Dearest Friends

by Pamela Lynne

  “Why is it, Brother, that I cannot break this habit I have of acting dishonorably?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Sebastian sighed and lowered his gaze back down to the bottle. “I kissed Mary yesterday.”

  Richard’s eyebrows rose in understanding. He dined at Darcy House the previous evening, and though both Sebastian and Mary were expected, neither was in attendance. He joked with Anne that perhaps they had come to their senses and run away. She then informed him that she spent some time that afternoon in Mary’s chambers holding her hand while she wept. Anne tried to talk to her once her tears stopped, but Mary gave her a firm no and refused to say more.

  “Oh?”

  “She has never had anything but the highest opinion of me, and I had to prove myself a cad. But I had to know, just once. God, what is she feeling now? Confusion, probably. Shame, more likely. She is not like the ladies of our circle who can grant favors without a thought. She is eighteen, innocent. I do not know how she will look at me now or if she can forgive me for taking something that was not mine. That should belong only to her husband.”

  Richard leaned forward and spoke emphatically, “Then be her husband, Sebastian. You obviously love her. Why not act on it?”

  “Damn it, Richard!” Sebastian grabbed the decanter, stood, and slammed it down on a nearby table. He turned and walked to the window, where he leaned his elbow against the glass, supporting his forehead in his hand.

  “Forgive me, Sebastian. I know we are never to speak of it, for surely if we never say the word, it will just go away. Why can you not allow yourself this?”

  The viscount turned from the window and glared at his brother. He rubbed his hands over his face then threw his arms out in front of him.

  “Very well, Richard. I will play your game. Let us say I convince her to accept me, and by that same miracle, her uncle grants his consent. What then?”

  “You live happily.”

  Sebastian shook his head. “For how long, Brother? When she sees how our family lives and how our land and legacy have been ignored, how our tenants live in squalor, how long will I have her respect? Her 5,000 pounds, all she has in the world, would do very little to ease our debts. How can I take that from her and give her nothing in return? I cannot even guarantee her a better life than she has now.”

  He paused to calm his breathing, but the lump in his throat would not subside. He gripped the table tightly as he leaned over it, lowered his head, and took a deep breath. He looked back to his brother. The anguish in his face took Richard by surprise.

  “If I continue to ignore my duty and brush aside the needs of the people who depend on us so that I may fulfill my own desires, I will be the same man I was before I met her—before she challenged me to be better. I cannot have her and be the man she expects me to be. L—” He hesitated a moment. “Love would only take us so far, Richard. I need her good opinion. I need her to have faith in me and to be proud of me. The only way I can accomplish that is to let her go, become a better man, and pray that she will be happy.”

  “With someone else?”

  “With someone worthy of her.”

  The brothers stared at each other for a moment. Richard knew not what else he could say. Sebastian was right, but he still wished for a way to secure his brother’s happiness.

  “I will leave you be. Take a few minutes to collect yourself. They will be here shortly. I will see you in the hall.”

  Sebastian nodded and watched him leave. He drew a few deep breaths and ran his hand through his hair. He had a part to play that night, and he would not ruin Elizabeth and Anne’s evening due to his scowling. Darcy would likely do that well enough on his own. With a heavy heart and knotted stomach, he walked out the door to face what would prove to be a very painful night.

  ********

  Elizabeth sat still and silent in the carriage as she contemplated Lady Catherine. The woman was an enigma. She was elitist, at times cruel and crude, and considered her own opinion far superior to those around her. Yet, she was very tender toward the people she loved. With those fortunate few, she passed on her far-superior knowledge with a degree of kindness that made her almost seem normal—as normal as one could appear when covered in that much lace and wearing that many jewels. Elizabeth was sure that if the light landed on her just right, they would all be blinded from the reflection.

  She must be trying to outshine Lady Susan.

  Elizabeth smiled slightly as she thought that normal was a word that could never be attributed to the Fitzwilliams. They provided character studies that could keep her busy for years. If not for the extreme mortification they often times caused her husband, she would have found them most diverting. She bowed her head slightly and pressed her lips together as she thought briefly about her father. The man she knew as a child would have found much amusement at the expense of her new family. She missed that man; she would mourn that man, even if he had only existed in her mind.

  She looked back up in time to catch Lady Catherine’s words as she warned them all about what to expect from her peers. When she was like this, she reminded her very much of Aunt Gardiner, only shorter and shinier.

  “They are truly horrible people,” she declared with much hauteur. “They will be pleasant to you at first, especially you, Mrs. Darcy, but do not trust them. They believe London society to be theirs and do not appreciate anyone new, or worse, original, invading their territory. Be on your guard, ladies, as soon as the old order sees that you are taking attention away from them, this happy little assembly we are attending will turn into a battlefield. They will be snide and backhanded and pelt you with what they think is wit. The three of you have qualities they have either never had or have forgone for the sake of approval.”

  She paused for a moment and looked at each of them. She knew Elizabeth would handle herself well and not let the jaded attendees bother her very much. Her dear Anne and her quiet friend might not fare as well.

