. “And I’m sure there are other ideal women out there besides Rebecca’s friend. Don’t you think so, Elliot?”

  She couldn’t help herself. Rebecca leaned her chin on her hand and asked, “Yes, don’t you think so, Elliot?”

  Gazing directly at her, Elliot said, “No. She doesn’t.”

  “But if you had to describe her, what kind of characteristics would she have?” Jen would not leave the subject alone.

  Elliot put his hands behind his head and thought for a moment. “Well, if I had to make a list, I would say that she would have to be tall, beautiful, and athletic. She would have her own money and not care that she had more than I did. And she would have to love the Cubs.”

  Jen put her fork down. “That’s it? That’s your ideal woman?”

  “Yup.”

  “You don’t have any other qualities you would consider important in the person you could spend the rest of your life with?”

  “Since most marriages end in divorce it hardly seems necessary to look for other qualifications.”

  Jen shook her head. “I pity the woman who agrees to marry you,” she said, and placed her fork on her empty plate. “Come on, Scott. Let’s get Rebecca those papers and head home.”

  Scott shoveled one last bite of food in his mouth and stood to his feet. “I’ll be right back,” he told Rebecca. A minute later he placed a paper in front of her and showed her where to sign. Then he put it in his pocket and squeezed her shoulder. “It was nice to meet all of you,” he said, and then he and Jen were gone.

  Elliot picked up his fork and began to eat again. “You have interesting friends,” he commented to Rebecca, and started talking to Nicole in a low voice.

  ***

  The next morning, Rebecca slept in later than she had since she started college. When she finally rolled out of bed, she ambled down the hall, poured a glass of juice, and sat down at the kitchen table. Michael had left the newspaper there again. Why not? She asked herself, and started to read.

  The Perfect Woman

  by Elliot Winters

  The perfect woman does not exist. I’m sure all of you women out there reading this are outraged by this thought; you probably all either think you are the perfect woman or you are intimate friends with one.

  The subject of the perfect woman came up last night as a group of friends and I had dinner together. When asked what I wanted in a woman, I said my ideal woman would be beautiful, athletic, tall, rich–of course–and love the Cubs. On further reflection, however, I find I shall have to update my list.

  Let me qualify this by reiterating that I do not believe the perfect woman to be in existence. I could search the world over for the rest of my life and never find anyone that could come close to perfection. But if I had to list my own ideal qualities, here is what my top five would look like.

  Beauty, although a beauty that does not recognize itself as beautiful. Intelligence, for what is the use of a pretty face if all you can do is look at it? Humility, to help me remember that it’s all right to admit you’re wrong sometimes. Humor, including the ability to laugh at herself before laughing at others, and honesty, or the whole list isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

  I knew someone, a long time ago, who possessed all five of these qualities. At least I thought she did. But she proved me wrong in the end.

  Love transforms people. Sometimes they turn into happy, contented, well-adjusted members of society. But more often than not, they are transformed into monkeys.

  I was monkey-fied once, and I swore it would never happen again. And it won’t. Period. And no matter how much people change, this man will not submit to such a humiliating transformation again. Even if the person I once loved seems to be even more remarkable and amazing than she was seven years ago.

  Chapter Five

  The paper landed with a thud on the floor next to Rebecca’s chair. After all this time, did Elliot still love her?

  That was impossible, she thought. How could Elliot possibly have feelings for her after seven years of separation? Well, maybe he did have feelings of some sort, she reminded herself. He had been pretty rude since that disastrous meeting the week before. Maybe he was still angry. Again, that seemed impossible.

  As she was trying to think of a reasonable explanation for Elliot’s column she wandered back to her bedroom just in time to catch her phone ringing.


  “Hey, Jen.”

  “Have you read the paper yet?”

  “Part of it. Why do you ask?”

  “Is the Elliot Winters, Tribune columnist, the same Elliot I met last night, or does this picture in the paper just have an uncanny resemblance to him?”

  Rebecca sighed. She had wondered how long it would take Jen to figure that out. “I’m afraid so.”

  Jen whistled. “And I thought he was a jerk before,” she said. “Now I have proof.”

  “Wait a minute. He’s not a jerk–”

  Jen made a rude noise. “Yes, he is,” she insisted. “Stop defending him. It’s getting on my nerves. How did he treat you yesterday?”

  Rebecca thought back. For the most part Elliot had completely ignored her. “He mostly paid attention to Nicole,” she said. “I told you yesterday that flirting does not make someone a jerk. And he did pick me up from the library.”

  Jen made the rude noise again. “That’s because no one else had a car.” Rebecca didn’t say anything. “Not only is it rude to lead someone on, even if they’re as dumb as Nicole seems to be, but it’s also horrible to treat a person–you–as if she doesn’t exist during the day and then go and write in the newspaper, for millions of people to read, that he’s still in love with her.”

  Rebecca sighed. “Elliot’s not still in love with me. That whole column is a fiction to sell more papers.”

  “I don’t think so. And if that were true, then he’s using you for his own personal gain. Still a jerk.”

  Rebecca thought this was going a little too far. “Jen, don’t be ridiculous.”

  “I’m serious,” Jen said, and then she laughed. “Maybe you should let Scott and me interrogate him again. We’ll get the truth out of him and then we’ll take care of him for you.”

  Rebecca smiled. Good old Jen. She was always a sucker for lost causes. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

  “Fine, ruin my fun. Now that I’m married I get left out of all interesting interrogations.” Jen paused to talk to someone in the background. “Listen, I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll call you later, all right?”