by Skye Jordan
“That’s cool. I didn’t know you could do that.”
“Yeah. It was. I first noticed my dad had something going on—something beyond the normal flu or colds or whatever—about two or three months into my senior year. I didn’t find out he had cancer until after he died of a heart attack two days after Quinn and I graduated.”
“Oh God.” True dread filled Tate’s words, and a ball of anguish sat heavily in the pit of Olivia’s stomach. “They didn’t know? The doctors didn’t catch it? Did the cancer cause his heart problems?”
“That’s where the ax falls in our family. They did know. Mom and Dad knew at least six months before Dad died, but they didn’t tell me and Quinn.”
“Jesus…” His arm tightened around her.
“Only Quinn found out by accident. She heard mom crying, went to check on her and overheard her and dad talking about it. I wasn’t home. I was catering an event with my high school class that night. And when I got home, everything seemed totally normal. Even looking back a hundred times, knowing that they all knew, I still couldn’t find any sign of it.”
“They didn’t tell you?” Tate asked, disbelief filling his voice.
“No. None of them. Life went on as if nothing had changed. There were little shifts. Quinn seemed moodier than normal. She drifted away from me. When I talked to mom about it, she told me it was a normal part of growing up. That Quinn was preparing herself for the day we separated for college. Whenever I asked Dad how he was feeling, he blamed his trips to the doctor, his fatigue, his loss of appetite on stress at work, and something I didn’t need to worry about. I was seventeen, and I was busy. They’d never lied to me before, so I just took them at their word.”
She stopped. This was the killer. The other stuff was anguishing, but this cut Olivia open. She let her gaze blur over the streets of DC as they came into the city, her mind years in the past.
“I was out with friends when I got the call that Dad was in the hospital. And even though I was only a ten minute taxi ride away, he was already gone when I got there.”
“Oh no,” Tate breathed, his voice pained. “Baby, that’s…”
He trailed off. She understood. There were no words.
Over the years, she’d had to find some way of coping and in a lot of ways, she felt dead inside when it came to this part of her life.
She cleared her throat and took a breath. “His heart attack was brought on by the cancer’s progression. A shut down of his organs, they said. In the days that followed, I found out about the cover up. Logically, I know why they did it. My father didn’t want me to give up on culinary school. My mother knew I would have dropped everything and spent every minute with him. Quinn…Quinn was just as lost as I was. She did what her parents told her was best.
“They’d planned on telling me that summer, between high school and college, but that choice was taken out of their hands. They robbed me of those last months with the person I loved most on this earth. I didn’t get to tell him how much I loved him. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t even get to be there with him when he went.” Those thoughts still brought tears, ten years later. “I felt totally betrayed by the people I trusted most. The people who were supposed to love me and keep me safe. And the last thing I wanted to do was stay there. I didn’t even want to go to culinary school anymore. Everything that was tied to my family reminded me of my loss and the betrayal.”
Tate pulled into his complex. He navigated into his parking spot and turned off the truck. Olivia sighed, straightened and released her seatbelt. Tate did the same, but made no move to get out. They sat there a moment in silence.
“In the last few months of his life, my dad had become almost preachy about the value of living life to the fullest and following your heart. He’d gotten me hooked on the idea of never missing out on the adventures life had to offer. So when I felt like I had no one left I could trust and I needed to escape the heartbreak, I took everything I’d saved over the years from birthdays and part time jobs and bought a one-way ticket to Paris, because it was one of the places we’d always talked about going. I didn’t end up staying there long before I started moving around. And I’ve lived on every continent, experienced dozens and dozens of cities, but now, coming up on the tenth anniversary of his death, living, working and soon going to culinary school in Paris seems like…fate or destiny or coming full circle. Whatever you want to call it, it just feels like something I need to finish before I can figure out where I go from here.”
Tate stroked a hand over her hair. “He’d be so damn proud of you, Liv.”
That pushed tears to her eyes again and she huffed a sound, part laugh, part sob. “Yeah. He would. Thanks.” She looked down at her hands. “That’s why this thing with mom’s company is so… It’s troubling and upsetting and it pisses me off, too. From the moment I got here, I’ve been discovering things I didn’t know. Things they’ve kept from me. And I still don’t have the whole story.
“Mom and Quinn used Dad’s life insurance and the money mom and dad had saved for college to start the company. I couldn’t have cared less, but I didn’t think that was fair to Quinn. But when I left, they felt abandoned, despite the fact that their behavior pushed me away. It’s a huge rift, a decade in the making. We’ve made small progress over the years, but they’ve still never visited me once. Never truly valued my abilities until I saved them at the engagement party. Yet, still won’t take my advice. I just don’t know if we’ll ever be able to mend things.”
“Man, baby,” Tate commiserated. “That’s messy.”
“Very messy. Too messy. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do lies. I can’t to secrets. I need things open and out front so I know where I stand, you know?”
He nodded. “I get it.”