  “Anne, my dear, if you feel it is too much, just find me, and we will leave.”

  Her daughter rolled her eyes in a very petulant manner. “It is one evening, Mother. I am not going to wilt under their scrutiny.”

  “You say that now, Anne, but this is your first time in London society. You know not how to manage the pettiness you will see tonight. You have not been privy to such childishness as will be on display there.”

  All eyes turned to Lady Catherine in disbelief. Did she not remember attempting to tear her nephew’s hair out of his head or every conversation she ever had with Lady Susan?

  “What?” She adjusted her jewels and headpiece, thinking she had become untidy. When no answer came, she continued.

  “Sebastian will be watched as well. It has become known that he will soon choose a wife. I wonder who she will be.”

  Anne slyly took her friend’s hand as Darcy answered his aunt.

  “You need not wonder as his choice has been made. It is believed that Miss Constance Gandy has the largest dowry among the single ladies of the ton, so he will dance with her tonight and speak to her father tomorrow.”

  “Can he not take more time? Are things that bad, Nephew?”

  Darcy nodded. “It is imperative that he marry soon and put his wife’s dowry into Matlock if it is to be saved. I offered him money, but he refused. He is finally taking responsibility for his actions and is willing to pay for his mistakes and work to make a new start. I hardly recognize him but am happy to see his improvement.”

  Mary was awash with emotions. All day, she struggled with guilt and shame over her kiss with Sebastian. All she had ever had of real value was her virtue, and she gave a large part of that to him with no promises or expectations. What surprised her most was that it was so easy to do. She now questioned herself and her ability to resist temptation. She faced it only once in her life and failed miserably. What would she do if she were faced with it again?

  Her guilt added fuel to the burning in her chest that ignited when she thought abo
ut never kissing him again, never being of use to him, and having to relinquish her place next to him to some other woman. She had held that place for such a short time, but it was hers nonetheless. Yet, he was to offer for another the next day.

  In the weeks she had known him, she never let her mind wander through thoughts of a future with Sebastian. Since his kiss, all she could think of was life without him. Their dance tonight would be their last. They would never again have time alone together. That connection between them that allowed their understanding of each other would be severed. How was she to stand it? She did not think she could look at him without crying, but she had to dance with him. Worse, she had to watch him dance with other women, including the one he was to marry. Emotions she had never before experienced were springing up inside her, causing her stomach to clench. She would not make it through the night without becoming ill; of this she was certain.

  Even with the war that raged inside of her, she could not help but smile slightly at Darcy’s words. Sebastian was atoning for his sins; he was working to be better. Although his new attention to his duty would cause her pain, she was proud of him. He was going to be a great man, and though she would not be part of the progress, she was grateful to have shared the beginning. That, at least, gave her comfort.

  ********

  The carriage stopped in front of Matlock House, and Darcy got out to help the ladies down. Elizabeth was the last one out, and he took the opportunity to bring her hand to his lips. As the others walked up the steps, he bent down to whisper huskily in her ear.

  “Elizabeth, I apologize for not telling you earlier how beautiful you look. Not for the first time in our acquaintance, you left me dumbstruck. Thank you for remembering my request that you wear this again. I will spend the evening in gratitude, knowing that this time when I press you against the wall, I will not have to stop with just your garter.”

  He kissed her ear and smiled as he watched her blush creep up her neck to her cheeks. As they followed the others in, Darcy mentally made note of every nook and dark corner in Matlock’s public rooms. They would not be able to sneak away, but he could caress and explore on those likely rare occasions when no one was looking. He took advantage of their position behind the rest of the party and slowly moved the hand that was resting on her back down to place his first clandestine touch of the night. She continued to look straight ahead as she spoke low and evenly.

  “Behave, Mr. Darcy.” A smug look graced his features as he gave the firm flesh under his palm a slight squeeze.

  “No.”

  “Teasing man. I will pay you no attention.”

  “That is unfortunate, Mrs. Darcy, but of little matter. You may return my favors when we are in the carriage in a few hours.”

  “You wish me to scandalize your aunt, Mr. Darcy?”

  “I do not think you could scandalize her, my love, but she will not be with us. I ordered another carriage to be ready in case any of our party tires early and needs to leave. I believe, dearest, that you are already showing signs of fatigue.”

  “Do you mean to tell me, sir, that you plan to have your way with me as we ride through the streets of London?”

  “Yes.”

  She finally turned to look at him and, giving a sultry smile, replied, “I shall look forward to it, Mr. Darcy.”

  ********

  Mr. Gardiner looked over the ballroom at the faces in the crowd with no little amount of disgust. Too many of these gentlemen or their representatives had graced his door with their hands out while at the same time looking down on him as an inferior. A better man, a true gentleman perhaps, would not take satisfaction in calling their loans, taking their possessions, and selling them for a fraction of their actual worth. It was good for him that he was not a gentleman, nor did he have any desire to be.

