Dearest Friends

by Pamela Lynne

  ********

  Mr. Gardiner stood outside Longbourn waiting for his wife’s carriage to arrive. The cold morning air was refreshing after spending the night attending his brother as he shook and vomited and began to expel the remnants of the poison that had consumed him these past months. He was in a great deal of pain; Mr. Gardiner could tell. He spoke in moans while his hands clutched his chest, nearly ripping through his night clothes as if he were trying to find his way inside.

  Darcy’s doctor arrived shortly after he departed for the inn. He would stay until the end, which, in his estimation, would be within the next two months. After much debate, it was decided Mr. Bennet would be weaned off the laudanum and would only be allowed a small amount per day to help manage the pain. The hope was the opium fog would lift enough for him to say his goodbyes.

  Gardiner tilted his head up as a cold wind settled over the garden. In the light of day, he had to admit to himself that he had gotten carried away in his anger the day before. There was no doubt in his mind that he would have killed Bennet had Darcy not been there. His cool head was needed at Longbourn as well. When they arrived, he ranted at the servants for not caring about his sister and nieces enough to inform him or his brother Philips about what had been happening in the house. No one in his sight was to keep their job, not even Hill, the housekeeper who had been with the family for more than a decade. Darcy did not disagree with him but had the presence of mind to at least keep the cook and one maid until a new staff could be hired.

  Darcy. Gardner thought on the man who would soon be his nephew. In his short time in Meryton the day before, he displayed much of his complex character. He had shown compassion to a man who had held a gun on him and tenderness to a woman who, even in her pain and gratitude, found little good to say of his betrothed. He had even managed to admonish his two silliest almost sisters with a firm kindness and damn if they did not respond. There was nothing like standing next to a truly good man to make one realize the depths of his own mistakes.

  He never should have let Elizabeth and Jane return to Longbourn and to the care of an insolent man and nonsensical woman. He should have paid more attention to his younger nieces and should have anticipated the situation with Collins. Nothing about his business escaped his notice, and he should have been just as diligent with his sister. He was mired in regret.

  The carriage finally arrived and was barely stopped before Gardiner opened the door and handed his wife out, pulling her close to him in spite of the driver’s presence. He said nothing but guided her upstairs, where he loved her intensely, trying to regain his confidence and clear his mind of all that was broken around him. Lying safely in his wife’s embrace, he told her everything that happened the day before.

  “I would have killed him, Maddy, right there in our parlor if Darcy had not stopped me. Even after I calmed and brought him here to be cared for, I could have killed him when I saw Fanny’s bruises. Knowing that I would have to kill Collins as well was the only thing that stopped me.”

  Mrs. Gardiner answered low and soothingly, “No, Edward, that is not what stopped you. You did not kill him because that is not who you are. You were angry and rightfully so, but you would have stopped yourself before you went too far.”

  Mr. Gardiner held her tighter as he doubted her words while simultaneously feeling gratitude for her assurances. No matter what, she would always see him as a good man.

  “How is Fanny?”

  He laughed ruefully. “Other than the physical evidence of her abuse, one would not see any difference. She was embarrassed at first, but she soon felt more at ease. God, Maddy, Darcy did a remarkable job of hiding it, but I could tell he was mortified by their behavior yesterday. Rather than showing any concern for Elizabeth, all three of them expressed their great disappointment in not having a big society wedding, complete with elegant dinners and balls. It is so frustrating to see that Fanny is the same selfish, attention-seeking girl she was at fifteen. Nothing will ever change her, and she has raised her girls to be the same.”

  “But they are not, at least not all of them. I assure you, Jane and Mary have felt the force of their father’s actions. Kitty and Lydia are still young. If Elizabeth is allowed to have influence over her sisters, they still may turn into decent women. Georgiana could be a valuable asset as well.”

  “Is it wrong that I feel more protective of Miss Darcy than I do of Lydia and Kitty? I do not want them near her, and I am sure Darcy feels the same way.”