“That’s not happening with mom yet. I’m not even sure it’s fully happening with Quinn. I don’t know if it will ever happen. And, God, I love them, but I don’t trust them. It’s a horrible thing to say, but it’s a worse way to feel. And how do you repair a relationship like that? I just…I don’t know what to do with them and it breaks my heart a little more every time I come home.”
He sighed, shook his head. “I’m so sorry you went through all that. I can’t even imagine how painful and complicated it has to be for you.”
“And I’m sorry into turn in such a downer after such a blockbuster start to the night.” She smiled stroked his face.
He laughed, leaned in and kissed her. “You’re not a downer. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
He kissed her again, sliding his warm tongue into her mouth. Olivia sighed and leaned into him. Pulling back just enough to break the kiss, she said, “Thanks for being so awesomely you.”
11
Tate drew Olivia into the master bath by the hand and reached in to turn on the shower. While he adjusted the temperature, she rested against his back, draping herself over him.
Once he had the temperature right, he turned and drew her dress over her head then unclasped her bra. Olivia dragged off his tee and pushed down his pants and they both stepped into the steamy shower.
He held her, letting her rest as much of her weight in his arms as she wanted. That was something he’d always wished for in a mate, to know that when things got really rough, the other person would be strong enough to carry you through. Lisa hadn’t even come close. But looking back, she’d never shown signs of having the strength.
Olivia, on the other hand, had more inner strength than anyone Tate had ever known. All she’d done with her life after all she’d been through was a testament to her perseverance and commitment.
Now if he could just get her to commit to him.
In the very next thought, he realized that by asking her to do that, he’d be asking her to give up something important. Something that made her who she was.
Tate squeezed body wash into his hand and stroked it over her back while Olivia kissed his chest and held him close. “You know we only have a few days left.”
> She groaned softly against his skin. “I know.”
“Did you mean what you said to my dad tonight?” he asked. “Or were you just being nice?”
She tipped her head back and looked up at him. Her lashes were clumped with droplets, her face glowing, her cheeks rosy, her eyes clear blue. “I always mean what I say. I may change my mind about something, but when I say it, I mean it. I loved your dad. Your sister too. And the thought of showing you my little corner of France thrills me.”
He breathed a little easier. But there were still several hurdles to jump. He put them off, focusing on enjoying the moment and soaping every inch of her down then using her like a human sponge against his own body, making her laugh.
Tate was already aroused when they dried off, and it felt amazing to fall into bed with her, naked. Feel her slide and move against him. Know he’d wake to her in the morning.
The thought of letting her go kept sneaking in and stabbing at him. He tugged her on top of him, twining her legs with his, and brushed her hair back from her face. “Tell me about school. Is it every day? Do you get weekends off?“
“They say its thirty hours a week, but I did their short course in pastry and it was twice as many hours as they claimed in the brochures.”
“Ouch.”
“I’ll work when I can, nights and weekends, I guess. It’s going to be tight. I’d planned on working a solid week before I started so I had some cash on hand, but…” she moved a little south, kissing his chest and rocking her hips against his erection. “I’ll get by.”
“I have no doubt.” His biggest doubts now were about him getting by once she was gone.
He shampooed her hair, then shut off the water and wrapped her in a towel. When he picked her up, Olivia crossed her arms around his neck, her legs around his hips and kissed him the way she always did, with all of herself. All her passion, all her affection. And Tate didn’t want to go back to living without it.
He laid her on the bed, hovering over her with so many emotions pushing and pulling at him, he didn’t know what to do with them all. He felt desperate and needy. After just two weeks she’d invaded his heart. A heart he’d begun to think was dead.
“What’s going on inside your brain?” she asked, easing her hand between them and stroking his length. “I see you thinking.”
Pleasure swamped his lower body and Tate clenched his teeth. “Just about how good it feels to have your hands on me.”
“That’s not the look I saw. Do you regret it?”
Fiery tension coiled at the base of his spine. “What?”
“This? Us? Getting involved? With the time for me leaving is getting closer?”
She rubbed the head of his cock over her sweet folds and arched a little, taking him inside. Tate’s breath exited on a whoosh. He held her gaze and rocked his hips, sliding inside her. Heat and warmth and softness surrounded him and his eyes fell closed on a groan. He pushed deeper, tipping his head back, closing his eyes to soak in the perfection of her. Of how badly he wanted to hold onto it.
Deep inside her, he opened his eyes to hers again. Lifted one hand to stroke her face. “I could never regret you.”
She pushed up and kissed him. Wrapping a hand around his neck, a thigh around his, she rolled him to his back. With her hands against his chest, she pushed up and used those toned legs and tight abs to rock them both until they were panting.
Tate sat up. Supporting himself with one arm, he wrapped the other around her back and covered her breast with his mouth. Trailed kisses up to her mouth and cupped her head to circle his tongue with hers.
This was a whole different type of sex. Slow and deep, Every move calculated on both sides to give pleasure, to express affection, to show, without words, how much they cared. Tate felt it deep in his soul.
“Tate…” She whispered his name against his lips, as if she wanted to tell him something.
“Right here, Livvy,” he murmured, kissing her neck, pulling her hips into his. “I’ll always be right here for you.”