  Though one could not tell from the display before him, genteel society was fading slowly. Like the ancient Romans, their excesses would be their downfall. Given all he knew about polite society, he was happy to watch it fall. It would not take many more generations before Cheapside would take over Mayfair, and he was proud to know that his sons would be part of the coming new era.

  He continued to look around in search of his nieces. He eyes first landed on Elizabeth. Darcy had a tight grip on her as they stood talking to some peer or another who had yet to take his eyes off her. Elizabeth’s eyes danced merrily as Darcy glared at the man. He wondered whom she was laughing at—her husband or the fool standing in front of her with a look of wonder on his face.

  From the whispers around him, Mr. Gardiner was able to gather that most of the men in the room were surprised to see Darcy settled with such a lively, attractive woman. The women of the room were both jealous and curious.

  While Darcy would never be one to show the real extent of his happiness in a public setting, what he did show was astonishing. He was seen whispering in his wife’s ear, kissing her hand, and genuinely smiling down upon her throughout the evening. They could not comprehend such behavior from a man who had never shown a preference for any of their own, and in the usual fashion of the ignorant, they hated what they did not understand.

  Mr. Gardiner began moving, seeking out the face of his other niece. When he found it, his own became quite grave. Mary stood stoically among a small group of young women, and though she gave no outward signs of distress, he could not help but be concerned. He noticed the same expression on her face when she danced with Hedley earlier, and it would not have seemed odd had he not witnessed her countenance when previously in company with the viscount. Something had happened, and he was sure he had finally shown his true colors. He believed she was lamenting her bad judgment, and he hoped her heart had not been too affected. It was good they would all be leaving London the next day.

  Mr. Gardiner would have been surprised to know that though she was struggling to contain the effects of her heartache, the feeling Mary was trying valiantly to repress at the moment was hate. She had never harbored hatred for anyone in her life, not even her father or Mr. Collins. But that was the only word she could use to describe her intense reaction while listening to the conversation between Anne and Miss Constance Gandy.

  Miss Gandy was perfectly cordial, a little silly perhaps, but overall inoffensive, yet Mary had to keep her hands tightly grasped together in an effort not to pull the poor girl’s hair. Lady Catherine had requested the introduction, believing she and Anne should be friends. Lady Catherine did not realize that Anne’s loyalty to both Mary and Sebastian would cause her Fitzwilliam to overrun the brief lessons on civility she had recently been given.

  “Miss Gandy, I saw you dancing with my cousin earlier.”

  “Yes, Viscount Hedley did me a great honor in choosing to dance with me after his turns with his family.” She smiled at both Anne and Mary. She was very eloquent and held herself together very well in spite of the malicious tone of Anne’s voice. There really seemed to be nothing wrong with this girl, but that did not stop Anne. There had to be something about her she could justifiably dislike.

  “He did not seem particularly interested in the conversation. He kept looking about the room as if trying to find something of interest. Of what did you speak?”

  “My gown, mostly. He complimented me on the color, and I told him about the trip my mother and I took to the modiste to order it. It is interesting that you paid such close attention to the brother of your betrothed. You must be a very close family.”

  There it was.

  “Yes, we are very close. Darcy, Sebastian, my dear Richard, and I all played together as children. We are very fortunate to have maintained our friendship as adults.”

  “Yes, I believe where there is fortune enough, maintaining friendships would be rather easy.” Her tone was light, but the implication of her words hit the intended mark. Seeing Anne had caught her meaning she added, “Postage and travel can become expensive over time.”

  “I have been told that it is impolite to talk about money, but since you have a
pproached the subject, let us continue. I hear you have a substantial fortune, Miss Gandy.” Anne looked her over with an air of nonchalance. The girl in front of her was rather plain but tried to hide that beneath an abundance of silk and feathers. “It was very wise of your parents to retain such a sum for you. In some cases, you just cannot extend too much effort to ensure marriageability.”

  Mary closed her eyes as a wave of nausea claimed her body. Listening to the ladies purposely try to hurt each other was not settling well. She was stunned by Anne’s cruelty and ashamed of herself for the brief satisfaction she took from it. Miss Gandy quickly formed a retort, and she and Anne continued their cutting banter, neither of them noticing Mary’s face going white. Thankfully, there was a gentleman in the crowd who did notice, and he made his way to her and pulled her away before the emotions overtook her completely.

  ********

  Darcy stood with his cousins on the periphery of the crowd and watched the scene before them in a way they had done countless times before. Lady Susan had just taken Elizabeth from him to speak with some society ladies, and he was already pining.

  “Darcy, she is hardly ten steps away. Surely you can refrain from touching her for the brief moments it takes for Mother to parade her around the room.”

  “Richard, does Anne not need you to attend her?” Darcy replied curtly, his eyes remaining on his wife.

  Richard wrinkled his nose and sipped his wine. “She sent me away. She said she had the rest of her life to be with me and did not want my ‘fidgeting manner’ to get in the way of her time with Mary.”

  The gentlemen laughed. “It seems your bride has already tired of you, Brother. You made it to the day before the wedding before you lost her love. I am impressed.”