  “I doubt that. He will see them as his sisters and take responsibility for their upbringing just as he has for Georgiana. Lizzy’s marriage will bring good things for the Bennets, Edward. We have to believe that things will change for the better.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. “All will be well.”

  He rolled over to once again seek reassurance in the love of his wife. He could not completely silence his doubts, but for at least a little while, he could believe in her confidence that all would indeed be well.

  ********

  “Jane?” Elizabeth continued to stroke her sister’s hair as her breathing calmed. Jane sniffed and wiped away her tears with the back of her hands.

  “What must you think of me?” she finally managed after some minutes.

  “To be honest, Jane, I do not know what to think. I am grateful that you came to London to tell me about Papa and Mr. Collins, but I am confused. The last time we spoke, you were ready to sacrifice me to the devil himself. What changed?” Elizabeth’s voice was full of emotion, but she was determined not to cry.

  “Oh, Lizzy, I am so sorry for what I did to you. There is no excuse, truly, but I was afraid. Mr. Bingley had gone, and Papa had collapsed. There seemed to be no other choice.”

  The compassion Elizabeth felt moments before faded, but she tried to stem her anger as she spoke. “No other choice? Tell me, Jane, how much time have you spent with Mr. Collins? Do you still find him respectable? Because from what Mr. Darcy witnessed yesterday, he is nothing but vile. He assaulted our uncle’s maid, Jane, threatened to perform grotesque acts on her person if she did not tell him where I was. That is what you wanted me to marry. That was the life you wished upon me for the sake of your own comfort!”

  Elizabeth could no longer contain her anger or her tears. She stood up to pace in an effort to calm. Jane watched her, seeing for the first time all the pain she had caused as it washed over Lizzy’s features. She had felt small before when she acknowledged the extent of her jealously, but now as she fully realized her sister’s pain, she could see why the Darcys and Fitzwilliams hated her. Her stomach flipped, and she went cold. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to just fade away.

  “I had no way of knowing that, Lizzy. None of us saw his true character then.” Jane’s voice was pleading, but Elizabeth just shook her head.

  “But you did know mine, Jane! You knew exactly how to hurt me. You spoke vicious words to me for no other reason than to break me, and you nearly did. Do you have any idea how close I came to agreeing? I never would have if my dearest sister, my best friend in the entire world, had not made me feel as if I were nothing. You wanted to hurt me.”

  Jane stood. “You are right, I did. I was heartbroken, Lizzy. I loved Mr. Bingley. I put all of my hopes, both for my future and for that of my family, into him, and he left to pursue Miss Darcy. I was not good enough, and Mama would not let me be. She made me sit with her and listen to her lament for days, Lizzy, and when I finally escaped, I was confronted with Papa’s illness. He did not see my pain or even his own suffering. He thought only of you.

  “My emotions were already frayed, and I became angry, and yes, I wanted you to hurt as much as I did. I am sorry, Lizzy. I will go to my grave regretting the words I spoke to you, but I have done my penance. I spent the last two months in hell as our father slipped into madness. You have no idea what it has been like at Longbourn.” Her voice broke, and she sat back down, deflated. “I lost everything, all security, all hope, and all sense of who I was, and I ha
d no Lizzy to comfort me.”

  Elizabeth dropped her shoulders as guilt pierced her resentment. With a great deal of trepidation, she approached the bed and sat next to Jane. Her voiced was strained and hoarse from crying.

  “I am sorry for what you and our sisters have experienced since I left. I can only imagine how you must have felt. What do you want, Jane?”

  “I want your forgiveness, your trust, your confidence. Beyond that, I have no idea.”

  Elizabeth was not ready to give her those and perhaps never could. Still, she wanted to give her something.

  “Mr. Bingley is not pursuing Georgiana.”

  Jane’s breath caught in her throat. “He is not?”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “Yesterday was the first time he has seen her since last summer. They have no interest in each other. When I saw Mr. Bingley recently, all he could speak of was you.”

  Jane’s tears started anew. “Truly?”