She made a whimpering sound, locked an arm around his neck and pushed her other hand against his knee, giving her leverage to lift into him. Tate watched her orgasm rise in the pleasure tightening her face.
He needed her looking in his eyes when she came. Needed that connection. Needed her to remember the pleasure between them.
“Liv.” He cupped her cheek and pulled her head to his. “Open your eyes.” His own orgasm was close and he ground his teeth to hold it off. “Look at me, baby. Look into my eyes.”
Within seconds of her gaze locking with Tate’s, Olivia’s pussy clenched around him, her head fell back and her mouth fell open on a cry.
Tate pulled her mouth to his, plunged his tongue deep, tasting her release before his own ripped though him. He buried his face against her neck and cried her name as it rocked his foundation and Olivia wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.
Olivia lifted Tate’s arm, draped over her waist, and slowly slid from bed, gently laying his arm down. She stood there, watching him sleep with her arms crossed, the fingernail of her thumb between her teeth, her heart tripping all over the place.
This was a problem.
Worse, it was a problem she had no experience with. One she’d never believed would happen to her and one she didn’t know how to fix.
Tate shifted in sleep, rolling a little further onto his back. His white sheets slipped a little further off his glorious body, displaying one muscular thigh and calf. But what Olivia couldn’t tear her gaze from was his face. How calm and peaceful he looked in sleep.
Her chest constricted again with a strength that made her pull in her breath and hold it.
Oh yeah, this was a big problem.
She squeezed her eyes closed and whispered, “Fuck.”
Turning toward the windows Olivia wandered across the room, and looked out on the gardens. She’d never been here before. Never had these feelings. Since her family had so totally shattered her trust, she’d never opened her heart to anyone.
But here she was. Unable to think about leaving Tate in a few days with no idea when she’d see him again. If ever. And while the thought of never seeing him again was unfathomably painful, continuing to see him was equally as inconceivable. Aside from the impossibility of solving the problems of distance and time to see each other, it forced her to look at the future. It made her ask hard questions, foreign questions, like what Tate wanted out of this. What she wanted out of this. If they tried to do something long distance for the year she was in school, then what? Would he expect her to move home? Did she want that? Was there even an option? He couldn’t live in Europe, could he? Did they even have the same level of hockey in Europe? Did it operate the same? Would he even want to do that? And did she want him to do that?
“Liv?” His soft voice pulled her from the vortex. She turned and found him sitting on the edge of the bed, ready to stand. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“I can hear it in your voice.” He pushed to his feet and the sheet fell. Even in the shadows, the man took her breath. He came to her, slid his hands over her shoulders and wrapped her in his arms. “Have a bad dream?”
“No.” She buried her face against his chest, swamped with emotion. God, she didn’t want to let this go. “I’m…scared.”
He pulled away, combed his hands through her hair and cupped her face. His dark eyes held hers in the light drifting off the city. “Of what?”
“This. Us. You. Me.”
“Whoa, slow down.” He slid his hands down her arms and took her hands, backing toward the bed. He sat and pulled her into his lap sideways. Pressing all his hard muscle and warm skin against her. He circled her waist and cupped her cheek. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. I just…You brought up leaving, and I’ve been so busy with jobs, and my mind’s been caught up with my family, that I didn’t think abut it. And now, I don’t know, I feel like it snuck up
on me. It’s all I can think about and I don’t know—”
She broke off, unable to put her fears into words. Or afraid to. And all this fear was unreasonable. Even she knew that. Yet she couldn’t stem the urge to both run from him and seek safety in his arms.
“Don’t know what?” he nudged.
What she felt like she needed to say wasn’t something she should be talking to him about. Not when she was so unsure. She needed a friend to talk to. But she only had Quinn and her sister didn’t understand Olivia’s life and wouldn’t understand her fears. She also wouldn’t be impartial.
“I’m not good at this,” she admitted. “And I don’t want to say the wrong thing and hurt you or screw things up.”
“Knowing you’re upset and not knowing why, hurts me. Not being able to help you hurts me. Talk to me, baby.”
God, she couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t get it out. “Let’s go back to sleep. I’ll be fine in the morning.”
“Liv,” he said his voice soft and patient, “if there’s one thing I learned from my marriage it’s that pretending problems don’t exist only creates bigger problems, it doesn’t make them go away.”
Her gut knotted. Her chest squeezed. “I’ve never felt like this. I’ve never even imagined feeling like this.”
He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “Like what?”
“This,” she said frustrated she wasn’t sure how to define it. “This thing between us. I never look beyond right now. After my dad died, I put one foot in front of the other and just lived life as it happened. No plans, no commitments, no ties.”
“No risk,” he murmured. “No heartache. I get it.”
“The first time I really looked into the future was when I got my scholarship. I’ve sort of always been saving for it, hoping some day I’d find a way to go to school. So when I found out I’d gotten the scholarship, I already had most of the fifteen percent they require from me in the bank. But not all of it. And I knew I had to have it all by next week or the scholarship would go to someone else and I’d be right back where I started.”