  Elizabeth nodded. Jane took her hand and gave a slight smile, knowing Elizabeth was giving her as much as she could at the moment.

  “Thank you.”

  Breakfast arrived, and Jane ate very little, still feeling the emotional effects of the morning. Though she had not received absolution, her confession had begun the processes of healing, and she felt she could move forward without the heavy weight of guilt holding her down. She did not know her next step, but she could only hope that the path ahead would lead her to peace.

  Chapter Twenty One

  * * *

  Richard blew a long breath through puffed cheeks as he paced the room, crossing his arms back and forth over his bare chest. He had not slept well and suffered his brother’s curses several times in the night as he tossed and turned. Sebastian gave up on sleep just before dawn and quitted the room for the stables, leaving Richard alone in his state of unrest. He was unsettled, which was not an unusual condition. He had been antsy for months, years if he were to be honest with himself, but now there was no battle to distract him. He regretted not going with his cousin the previous day. Though he enjoyed the company inside the carriage, he believed he could have better aided Darcy with his sword than with his society, and he felt a great need to use his sword just now.

  He stopped his pacing in front of the washbasin, leaned onto the cabinet, and looked into the mirror. Like Sebastian, and he would imagine Darcy, his beard was growing in. The lack of valets was an excuse for the other gentlemen to forgo shaving, but he could easily shave himself. If there were reason to miss a day or two of the annoying task or even grow a full beard, he would do so gladly. He ran his hand over his jaw. I wonder if Anne would like it. He rolled his eyes at his reflection. How the hell would she know what she liked?

  He splashed water on his face and watched as the drops made their way down his neck to his chest. The blonde hairs were marred with pink and white blemishes, souvenirs from battles long over but not forgotten. His damp hand traced their pattern while his mind wandered through the question that had him turning in his bed the night before: what do I have to offer her?

  The honest answer to that was absolutely nothing. Sebastian had been wrong when he told Georgiana that no one ever considered Anne. Richard had thought of her quite often over the years, but it all came down to one thing: he had nothing to offer, especially when compared to Darcy. He would bring nothing save his person and investments that were a trifle compared to Rosings or Anne’s dowry. He knew nothing about estate management, and unless the French marched on Kent, he would be quite useless.

  All he had were his affections and his person. He was confident he could keep her happy in that respect, but would that be enough after a few years? It certainly would not be enough to convince Catherine to bless the match. He laughed a little, imagining his aunt’s face when he tried to win her over. No, Aunt Catherine, I bring no fortune to the marriage, but I can ensure she will have such relentless pleasure as my wife that she will have no cause to repine. His mind was stuck on relentless pleasure when his brother walked in with a very Darcy-like scowl.

  “What is the matter?”

  “I just had words with Elizabeth’s sister.”

  “Which one, the shrew or the nun?” The question earned him a slap on the back of the head.

  “Why did you do that?” Richard cried while he rubbed his head and wondered at his family’s propensity to do him bodily harm.

  “Do not speak of Miss Mary that way. She is a lovely girl.”

  “But I can call Jane a shrew?”

  Sebastian shrugged. “You may call her whatever you like, and unless you call her kind or loyal, it would likely be true.”

  Richard pulled his shirt on and, as he tucked it into his breeches, asked, “What happened?”

  “I caught her coming out of Elizabeth’s room.”

  “So?”

  Sebastian sighed. “I arranged for Elizabeth to occupy the room adjoining Darcy’s.”

  “Ah, so Miss Bennet got an eyeful of . . . something she was not expecting.”

  “So it would seem. She intended to send an express to Mr. Gardiner before I convinced her otherwise.”

  “What on earth for? If I know Darcy, it is likely that Elizabeth’s virtue may have been somewhat jostled, but left intact. As far as I know, he has kept his vow since the incident at Cambridge, and I do not think he would break it just yet. We are already on our way to Scotland. Mr. Gardiner certainly would not kill him at this point. What did she hope to accomplish?”

  “The only thing she could have accomplished was making her own self look jealous and spiteful. I saved her from herself, I suppose.”

  “Ever the gentleman, are you not? Will you tell Darcy?”

  “Is there reason to, do you think? She seems to have thought better of it. Why add yet another worry?”

  Richard sat on the bed and pulled on his boots. “As you said, even if she chooses to tell Mr. Gardiner, she will only make herself look ruthless. He would give Darcy a firm talking to, but that would likely be all. Perhaps we should just put it to rest for the time being.”

  He let out a long breath as he leaned over to rest his elbows on his knees. “However, this is the second time I am aware of that she has purposely tried to hurt Elizabeth. We are not far from Hertfordshire; it would not be much trouble to have her escorted back to Longbourn.”

  Sebastian nodded. “I will speak to Darcy before we leave then.” He watched as Richard stood and repeated his previous motions. “For heaven’s sake, Brother, will you do something to calm yourself? Whoever shares your carriage today is likely to throw you from it if you do not.” He motioned to Richard’s coat. “Have some brandy.”

  “I have none. Anne drank it all.”

  “Well, the barmaid is not overly attractive, but if you follow Father’s advice, she might be a serviceable solution.” Sebastian’s tease was answered with a punch in the arm as Richard completed another circuit around the room. When he again drew near, Sebastian caught his arm and spoke earnestly.

  “Hire a horse, and go for a hard ride, Brother. Get whatever this is off your back so you will not be miserable in the carriage later.”

  Richard nodded, grabbed his coat and hat, and left the room as his brother trailed behind. They reached the dining room to find Darcy and all the women except two already seated to breakfast. Darcy and Mary sat slightly apart from the rest and looked to be in serious discussion. Sebastian went to them while Richard greeted the other ladies before moving on to the stables. Sebastian acknowledged Darcy with a nod then sat down next to Mary, picked up the teapot in front of her, and refilled her cup. He could see the great effort she was making not to cry or look directly at Darcy. She seemed sad and ashamed, and his compassion came through as he spoke gently.

  “What has you so upset this morning, Miss Mary?”

  She shook her head slowly and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm before speaking. “Mr. Darcy was relaying the events from yesterday. My father has gone mad, and Mr. Collins is an appalling man, but we
already knew those things. I am not sure why it upsets me so now.”

  “Only the coldest of hearts would not be affected by those things, Miss Mary. You are among friends, so please do not be afraid to show your feelings. We only want to help.”

  Sebastian chose to ignore Darcy’s expression that screamed, “who are you, and what have you done with my derelict cousin,” as he gave Mary his handkerchief and patted her hand.

  Mary gave him a soft smile and took a sip of tea before she spoke again.

  “I think I should return to Longbourn.”

  Startled by her words, Sebastian and Darcy responded at the same time.

  “Whatever for?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  She finally looked at Darcy but chose to address Sebastian first. “Because, Viscount Hedley, my father is ill and likely dying. Someone from the family should see to his care. Elizabeth is getting married, and I doubt Jane or my other sisters will be willing. We cannot depend on my mother to show either compassion or good sense. I must be the one to go.”

  “I am sure he will receive the best medical care, Miss Mary. There is no need for you to go to him now.”

  Darcy nodded in confirmation.

  Mary drew a deep, unsteady breath and beheld Sebastian’s concern and curiosity. “I live my life by a certain standard, sir, in an effort to be better than my surroundings. If I stray from that now, I will be just like them, and I will not be that.” Her eyes again fell to her lap.

  Ignoring another look from Darcy, Sebastian brought Mary’s hand to his lips then spoke with an authority he did not know he possessed.

  “You are not going.”

  Mary did not have time to blush before her eyes narrowed into a pointed look at the viscount. “I beg your pardon?”

  This time it was Darcy who spoke. “My cousin is right, Miss Mary. You are not going back to Longbourn, at least not yet. Your uncle will join us soon and will tell us of your father’s condition. I understand the duty you feel, but I cannot let you go until I know it is safe to do so.”